THE WEREWOLF OF THE USO - episode 7 (Patreon)

THE WEREWOLF OF THE USO - episode 7

STEAM WHISTLE OF A BOAT

SOUND OF WAVES AND SEAGULLS

ANNOUNCER Set sail for Excitement
Set sail for intrigue
Adventure is on the Horizon!

ANNOUNCER The Werewolf of the USO, episode 7

SHIP’S BELL RINGS - 6 BELLS - NOON

ANNOUNCER Lunchtime brings respite from a turbulent night – no werewolves out in the bright Hawaiian sunshine. Persia’s return to the ship left behind more mysteries, such as the command for Mac to “uncover the original,” spoken in her dream. Time for the B-9 detectives to huddle up and compare notes – that is, if Bertie and Duke can ever get out the gates at Rampart Pictures!

MUSIC SWELLS

SCENE 1. FILM SITE

SOUND DAYTIME NOISE, PEOPLE AROUND

OLIVIA [worried] Where are you two off to? You’re not abandoning us, are you?

BERTIE No, no, M--[starts to say "miss" and corrects himself] um, Olivia. Security should be adequate by day, so Duke and I are returning to the hotel to catch up with Mac, and get a bit of rest.

DUKE Ain’t none of us can go day and night without no sleep, ma’am.

OLIVIA Oh. I hadn’t even considered.

BERTIE And we need to check in with a doctor. [firm] Both of us.

DUKE Bertie!

BERTIE Mac will be just as insistent.

OLIVIA Oh. Now I feel like such a heel. I just saw you heading for the gates and thought…  Well, I guess it’s obvious what I thought.

BERTIE Never fear, we shall return before dusk.

SOUND DAINTY FEET APPROACH

JOANETTE [breathless] I’m so glad you haven’t left yet.

DUKE [muttered] Not for lack of trying…

BERTIE Yes, miss Joanette? Did you need something?

JOANETTE If I tell you something, will you promise to believe me?

DUKE [slightly condescending] Of course we will. You got my word and Bertie’s, both, on that.

JOANETTE Just – just you fellows.

OLIVIA [amused] I know when I’m not wanted. Chow, boys!

DUKE Chow? What’s food got to do with anything?

BERTIE [snicker] I’ll explain later. [to Joanette] Is that better?

JOANETTE Yes. I think. Oh, I don’t know—

BERTIE Whatever you need to confide, no one will hear from us.

DUKE ‘Cepting Mac of course.

BERTIE Of course.

JOANETTE I feel so stupid that I don’t remember, but you see I noticed that it’s a different name than it was...

DUKE What name?

JOANETTE ...And Oscar told me I was wrong, but I know I saw it, and he got mad, so I know I was right. I mean, he gets mad when he thinks I know he’s lying or anything…

BERTIE [serious] Do you need some help with Oscar?

JOANETTE [offhand]  Oh, I can handle him. No, it’s the name I’m trying to recall that’s been making my head hurt so much.

DUKE What name?

JOANETTE It’s a writer. THE writer. It says a different name now. But I can’t prove it, you see?

OSCAR  [calling from distant] Joanie, sweetie!

SOUND OSCAR WALKS UP

JOANETTE [startled and a bit frightened] Oh! Oscar!

OSCAR  [coming closer, annoyed, but covering it with sweet] Honey, you know you’re in the next scene, and we need you on set.  Those lovely legs should be walking…

JOANETTE [to the guys]  I have to go, but you will look, won’t you? And promise not to tell anyone?

SOUND OSCAR AND JOANETTE BUSTLE AWAY

DUKE [confused] Not to tell anyone what?

MUSIC

SCENE 2. OUTSIDE, DINING ON THE PATIO OF THE HOTEL

SOUND MILD BACKGROUND CROWD / DINING NOISE

ROSE Kal said this was a good place to confer without anyone overhearing us.

DUKE Right out in the open like this? Mac?

MAC Seems fine. No one can get within 20 feet of us without one of us seeing them.

BERTIE And you can hardly argue with the food quality, Duke.

DUKE You got that right. Mm.

SOUND DUKE EATING, SILVERWARE

MAC Okay, since Duke’s mouth is occupied, maybe you could tell me what the official diagnosis was, Bertie?

