i have lived 10 months in 3 weeks (Patreon)

• all patrons pledging and upped during october have been added to the credits list-- let me know if you want to be disincluded or to use a particular name
• accounts for level 5+ updated, etcetcetc
• for anyone in a higher tier or who has been missed please send me one (1) direct message to aggressively make me aware of the thing. but like , the message itself doesn't have to be aggressive. just the awareness.

--

ok, so now the bloody tea:

i am still cutting away at the episode story, and for the first time since cass moved in mid-october actually got a solid chance to make headway on it, and i thiiiiiink things are going to be relatively settling down but basically not really because everything is on its head. 

so to start at the start, i did mention before (and it was probably like aggressively apparent -- similar to aggressive awareness, but different) that cass moved in in the middle of the month. and that was fine.
and then it stopped being fine and my mother started being Very Upset about it. 

i've talked a bit about her before, past couple months i think, about how she's disabled. her immune system is really weak so she's sensitive to chemicals and also literally everything else.  because of this, and various PTSD type stuff in the past, she has a high need for control over her environment. while some of that is fine, it also results in her doing some things that are at best inefficient and at worst extremely unnecessary even within the bounds of her physical health. i keep having to check with cass like what do you mean this isn't normal??
so tl;dr a few days before the end of october, cass called her on some of those Unnecessary Things (and probably rightly so) and the conflict went from 0-100 over the course of about an hour, and my mom decided that cass had to move out Right Now Immediately.
or like, before the 1st of nov
and she had just moved here, so it's not like she has an income yet, going back was not an option, so ????? where the hell was she supposed to go
so she asked me to go with her
and as i wrote in the post a couple months ago, i've been itching to get out of here for a long time anyway. so...

i forget exactly what i mentioned in that post, but originally our timetable for moving out was going to be like, early next year. over the past few years my mom and i have had periodic discussions about her 'trapping' me here-- her choice of verb, mind you-- because of her financial situation needing a certain amount of income from roommates to keep the house, and her emotional situation needing a certain type of roommate who she could feel safe around. the 'certain type,' had been an uncompromisingly narrow range, so there was basically nothing to do but wait until she got more of her debt paid off.
earlier in the year i decided i was not going to wait for that. when i posted about that before, several of you guys expressed concern about exactly where that would leave my mother, and,  although a valid concern, it is ultimately her responsibility to make decisions to figure that out. she wants me to stay five more years. i wasn't going to wait past next. 

i first told her about that decision in march, and then again in august. she had completely forgotten we talked in march. ergo, she wanted us to wait until next august to actually leave so she had enough time to make improvements to the house so she could be independent, apparently such as finishing an expansion to the front porch (because that is clearly critical for independence) and other such critical things.
i had been thinking more like, april?ish?.
but when i talked to her last week about her plan for how she intended to use the extra months, i wasn't convinced that they were going to help her reach independence at all. cass felt that she was using those things as excuses to keep me here for longer, and in retrospect that seems to have been violently correct.
so i decided to go.
...and me telling her that i had decided to go meant that she had to let cass stay, because she couldn't have afforded the drop in her income. so, we compromised that cass would stay and we would all leave in june instead of august.
...and then the next day i got a text from my mom saying she decided that she was 'toxic' to me and that i should leave ASAP.
so, it was a roller coaster of a few days.
also a few weeks.

anyway, we're moving out before the end of the year.
that's the main point here.
cass remarks it's been somewhat emotionally traumatic.
probably true. 

also i broke up with my boyfriend.
those of you in the community that know him may be surprised since we were together for almost two years. i don't really feel that it's appropriate to go into the details of it, but i think it's prudent to at least mention, given how the conflict surrounding that followed the decision to move out by january and, given that he lives across the hall from me, it has just kind of been a extra chaos thunder in our chaos rainstorm. which sounds badass, but i don't recommend it
but it's also kinda badass so...........

it is absolutely not my intention to make personal conflicts and drama a focus of these posts, but i feel it's prudent to update everyone on the situations that have been getting in the way of making better progress on development.
also something something vulnerability and transparency
and the main point i want to make here is that both of these things, moving out of this place finally and getting out of this everlasting conflict with dan, have been for the sake of clearing out things that have been eating away at my time and mental energy (in my mom's case, for basically ever) and finally actually being able to cultivate an environment where i can work as i need to without having to dance around a million ever-changing arbitrary expectations and emotional pitfalls.
frankly, getting out of these scenarios is almost definitely help my memory and moment to moment awareness. i've talked with my therapist in the past about how being here impacts them. things change constantly and it's impossible to keep up with, so better not to notice-- for instance. 

oh, and speaking of memory, i also remembered the general content of the incident that i blacked out ten years ago, in large part thanks to cass. ty cass.
it's really been a ride
but i cant actually talk about that in detail until after reborn is finished because it is very directly relevant.
and also the incident that i remembered basically managed to recreate itself within two days of me remembering it
so, seriously, there has been some scripted narrative level of bullshit going on.
thanks, life

the second main point i want to make here is that being able to get out of here at all is only possible because of all of you.
and that's kind of especially true given the scenario.
my mom decided she's toxic and wants me gone ASAP but she will still have me paying rent here for several months after i move out to make sure that she can tide herself over to getting a new roommate. we have one lined up, but only in march. she also made a much better plan for her independence, including things like getting on food stamps, which she really probably could have stood to do a solid decade ago.
but we're there now, so that's what matters.

still, having to pay rent both here and at whatever new apartment we find is going to be extremely tight. it's a temporary situation, so it's workable. but i only had the leeway to even suggest that and make this scenario happen thanks to all of your overwhelming support.
...plus having the income to have a chance at anyone even thinking about approving us because wow real estate is ridiculous out there, especially in this city

so tl;dr:
everything is a disaster, i'm moving out in two months, and i'll finally be in my own place where i can fully dedicate myself to development soon, all thanks to you.

thanks for being patient with me in the mean time. the next few months will probably be a bit rocky. as if they haven't been already.

also cass thinks ur cool 2

as a parting gift, please take this in-progress clip of the overworld PULSE sprite from the last stream, except cass decided partway through my making it that it looked like a primarina, so it's an abstract primarina now. 

i won't be posting the completed sprite. that would be no fun. 

speaking of the last stream, there should be another one of those later this week. timing is everything, but also a pain in the ass, so details on that will occur later

until then
the Pretty PULSE Primarina of Purity will watch over your lives and ensure happy days, but only if you type 'purify me pulsarina!' in the comments.