Cancer Follow Up Modestly Bad News, But At Least It'll Be More Expensive. (Patreon)

I should have known better than to write an update the day BEFORE I did the follow-up from my flexible sigmoidoscopy.So, the all-mighty and mysterious Cancer Board has spoken. While Pre-cancerous Paul Lip (gawd what an awful mob name) was definitely not malign, it's position exactly at the previous cancer site is "concerning." Apparently polyps are like real estate. Location, location, location.And so, my protocol changes. (My protocol? What, am I SIR Butt-cancer now?!) Essentially instead of doing flexible sigmoidoscopies every three months and MRIs never, it's now flexsig and cancer marker blood test every 3 months, and MRI every 6 months. We definitely destroyed the first hateful fleshblob, but my ass appears to be part of the old west. Bastards have brothers.(Do NOT ask about anal tumbleweeds. Trust me on this.)Also, finding out about all this was exhausting. I knew I had a morning follow up at the cancer center. So we showed up went to the lower level, where my LAST follow-up was. Of course THAT follow-up was with the radiation oncology, and this one is with the intestinal explorer. Who is on the THIRD floor. But we also needed to get the cancer marker bloodwork... which is on the SECOND floor. And by happenstance, ALL the places I needed to go were at the very END of their respective hallways. Next time, I'm going to get a cancer that's closer to the elevators.So, I have a follow-up scheduled for Dec 31st ("Happy New Year, Owen's Behind!"), which means my next flexsig and MRI will be before that. ("On the first day of Christmas the ass surgeon gave to me... One foot of Well-Greased scooooooope.")On the one hand, this is bad news and means I have a higher risk of more cancer than I thought yesterday. On the other hand, I also have to find the money for one MRI and two blood tests and two in-person follow ups I was not expecting.(I'm seriously considering starting an OnlyFans where I sit around and drink Conehead-levels of sugary beverages. Apparently there really is a video market for fat men gargling every brand of instant hot chocolate or whatever. I'd call my channel "The Chug Hole.")Well, maybe I'll just open another line of credit. That seems less likely to land me in the ER for a NEW reason.Anyway, I wanted to update with this news fast, even though my last update was YESTERDAY. Apparently, tumor news is like washing your car--it'll rain RIGHT after you figure everything is shiny.Well... you all know the drill. I'm monetizing my bad news about a life-threatening disease, while grieving, to try to cover my medical bills.Update After My Flexsig Follow-Up: Appointment: It's Not Great But At Least It'll Cost Me More.Yeah, this is not what a needed halfway through the week after my mother died. But hey, at least it's a good story to use to monetize my pain, risks, and grief!https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-owen-kc-stephens-fight-cancerAnd now, a cat picture. Saffron (left) and Clementine (right) on a bookcase (lower).