BERTIE [sigh] Doctor Lo was not of the opinion that I have concussion, and gave me a …fragrant… poultice to apply while I sleep today.

DUKE Smelled to high heaven, all right.

BERTIE As to Duke’s bite, Doctor Lo says he has never seen a tooth pattern quite like it before. He made a very detailed sketch and said he’d check with a colleague. He also said—

SOUND UNFOLDS PAPER

BERTIE [ahem]  Quote “Wolfman is from Hollywood. Do not be foolish.” Unquote.

ROSE [chuckles]

MUSIC

SCENE 3. BLUE PINEAPPLE JAZZ BAR, DAYTIME

AMB EMPTY BAR

SOUND TIDYING, GLASSES STACKING

TANE [Whistling as he works – Aloha Oe – it’s public domain]

SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN, ZORION WALKS IN, BAREFOOT

TANE [calling offhandedly] Blue Pineapple not open, bruddah. Come back later— [cut off by]

SOUND ZORION DASHES ACROSS ROOM, OVER BAR

ZORION [noise of lunging, a bit growly] Hraaaar!

SOUND RUSTLE, GRAB, CHOKING TANE

TANE [gasping, choking, barely able to get out words] S-stop! What are you—!?

ZORION [snarled, up close]  The woman was here. Tell me where she went.

SOUND RUSTLE AS ZORION LETS UP A BIT

TANE [slightly eased, breathing harshly] Happy to help, pal, [coughs] plenty kine wahine here every night, right? What kine woman you looking for?

MUSIC

SCENE 4. OUTSIDE, DINING ON THE PATIO OF THE HOTEL

SOUND MILD CROWD NOISE

DUKE [grumpy] Easy fer you to make light, but you ain’t the ones gonna sprout hair and teeth and go rampaging round under the full moon, like some kind of kai-yote! [coyote]

MAC [dry humor]  We’ll be sure to put a leash on you tonight until we’re absolutely certain there’s no danger.

ROSE [trying not to laugh] Duke is a good name for a watchdog.

DUKE [huffs, but good naturedly] Hmph.

BERTIE If you’re through being facetious, Duke’s wound is still a serious puncture injury and Doctor Lo insisted it be kept clean, though he did allow western antiseptics, rather than his typical prescription.

MAC What would that be?

BERTIE [shrug] I chose not to ask.

MUSIC

SCENE 5. MOVIE SET, OSCAR’S TRAILER

SOUND PAPERS MOVING, BOOKS BEING SHIFTED – JOANETTE SEARCHES

SOUND DOOR OPENS

JOANETTE [gasp]

DARLENE [from the door] I thought I saw you come in here, Joanette. Did Oscar need something?

JOANETTE [lying badly] I – I thought I left … a.. thing… in here. But I guess I can’t find it! I’ll just go look in the cottage.

SOUND JOANETTE TAKES A COUPLE STEPS, BUT DARLENE BARS THE WAY

DARLENE [suspicious] I’ll help you find it. What are you missing?

JOANETTE Uh… uh… my script.

DARLENE Don’t be silly. The script girl keeps track of those.

JOANETTE Oh, not my nowscript, but my first old one.

DARLENE Oh, really?

JOANETTE [getting panicky] I-I made a note in it, and I can’t remember what it was.

DARLENE [biting sarcasm] Riiiight. You made a note.

JOANETTE [gasping and starting to cry]

SOUND JOANETTE RUNS OFF, CRYING

DARLENE Hmm. What was she looking for?

SOUND DOOR CLOSES QUIETLY

SOUND PAPERS MOVE AS DARLENE SEARCHES

MUSIC

SCENE 6. OUTSIDE, DINING ON THE PATIO OF THE HOTEL

SOUND MILD CROWD NOISE

MAC The way I see it, we have several lines of inquiry here, and I’m not sure if they all connect or not. The obvious first one is Oscar’s mystery letters. I can’t quite call them threatening, since they read more like poetry than danger.

ROSE I like this one: “Scarlet cheeks, mouth wide
A scream that none but death can hear
which never ends til lips go pale.

DUKE Threat or not, it shore gives me the creepy crawlies.

BERTIE Rather more like a description – indubitably morbid, but with no intention to it.

ROSE Could it be quoting something, like Edgar Allen Poe? He wrote poetry. Or maybe something more local?

