MAY THE OYSTERS GRIEVE - episode 4 (Patreon)

STEAM WHISTLE OF A BOAT

SOUND OF WAVES AND SEAGULLS

ANNOUNCER                Set sail for Excitement
Set sail for intrigue
Adventure is on the Horizon!

ANNOUNCER                May the Oysters Grieve, episode 4

SHIP’S BELL RINGS FOUR TIMES – DING-DING DING-DING

ANNOUNCER                The Silhouette Pictures actors have surfaced, and are making themselves useful in the kitchen of the Schumacher mansion.  Mac, Lulu, and Kalea have made a disturbing discovery deep in a previously unknown part of the house, while Doc and Carson, with Rose and Amaya, seem on the verge of being lectured by the family patriarch, 85 year old Peter Schumacher.  Bertie, however, is lost and alone, somewhere behind the edifice’s hallowed walls.

MUSIC SWELLS

SCENE 1.          BACK HALLWAYS

SOUND                          SLOW SHUFFLING FOOTSTEPS

BERTIE                          The dust in here is so thick, I wager no one’s been along this way for quite some time.  Makes me feel a mite less queasy about the spyholes in all the bedrooms.

SOUND                          HOLLOW WOOD SOUND

BERTIE                          What now, a new passage, or a way out?

SOUND                          TAPPING ON WALL, SPRING, DOOR OPENS

BERTIE                          [pleased]  Goodness!  [less]  Stairs?  “Up” is not the way I should choose to go, but backtracking hardly seems a viable option either.

SOUND                          A COUPLE OF FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS, GOING UP

BERTIE                          Once more into the breach…

SOUND                          BEHIND HIM, A CREAK

BERTIE                          [to himself]  Someone else in this bleak hole?  Hmm?  Friend or foe?

SOUND                          A SNEAKING FOOTSTEP

BERTIE                          [to himself]  Best be ready for anything.

SOUND                          HE SLOWLY PULLS THE WOODEN DOOR SHUT, TRYING FOR QUIET

MUSIC

SCENE 2.          MYSTERY HALL NEAR CELL

SOUND                          MAC STEPS OUT, SHUTS CREAKY RUSTY DOOR SLOWLY

MAC                              [sigh]  What was it you were worried about, Lulu?

LULU                             [quiet, tightly controlled] Please, just tell me what you saw in there, Mac.

MAC                              I don’t know quite what I expected.  There were books and some amenities.  Whoever was kept in there was definitely a man, though, if that helps.

LULU                             Oh!  Such a relief.

KALEA                           Why? 

LULU                             Oh, Kalea, I thought…. Well, we were infants when our mother died, and they never really told us what much beyond “she passed away”.  Since we never saw her--  Well, I thought maybe—

KALEA                           [horrified] That maybe she didn’t die?

MAC                              What?  Why would someone in your family consider locking your mother up at all – let alone, for so long?

KALEA                           You think your own family would lie about something like that?

LULU                             [sigh]  Beatrice, who got stuck raising us, was never… kind.  She resented… everything.  Our mother’s scandal ruined her own chances for marriage and happiness, and she took it out on us.  It’s no wonder Tim is so shy and Tony, well I guess Tony IS a murderer.

KALEA                           What she do, your mother?  Kill someone, too?

LULU                             No, Kal.  [hard admission]  Mother …never married.  Beatrice was more than happy to call us, well, “unwanted” at every opportunity.  It was a huge scandal, back in the day, and no one in the good families would associate with ours any more.

KALEA                           Haole [howly], man.

MAC                              [idea]  Is it possible the resident of this cell might have been your father?  Locked up for taking advantage of her--?

LULU                             I don’t know.  I really don’t.  The only one who might know is Gramps.  He’d have to be the one that did it.  But I’m certain that if Beatrice had a single clue who our father was, she’d have taken every possible chance to torment us with it.

MUSIC

SCENE 3.          DINING ROOM

SOUND                          CHAIRS MOVING, PEOPLE SITTING

GRAMPS                       Won’t you sit, Mr. Carlyle?

DUKE                             If I can call you Gramps, sir, you can just call me Duke – like everyone else.

GRAMPS                       Very well, Duke.  [super condescending]  See, Tim, one can be deferential and still prove to have a spine.

TIM                               [mutters something]

GRAMPS                       [annoyed]  And he can speak clearly, at full volume, so everyone can hear what he says.

TIM                               [ground out through clenched teeth]  I said, I have no reason to defer to you, grandfather.

GRAMPS                       [sour but sounding amused]  These young folks.  No respect.

ROSE                             [very pointed]  About as much respect as you show him.

TIM                               [sudden half-laugh, half cough]

GRAMPS                       Respect must be earned, young lady.

