Unorthodox Farming: New Chapter 16 (Patreon)

This month is going fantastically. I've already written another 50k for the drafted this book, so I'm finally back in the writing zone. Going off in a new direction was the right choice. I'm powering ahead rather than editing, so I only just remembered this morning that I needed to edit a chapter and put it up. I forgot how little I changed with this chapter, so I'll be putting up a second chapter. It might be up right after this one or later today. Both chapters haven't changed much, but everything after these will be new. I hope everyone is having a good week.

Chapter 16

My hair was damp from stopping at a bathhouse on my way to Orlana's for lunch. Torvac's wife, Orlana, had named the restaurant after herself in a misguided attempt to earn the fame mark. All she'd done was muddy the waters with success. Now, when most people thought of the name Orlana, they thought of her restaurant, not her. However, this hadn't made her change the restaurant's name to improve her chances of acquiring the mark. Orlana only wanted the mark to increase sales, and when your restaurant was more famous than you were, that wasn't a bad thing.

My stomach growled as the tantalising smell of the braised lamb inside the massive restaurant began to tickle my senses. Recovering from my injuries and running so far had left me noticeably thinner by the time I bathed. It wasn't an issue, though. Orlana's was one of only three restaurants in the Capitol that were certified to help champions recover, so I was exactly where I needed to be.

In Farentine's words, there was perfect food, and then there was perfect food. The system didn't recognise the second type or the skills needed to prepare it, but it was a recognised phenomenon.

When perfect food was prepared correctly by a skilled chef, it became a form of food which digested within minutes instead of hours. Perfect food's protein also became biologically available to champions, which was something perfect food lacked.

The perfect food I'd eaten until now kept me fed and let me put on body fat, but recovering the muscle I'd lost when I gained my Crown's Champion mark would take years without the right kind of perfect food. Torvac and Misk weren't sure exactly how much muscle my body should naturally hold, but they both agreed it was significantly more than my transformation had left me with.

Today, I would see if that was true.

Torvac once boasted that for their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Orlana had fed him their youngest grandchild's weight in braise lamb. Misk had rolled his eyes at the claim, but didn't dispute it, so I took it as fact. I'd been seriously impressed by the feat until Farentine explained how he had done it. Now, I wanted to see if I could replicate it.

It was like eating 1% of your bodyweight in nachos, so you could claim you were once 1% nacho. It didn't mean anything, but it was a fun thing to be able to say.

I stopped on the sidewalk, right beside the entrance, to enjoy the smell and began searching the street for Torvac, while my stomach rumbled. The man was massive, so he should have been obvious, but I couldn't spot him.

I was running a little late because of the generals and the bathhouse, but I'd expected him to wait for me. After searching the street for over a minute, I assumed that he'd already gone inside without me and went in.

While the outside of Orlana's was built with the same aesthetic as the rest of the Capitol, the inside was entirely different. It was like stepping into a mishmash of cultures.

It was designed like those teahouses you see in Chinese period dramas. There was a large stage in the centre of the lowest floor with an open space above where customers could look down to watch the performers. That was where the Chinese influence ended. Someone had taken that layout and replaced any hint of Chinese influence with decorations and displays of wealth for which French aristocrats were eventually beheaded. It was all white marble and gold leaf, making me feel far too underdressed to be here.

A short, pretty brunette in her early teens looked up from behind her podium as I scanned the first floor for Torvac. She wore a uniform that looked more like something you would see on a soldier appearing for a parade. She even had a dress sword on her hip and a pair of soft leather boots which you could march across the kingdom in.

I recognised the above her head. Torvac had told me that she had a natural gift for swordplay that most in his family lacked, including himself.

Swordswoman Nita

There was a staircase on either side of me, but I couldn't spot Torvac at the top or anywhere on the higher floors that I could see. I suddenly felt very out of place and nervous as I turned my gaze to the brunette teen.

She gave me a friendly, professional smile that didn't hold a hint of 'you don't belong here, sir'.

"Did-"

The door opened behind me.

As her gaze flicked to the door, her entire face lit up, and any sense of professionalism vanished. "Grandpa! What did you bring me?"

Her unexpected shout made several nearby customers jump in their seats, and the musician missed a note.

Torvac stopped beside me and nudged me with his elbow. "Do not have grandchildren, Friend Arnold. No matter how much Torvac spoils them, they always want more." The way he said it made it sound like a good thing. Torvac turned to Nita and smiled. "Have you practised like Grandpa Torvac instructed little Nita?"

Nita nodded, grinning proudly at him. She had an infectious sort of grin. The kind that lit up a room. I saw a lot of Torvac in that grin. "I've reached expert in all the lore, weapons, and armour proficiencies you said I had to."

Torvac grinned back and threw his arms wide, stepping towards her hostess podium to hug her.

Then he tripped over his own feet.

Torvac, a multi-classed adventurer who could pirouette on the tip of his big toe, fell face-first onto the restaurant floor. During the fall, his backpack flap somehow split open, sending a full-sized swordsman experience crystal flying conveniently toward his granddaughter's face.

Nita missed the fast-moving experience crystal when she tried to catch it, and she should have been seriously injured by the grapefruit-sized crystal's impact, except that for some reason, her interface was set to automatically absorb any swordsman experience she came into contact with. The experience crystal tweaked her nose and vanished in a flash of light, before more light enveloped her body as she leveled.

Everything from Torvac's fall to the overly surprised look on Nita's face as she 'accidentally' absorbed the crystal could have been in a Three Stooges skit.

No one would ever believe this was an accident.