MAC Note that to look into. Maybe you can ask Kal to see if there's some song or something that translates.

BERTIE From what you’ve said, Mac, Oscar assumes the notes and the thefts go together. Do you see it that way?

MAC We have nothing to go on, one way or the other, but my gut says there’s more going on here than meets the eye. Let’s take them separately, for now.

DUKE  Well, we know for darn sure there’s more jumping here than just poetry – you only haveta look at the size of Bertie's noggin.

MAC  [thinks] Has any more come back to you from what you heard while you were half conscious, Bertie?

BERTIE  I keep hearing "lay fleek," and I have this idea I know what it means, but it's all just muddy.

DUKE  Any chance it mighta been that Antoine character talking some French?

BERTIE  French? Of course!  I feel such a fool!

DUKE  Stop feeling fools and tell us, feller!

BERTIE  Les Flicks [lay fleek] - it's French street slang for the police.  That makes perfect sense!  What the man was saying, I think it was something about the police closing in!

DUKE  Well I sure hope they are! Then we can get back to regular lil ole bathing beauties and not famous ones who gotta behave.

MAC  [chuckles] You know you'd be bored in two days and be raring for a new adventure, Duke.

DUKE  [agreeing] Well...

MAC Anyway, we still have no idea who might have an interest in stealing film stock.

BERTIE  [musing] I do have an inkling about that, but I think I need to pursue it on my own for a bit. I'll make a few calls before I kip and see what turns up.

MAC  I'll leave that to you, then. But if you need to set foot outside the hotel, take Duke as backup.

DUKE I’ll stick to him like a tick on a turnip.

MAC [pause] And then there’s the wolf man.

MUSIC

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SOUND MUSIC TURNS DARK

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SOUND MUSIC BRIGHTENS

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SCENE 7. OUTSIDE, DINING ON THE PATIO OF THE HOTEL

SOUND MILD CROWD NOISE

BERTIE I say, Mac, do you really believe a wolf man is on the loose?

ROSE And my wolf girl – but that’s just between us. She was really worried about even telling me!

BERTIE That’s just it – are we to take this at face value and actually expect to see someone change into a beast under the full moon?

MAC You’re the one who keeps saying there are some very strange things in the world, Bertie. [seriously considering]  I think we can keep an open mind while still having both feet firmly on the ground. Whether they’re delusional, or have some exotic medical condition, or there’s something deeply supernatural going on, Rose’s cellmate certainly believesit’s real.

DUKE Say - if that lil ole filly from jail really is a wolf person, and she’s got some fella coming to court her, wouldn’t that maybe make him a wolf person, too?

BERTIE Theoretically logical, but that requires that you first believe she IS a wolf person; second, that you believe there’s a man coming after her; and third, that he might actually have made it all the way to Hawaii, instead of seeking her back in her home town – or even in Hollywood.

MAC We’ll get back to that once Sherman joins us.

ROSE [not thrilled] Oh boy.

MAC He has a story I want him to share with all of us, but I put him off until we could pool all our info.

DUKE Get on with it then, old hoss. Bertie and I need some bunk time before we go back on duty tonight.

BERTIE Right.

MAC All right, the next item is another … dubious, or rather mystical… one, but still one I’m not inclined to ignore.

ROSE Persia?

MAC [agreeing] Persia.

MUSIC

SCENE 8. MOVIE SET

SOUND DISTANT WARFARE, GUNS, PLANES, ETC.

SOUND CAMERA ROLLING UNDER AMBIENT NOISE, BUT SUBTLE

[NOTE: Both ladies are acting, and doing a good job of it. Joanette sounds much more put together when she’s speaking lines.]

JOANETTE [anguished] If only this was all a dream! [pathetic] Eddie, it’s time to get up, Eddie!

OLIVIA [compassionate] Let go of him, Sara. He’s… gone.

JOANETTE Nooo! [fervent] Please, God, don’t take him!

OLIVIA [a bit harsher] Sara! Wake up! There’s a dozen we can still save. But you must be strong!

JOANETTE [starting to cry] Oh, Flo - he asked me about heaven…

OLIVIA [relenting, nicer] And he’ll never forgive you if you don’t help keep the other children all firmly here on earth.

