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This one's all Nikki. And it starts exactly where you'd expect her to go the morning after a night that she absolutely doesn't want to talk about: a Buc-ee's.

There's jerky. There's a wall of beaver merch. There's an unexpected encounter with a nervous anime fan...

Nikki is coping. She's fine. She's completely, totally fine.

(She is not fine.)

Can't wait to hear what you think!

P.S. Download the PDF for best quality and resolution — the web viewer compresses everything.

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Comments

Jenny S

Nikki crashing out over her hyperfixations three times in ten minutes has got to a world record :P Oh, Nikki, the disaster you are, I love her

Emory Ahlberg

She's on some kind of speed run! 🤣 Thank you, Jenny!

Joe

I think Nikki is into boys a bit more than she’s willing to admit… and that freaks her out

Jade Diaz

Brb licking the screen in an extremely normal way. You know why.

Bella Lime

Great chapter. Yep, she is totally okay. totally not going into trauma freakout while being semiconscious

Crewchick

The Buc'ees story line is cute. It was interesting seeing her navigate the world of being a girl getting hit on in public by a boy. Even if an anime geek (no shade intended). Can see Nikki looking for normalcy and self soothing (with jerky, fudge and merch) after a major existential experience. Seems like a lot of time spent on the football Center. Is that interaction and her command of football going anywhere? We definitely saw a firey Nikki that seemed part "Old Nick" part new and growing kick-ass girl who takes no shit. Is this a signal to a new theme developing in Nikki's persona as she grows more comfortable presenting as female? Or is it simply a long vehicle for getting her to the team practice to see Zach practicing with his shirt off? I get that last night she kissed a boy and she kind of liked it for a moment before she embodied the scream painting most of last night after getting home. But I think at this point much of what Nikki is experiencing is platonic connection with an old and long time friend after a break. And in finding themselves sharing in the same adversity created by Zach's father. I am sure the hormones are kicking in which may be causing the additional confusion. But I don't think she could move that quickly into a hard to repress physical attraction to Zach like some school girl with a crush. And if she did have the twinge of feeling for a minute, I suspect she would be quickly revisited by the same sense of existential dread and anxiety. I will have to wait and see how things work out from here. But I do have to say that pin-up on slide 25 is amazing! And she looks really cute in Side 24 as well. Already anxious to see what comes next.

Ryan

(OMG Emory you're so good) Ha! She is in love🥰. So lovely. But still, I thought it was a bit harsh towards Dylan.

Gemma

I love this chapter. It is nice to see the subtle ways Nikki, unbeknownst to herself is changing. She seems to be swimming against the tide. The image of her holding the soft toy beaver looked so girl like and natural. I love how much smaller in height she looked next to the two guys she interacted with in this episode. She certainly seems to be exuding more feminine qualities and aura. It was interesting to witness the way she tried to defend and try clarify her sexual orientation to Dylan. Very challenging for her when it seems this is the very underlying dilemma she is navigating within herself. Hmmm the answer to that question seems to become clearer when we see her automatic impulsive reaction of excitement to seeing a bare chested Zach tossing a football. The images are so beautiful and Nikki seems to adapting to the time she will need to undertake and her behaviours and mannerism that keep ‘some guys at bay,’ as she adopts this very outspoken, fiery ‘girl with attitude’ and persona. I am looking forward to see where she takes this new persona? Also it will be interesting to see as these automatic repressed responses to Zach become harder for her to keep in check. I am so looking forward to the further disintegrating of her defensive rationale that she is just putting an act on for Mr Hutchinson and as this defence crumbles having to concede and acknowledge her feeling of physical attraction to Zach as a man. Maybe it may take jealousy and the threat of losing Zach to his boyfriend or another girl making a play for him, for Nikki to acknowledge her feelings for Zach. P.S. Thank you Emory and I love how you topped this episode off by providing us with such a beautiful pin up image of Nikki. Her figure is just so perfect.

Cerial442

Great chapter but Beaver Nuggets are the worst

ender8343

I think Nikki might have always been into boys, but this was not something you admit to as a boy in rural Texas.

Kris Greg

I loved this chapter even if the 1st part seemed like a Buc-ee's add. LOL

Jerome B

Amazing chapter, as always. The look on her face after seeing Zach without his shirt is utterly wonderful. I keep going back to it... 😊

Lexi Young

Nikki: “Mmmmmm pretty boy… *internal breakdown* …mmmmmmmm pretty boy” Also Zach’s holding the football wrong. Fingers on the laces!

Eva Grimm

This is a trainwreck in the best possible way, and I can't look away. That poor boy at the Buc-ee's never knew what hit him, and while it was super sweet to see this side of Ron and to see Nicky defending him so fiercely... Call me paranoid, but this is the first time Nicky's been in front of their old team, and I cannot help but imagine that somehow, someway, Nicky is going to get outed in front of their entire old team, and that will *not* go well (at first at least, maybe good later, but absolutely not at first).

