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The 2024 Valentine Hotline (Patreon)

Published:
2024-02-13 22:17:07
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

In the annual Binchtopia Valentine Hotline, the girlies open up their voicemail box to advise some troubled listeners in matters of the heart. How do I stop being my boyfriend’s mommy? Are love languages even real? How do I plan the best boyfriend convention ever? Will you guys come to my wedding? These questions and more are answered. Digressions include a sass dispatch from Redacted and the Tortured Grammy’s Department.

Comments

Martha

HOLY BALLS!! I JUST OPENED THE APP BY MISTAKE AND IT REFRESHED TOGHT IN FROBT OF MY VERY EYES!!! Eeeeeeeeeeekkk!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

claire b

bless💌💌💌💌💌💌

kalli

linsing while i take an everything shower for the valentines date i don’t really want to be going on lmao <33

Carmen Denniss

I only enjoy checking my emails for the "new Binchtopia episode" notification.

butter bean

saving to listen to tomorrow when i take myself out on a date 🫱🏻‍🫲🏼

Emily

Also my favourite annual episode I love hearin the trials and also the tribulations

Wren Morris

Listening to this while doing my wedding planning 😊

Haven Patrick

leaving the tattoo studio to find THIS uploaded? i win. happy galentines day binchies

Carmen Denniss

Also binchies, thought about you both when I saw this video re: Taylor Swift and the Superbowl.

Emily
>>129609900

For the girlie with the man she’s been with for 5 years and is raising - plz you will feel SO SO free without him.

Caroline

How did you know I was on my evening walk just desperate for something to listen to…

Charlie Wright

Listening to find out if I should invite you guys to my wedding

Charlie Wright

Also my beloveds. Harry won over Renaissance (which was fucking crazy) and Adele won over Lemonade and her speech was like “I can’t believe Beyoncé didn’t get this”

Taylor Eastwood

give us the “if he wanted to he would” tangent

Talia Rowan

in my deep depression this notification came to me…..

Luteal Swan

Do yall think AOC ever had a situationship

Jess123

Gagged that Eliza caught my Midwestern accent lol. Given me MUCH to consider about mothering my man…

Emily
>>129609900

Lemme tell you about the time I left a relationship of nearly 10 years and after a brief period of deep grief, I’ve simply never felt more alive liberated or capable. Good luck n god SPEED!

Jess123
>>129623976

Also yeah why did the garbage truck have to come collect my trash mid recording ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Maggie Barry

wait omg I am maggie of emilio and maggie and the wedding will be in washington state (where we met!) we can't wait to have you as guests 🤭💝💒🤍🧚‍♀️

meredith

Babes if you need more hotline tea I’m here to promote the Perfect Person podcast

Erin Healey

The love letter ep caused a big rift between me and my then partner bc we were long distance for a summer and I wrote her a letter and she was like i just don’t think I have that in me and that’s when we should have broken up…I begged her for a response

Holly Mattox

grammys talk but harry’s house won AOTY last year over renaissance, adele won AOTY over lemonade in 2017

Haven Patrick
>>129611689

omg what did you get? i got a stamp with 2 strawberries on it placed on my shoulder blade

meyla

“it’s giving homophobia” from max had me shriekingggggggg

summer

my call-in was so embarrassing I fucking panicked and instead of stumbling over my words I disassociated and started using my adult working phone voice

Mieka

I would buy a Binchtopia Boyfriend shirt IMMEDIATELY

Erin Healey
>>129624812

Congrats Maggie !!! May we all have as lovely and attentive à partner as you have and you are!

Erin Healey

guys thé girl bartender at my local bar made a pink themed special valentines menu ❤️

Lorene

Juliar please preach your “if he wanted to he would” gospel

halle

if there are any binchies in az going to eliza’s march show in phoenix who want a concert buddy hmu💅

Sequoia Crow

hello tokyo binchie !!!!!!!! i also live in tokyo and am a capricorn !!!!!!!!!! hit my line @sequoiacrow on ig !!! i understand how hard it is living in japan !!

Evelyne

What album title??? I am missing it

Hana U

“ITS GIVING HOMOPHOBE” redacted YET AGAIN throwing the first brick at stonewall

Cayley Wright

tbh love and light to the second girly but it did have the same inflection as reading ad copy!

Jaelyn Wratchford

the FEAR eliza has of being dragged for having an opinion on another musician is a red flag of society. group think going a little too hard

Laura Gallagher

I personally lose my originally, once deep, respect for Taylor swift every week

Jaelyn Wratchford

yall should do a situationship hotline on april fools day

M

I know a girl who orchestrated the end of a friendship so she didn’t have to be the bridesmaid and so she could go to a destination wedding in Italy ON THE SAME DAY 🫣

Alison
>>129609712

I know a guy named Alex lohr and every time I see you comment I forget and think omg Alex is a binchie too 😂😂 …. Unless you are him lol

Paige McHatten

TV show metaphor changed my life tbh

lefthandedscorpio

THANK YOU for talking about the Grammys, nobody in my life watched it 😫

Bella
>>129645831

Awww what a small world!! I am so happy to know there is another Capricorn Tokyo binchie in this city! I just followed you on ig :)

