The News From Frank (Patreon)

This is the latest update from my GoFundMe, at https://www.gofundme.com/manage/help-owen-kc-stephens-fight-cancer

Well, I got the results from my second trip to Frank the MRI. The tl;dr version is there’s no sign of cancer spreading to my torso (yay!), but there are some other things to worry about, which are going to require additional appointments, testing, and so on (boo!). I’ll get to all that in a moment.

But first, a note about Frank.

One of my coping mechanisms is writing about things that bother me. Writing is my career, but it’s also just a crucial part of my self-identity. I was writing for myself long before I was making money on any of it. When I write about things preying on my mind, it does three things. It distracts me from the negative mental processes going on, which often allows them to pass. It helps me define exactly what it is that’s bothering me, which makes it easier to figure out if there’s something I can do about it. And, it gives me a sense of control – I am in charge of what I write, so when I write about something it’s that part of me in the driver’s seat, rather than anxiety, worry, or self-loathing.

When the same thing bothers me repeatedly, I often anthropomorphize it in my writing. I first began doing this shortly after I began GameMastering (GMiing) tabletop RPGs. There’s something about turning a fear into an NPC (non-player character, a character run by a gamemaster in a ttRPG) that lets me talk to it directly. And if I can talk to something, I can reason with it. And no, that’s not actually true, but it FEELS true, and for things like anxiety and depression, that’s useful.

That’s why when I discovered I had trauma-induced claustrophobia when you shove me in an MRI, I named that machine “Frank.” An MRI is a generic, anonymous device. Frank is someone I can be annoyed with, bitch at, and try to make deals with. I’ve talked about Frank so much, many of my friends recognize that I mean a specific MRI machine when I do. And, while Frank is a huge pain to deal with, he also gets results. He tells me the harsh truths I need to hear, when no one else can.

A pain-to-deal-with investigator who gets the dirty answers no one else can? Sounds like an NPC to me. As a result, I commissioned Jacob Blackmon to draw “Frank, the Medical Response Investigator (MRI).” That's Frank, below. Now whenever I have to deal with Frank, this is who I’ll be grousing at.

So, what did I learn in this newest trip to Frank?

No sign of cancer spreading to anyplace in my torso, which was expected new, but still really good to know. Unexpected and less good news? Cholelithiasis. Bilateral T2 hyperintense renal lesions. Mild hepatomegaly.

Damn it, Frank!

Cholelithiasis are gallstones. Some things I have thought were other issues may, in fact, be symptoms of my gallstones. Obviously, I’ll be talking to my GP about that.

Bilateral T2 hyperintense renal lesions are cysts on my both my kidneys. These appear to be benign simple cysts, which is great. (For the values of “great” that include kidney cysts, which I admit is grading on a steep enough curve I may need medical crampons.) So, it’s something we may need to investigate further, as something like 3% of things that appear to be benign kidney cysts turn out to be cancerous, and it sounds like these are pretty big, but the odds are ever in my favor on this one.

Mild hepatomegaly is an enlarged liver. In my case, that’s most likely a lifestyle issue. (No sign of liver cancer, no reason I’d have hepatitis.) I no longer drink at all, so if that is what caused it I’m already doing what I need to. If it’s related to my obesity, the typical recommendation is to lose 10% of my body weight. I have lost 11% of my body weight over the past 16 months, but since I have hepatomegaly now I plan to take my current weight and lose another 10%, as a health measure.

So, on the cancer front, no sign it spread. There are other health issues to tackle, and tackle them I shall. The kidney cysts are the thing most likely to call for something beyond a lifestyle change (like surgery), and I may have to go through the entire GP-refers-a-specialist-who-orders-a-test-which-leadss-to-another-specialist routine again, but Frank didn’t find anything that calls for immediate panic.

And that’s where things are, for now. I have an appointment with my chemo oncologist next week, and that’ll be the first stanza of the what-do-you-do-with-a-shrunken-cancer song (sung to the tune of “What Do You Do With A Drunken Sailor”). As always, I’ll keep everyone informed as there are new developments.

And now, an ad. (It’s short, bear with me.)

My friend Stan! is (among other things) an amazing cartoonist. Sometimes he draws cartoons inspired by some random weird thing I wrote on social media, often interrupting the work he meant to do. He marks these with “Damn it, Owen!” and they’re hysterical. We’ve always said someday, we’d collect those into a book.

Well, it’s “someday.”

With half the proceeds going to assist me with bills, we’re launching a Kickstarter for this

book of cartoons on July 5th. Follow this link to sign up to be notified when we go live! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/owenkcstephens/damn-it-owen-cartoons-that-refused-to-not-be-drawn/