Firewalker

Lmao the buc-ee's rep is ridiculous, so many texans I know who love that place. Completely relate to the Mikasa discussion Nikki is so real for that. Love that she's falling for Zach god I hope those crazy kids figure themselves out 💖

Sam May

Something just occurred to me for the very first time for some reason. Does Nikki have a Texas accent?

Wes Adams

"Everything is fine." The lady doth protest too much. I love Nikki's manic stream of consciousness text narration to Sandy, and then geek spewing about Mikasa. We don't usually get to see the geek side of her, as opposed to the jock. An amusing and entertaining episode. Just what the doctor ordered for these crazy times.

Jade Diaz

Factually incorrect 💀

SingularCurve

Oh yea, the internalized transmysoginy is hard coded into Nikki. Gods Texas is fucked almost as bad as Florida.

Pet Jeffery

Crikey! Indeed, Emory, she is not fine. Nikki's sudden mood swings are not at all fine. I hope that she can sort herself out, but I doubt whether the football stadium is the place to do it (too many, too strong, past issues there). The wall of jerky made me smile. I'm not sure what jerky is, not something I've ever encountered. Does 'world famous' actually mean 'famous throughout Texas'? And beaver nuggets. I wonder whether they're made of beaver flesh. (Do people eat beavers? I have a feeling that they did at one time in Europe. I read something about people being allowed to eat them on Sundays because the church classified the beaver as a fish. It's weird, but I'm prepared to believe anything mad of the catholic church. Anything mad, but nothing sane.) I also wonder what the Mikasa geekery is about. I did an internet search for Mikasa and came away from it confused. There are Mikasa volleyballs. I suppose that Mikasa is a character from anime or manga (or both) and that's probably as much as I need to know. I was interested by Sam May's comment. Does Nikki speak with a Texas accent? That's not at all how I imagined her voice, but it would make sense. The idea has set me thinking. Apart from the likes of an occasional Russian billionaire speaking with a sinister Russian accent, I imagine Emory's characters as speaking with no accent at all. And, when I think about that, for me 'no accent at all' probably means speaking like an educated person from London or nearby. I think this means that, for me at least, the major characters in Emory's fiction seem universal. And that's despite the references to weird specifically American stuff that I don't begin to understand, from jerky to American football (the latter isn't football at all, but seemingly a bizarre hybrid of rugby and jousting). It occurs to me that people might believe that my 'no accent at all' means speaking as I do. Not at all. I have what is known as an estuary accent, betraying my origins on the Thames estuary.

pe zr

the final one admission is the open door to future, I hope

Crewchick

Pet, loved your comments and observations. The accent is a very astute one. I am an East Coast American and I too hear in my head no discernable accent at all for the most part, except for Morosini and Xu. Still a sophisticated, educated and erudite accent but reflective of their ethnicity and nationality. If I think about it, I may hear a slight JR Ewing (80's TV show "Dallas") accent for Hutchinson. Not particularly thick but slightly noticeable. Probably something similar for Mr. Palmer (can never remember his first name). Though likely "Bobby" or one of the other Dallas characters. And for Mary Palmer I hear Holly Hunter in my head (voice of Elasta Girl/ Mrs Incredible from Disney's "The Incredible", and most recently the Captain and head of school in the now cancelled Paramount "Star Trek Academy" and so so many other movies and TV shows). Not sure her accent is even Texan, but it is so sweat, wholesome, down to earth, and motherly as she has aged. But also tough as nails when pushed or crossed. I never really gave Nikki's accent much thought. It would make sense. I kind of expected Nick to have a slight Texas accent, though probably nowhere near a thick or distinct as it would actually be in the part of Texas he is from. I never really considered how accent would play into the voice training received at Clinic 12. It would make sense someone might keep their accent even while modulating pitch and register to sound more female. But I could also see clinic 12 removing all accents in their voice training to make them more attractive to their future buyers, unless a client requested a companion or toy have a particular type of accent. That then could also run into language training, because if a customer were wanting a companion with say a French accent, they would likely also want them to have some degree of fluency in French. And that of course would take more time. Nikki had a relatively short stay on the island compared to the companions, so it is possible her voice training was quite basic, and maybe she did retain some feminized version of Nick's Texas accent? Then there is also the reality that due to a combination of radio, TV, movies, in home streaming services, social media, and increasing mobility of the America population that to a degree regional accents are declining and America is becoming more homogenous. In Northern Virginia it has become so metropolitan with people moving there from across the country for education and employment, that you don't really hear a "Virginia" accent until you drive down past Richmond or out into the Shenandoah mountains (think "Walton's Mountain" another American TV reference). Great question though! Certainly one to ponder. Perhaps Emory will jump in and share her thoughts and intentions on how her characters sound?

