I'm Available to Be Your Paid ttRPG Player (Patreon)

While I'd never pressure anyone who doesn't like the idea to be one or use one, I don't see anything at all wrong with paid GMs. After all there are professional ttRPG gamers now (streaming, podcasting, and even playing in front of sold-out arenas, in some case), it only makes sense that there be paid GMs to go along with that growing industry. After all, we already pay for people to create adventures for us, so why not pay them to run adventures for us? I currently don't want to do that myself, but I'd feel no shame if I ever decided it made sense for me.

But, I also see a huge unexplored market just SITTING there. The paid player. I mean if people are paying for adventures, and paying for GMs, why not pay for a player?!

Now, I know a lot of readers will be scoffing right now. Getting players is EASY they say. And to them I reply -- sure. For you. But there are many, many GMs I have seen complain they can't get a group together for the game they want to run, or something (though less often), a small group note they don't have enough players to take on the published adventure they want to play.

But of course, as a professional, I come with more benefits than just a warm body. First of all, you can count on me to be present (without scheduling nightmares -- this is going to work for me after all) , be ready to play, know the system, not get distracted before my turn, and not bring any extra player drama. I'll also happily track things like who the mayor is, what clues the PCs have, and what treasure's been found if that's something the group wants. Also, if there is a role your group hates to play, assign it to me! Healerbot? Party face? Tank? Trapfinder? I'm the Bilbo Baggins Burglar for your party of dwarf warriors!

The GM can also use me to fill player roles that don't always work well with groups that know each other well. Need a snarky square carrying all the PCs' gear and two coconut halves? I'm your man. Want to hint that a member of the party is a pod person working for the alien invaders? A mole from the evil terrorist organization SCORPIO? A mind-controlled catspaw? Your long-term players may not believe any of them would agree to play such a role, but if you pay me to play, doubt and mistrust is MUCH easier to achieve! Or, if there's ONE player who always takes those roles, bringing me in can throw that player out of a rut.

Nor do you have to pay me to be in an entire campaign. Want to add an NPC for one leg of an adventure? I can take that role and keep the GM from having to split focus between the guest star NPC and the rest of the foes and monsters they have to run. Have a player going on vacation for two weeks? Bring me in to fill the gap until they return.

But, also? I'm just flat fun to play with! Ask anyone who has ever played with me. (Or go find me playing Qundle, online.) When I'm playing at a table, my philosophy is always that I should try to make the entire experience more fun for everyone, especially on my turn. I'm also the person who created #GameNIghtQuotes on social media. So, if you want me to, I can highlight how funny YOUR games are!

In short, games with me as a player are just better. 43 years of roleplaying can't be wrong!

Okay, that's WHY you'd hire me as a professional paid player in your game. The next question is how. For now, I'll have to restrict myself to online appearances only. I'm easy to get in contact with, my DMs are open here, on Facebook, and on Bluesky. But obviously anyone who is still reading this (and hasn't already screamed about the idea of a paid player) has one more critical question.

How much?

Now, this is a case where my friends and family plan goes all the way to a 100% discount -- I play a game most weeks, and sometimes play two. And if a close friend wanted me as a guest star player, or a playtester, in most cases I'd just work out the timing and do it. But for professional player roles, I need an hourly rate.

I'm going to start with minimum wage in the state where I have done the most professional in-person paid playing -- Washington. Their state minimum wage is $16.66/hour. Of course that's minimum wage, and I'm not a starting game player or a entry-level game professional. I have 30 years pro game experience under my belt. So, assuming a 3% wage every year for 30 years, that brings me to an hourly rate of $54.03. Given my game consultation rate is $250/hour, 20% of that to just play feels reasonable. So round down, and call it $50/hour. I don't want to end up doing a bunch of 1-hour paid game sessions, so I'll make pay a minimum of 4 hours. I also know how often groups kibbitz, and I don't want to cut a group off in the middle of a climactic fight. So, it'll be $200 for a single up-to-6-hour session, and $20/hour for each additional hour per session.

Of course, creating and starting a new character, meeting and getting used to a new GM and new players, and figuring out what that group's dynamic is and what their character's goals are is a lot more work than meeting with a group you are already familiar with. So I'll discount sessions after the first. It'll be $180 for a second session up to 6 hours, $160 for a third session, and $140 for each up-to-6-hour session after that. Payment via PayPal preferred, but we can discuss options.

I know a lot of people will think this is a parody article, and in one regard it is. I don't expect paid player gigs to make up a noteworthy portion of my time or income. However, I am serious that I believe there are groups that could find it a worthwhile investment when looking at the benefits of adding a veteran player and professional in the tabletop industry to their group, even if they all have to pitch in to do it.

And if people call me an idiot online? Well, as Captain Sparrow Notes: "But you have heard of me."