Several diners had looked over when she shouted. Two were now choking because of what they had just seen. That much experience flying through the air wasn't the sort of thing you saw every day, or any day in fact.

A third diner began choking as a second wave of light struck Nita, making her glow even brighter, revealing she had passed through her first threshold. Her name didn't change, which suggested she'd taken the main path rather than specialising.

Swordswoman Nita

A second after she passed through her first threshold, she passed through her second. Her name changed this time, and the room grew brighter. I'd had to get my intelligence above 100 before I could see people's advancement, and it wasn't that useful in Blackwood until recently.

Advanced Swordswoman Nita

The teenager began to grin as her body changed, losing body fat. She was already reasonably fit, but her biceps toned, and she gained several inches in height. I could see the changes to her skin as her health increased. It grew more vibrant. The swordsman class didn't increase charisma, so she was left looking a little more like a gangly teenager.

I'd seen farmers gain almost as many levels as she just had, but none of those changes had been this drastic. But then Nita had gained more than 300 attributes in only a few seconds, and they had received half of that.

Torvac wriggled on the ground, displaying his terrible acting skills. "Oh, no. Grandpa Torvac has fallen, Little Nita. Help Old Grandpa Torvac find feet."

Nita rushed forward to help him up, still blinding the restaurant with light.

As the light began to fade, a tiny, attractive middle-aged woman stormed through the far doors like a gale force wind. She was five nothing, with biceps even more impressive than Nita's. Her dark brown hair was streaked with grey and tied up in a bun. Wrinkles sat around her eyes, and her hands were covered in flour as she wielded a large rolling pin. Her apron, however, was spotless.

She glared at Torvac as Nita helped him to his feet. "You go away for months, only to come back and spoil my grandchild and disturb my customers! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't grab you by your ear and make you clean my dishes until you're too old and daft to remember your own name?"

Torvac backpedalled a step and pulled me in beside him, ready to throw me in front of him if needed.

"The greatest love of Torvac's life is as beautiful as the day Orlana first stabbed Torvac's heart with joy." He couldn't help but grin as he said those words. "But Torvac cannot clean dishes when Torvac must plan a threshold party for Torvac's favourite granddaughter."

I blinked.

I didn't know grandparents were allowed to admit they had favourites. I mean, I knew they had them. And I knew, in my case, it had been my sister Sophie, but you still didn't say it out loud. It was against the rules.

Nita rolled her eyes at the comment but kept grinning as she watched her grandparents. She wasn't behaving like someone who thought they were going to be in trouble. She was acting like a granddaughter who was about to seeher grandpa get in trouble.

Orlana raised an eyebrow at her husband. "There will be dishes waiting for you after you finish planning."

Torvac's wife blurred.

One second, she was staring at him, and the next, she was hanging from his shoulders, kissing him. Torvac was kissing her back with the same passionate abandon. Thankfully, he was now six feet further away from me, or it would have been an even more uncomfortable situation.

Nita lost her grin. "Ewww!"

One of the diners who was choking was beginning to show distress, and the woman beating at his back was starting to panic, so I stepped away from the happy couple and proceeded to do the Heimlich.

By the time the man could breathe, Torvac and Orlana had finished their reunion. I accepted the couple's thanks and made my way back over.

Torvac grinned, resting his hand on his much shorter wife's shoulder. Certain anatomical questions about their relationship came to mind when I saw the two-foot height difference. They kind you didn't say aloud unless you were blind drunk at a party. Torvac had always described his wife as tiny but fierce, so I knew she was small, but seeing them together made me realise they were an odd pair.

"Friend Arnold, this is Torvac's wife Orlana, most beautiful woman in Torvac's world."

You only need to look at how happy he was to know he believed every word he said. The man was hopelessly in love with his wife. She wasn't unattractive, but I doubted she'd ever invest in charisma. 

Nita's head wiped towards me. "Are you the Arnold who grandpa got the games from? Did you bring another set of Risk? Can I have it? My sister snuck away with the only set we have when she enlisted."

Torvac scowled at Nita. "Friend Arnold's not Little Nita's grandpa. Friend Arnold not have to spoil Torvac's grandchildren. That's grandpa Torvac's job."

Nita turned back to Torvac, preening. "Grandpa, will you get me my own set?"

Torvac nodded while his wife shook her head. 

Nita leapt at Torvac, arms open and began to hug his middle. "Thank you!" She squealed.

"Oof, not so hard, Little Nita, strength much greater now. Little Nita must be careful not to hurt Grandpa Torvac."

Nita took that as a challenge and squeezed harder. Torvac laughed and then leaned down and hugged her back with one arm, even more fiercely. I heard her back click several times, but she didn't let go. It became a contest of how long she could hold out. She had no hope of winning.

Orlana intervened. "Stop disturbing my customers. You two are in enough trouble as it is."

The two broke apart.

"Little Nita is not to blame. Is accident."

Orlana didn't buy that for a second. "Nita. You know the rules, and you broke them anyway. You no longer work in my restaurant."

The fun and excitement vanished from her face.

"But grandmaaa!"

"Don't but grandma me. No one accidentally gains 74 levels."

"Orlana too harsh."

Orlana removed Torvac's hand from her shoulder. "Husband, you're also in trouble. You can now only eat my braised lamb when Nita comes to my restaurant as a customer and buys it for you."

The look of despair that stretched across Torvac's face made it seem as if she'd asked him for a divorce.

"Orlana-"

"Don't make a scene in my restaurant, or I will remove Nita's VIP privileges."

Torvac scooped up his backpack so quickly his arm blurred. "Come, Friend Arnold. Torvac must introduce Torvac's family."

Orlana began marching Nita to the door, ignoring her protests.