DD 304 Ch 16 (Patreon)

"You completed that faster than expected," Crimson said, doing a double takes as she walked into the house to see me sprawled on the couch eating some of her potato chips.

"Lovely to see you too, Crimson," I said, peeking out of the corner of my eye and playfully scowling at her while crunching one of the chips.

"Of course it's always lovely to see me," she laughed. "So, Harley is going to pass?"

"Yeah, she'll be fine," I waved her concern away.

"Oh, good," Crimson said in a rush. "The headmistress was beginning to threaten me, as if it's my fault if not everyone passes the ridiculous final exam that, I should remind you, she set."

I stared at Crimson and blinked. "I should have known better. There had to be a reason you actually asked me to help Harley."

"Well, duh. She's an absolute pain in my rear, but she's not worth a fight with Marlow." Crimson stated, slipping her hand into my bag of chips and claiming some for herself.

"Oh, does the headmistress actually bother you?" I teased, earning a dangerous scowl.

"Just because I can do whatever I want doesn't mean I should," Crimson said, in a rare moment of wisdom. "I too want to live a cozy life most days."

"And here I could have sworn you thrived on chaos." I teased her.

"Oh, I do." Crimson grinned, with a wistful look off into the distance. "Now, I believe Des is going to kill me if I don't let you know she's looking for you. And Heather has been looking for you as well." Crimson gave me a look of warning. "Just because you're a super stud muffin now doesn't mean you get a pass with the Harem Queen. Remember that." She pointed at her eyes, then back at me.

"Ew, she's like my mother's age," I said, as brattily as possible, mostly because I knew it would make Crimson very happy. Crimson was older than me, but well within big-sister range. The Harem Queen was legitimately older than my mother, if only by a few years.

"Who first? Des or the Harem Queen?" I asked.

"I suspect once Des gets her claws into you, you're not going to get free for a while," Crimson said, with a thoughtful expression. "So maybe the Harem Queen first. Make sure to turn her down as brutally as possible."

"Well, Misha and Felin did great," I offered. "Just a thought, but I'd like to help Misha find one of the trial monsters as well." I posed it as a question, but that was mostly just me being polite.

"Sure," Crimson said with a shrug. "No skin off my back."

"Thank you," I said sincerely, and Crimson blushed deep enough that I wondered if I'd said something wrong.

"No need for that sort of thing between the two of us, Ken," she said, sounding at least moderately offended. "And besides,  Misha's probably going to join the harem anyway, isn't she?" She asked the question so casually that I nearly choked.

"Yes," I said. "Of course, if she agrees, and all of that."

"Oh, she'll agree. Don't worry about that." Crimson waved away my comment.

If there had been anything in my mouth, it certainly would have gone flying.

***

Following Crimson's advice, I messaged the Harem Queen and got a very eager, and rather cryptic, reply. Not really having the time or energy to deal with figuring out what she was saying, I ripped open a portal to go where she had asked me to meet her.

Apparently the woman was in France, and thanks to that PR tour, I had a lengthy list of places I could portal to, including Paris.

Stepping out of the portal, I found myself face to face with the Harem Queen wearing sunglasses and a scarf that was very conspicuous for so late in the spring. But most of the people around the cafe were wearing all manner of clothing, I assumed in the name of fashion, so she didn't stick out nearly as badly as she might have elsewhere.

"Have you been to the Eiffel Tower?" Heather asked me as I sat down, and she motioned for the waiter to come over. "Cappuccino for my guest, please."

"Of course," the waiter replied in a tone that indicated he had a stick up his rear.

"I love the French," the Harem Queen laughed. "Even when you're famous, they still treat you like garbage. It’s refreshing really."

"They don't treat you that bad, do they?" I asked.

"Well, not the ones who realize I can help them make a lot of money. Those ones suck up to me worse than even some of my simpier husbands." She let out a fond sigh.

"If we're here to talk about your love life, I'm afraid I'm going to need to find somewhere else to be." I shifted like I was going to soon stand from my seat.

She wagged a finger at me. "Your grandfather told me you used to have a poster of me in your room." The Harem Queen grinned.

"I'm sure most teenage boys did," I admitted. "Fond dreams are one thing, but I know that realistically, we would never work."

The Harem Queen clutched at her chest as if I'd just stabbed her in the heart. "Alas, I understand my chance with you is likely past. However, like most mothers, I still wish to live vicariously through my child." Her voice lifted at the end in question as a small smile slid across her face. "How have you and Helen been recently?"

