DD 304 Ch 15 (Patreon)

The time with the analysts felt like I was a sponge constantly being dipped for water only to wrung out as firmly as possible by the two muscular Orkai. They were done with me leaving me little more than a completely worn out sponge, more wrung out than after the long nights Des and Crimson could put me through.

I had been asked and answered so many questions that my tongue and brain had begun to feel a certain dull numbness, like I was somehow getting stupider with every answer.

"Oh, what did you find?" The Orkai judge had switched up snacks several times and now had what looked like crackers with a cheesy jelly. It had a bite like sharp cheddar, but with a certain sweet heat to it that was an honestly novel and delicious flavor.

"Well, our current theory is that the Threadspawn have found several hives of dwarves. At least, that's what the data seems to suggest. Now, whether they're using them as easy hosts, or they've taken them over entirely, remains to be seen." One of the analysts stated cleanly while I wobbled in the chair.

They stared at me with a hunger in their eyes, like I could answer even more questions on top of the thousand-odd I'd already answered.

"I believe Ken needs a break. We cannot solve the dungeon’s problems in a single day, even with this little fountain of wisdom," the judge said, saving me with a chuckle. Both analysts bowed low to the powerful adventurer who currently didn't seem like much more than a doting old man.

"Well then, it seems the next course of action is to attempt to engage the dwarves to determine their locations and whether or not they're still in control of their own faculties." The judge drummed his fingers on his armrest. "The dwarves have remained very—" he hesitated, "—isolationist within the present dungeon. So that may be difficult."

"You mean they've refused to get along, or even cooperate?" I offered, and the judge gave me a grin that somehow didn't answer the question, though it made his feelings on the matter perfectly clear.

"There will always be those who do not choose what is in their best interests, even when it is clearly laid out for them. And for their failure to cooperate, it will most likely mean the unfortunate loss of life amongst their people, especially now that we understand the Threadspawn have decided they make ideal hosts." He stated.

I grimaced at his words. It sure sounded like a lot of dwarves were about to die. Then again, I had no reason to give them any sympathy. They had been nothing but difficult in every encounter I'd had so far.

"Either way," the judge continued, "we will clean up what is necessary and move forward. I will have to send quite a few arbiters out on this one. Ken, would you have any interest in resolving one of the locations yourself?" He tapped on the map, indicating a spot closest to Earth, as if it might be the one to catch my attention.

Honestly, that was as good a reason as any. But at the same time, I knew he was also simply looking for our cooperation. While I, as a representative of humanity, was working with him, he wanted to see more responsibility from the dungeon’s newest race to reach the lower levels.

"I'll make sure it gets handled," I said, watching the spot and etching it into my mind.

"Good," the old Orkai beamed. "It is always a pleasure to work cooperatively with another race." He said those words while vaguely scowling at all the indicators of dwarven hives I had marked on the map after the barrage of questions.

"Is there any chance we might retain your information, for future questions?" The two Orkai who had been questioning me until I was mentally ready to break smiled, as if I might very well be willing to cut out my own brain and give it to them if they asked nicely enough.

I hesitated and glanced at the arbiter out of the corner of my eye. He didn't seem to be reacting in the slightest, so I cleared my throat. "I'm going to take a break from answering questions. Perhaps after this we can discuss a form of compensation for another session like this." It wasn’t that I needed the mana crystals. I needed to put some value on my time or I had a feeling unrestrained access to me would not work in my favor.

"A shame," they both said in unison.

"Well, you heard him," the old Orkai sipped on his drink. "If he says no, then I expect the two of you will respect that answer. Otherwise, you will lose my respect." He stated the fact casually, taking a sip of his drink. However, the way they both froze with wide eyes made it perfectly clear there wasn't an ounce of wiggle room in that statement.

"Of course," they both said in a hurry to reassure him, though he didn't seem to notice, his attention far more on the food than anything happening in the room.

"Well then, we'll see you all later." I stood and ripped open a portal even as one of the analysts launched herself out of her seat to examine it from as close as she could get. Felin and Misha, for as much as they had appeared to be enjoying their stay, jumped through my portal with an urgency I hadn't expected.

