(NSFW) Mistletoe (Patreon)

I'm totally turning this into a Christmas card. 

ps If you haven't filled out the survey, please do!

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Mistletoe

Tags: Surprise!Bondage | asexual Ron Weasley

“Hey mate,” Ron shouted into the house in a swirl of floo powder. “I’m just here to borrow that jumper an—AAAHHHH”

“AAAHHH!”

“What the fuck?!”

“I’m—Er—It’s—Christmas?” Harry stammered, hanging from the archway of his home. “I’m mistle-toe, get it?”

“Merlin Christ on a biscuit. Why?” Ron continued shouting.

“It’s Christmas!”

“I’m aware. But…” Ron waved his hand toward the glittering rope.

“It’s a sex thing.”

“Of course, it’s a sex thing. Why?”

Harry tried to shrug against the ropes. “I dunno, we’ve been married a long time. Gotta keep it interesting.”

“Crazy sex obsessed allosexual nonsense,” Ron grumbled to himself, choosing to ignore Harry and grab the jumper from his closet. All he needed was the jumper, not all that.

“...Hey, Ron.”

“No.”

“Hey buddy…”

Ron glared. “If this is some crazy sex game…”

“It is, but…my nose itches.”

Ron rolled his eyes and scratched Harry’s nose. He moaned.

“Merlin save me,” Ron groaned. “I’m off to have my spouse bleach my eyes.”

“Love you!” Harry called as Ron flooed out of the house. Next time, he’d just send an owl.