"Honestly, I haven't thought of your daughter much lately." I told her honestly, with a deadpan.

The Harem Queen paused mid-drink, and a victorious smirk slid off her face. "You mean you haven't recently gotten incubus powers that she's helping you handle?"

"No." I was unsure exactly how to answer that question in anything except blunt honesty. “I do have new demonic abilities. That part is true.”

The Harem Queen put down her drink and rubbed at her temples. She was beautiful in a way any man could admit, but she also had husbands numbering in the triple digits, and I wasn't particularly interested in that much competition. I recognized the hypocrisy of that fact, but it did not change how I felt.

The Harem Queen continued rubbing her temples for a second. "So you have new abilities, but my daughter is not helping you with them. Is there a future in which that's going to happen?"

I looked at her, seriously thought about lying to help Helen, then reminded myself she'd likely not even appreciate it. "I doubt it."

The waitress came back and placed a cappuccino in front of me.

"I feel like an idiot," the Harem Queen sat up and said, practically proclaiming it to the entire cafe. I half expected the crowd to grow quiet, but everyone seemed content in their own conversations. "So, what do I need to do to make my daughter's apparent delusions a reality?" She leaned forward, trying to place her hand on mine, only for me to slide my hand carefully out of the way.

"I think we've had this conversation before, and it's between me and her." I answered.

"Yes, but she clearly needs help," the Harem Queen said, meeting my eyes with a look that could break a lesser man’s resolve.

I gave her the kind of smile I hoped reinforced my message of ‘that's between me and her.’

"You know, I had thought this conversation was going to go much differently. I'd even prepared a gift for you." She told me.

"Sorry it didn't go how you expected."

"Obviously, that's not your fault," she emphasized, leaning back dejectedly. "I hope you know I'm going to kill her for this." The Harem Queen scowled into her coffee. "Well, now that I've made a fool of myself, I'm just going to try to treat this like any other meal, catching up with a contemporary," she said, through a pained smile. "How have things been? Are you all still chasing after your trial abilities?"

"My party's pretty much done," I said, taking a drink and looking out into the middle distance and thinking about everybody’s progress. Felin and Charlotte had theirs. Penny had surprised us and gone after Limit Break, and Fayeth had gone and gotten Absolute Reflect. Des had her own plan for after she finished her transformation. Now I just needed to help Misha and continue giving the oh-so-stubborn Elysara opportunities. Selene and the rest of the class had their own opportunities. My mind flitted to adding Selene to the list as well. It seemed as my love life got busier, so too did many other things.

Thinking of Selene, I realized I needed to go check on her and give her some attention, not to mention see if her stats had successfully incubated. We didn't know exactly how long that would take yet, but now was as good a time as any to check.

"Is Helen going to get her trial ability soon?" I asked, realizing the conversation had lulled while I was lost in thought, and the Harem Queen was simply watching me.

"Hopefully." Heather circled the rim of her glass with her finger, absentmindedly. "Helen has her mind set on Absolute Reflect. I think it's valuable enough," she waffled her head back and forth, clearly not entirely believing her own words.

"Isn't that what you picked?" I asked.

"Yes, but that only gives me a better perspective to see its flaws. For all its hype, I will say… against other adventurers, it loses out significantly." She told me.

"Don't you typically take the front line, with your harem behind you?"

"Yes, which makes it a wonderful trial ability for me," she clarified with a big smile. "If I'm using all of their strength and buffs to tank the boss, well, then I can soak up quite a bit and reflect it back. Against monsters, it's an incredible ability," she emphasized without holding back. “But I do find, pushing myself deeper, that I'm encountering more and more conflict with other people in the dungeon."

"Do you need any help?" I asked.

"Huh?" She looked up at me. "Oh, no, I can handle myself just fine," she said quickly. "But it's only natural for a mother to worry about her daughter, especially one as boneheaded as my particular daughter."

I chuckled, only for the Harem Queen to pause and glance at me askance, as if wondering what had brought that on. There was a small twinge of hope still in her eyes.

"Nothing. Your daughter can be a little independent," I said diplomatically.

"Oh, believe me," she said, with a heavy eye roll of her own, "I am well aware of my daughter's… " she hesitated, “untamed nature." She made the statement with as much diplomatic poise as she could manage, and even that barely helped.