Crewchick

I wrote my above when it was late at night, and I was half falling asleep. There were a few more things I wanted to comment on, but I have now forgotten most of them. I did want to say that I am loving "Life Coach Nikki"! You certainly see the young Nicky emerging in the way she is sticking up for friends and not taking shit from bullies, even if the bully is the coach. But instead of running up to the coach herself and getting in his face, she is encouraging/pushing Ron to do so. But in her new presentation at Nikki, there is also a slight maternal quality to it. Don't mess with a future Nikki Mamma Bear! A chip off of Mary Palmer. But I don't see her approach winning any Dale Carnegie prizes. 😂 "Follow Nikki for these and other life hacks"! 🤣 MAO

Pet Jeffery

Thank you for that, Diana. It seems unlikely that Second Dawn would have attempted to do anything with Nikki's voice except to feminise it. I'm not sure, though, whether Nikki's feminised voice would sound like a woman from Texas. Might Nikki's voice, whatever the intention, have taken on something of the accent of the person responsible for feminising it? Actually, I don't know who would have been responsible for the voice feminisation. If I remember rightly, Holly worked on Jill's voice, but would she have also worked on Nikki's? It's hard to imagine that Davies would have much to do with voice training. It's interesting that a French accent came to your mind. I can easily imagine a client wishing a companion to sound the way Brigitte Bardot did in the 60's. (I wonder whether you know Brigitte Bardot's song 'Harley Davidson'. She made Harley Davidson sound utterly French.) I'm sorry to hear that regional accents are declining in the USA. I don't think that's happening in Britain. In fact, here, accents can vary a great deal over quite small distances. I can easily distinguish between east and south London. Accents are marks of whether a person belongs in an area or not. I lived for long periods in north west England, and then in the east midlands. In both areas, I revealed myself to be an outsider every time I opened my mouth.

Crewchick

Emory, I just had another idea for one of your Pin-up post themes. Cosplay!!!! Nikki's t-shirt was the inspiration. Take 5 of your characters and send them together to Comic Con dressed as a popular Cosplay characters. I can totally see Nikki in full Attack on Titan costume. Her t-shirt obviously got me think, then looking at the image of her in her white jeans it hit me. Then I was seeing her in the white jeans or tights, OTN boots, a leather jacket with the logo, etc... She could pull it off very nicely. Maybe Kris could be Lady Dimitrescu? Beyond that you have so many characters you created to choose from and dozens of different cosplay options for each. You could even periodically repeat the series concept but with different themes. You could do all anime and manga one year, video games another, mainstream comics yet another like DC and Marvel. Even horror movies and TV shows. You could go old school with that like "Toxic Avenger" or more recent like Walking Dead. I could kind of see Isa carrying a katana sword. Anyway just a random thought that popped into my head. Weigh it for what it is worth and do with it what you will.

Emory Ahlberg

I have no idea, actually. Please explain to the rest of the class, Ms Jade. 😉

Emory Ahlberg

We have a dispute! 🤣 I, unfortunately, have no idea what they taste like.

Emory Ahlberg

Jay - Yep, it's scrambling her brain. She spent her whole youth building an impenetrable fortress of aggressive heterosexuality to survive her dad's expectations. Now the fortress is gone, and she's standing in the rubble and thinking maybe she likes the view! . Ender - Totally agree the environment plays a massive role here. Growing up as the star football in a small Texas town means you perform the role assigned to you... or at least it did for Nick. Any deviation gets punished. Her dad made sure of that the second he noticed her gentle nature as a kid. She buried any FEELINGS under layers of macho bravado to survive. I know from my own transition that compulsory heterosexuality is a heavy cloak to wear. Once you're forced to take it off, those repressed feelings bubble up. So, basically, she's looking at Zach's chest and experiencing a decade of delayed adolescent panic! lol

Emory Ahlberg

I appreciate the love, Ryan! 💕 Yeah, Nikki’s reaction to the anime guy was brutal. That poor guy just stumbled into the blast radius of a massive identity crisis lol. I think when he hit that trigger about her sexuality, she went into full fight-or-flight mode. Oops!

Emory Ahlberg

Hey Diana 💕 As always I love reading your deep dives into Nikki's mindset! And, yeah, the whole thing with Ron is her figuring out how to be a leader without being a bully. She is combining Old Nick's protective captain energy with Mary Palmer's mama bear vibes. Her football knowledge is the one piece of her past she can hold onto (mostly) safely. The attraction to Zach is a total mess. Trauma bonding is intense, and estrogen hits like a freight train. I remember my own early transition days feeling like an emotional rollercoaster. She gets a tiny moment of butterflies, but that existential dread is always lurking right around the corner. We'll see how she handles that whiplash soon!

