[Short Story #2] Dragon Veterinarian (Patreon)

I’ve often thought of becoming an adventurer and traveling out on great quests to find and slay the mighty beasts that roamed the land. Delusions of grandeur and treasures beyond human comprehension would tickle at my mind enticingly, pleading with me to take the step into the wide unknown and make a name for myself.

To be honest, there is only one reason why I won’t leave the job I have, and one reason only. It isn’t the fear of getting eaten, or the dreadful prospect of having to live in a tent for nearly every day you went on an adventure (Although that prospect alone is daunting). No, the true reason why I won’t become an adventurer was lying before me, in about fourteen different little chunks.

“Is it going to hurt?” The dragon asked in a voice that was somehow a growl and whimper at the same time.

I grunted and then quickly shook my head when the dragon’s reptilian eyes narrowed.

“No, not at all. You’ve just got a little bit of bone here, sticking into the bottom of your tongue. I can just pull on it like this…”

I hesitantly reached into the beast’s mouth and pulled on long bone out from under the beast’s tongue. One of the ends was stained red, but I didn’t know if it was from the dragon or from its dearly departed meal.

“This is a long femur.” I mentioned, my legs sticking out from the dragon’s mouth.

The beast whined something at me, causing its entire mouth to shudder as if an earthquake had hit it.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full!” I snapped at the dragon.

It whined apologetically, nearly causing me to slip and impale myself on a massive rotting tooth.

I made a mental note to give the dragon a recommendation to my friend Phil, the Dragon Dentist. He’d have a payday with this kind of mouth. Suddenly, there was a blast of heat and I was violently thrown against the wall.

“I tried to tell you that I was going to sneeze.” The dragon said sheepishly.

I staggered to my feet and ran my hand across my hair. It came down slightly soot stained. My other hand victoriously grasped the bone that I had painstakingly extracted from the dragon’s mouth.

“It was all part of the plan, Mr. Dragon. I have your bone right here. And before you ask: yes, I will be charging you money for this, and no, you can’t keep the bone. We both know you’re just going to try to chew on it and it’ll get lodged in your mouth again.”

The dragon shrugged. “Whatever. Thanks, Doc. I don’t suppose you have a long white toothpick I could borrow? Something strong though. Like that convenient bone in your hand? I could use that.”

Without missing a beat, I turned around and heaved a stone off of my table. I plopped it down in front of the dragon.

“This is the contact information for Phil the Dentist. He can do everything tooth related for you. Tell him I sent you and he might give you a discount.”

The dragon grinned- or at least I thought it did- and plucked the stone from the ground. It sniffed at it for a moment and then popped it into its mouth.

I rolled my eyes and glanced up at the clock. It was 5:20. The other dragon had told me that it would come around by five thirty.

With ten minutes to kill, I decided to try something I had never done before: small talk. The reason I tend not to engage dragons in small talk is because they are massive creatures, and tend to prefer big talk.

However, since I was only a human, big talk wasn’t very interesting for me. All they spoke about was the last human they ate and if he had too much fat or was cooked ‘just right’. But despite this, I went for it anyways.

“So, tell me about yourself.” I told the dragon.

It puffed a little ball of smoke into the spacious room. “Mommy says not to talk to strangers.” It replied.

I rolled my eyes. “Are you implying that I’m any kind of threat to you? Besides, I’m your Veterinarian. For what reason would I possibly want to hurt you? You’re my source of income.”

“If you hurt me then you get to charge me more money to fix me.” The apparently young dragon replied.

I grunted. The dragon had a point.

“Ok, fine. But I still couldn’t actually do anything to you.” I said.

The dragon rolled it’s forelimbs in what I thought to be a shrug.

“I guess. I’m Sheala. I like to eat people. Not you though, you’re not a people.”

I frowned. “Then what am I?”

“A doctor.” She replied confidently.

Shaela definitely sounded like a girl’s name, but with dragons it was hard to tell. Nevertheless, I decided to think of it as a girl. I decided it would be best to go along with Sheala. There was never a good reason for a dragon to consider you food unless you had a death wish.

“I see. Do you know where your mother is, Shaela?” I asked.

As if summoned by magic, a huge hawk flew through the Dragon Entrance of the room and dropped a scroll in front of me. Before I could stop Shaela, her head snapped forward and the hawk disappeared into a puff of feathers.

I sighed, but the sender should have known better than to send a bird to a Dragon Veterinarian. It was almost asking to get eaten. I unrolled the scroll and read out loud.

“Morgana has been taken by the great Barnabus and his band. Shaela, if you ever want to see your mother again, come to Peak Lanste no later than six. If you are even a second too late, your mother will be taken away in order to make a really expensive purse. – Barnabus”

Shaela gasped. “I have to go save her!”