I smiled as the waiter came back with my drink, letting the conversation lull for a moment while I sipped on my coffee.

***

Before I went off to see Des, I had one more stop to make. While I was anxious to get to her, I had told the Orkai we would move on the various dwarven floors that seemed to have been the Threadspawn's most recent breeding grounds, and I did not want to upset the Orkai.

So I found myself in front of Sandra, the new assistant the president of the UG had assigned me, in hopes that I could use her assistance, even if that meant that I was indulging in the president’s plan. Thankfully I doubted he’d still be in his role here shortly.

"Ken." The attractive, yet strict-looking woman peeled off a pair of glasses I was fairly certain were smart glasses of some sort, rather than anything for correcting eyesight.

"Well, here I am." I gestured at myself. "Hopefully Scaredy Cat doesn't give you too much trouble if I use your services, as he's asked."

"Oh, he won’t mind. Especially since President Amatto has taken over and he’s been put under review. Which means as his most recent hire I need to prove myself." She certainly looked quite excited that I'd come to make use of her services.

"I just finished having a conversation with Orkai arbiters," I started. "We've been tracking the Threadspawn that recently attacked Earth."

"I was unaware of this," she watched me.

"It wasn't really something I intended to do on purpose. However, I hope you understand that cooperating with the Orkai on this was a way to make it far easier than it otherwise would have been."

"Yes, and so, with their cooperation, are they asking something from the United Guilds?” She was quick to catch on.

"Yes and no. While tracking them, it seems they've stopped at multiple areas we believe contain dwarven hives.” I still wasn't entirely sure what to call their particular population centers, but hive fit. “They offered to take out all but one of the locations, leaving that one to us. They probably could, in theory, solve a large amount of the problem without fuss. However, I do think they would be particularly disappointed in our commitment to help if we didn’t clean up at least one; it would make us poor allies.”

“And so, the expectation is that we, the UG, fund a trip to deal with at least one of these dwarven hives," her voice went up at the end, seemingly unsure of the correct terminology.

"Hive works," I said.

She nodded and made several notes. "A request has been noted, and while I believe Scaredy Cat," she said the name with a small smirk, "will be willing to participate in this raid, if nothing else, I think he'll appreciate the opportunity to look good in front of the new president. Amatto instructed me to give you the UGs full support. Do you know anything about this hive that we'll be launching an assault on?"

"They gave us the one closest to Earth." I told her and pulled up a map with my CID to show where. “But I haven’t done any scouting.”

She nodded thoughtfully. "That will give us substantial reason to act, and to get the rest of the guilds active. If we're taking out a potential problem for humanity, it's good press for all of them."

I paused, feeling like I should do more. "I will speak to the Harem Queen, the Verdant Guild, as well as the Renards."

She paused and made several notes. "We will appreciate your support, then. I believe you very likely have stronger ties there than I do. Now, is there anything else I can do for you, Ken? It seems my day has just gotten far busier."

I fought back the urge to apologize for making her day harder, and shook my head. "No, I think their operation will occur in six days, so we have that time to get everyone ready, and I'll make sure we have a portal available when the time comes."

"The UG will do its best to support your efforts, both as a member of humanity and as the majority owner of the UG. Though, I'm sure there will be several questions as to loot." As she said that, my expression fell, and she gave me a helpless shrug. "These are contract terms that will be brought up, even if they're distasteful. It's simply what people will expect in return."

I grimaced and stared at her, hating what I was about to ask. "What would your recommendation be?"

"The simplest would be to spread out the groups and give them looting rights for their particular area. That will help keep them in line, as well as solve most of the issues before they start." She offered.

I nodded. "Draft it up however the contract needs to be written," I said, needing to get the bad taste out of my mouth.

"And then, once I'm done with this contract, I have a few others I'd like to go over with you," she said with a smile, clearly having saved that fact for the end of the conversation. "There are a number of UG related items I've been asked to get your opinions on before we move forward."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and nodded. "Would you be able to summarize them for me?"

"Of course," she said, and pulled out a one page summary she'd clearly prepared in advance. "Now, if you don't mind, this would probably be easier if you sat down."

The smile on her face was sweet. Yet, as far as I was concerned, lawyers were pretty much vampires, by the way they were able to drain my energy. I understood Crimson's reluctance to deal with them so much better now.