Emma McGinn

Brandi Carlile is THE BEST you guys she’s a lesbian folk/pop singerrrrr - listen to every time I hear that song, the story, and the joke! ur gonna love her I swear

Areej Khan

I’m afraid max’s commentary did simultaneously eat and slay the house down boots

baby.yogurt

Julia is so right that if ur in a relationship with a straight man, u will absolutely be having to teach him basic things no matter what, no matter how wonderful he is, it is unfortunately inevitable

Bolla Lo
>>129624812

Omg congrats! The way I credded full tears on the bus because of you. Wish you the most love❤️

mel
>>129615062

I would LOVE that discussion!! Make it a whole episode on how men behave in relationships or something

baby.yogurt
>>129652310

the way I had my mouth agape for that whole story, it just got more and more shonking......

Annie Emans

beyoncé was actually robbed twice she lost to adele when she was nominated for lemonade AND lost to harry styles when she was nominated for renaissance it pisses me off so bad☹️

Celeste
>>129679101

Even Adele was like I cannot accept this!!! Yall got the wrong one!!

Alison

Men really do just need to be put in the back yard with a ball

kez

Thought I’d share a very unusual perspective on the age-old ‘high school sweethearts’ question - I’ve been with my girlfriend since we were 15 and now we’re 25!! We met in all-girls Catholic school in the middle of nowhere in Ireland, went to separate colleges in Dublin so we lived separately but met up a few times a week to go on little dates/nights out/parties. Now we live in our own apartment with our roomie/BFF and a sweet little cat and we run a lesbian club night 2gether 💘 Think the key for us has always been to communicate v well, allow each other space to grow and explore our own identities separate to each other, and always have FUN. It’s rare and special but sometimes love really does win…. Happy Valentine’s binchies!!

melf

sorry i know there are good reasons to do this but it is so cringey when voice messages are read like stories in class

Abbey W

max can ALWAYS hop on the mic imo he’s welcome here

Becca Kirkland

ok your comments on tokyo binchie, men’s financial support, and the comphet of it all; i just finished Eve Babitz Slow Days Fast Company and it reminded me of this line: “You know, when you come to think about it, it's a wonder women have anything to do with men at all, and no surprise that men have devised all kinds of schemes to bind women to them, like not giving them any money. If you had your choice of sleeping with a beautiful soft creature or a large hard one, which would you pick? I mean, if they both had the same amount of money?”

Jane

Some of these voice memos are painful to listen to 😭 leave the slang to the hosts

Cassidy Timbrooks

Hey everyone - break up with him. No matter what. If you’ve ever once wondered if you should end it, then you probably should have ended it a year ago. All the best xo❤️

Emily

Julia upgrading the Sassy Man Epidemic 🤧 to a Sassy Man APOCALYPSE 🤯☄️ is so funny

MK
>>129686924

I read this as you opened a lesbian night club 😭😭😭 I gasped with joy!

Hannah B

Sassy man epidemic: our culture is not your costume

Jane L.

Eliza I love ur cute little giggle

Emily
>>129689593

This feels mean 😢 I’d be kinda anxious sending in a voice message to a pod!! I loved hearing them

melf
>>129689593

please refer to “sorry” and “i know there are good reasons to do this” in my original comment ❤️

mandy

the way binchtopia listeners develop an accent from listening to the show is so cute

Katalina

“the right king will let you freak him out” truer words have never been spoken

libby
>>129686924

yes I’ve also been with my hs sweetheart for 6 years! it’s rare but it does work out, we just closed the distance last may

kateate

The disrespect for Brandi Carlile………….

Meredith Floyd
>>129676472

it’s true!! i love my boyfriend and once i tell him something he takes it in and i don’t have to keep telling him but sometimes i am like … wow we really were raised to notice/do so many things and men just are not !!!

Callie S

The high school senior talking about their relationship, my first reaction was patronizing and like aw, high school - so young - cliche, and then hearing the actual question of when do I say this thing that I know is true and know I feel in my gut in order to take into account this person I love’s feelings, was really emotionally intelligent… like damn wish I had that at the same age. I absolutely did not 😂. I very much enjoyed listening to this ep and the advice!

Emmie Athavale

NEED THE [REDACTED] SHIRT PLS MAKE THAT MERCH🫶🏻

Angelica Laliberte

the way i wailed “noooo queen” when i heard tokyo binchie was a capricorn queen caught up in the plight of an aries man 💀 many such cases, i fear

Angelica Laliberte

may i just say that i love how emotionally mature and like self aware the valentines hotline is this year? like i know i have been linsing and learning for years and maybe it’s just where im at on my lil growth journey but i feel like it’s hitting different this year and i just wanna say i LOVE seeing the binchies out here doing the work and aiming for loves that suit each of you!! like i don’t know y’all but i’m proud of you fr 🥹

blaine

I cannnnot believe the friend who was like oops sorry I can’t be your MAID OF HONOR because I’m going to another wedding. Shonked is an understatement

Nora bedard

I love these episodes, they are so comforting. They are a reminder that we actually are going through the same stuff and what a relief it can be to realise that!!!