[a moment]

OSCAR [on megaphone] Cut! That was good, but let’s try it one more time. Reset the scene! [normal] Maisie? Do you have those green pages?

MAISIE  Right here, sir.

MUSIC

SCENE 9. OUTSIDE, DINING ON THE PATIO OF THE HOTEL

SOUND MILD CROWD NOISE

BERTIE Before we move too far away from the mystery notes, I had a thought. [sigh] Well, look at it this way – if these are threats, then there must be some sort of… point.

ROSE Like what?

BERTIE Assuming, for instance, that the sender means harm to Oscar, what is the goal? To warn him?  Frighten him?  Make him do something? Do they want money, or are they trying to make him pack up and leave? It’s most unclear.

MAC Hmm. I wonder what would happen if Oscar did leave.

BERTIE I rather assume they have a bit too much invested to simply shut up shop.

DUKE Whether Oscar vamooses or gets hisself killed, someone might have a chance to take over – and that spells motive to me, son.

MAC Good point – I’ll quiz Oscar soon as I check in with him.

ROSE Now… Persia?

MUSIC

SCENE 10. MOVIE SET

SOUND PEOPLE MOVING AROUND

OSCAR Ok, that’s a wrap for now. You were fabulous, Joanie, sweetie!

JOANETTE Really, Oscar? Oh good.

OSCAR You go get some rest. We need you back in two hours, got it?

JOANETTE You’ll send Wells, right?

OSCAR Of course.

MAISIE Green pages.

SOUND FLUTTER OF PAGES, THEN SHE BUSTLES OFF

OSCAR [grunt of acceptance]

OLIVIA Do you still need me, Oscar?

BUSTER Are we resetting again, sir?

OSCAR [to Buster, quiet and rushed] We’re doing scene 112 again. Get everyone on that. [to Olivia] I hate to do this to you, Olivia honey, but … You need to make the run off the pier again.

SOUND BUSTER LEAVES

OLIVIA What? I thought that yesterday—

OSCAR The film – was compromised. Unusable.

OLIVIA What happened?

OSCAR No time. Just get in your wet gear and report to the pier.

OLIVIA [working hard to sound pleasant] Whatever you need, Oscar.

MUSIC

SCENE 11. OUTSIDE, DINING ON THE PATIO OF THE HOTEL

SOUND MILD CROWD NOISE

DUKE “Mac must uncover the original” – but… original what?

MAC Persia didn’t have any more to say on that.

BERTIE Perhaps it means the original text the letters come from?

DUKE Or maybe the original wolf man?

BERTIE I almost forgot - there was something Joanette was trying to tell us – something about a name, or a writer or something. She was rather unclear.

DUKE [agreeing] Made as much sense as a jumping bean.

BERTIE And was interrupted before she could quite finish.

DUKE She sure enough didn’t want to say nothing in front of Oscar.

MAC I’ll see if I can get her alone and get some answers.

ROSE Maybe it would be easier for me to.

DUKE Gooood luck. She ain’t the brightest chicken in the coop.

ROSE I’m pretty sure some of that’s an act. She is an actress.

DUKE [muttered] Then she’s a better one than I ever expected.

SHERMAN [from a distance] Aloha! Permission to come aboard?

ROSE [muttered] He thinks he’s so funny.

MAC Sherman may have a piece of this puzzle. [up] Come on!

SOUND FEET APPROACH

SHERMAN [less brash than usual] Am I early? You said—

MAC Perfect timing. Have a seat.

SHERMAN Oh, um. I really should thank you, Duke, for coming to my aid last night. I – I – [gulps] I would never have been able to—

DUKE Just say thanks. Unless you want my autograph or sumpin.

BERTIE Sherman, Mac says you have some sort of information that might, uh, fill in some blanks for us?

SHERMAN I’m not sure how useful it is – but I guess, sort of. What I have is this.

SOUND SETS SOGGY BAG OF CLOTHES ON TABLE

ROSE If we open that, and it’s something dead, I will punch you.

MUSIC

MUSIC TO CLOSING

ANNOUNCER What does Bertie plan to look into on his own? And what has Sherman brought to contribute? Will Persia pop in again, or is she safely ensconced on the cruise ship Lorelei for the rest of the week? And most of all, what’s likely to happen to Duke when the next full moon rises?

END