Grrl Power #1371 - People aren't wearing enough astro-hats (Patreon)

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"General Faulk, I cannot believe you risked America's two most important defense assets on bloodsports and gambling! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"What I have is access to a space ship. Do you have a space ship, Senator?"

"Well, we can rent one from private industry..."

"Can it travel 3,500 light years in two days?"

"Not... currently..."

"Two, holla holla, I got some space dolla!" (<--Paraphrased, as this something Faulk would never say.)

"I see. And... what can we purchase with this 'space dolla'?"

"Some magic space thing that will make your constituents happy enough to keep re-electing you until you are able to bleed the system dry and retire an incontinent, withered old husk. Like a space-sampo or... I don't know. Space racism."

"Here is your medal, Faulk."

Aaand scene. 

BTW, a "sampo" is something that might only exist in one movie done by MST3K, called "The Day the Earth Froze." It's one of those Russo-Finnish films (the original title is "Сампо," apparently pronounced "SAM-po") where some witch kidnaps a girl, and the "hero" and his blacksmith buddy who is the girl's... brother (?) sail off to rescue her. The hero basically does nothing, whereas the blacksmith makes a (living) horse that the hero rides around and clears some field of snakes, then the blacksmith, at the witches request, makes a sampo, which is a magic thing that makes gold and wheat, as I recall. Which is an odd combo for a magic item, but presumably the story was maybe from a legend originating from poor Russian peasants, or was made to entertain poor Russian peasants, and while most people would be fine with a thing that just spit out gold, a poor Russian peasant might almost be more interested in the wheat. 

I'm not sure it ever was a proper Russian fairy tale, as if you google it, I think the first thing that comes up is the MST3K episode. So maybe it was just invented for that movie. But I thought I'd reference it in the above dialog, so the few people who get it before reading all this will feel special.