Bryn Jennings

NEED a Binchtopia Boyfriend t 😻😻😻

Manon

“He is a lawyer, strike ONE!” - as a law school binchie I concur

maya

the “because you let him” really made my stomach drop i had to pause

Maddie

Can’t believe y’all made me listen to that and that’s all I will say

Eva Paramo

me listening to this in my sophomore year of college and still being with my high school bf for over 2 years 🌚

alex
>>129783638

as another law school binchie, i personally think it depends 🤷‍♀️

Hayley

the way that my man’s tells me to ‘sashay away’ when we get into an argument tho. sassy man epidemic is real and it’s frightening.

Hayley
>>129826267

and yes he does it with all the flamboyancy you could possible imagine

slizzarddd

Help Im addicted to saying WELL YES

bug

Caller number 1: I understand your dilemma to the fullest extent (currently dealing with the same thing). Lmk if you wanna link and talk 😭

Liccie Delgado

For April fools you should have people call in and tell their flop/ fool stories. Times we’ve been played!

Emily Hyde

Pdx Binches! Selling 2 tix to Eliza’s Portland show. Dm me on insta if interested!! @emmmhyde $40 obo for both

Sam Haimowitz

IT’S GIVING HOMOPHOBE!!!!!!!!!!!

Sam Haimowitz

YES TO THE “[REDACTED] BINCHTOPIA BOYFRIEND” SHIRTS BUT PLEASEEEEE MAKE HUSBAND ONES TOO BECAUSE I’M GETTING MARRIED SOON TOO!!!!!! 🖤 (hoping I can invite y’all to my wedding as well pls)

beep boop

NEED to hear Julia’s long complicated thing about if he wanted to he would

mimi kiki

julia my darling have you ever seen the tv show version of “what we do in the shadows” bc i consider the character of nadia to embody ur slayful spirit

beep boop

when Julia said “anything you get from a man is never free”…. “You will pay for that Mercedes with your suffering”….. when Eliza said “the appealing part is probably the narrative, not what’s actually happening”….. oh shit oh fuck, much to think about 🥲 thanks yall i needed to hear a lot of this unfortunately

Thea Frances Ramirez

ELIZA, JULIA, I screeched at the ending of this episode. I KNOW Maggie- I went to elementary-Junior high with her little brother and I looked up to her so much when I was younger because she also did theatre so when I heard about the upcoming engagement at LEAPED for joy and the first time Emilio called in I posted a screenshot on my story being like, “I loveeee Binchtopia” and that’s when I found out Maggie was a bitchy too. THIS WORLD IS SO SMALL

Monica Parks

I hope TTPD is a very tongue in cheek or otherwise just not so serious title.

Cooper Moore

I’m sorry- driving? In Tokyo? Owning … a car? In Tokyo??? Hoping that queen uses it for like >10% of her journeys………

Jess123
>>129856684

Hi queen, would love to connect 😭 we need a support group lmao

Emma B

To caller #1, married 30 y/o hag here, I almost killed my marriage because of codependency so lemme give you scoop as I see it 🙏🏻 imo women are socialized to have some level of codependency, especially in hetero relationships. But it doesn’t have to be that way! The first question I have is how much of what you’re doing did he ask you to do vs how much are you doing because they’re things you think he *should* do? Bc sometimes we do things for our partner to shield them from their own consequences to their detriment. Second, how does he feel about you doing all of this? For me, I thought my wife would be happy that I was helping her but in reality she felt infantilized and like I thought she was incapable and brought nothing to the table. So maybe open up that convo with him too. The last thing I’ll say, try to only offer what you have the capacity to take on, don’t over extend yourself. Your bf would rather have a present, rested gf and a long to do list for himself than a gf who is overextended and on the verge of resentment. 🫶

Monica Parks

I think “love languages” are real in the sense that someone just described a trend they witnessed, not like, that they’re A THING. Also I totally agree about being a gifts girlie doesn’t mean $$$. I’m definitely a receiving gifts person and what I want are tokens. Like if my husband went to buy lunch and got me a little treat. A small “get well” balloon when picking up Gatorade for me when I’m sick. That sort of thing.

Anjolie Giraud

sassy man girl here - an example of his sassiness would be us recently watching suits and him responding to me asking him to do any kind of chore with “objection your honor, badgering”

Hannah

The one thousand yard stare I just stared as a lesbian listening to the email from the girl w the Aries “king” 🥲

Gw GW

I dont know if you guys will read this comment or have read the many comments similar to this. Like many others listening to this podcast has become awkward and painful to listen to, I do not feel the need to write a super long paragraph explaining myself because I do not think it will make a difference. I will only say that in the face of these heartbreaking events, the one thing we know for a fact we can do to help and that they are asking us to do is spread awareness and talk about it, because you guys instead choose to ignore it I can no longer subscribe to this podcast, I am done waiting for you to step forward. Free Palestine 🇵🇸

Maggie Barry
>>129991941

Sweet Thea! I was just going back to this and seeing this is so sweet! Lots of looooove to you!