ROSE                             Rose.  [smiling sting]  Precisely.

[a moment]

CARSON                        Ahem.  Look, this is all very well, but I for one am dying to know more about this house.  I bet it’s just loaded with history.

GRAMPS                       [pleased] Unlike the great houses of Europe, our humble home, here, is a mere century old.  Hardly time for much history.

CARSON                        [wheedling]  I bet you’re just saying that.  There must be something you can tell us about this grand house or family?

AMAYA                         [quietly, to Rose] Greasing the cookpan.

ROSE                             [muttered]  He is laying it on pretty thick.

SOUND                          DISTANT CLATTER LIKE METAL COLLAPSING

MUSIC

SCENE 4.          KITCHEN

SOUND                          COOKING

CECILE                          I’mma go lie down.  Larry said the ballroom was real close, and I’m losing my fight with mister sandman.

HILDA                            Don’t!  Please.

CECILE                          Why?  There ain’t much left to do, and I know you’re not dying for my company.

HILDA                            I’m… I’m terrified.

CECILE                          Why?

HILDA                            Earlier.  I -  I saw a ghost. 

CECILE                          [a bit over the top, like quoting a bad movie] A real live ghost?

HILDA                            Don’t be funny.

CECILE                          [sincere]  Sorry.  Please, go on.

HILDA                            At first, I thought it was Master Peter, the patriarch of the family, but it wasn’t!  He was different.  Evil.  [almost in tears] He threatened me.

CECILE                          Not being funny, but maybe he’s going a little crazy in his old age?

HILDA                            No!  Master Peter was one of identical triplets, just like his daughters, and the… younger ones.  But Master Phillip died in the 1920s in a road race in some heathen desert half a world away.  And Master Paul vanished around the same time – just up and left.  He was declared dead over twenty years ago. 

CECILE                          [serious] And you think you saw what might be a ghost of one of them, tonight?  That’s enough to make anyone’s blood run cold.  [sigh]  I guess I can manage for another hour or so. 

MUSIC

SCENE 5.          DINING ROOM

SOUND                          END OF THE CLATTERING NOISE

DUKE                             What in tarnation was that?

ROSE                             That didn’t sound like it came from the kitchen – that would have been over there—

TIM                               [worried] The conservatory!  The stairs!

GRAMPS                       Calm down, no one uses those stairs.  And Gideon is the only one in there.

CARSON                        Maybe we should go check?  Sounded pretty bad.

GRAMPS                       [annoyed]  If you wish to hear anything about this house from me, you will respect my time, and remain.

ROSE                             You guys stay, we’ll go look.  Right, Amaya?

AMAYA                         I will come.

GRAMPS                       Run along, then, young ladies.

SOUND                          ROSE AND AMAYA LEAVE

GRAMPS                       Women.  The greatest disappointment of my life was my wife only managing to deliver girls.

DUKE                             [gritting his teeth]  Women folk have their place.

TIM                               Great grandfather wasn’t as choosy as you, was he?

GRAMPS                       Whatever do you mean, Tim?

TIM                               The will.  He didn’t differentiate between male and female heirs.  Even Lulu would still be eligible if she hadn’t … left.  But she was strong enough to turn her back on all THIS and find her own way.  [getting louder]  The magical ever-present overwhelming WILL that runs every life in this house. 

SOUND                          TIM STANDS

TIM                               Whatever embarrassment we’ve all been to you, you can’t do anything, short of killing us, to cut us out of the inheritance – because YOU can’t touch any of it either!

GRAMPS                       [command] Shut Up, Timothy.

TIM                               I will not!  I’m done with you.  If Lulu can live without this family, then so can I, and you and aunt Beatrice can choke on every single dollar!

SOUND                          TIM STORMS OUT

GRAMPS                       Well.  [almost amused]  Perhaps there’s a glimmer of hope for him after all.

MUSIC

SCENE 6.          BEHIND THE WALLS

SOUND                          BERTIE’S BREATHING

SOUND                          SNEAKING STEPS, BUILD SUSPENSE

BERTIE                          [stage whisper, to self]  Never know what might be roaming these bally halls.  Better make this count.

SOUND                          SUDDEN DOOR SLAMMING OPEN

SOUND                          IMPACT ON BODY

ZORION                        Uhn!  [knocked down]

SOUND                          DOOR SWINGS, BERTIE STEPS OUT

SOUND                          LIGHTER FLICKS

BERTIE                          Oh, dear.  I’m so sorry, Zorion.  I had no idea it was you.

ZORION                        Ahhh. [noise of pain]

BERTIE                          Here, take my handkerchief.  That nose looks bad.

ZORION                        [painful congested sound]  Much gratitude.