"Phew," Misha said, taking a deep breath as we found ourselves on the other side and the portal closed without an Orkai coming through it. I shot her a glance; she was pulling at her clothing and fanning herself. "It felt like a lot of pressure back there. I don't know how you handle that so calmly."

I could only shrug. "Perhaps I've been put under a few too many tense situations in my lifetime, because that didn't seem like much to me." I refused to let a few questions wear me down.

***

It took us the better part of a week before we were able to relax after reaching the next floor of the dungeon, and I, out of sheer habit, cast [Eyes of Wisdom] to check whether we should still head down. That was when [Eyes of Wisdom] surprised me and pointed the way we had just come.

I sputtered and straightened up. Misha had been incredibly observant of me throughout the whole trip and gave me a curious glance.

"I think it's here… somewhere," I said, with more surprise than I should have shown, glancing around as if the solution might suddenly rear its head. The path this time instead of going along the floor's edge dove straight into the center.

"It's here?" Misha asked, sounding even more eager than myself.

"Well, it's not down on the next floor," I said, turning to her with eyes I knew were still glowing blue.

"Well then, we just have to find it, right?" She looked at both of us as if suddenly lost for what to do next.

"Yeah, we came here this entire time for it," I said, and then paused, squinting, because while we'd been looking for it on behalf of the bratty bard, for a moment I thought about not giving it to her and instead handing it to Misha. "Misha, would you want this one?"

"What? Oh, no, I couldn't. Harley's already paid for it." She answered.

Those words caused Felin and me to start laughing, and Misha turned to us, confused. "What's wrong?"

"Harley's not paying for this," I said. The idea of her doing so was, frankly, hilarious.

"You're giving her a trial ability out of the kindness of your heart?" Misha asked, with a look of awe I didn't want to ruin. But still, I shook my head.

"No. She used to be a member of our party, and we're simply helping her out. I don't think I'd go this far for just anyone. But a former party member?" I shrugged. "Yeah, I'm more than happy to help."

"Oh, yes, that makes absolute sense," Misha exclaimed, louder than she needed to with a flushed face and a deep expression.

"Harley's kind of the one we all love to hate, but we still love her?” I said, sounding a little confused myself.

"That's about right," Felin explained, tapping at her chin. "Do you have people you're incredibly annoyed by, yet oddly fond of? Even though they drive you up the wall, and you half wish many, many painful things upon them, you still help them?"

"Kind of sounds like a sibling," Misha said, and I waffled my head back and forth.

"It's not inaccurate," I said, thinking it over. "We've just been through enough together that we aren't about to leave her behind." I hoped I was making at least a little sense.

"So then, shouldn't she be here to get her prize?" Misha asked, pointing back the way we'd come. "Especially if it's on this floor."

"Yeah, she should come do some serious work," I said with a realization, glancing at Felin to do the honors. "I think you should go pry her out of whatever she's doing and drag her here."

"Happily," Felin said, with far too much excitement for what she was about to do.

Felin ripped open a portal back to Star City, where most people had places now for when they needed to crash in between training. Unfortunately, not everyone could simply portal home at a whim like my party could.

Misha turned back to me. "What now?"

"Well, we wait until Felin drags her back here." I told her.

"Just the two of us?" Misha asked.

I turned to her with a smirk. "Unless you've got someone else hiding here with us, yes, just the two of us." The smile she gave in return was infectious, and I found myself grinning right back at her.

"So, what do you and your people do for fun? You can't all just adventure all the time," I said, before realizing it was actually quite possible that they could stick to adventuring.

"Well, mostly games," Misha said. "Sometimes we have to pass the time, just like anyone else." She produced a bunch of octagonal chips the size of her palm, made of very thin wood, each marked with a simple symbol. "Do you dare play a game with me?"

"If you promise to go easy on me," I said, to which Misha gave me a giant grin.

"Absolutely not. What would be the point if I made it easy? Playing games is about learning to lose gracefully, after all." Somehow I doubted that was what she really felt. Based on the way she handled the chips, it was clear she knew exactly what she was doing, and that I was in for being hustled.

***

Felin came back with Harley what felt like ages later.