Emory Ahlberg

Thanks you, Bella! lol. Nikki is the absolute queen of denial right now. That entire Buc-ee's trip is just her running away from her own brain in a panic. The trauma lives in her body, and no amount of beaver nuggets can drown out those memories of Davis. She is compartmentalizing to the breaking point. We love a healthy coping mechanism 😅

Emory Ahlberg

LOL, Lexi 💕 That internal monologue's pretty accurate, I think. I admit, I've loved putting Nikki in situations where her brain and body fight a literal war. She wants to be disgusted, but those repressed feelings are steerinf the ship now lol. Good catch on the football grip! Oops!

Emory Ahlberg

Thanks, Jerome! 💖 Getting that expression right took me a minute. My hope was to capture the exact second her defensive walls evaporate (for the moment)

Emory Ahlberg

Thank you Kris! I promise Buc-ee's isn't paying me a dime lol. I just needed a massive setting to contrast with Nikki's internal panic. They're cultural institutions down there. I figured Old Nick lived on their jerky during road trips. Having her run there was my way of showing her clinging to a masculine safe space. Then I ruined it by dropping a cute anime nerd into her path. I'm always messing with her coping mechanisms oops!

Emory Ahlberg

Gemma, you always pick up on the best nuances! 💖 Yeah, those two guys are taller. Shrinking down on HRT's a real thing by a couple inches and it can mess with your spatial awareness. Her fiery attitude's pure armor right now. Seeing Armando with Zach's gonna scramble her brain omg. She thinks she's doing this fake date routine to protect Zach, but her brain's working overtime to justify keeping him close. She's shielding her own fragile ego. Oh and I'm so glad you loved the pin-up art too 💕

Emory Ahlberg

Thanks, Singular! 💖 Yeah, growing up under Howard Palmer's roof basically guarantees some deep-seated issues. She spent her whole life absorbing that toxic football culture, so seeing herself reflect what she was taught to despise is short-circuiting her brain right now.

Emory Ahlberg

Thank you, Wes! 💕 I'm so glad you enjoyed the manic Buc-ee's tour lol. Nikki is absolutely spiraling. It was super fun to let her geek flag fly for a minute! Her dad was a closet sci-fi nerd, so she definitely inherited that trait but had to bury it to maintain her alpha jock status. Now that her whole identity is in a blender, those hidden pieces are finally popping out. She is just a gigantic dork underneath all that misplaced rage! 😅

Emory Ahlberg

Omg yes. She can run to Buc-ee's and try to distract herself with horses and offensive linemen all she wants, but she cannot escape that shirtless Zach realization lol. 🥵

Emory Ahlberg

LOL Firewalker 💖 Honestly, from what I hear, Buc-ee's is practically a religion down there! I wanted to include it because it's the ultimate sensory overload distraction. Her Mikasa rant was one of my favorite things to write tbh. She relates so hard to girls who shut down their emotions to survive. And watching her stumble face-first into a crush on Zach... she is in trouble haha

Emory Ahlberg

Thank you, Eva! That poor anime guy literally caught the worst stray bullet of his life lmao. And yeah... Nikki marching right into her old territory is a massive risk for her mental health. Partly she's focused on protecting Ron and fixing Coach Briggs's mistake - but also I think she really wanted to see the field / team from a safe distance... oh and maybe Zach (not that she'd ever admit it!)

Jade Diaz

It’s because of the jerky wall. And Zach. But mostly Zach, actually.

Emory Ahlberg

Thank you, Pet! 💕 Yeah, Nikki marching into that stadium's might be a recipe for disaster. She's operating on pure adrenaline and avoidance right now. Lol I promise beaver nuggets are sweet corn puffs covered in caramel glaze. No actual beavers were harmed. Jerky's dried, salted meat that lasts forever. Texans consider Buc-ee's a worldwide phenomenon even if it's a southern US thing. Mikasa's an anime character from Attack on Titan who hides her emotions to survive. That explains why Nikki relates to her. Hearing Nikki with a London estuary accent in your head cracks me up tbh. I love that my characters feel universal to you despite all the American jousting-rugby madness! 🏈

Emory Ahlberg

Ooo Diana, I love that cosplay concept! Love the thought of Nikki rocking Scout Regiment gear. I'll need to start sourcing some 3D assets... I sort of did a "Disney Princess" cosplay that I really enjoyed for the girls!

Emory Ahlberg

Yep, pe zr! We'll see if she keeps that door open or slams it shut next episode lol. 🫣

Crewchick

That was a great one! They were all so beautiful. Of course Nikki was the "pouting princess". 👑 👸 😂

Pet Jeffery

Pouting most certainly, but Emory titled the image as Prince Nikki.

Sam May

Thanks Emory! All your stories are so great