BERTIE                          At least we’re neither of us on our own any more.  Shall we endeavor to make a go of it in tandem?

ZORION                        Uh?  [muffled] Too many words.  Too fast you speak, Bertie.

BERTIE                          [chuckles] It’s a failing of mine.  [slower, but not condescending] Let me help you up, and we’ll try to find a way out of here.  Sound good?

ZORION                        Much good. 

MUSIC

SCENE 7.          CONSERVATORY

SOUND                          SECRET DOOR CREAKS OPEN

MAC                              Oh, this looks familiar!

LULU                             [relieved]  The conservatory.

KALEA                           But we’re above that rickety staircase.

SOUND                          THEY WALK OUT, DOOR SHUTS

KALEA                           It’s a lot of orchids.

LULU                             Gramps is a specialist.  And he fancies himself a poet.  Look at the descriptions of each one.

SOUND                          MAC PULLS CARD UP TO READ

SOUND                          SOME STEPS IN BACKGROUND AS THE OTHERS MOVE ABOUT

MAC                              “Scarlet tears, runnels of blood…”  [musing]  Well, that explains a lot.  [realizing] Of course, Anthony would have access to these.  I suppose he thought they would be disturbing enough to-- 
[this is a call back to previous story]

[interrupted by]

LULU                             Don’t worry, there’s a way into the second floor—

SOUND                          SQUISHY STEP

LULU                             What did I--?  Oh, no!

KALEA                           Is that what it looks like, Mac?

SOUND                          MAC POCKETS THE CARD WITHOUT THINKING

SOUND                          HE WALKS OVER

MAC                              Looks like blood to me.  Stay back, Lulu.

LULU                             Don’t need to tell me twice.

SOUND                          MAC SLOWLY MOVES AROUND

MAC                              A lot of blood.  Too much for anyone to survive.

ROSE                             [from below]  [loud gasp]  Amaya, look!  I think he’s dead!

MUSIC

FAKE COMMERCIAL

ANNOUNCER                We've all had one of those trips: driving carelessly through luscious countryside, enjoying the fresh air and sunshine, far away from the madding crowd... and run out of gas.

SOUND                          MUSIC TURNS DARK

ANNOUNCER                And what do you do if there's no help to be found for miles in any direction?  When the last sign of civilization you passed was hours ago, and was a lonely phone booth with no telephone poles in sight?

SOUND                          MUSIC BRIGHTENS

ANNOUNCER                If you planned ahead, you might have a full gas can, and wouldn’t spend more than a breath of inconvenience.  Farwest Aid Society for Travelers F-A-S-T  FAST! [fast effect]  Is the best friend a traveler in the Pacific has.  FAST [fast effect] won't buy you gas, but it is the backup plan for everything else.  We’re there for you when your tank runs dry.

SCENE 8.          FOYER TO UPSTAIRS HALL

SOUND                          TIM RUNNING UP THE STAIRS

TIM                               [muttering to self]  Soon as the storm breaks, I’ll move back out to my house, and finish the movie, and never have to—

OLIVE                            [down the hall, an unknown young woman gasps]

SOUND                          TIM STOPS RUNNING

TIM                               [after a moment]  Hello?

OLIVE                            [down the hall, gasps]

SOUND                          DOWN THE HALL, DOOR SHUTS

TIM                               Aunt Bethany?  Was that you?  [to self]  Why would it be?  That came from the direction of .... Gramps’ rooms?  Aunt Bethany is staying in the guest room on the far side.  I should probably check on her.

MUSIC

SCENE 9.          DINING ROOM

GRAMPS                       You wanted to know about the will?

DUKE                             Or the curse.  Dealers’ choice.

GRAMPS                       [dismissive]  Curse.  Timothy made that up when he was a child.  The will, however, is unrelentingly real.

CARSON                        In what way?

GRAMPS                       It rules the lives of everyone that resides on the premises.  [pause]  My father was... unique, to say the least. 

DUKE                             Was he a triplet, like y’all?

GRAMPS                       [slightly rattled]  I… I don’t know.  He never talked about the years before he and my mother came here.  Didn’t talk about his past or how he made his money.  I always assumed he was an architect, simply too maverick for most mundane undertakings. 

CARSON                        He must have had a nice bundle of cash to buy the land and build this place.

GRAMPS                       All that he ever revealed to us was that he and my mother were married at sea on their way here from – well, I would assume Europe, since neither ever lost their Austrian accents – and arrived with a great deal of ... disposable assets. 

CARSON                        You weren’t even the teensiest bit curious?

GRAMPS                       My brothers and I spent our youth being pampered, and reasonably educated.  The few times the family wealth was brought up, father sidestepped it so adroitly we never even noticed.  [sigh]  I suppose he found us lacking, or he wouldn’t have crafted such an unusual final testament.