"Oh, thank God," I said quickly, "because I just lost another round. I’m fairly sure that Misha cheats," I said with absolute certainty, and the Whalewryn scoffed.

"Ken is a much worse loser than I expected," she said, running the chips back and forth between her hands, sliding them deftly between her fingers. She moved those far too well, even with my stats it was hard to track them.

The Nekorian turned and stared, fascinated by the motion.

"See? Do you trust hands that can move chips like that?" I said pointedly, only for Harley to mumble as she rubbed sleep out of her eyes. “Speak up.”

"Ken, I hope you didn't bring me here to talk about cards," she yawned. “A goddess like me needs lots of sleep to maintain this much charisma.”

I turned to Felin to see what she might have already told her, only for the Nekorian to shrug. "You told me to get her, not explain why I was taking her. If class is any indication, getting her to understand a concept is probably a task above my pay grade."

Harley rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and turned to Felin. "Did the kitty just call me stupid?"

"No, she would never do that," I oozed sarcasm.

Harley squinted. "I definitely feel like someone's making fun of me."

"Well, if that's the way you feel, who am I to tell you what's right or wrong?" I said quickly, trying to escape any responsibility. "But regardless, you should be excited! We've found what we think is going to be your trial ability."

Sleepy Harley disappeared in an instant, her eyes growing wide as she jumped on me. "Ken, I never doubted you for a second. When the others might say crap about you, I'd say ‘No. Ken will come through for you in the end.’ When people would say hateful things about you and your success while pointing out you were sleeping with the teacher, I always had your back.”

“Get off.” I pried her off. “I thought you didn’t like men.”

“I'm just overwhelmed that you'd actually come through for me. So, where is it?" Her head whipped back and forth.

"It's here, on this floor. We just need to find it again." I told her.

"Again?" Harley asked incredulously. "I thought you said it was here."

"It's on this dungeon floor," I clarified with a touch of heat in my voice, "which is a much narrower target than anyone else gets when trying to find their trial ability, especially this more elusive one."

"Okay, okay," she said quickly. "That just means it's here somewhere. Old Harley just has to, you know, find it. Like… under this rock!" She grabbed a rock and flipped it over, only for there to be nothing under it. "I could have sworn that was going to work," she said dejectedly. "Now where do I look?"

"Anywhere," I said hesitantly, already having a feeling it was going to be up to me. I activated [Eyes of Wisdom], and a line shot away. I pointed. "That way."

"Thanks, Ken!" Harley was all cheer as she skipped in the direction I'd pointed. She moved for about twenty feet before she paused, turned to me, and smiled, waiting for her next set of directions.

"Keep going. That way," I said, feeling the weight of this task settle even more firmly on my shoulders.

"Right, of course," Harley said, and kept moving. "So, if you were a mystical, magical quail capable of giving me immortality, where would you hide?" she asked, seemingly no one in particular.

"I don't know if it's immortality, Harley." I told her.

"I'll become immortal, Ken," she said in a hush.

"I don't think it's like… fully immortal. You just get one revive every so often." I turned to Misha to see if she knew more.

"I think the cooldown's like a week," Misha said, and Felin snickered.

"That means Crimson can kill her once a week." Felin's words caused Harley to do a slow turn, wide-eyed, before she started laughing nervously.

"Crimson wouldn't use my life-saving cooldown to, you know, take cheap shots.” Harley paused. “Would she?"

"No, never, Harley." I knew when to lie through my teeth.

"Oh, good." Harley patted her chest. "For a second, you really spooked me," she said. 

Felin, who then glanced at me askance. I shook my head.

"I mean, she might, once," I said to Harley, just so she wasn't too surprised when it eventually happened. It would undoubtedly occur to Crimson, though Crimson could have always killed Harley and revived her, and she hadn't done that yet, so perhaps she wouldn't take it that far even with the new opportunity.

"Maybe I don't want the quail anymore," Harley grumbled, stepping back away from the rest of our group and looking around as if the thing everyone had been hunting for might pop out of the bushes at her, if only she should be so lucky.

"Look, I don't think Crimson's going to use it as an excuse to repeatedly murder you," I said. 