I groaned. This wasn’t the first time that Barnabus had tried to kidnap a dragon. He was a notorious Adventure that was hated by both humans and dragons alike. He took great pleasure in emotionally torturing his victims. He made a habit of bullying other humans as well, due to his magical powers. Barnabus was a powerful wizard, so nobody ever wanted to cross him. But this time, he had gone too far. He had one of my patients. And not only that. The patient in question owed me money.

I raced into the back room and started shuffling through the mess.

“Sword of evil wizard slaying? Nope.” I tossed it out of the way.

“Shield of immortality? Get this garbage out of here.” I kicked the shield across the floor.

“Aha! Here it is- my bow and arrow!” I held an old looking bow and a quiver with only one arrow in it.

“This is the weapon of true Veterinarians! Let’s go, Shaela!” I shouted.

She roared in agreement and I hopped onto her scaly back. A moment later, we launched out of the Dragon Hospital and into the dusk sky.

“Oh crud. I forgot to put up my ‘we’re closed’ sign. I hope nobody burns my hospital down again.” I muttered under my breath.

Peak Lanste was miles away, but to a dragon, distance was irrelevant. It barely took us a minute before I could see the snowy cap of the mountain looming in the distance. I patted Shaela’s scaly neck.

“I’ll quietly roll off of you when we land so they don’t see me. Then I’ll take down Barnabus with my bow and you can save your mother.”

She nodded in agreement; a motion that nearly sent me tumbling off of her and into the frigid snow far below us.

Seconds later, she crashed down on Peak Lanste with a massive crunch and I silently rolled off of her shoulder into the snow.

“Shaela! I see you have made it! You’re just on time to see your mother get turned into a new line of precious handbags!” Barnabus cackled madly.

Morgana was tied up behind him. She was struggling madly, but completely unable to free herself from the bindings.

Then Barnabus turned and looked directly at me.

“Veterinarian. I know who you are, and you can do nothing. Your pitiful arrow cannot pierce through my powerful magic. And neither can your fire” He said, glancing back at Shaela.

I snorted. “We’ll see about that!”

I quickly drew the arrow back and sighted at him. Once I had him in my sights, I released the string and the arrow leapt from the bow.

It shot in a beautiful arc, directly towards Barnabus. Then it went directly over Barnabus and embedded itself within a stalactite hanging from an overhanging cave. Barnabus burst into laughter.

“Your aim is dreadful!”

I groaned and put my head in my hands. “I missed and now my arrow is way up there! I can’t reach it so I’ll have to buy a new one. That’ll cost me like…two silver coins!”

Barnabus looked baffled.

“What are you prattling on about you blithering fool? Bah, don’t answer. Your opinion is worthless to me anyways. Behold! I shall now cry such a mighty roar that even dragons will keel over dead!”

He threw his head back and started to inhale. I could see the wispy white strands of winter air get yanked from their normal path and into his expanding lungs. Then Barnabus started to scream.

It sounded like two rampaging toddlers had both found the same toy and didn’t want to share it, but multiplied by one hundred. I threw my hands over my ears, but nothing could stop the noise.

The very mountain itself started to shake and shudder at the noise, sending cascades of snow and ice crashing down around us.

Suddenly, the big Stalactite that I had accidentally shot shivered and fell from its perch. It shot down like a hammer and split the binding holding Morgana’s front paws together. With one lightning fast move of her hand, Barnabus went flying from the mountain. I could hear his screech all the way down the mountain until he suddenly went quiet.

I carefully lifted my hands from my ears. When I was sure that Barnabus’s terrible melody was finally gone, I stood up and grinned weakly at Morgana.

“Hello, Mrs. Dragon. Your daughter is here.”

Shaela ran forward on all fours and nuzzled her mother. “Mommy! You’re ok!”

Morgana nuzzled her child back. “Yes, I am. I’ll go treat you to some tasty humans after this. Mommy is sorry for making you worry.”

Then Morgana turned her huge heat towards me. “And you, Veterinarian. I appreciate your help. If it wasn’t for you, I fear I might be dead now. How can I repay you?” She asked.

I scratched my head. “Well, there’s the matter of settling the Bill for the hospital. You owe me ten gold coins. And for the out of hospital visit, I’ll ask for another five gold coins. I’d also like a ride back to the hospital, please.”

Morgana looked surprised for a moment, and then what looked to be a grin crossed her face.

“You really must be part dragon, Veterinarian. I’ll tell my friends to use you for their future checkups. Hop on.”

With that, I got my second dragon ride of the day. That was two more than any other human in existence, I might add.

Once we were back at the hospital, Morgana dropped sixteen gold coins into my hand.

“One as a tip.” She said with a little wink.

Then she and Shaela shot off in search of a tasty dinner.

“Make sure not to eat any bony people! They’re bad for your mouth!” I yelled at Shaela.

She roared back at me in what I half hoped to be acceptance and half hoped to be a playful rejection. After all, Veterinarians need to make money somehow.