CARSON                        It can’t be too strange, can it?  I know a whole phone book of lawyers, and they say the law keeps—

GRAMPS                       [sneering]  U.S. Law?

CARSON                        [realizing] Ohhhh, yeah…

GRAMPS                       Hawaii wasn’t even a territory when the will went into effect, so there were no such limits on what conditions my father could impose on us.

DUKE                             Such as?

GRAMPS                       Some of it was standard – amounts for any servant who remained faithfully in our service for 20 years, that sort of thing.  At least, up until such time as the final clause might be enacted. 

MUSIC

SCENE 10.        CONSERVATORY, ABOVE

SOUND                          WALKING ON METAL, CREAK OF RAILING

MAC                              [shouting down to her]  Rose!  Who is it?  Who’s dead?

ROSE                             This old guy!

LULU                             [upset]  Gideon?  Oh no!

SOUND                          METAL SCREECH OF STAIRS AS SHE STARTS

SOUND                          KAL GRABS HER, PULLS HER BACK

KALEA                           Stop!  Not safe.

MAC                              There’s another way down, right?  Show us!

LULU                             But it’s all the way—

AMAYA                         [below]  No help for him.

ROSE                             [calling up]  We’re pretty sure he’s dead, Mac.  Take your time.

MAC                              Ok, Lulu, get us down there.

SOUND                          THEY MOVE AWAY

MUSIC

SCENE 11.        DINING ROOM

CARSON                        With all that money, why don’t you have any other servants?

GRAMPS                       [heavy sigh]  When my father made his will, he included a number of clauses as to the allotment of money for various household expenses.  So much for food, so much for staff, so much for maintenance, and so on.  He also allotted each member of the family one thousand dollars a year as an allowance for clothes, sundries, education, and all.

DUKE                             “Just” a thousand?

GRAMPS                       Fifty years ago, it would have been quite adequate.  But none of his calculations included any room for rising prices.  So we all live like – well, not paupers, but not wallowing in the wealth the house implies – and wait for the final clause to come to fruition.

MUSIC

SCENE 12.        CONSERVATORY (BELOW)

SOUND                          DOOR OPENS, FEET RUN IN

LULU                             Gideon!  Oh no!

SOUND                          A BIT OF SCUFFLE AS SHE IS HELD BACK

MAC                              Hold on!  Let me look.

KALEA                           Stay here.

LULU                             Uh! No!  [presses for a minute, then backs off with a sigh]  Yeah. [sniffles a bit]

AMAYA                         No blood on the stairs.  He fall.

MAC                              Good point. 

LULU                             Oh, poor Gideon!  No!  [begins to cry]

MAC                              Help her.  We’ll see if there’s any other clues.

ROSE                             Come on Lulu.  Give me a hand, Amaya.

MUSIC

SCENE 13.        HIDDEN STAIRWAY

SOUND                          SHUFFLING

BERTIE                          I say Zorion, you hardly seem slowed by the pitch blackness at all.

ZORION                        My folk are home in dark, but walls make trapped.  Why does Bertie know no fear?

BERTIE                          Oh, well, I suppose because I feel certain that if someone constructed all this, they may have included tricks and traps, but they were genuinely intending to hide something important.  Sorry – there I go being loquacious – I mean talking too much – again. 

ZORION                        [chuckles]  Pretty words, even when I know them not.

BERTIE                          Well, then.  Hmm.  [slower] I believe that if walls are made, they must hide something, and must go somewhere. 

ZORION                        [acknowledging] Ah.  No purpose; no build.

BERTIE                          Precisely.  And I always find myself curious to uncover whatever it is someone wants to hide.

ZORION                        [really understanding]  Ahhh….

MUSIC

SCENE 14.        DINING ROOM

CARSON                        So now for the 24 karat gold question – what is this “final clause” you keep not mentioning?

GRAMPS                       [reluctant, but kind of a relief]  The bulk of the fortune – and it IS a fortune – the compounded wealth, along with the house and land, and the proceeds from the plantation – is held on the family’s behalf, and out of our reach, in trust with a firm of solicitors.  None of us can touch a penny of it until … until there is only one heir remaining.

DUKE                             So every other heir has gotta die, first?

MUSIC TO CLOSING

ANNOUNCER                A legacy to die for, and Gideon has already paid the ultimate price.  What more mayhem can the night possibly hold?  Who murdered Gideon?  Could it be the person who escaped from the cell in the deep cellar?  Or perhaps the strange woman in Gramps’ room?  Will Bertie and Zorion find something in the deep secret passageways they’re traversing?  It’s almost midnight in the Schumacher mansion.  Who will still be alive to see the sun rise?

END