Harley's eyes just continued to widen, and I clearly wasn't doing this any justice. "Ken, you don't know her like I do," Harley said. "She would love to repeatedly and gruesomely murder me. Especially if she won’t get in trouble for it. Heck she’s probably call it mental tempering or something if I try and bring in the Headmistress."

She was probably right, but I wasn't going to admit it.

"Crimson is just free with her affections," I said.

Harley gave me a look asking if I thought she was an idiot. And the truth was, she probably didn't want to know my actual answer to her question.

"Look, we went all this way to get it for you, Harley. I would appreciate it if you respected my time." I pointed again where the line was leading us.

"Maybe you can have it," she said quickly, "or you could bring someone else. Heck, you have your portal ability. You could maybe even sell it, like answers to a test. It would fetch a very good price." Harley continued stepping backward, looking around warily, only to not pay attention to where she was stepping and fumble backward, rolling over herself and into nearby bushes. As she did, a pristine white bird squawked and fluttered into the air from the bush she'd just knocked into.

"No!" Harley screamed. But it was too late. The squawking bird landed on her head, chirped, and dissolved into a waterfall of bright motes that sank into Harley.

"Maybe it didn't work," she said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"There is a way to test that," Felin offered, pulling her spear forward until it looked like she was about to skewer Harley.

"Felin, you're better than that," I scolded the Nekorian, shrugged like she wasn’t so sure of that.

"I'm not entirely sure I am. Just think how satisfying it would be." She bit her lip and leaned ever so slightly forward with the promise of killing Harley. However, Harley pulled up her CID and held it out.

"The answer is right here, you feral cat. I'm immortal now," she said like she was weeping. "The curse of immortality. I will forever be young and beautiful while you all grow old and decrepit! How many times must I die to satisfy Crimson's depravities?" She was crying before anything had even happened.

"Harley, it won't be that bad." I told her.

She peeked out between her fingers. "Really? You promise?"

"We both know there's no way, even if I promise, that I can stop Crimson from something like this." I deadpanned. Crimson was going to turn her into a red stain on the floor at least once. The week cooldown might work to Harley’s disadvantage because Crimson might get bored of it far slower.

"But you promised," she gasped.

"I have promised nothing, Harley, and I am not promising anything."

"So cold." Harley continued to pretend to cry.

"I will promise to talk to Crimson," I offered. "Whether or not that's successful in anything isn't up to me."

"Of course!" Harley perked up. "But just you offering means the world to me," she said, putting her hands behind her back. "Now I'm wildly curious about how this all works. Do you think there's a really unpainful way to die? And if it doesn't work, you will revive me, right?" Harley asked Felin.

"You trust her in this, but not everything else?" I asked.

"It's more that I trust her not to lie in front of you," Harley offered, "if that makes any sense."

"Honestly, that's pretty fair," Felin said, not at all offended. "I would definitely hate for you to think me a liar far more than I care what she thinks."

"Just like that?" I asked.

"Pretty much," Felin shrugged.

"Well, then in that case, you can consider her cooperative. But I still think we should get out of here before you try something. Besides, if you want to die with less pain, maybe go with poison?" I offered. "And not with us. I'm almost positive you could get the UG to sponsor some sort of treatment room. I mean they would absolutely love to observe whatever trial ability you've obtained."

Harley's eyes went wide. "Do you think they'd pay me to die?"

I tried not to roll my eyes. “Maybe?”

"I'm gonna try it," Harley grinned. "Just think about it! All I have to do is drink some laced drink, and then I get paid millions to die. Or I could become some sort of test subject for the UG."

"It would probably be pretty painful," I said, and she stared at me like I had just killed her dog.

"Why would you say that, Ken?"

"Because it probably would be. Dying is rarely easy" I pointed out.

"Yeah, but this is my dream. Don't piss on it," she said, and went back to musing.

The dream you literally just started a few moments ago?

"Well, if we're done, do you think we can head back?" Misha asked, hooking a thumb over her shoulder.

"Harley, you're welcome to come back with us," I offered. She was clearly lost in her own delusions for the moment, only to do a quick double take.

"Hey, wait! Where are you going? Wait for me!" she shouted, and rushed to catch up.