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Assassin Chef (Patreon)

Published:
2018-08-18 18:03:58
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

Natani and Keith cooking, suggested by OnlyHereForTheRule!

Alternate ending:

Files

Comments

Tomtom

Well, at least Natani's good at something.

Viktor

The cake is alive, just like The cake is a lie. (Portal)

WereKeidran

Being able to cook is a good skill for an assassin, you can post as a chef and poison your target

Wolf guy

Alternate ending: Shotgun

Benjamin Juang (edited)

Comment edits

2026-10-08 12:00 Ahh! It's the cake from SMRPG! <3
2018-08-18 18:16 Ahh! It's the cake from SMRPG! <3

Ahh! It's the cake from SMRPG! <3

RumailXXIII

... I'mma need to see Eric as Booster and Maddie as Peach now, at the wedding, with this cake. No idea who else should be who, except the obvious Clovis as Bowser.

Ascdren

ah, the all powerful fondant

Fennex

Exactly my thought. Being a chef is a good cover, and honestly I'd love to see Natani become a chef once he and Keith settle down

Jackrabbit (edited)

Comment edits

2026-10-08 12:00 Ok, it seems that Nat is on the list too... Here's something about foods and cooking we need to emphasize here: &lt;1&gt;. Never let Raine cook.&lt;2&gt;. Never let Flora deliver the cake or trick others with mistletoe &lt;3&gt;. Never let Trace enter the kitchen!
2018-08-18 18:32 Ok, it seems that Nat is on the list too... Here's something about foods and cooking we need to emphasize here: <1>. Never let Raine cook.<2>. Never let Flora deliver the cake or trick others with mistletoe <3>. Never let Trace enter the kitchen!

Ok, it seems that Nat is on the list too... Here's something about foods and cooking we need to emphasize here: <1>. Never let Raine cook.<2>. Never let Flora deliver the cake or trick others with mistletoe <3>. Never let Trace enter the kitchen!

Anonymous

So she made a cake and we're happy to say that by all appearance it's still alive And when they're home It'll be still alive When the keidrans come it'll be still alive And when Neutrality comes it'll be still alive still alive still alive

JsTheWolf

i thought keidran liked fresh food

FurrySunny

Can someone hand me a fork? I challenge that cake. IN THE NAME OF MEANINGLESS GLUTTONY!

DarthKeidran (edited)

Comment edits

2026-10-08 12:00 <b>STORY-COMMENT™</b> Keith: &lt;“How so?”&gt; Natani: &lt;“So… Clovis hired, or rather ordered, Zen and I to assassinate a rival Assassin Lord and… Since I didn’t know how to cook, and that poison seemed like the only way to do it. He made me take cooking classes.”&gt; Keith: &lt;“Well that can’t be too bad.”&gt; Natani: &lt;“It wasn’t bad, it was terrible. He was always demanding me to practice by making meals for him or he’d expose my secret.”&gt; Keith: &lt;“If it was that bad why didn’t you off him when you brought him a meal sometime?”&gt; Natani: 🤯 Zen (Mindscape): “Natani, Natani are you there?” Youngtani (Mindscape): “Duck!!! It’s Like a war zone here after Keith suggested we could have offed Clovis the same way you tried offing that Tiger Cheiftain.” Zen: “You mean the one who choked to death on the appetizer before we even gave him the main course?” 🤯 Youngtani: “Get me out of here!!!” <b>DarthKeidran ALT-COMMENT™</b> GLaDOS (to <a href="https://www.patreon.com/posts/portal-kat-8584501">Portal Kat</a>): “Would You Like A Piece Of Delicious Cake?” Kat: *Nods Head* GLaDOS: “Complete The Tests And You Will Get Your Piece Of Delicious Cake.” Kat: *Completes a Test* GLaDOS: “The Enrichment Center Is Experiencing An Unexpected Change. We Are Sorry To Inform You That <u>The Cake Is A Live</u>. Try Not To Die.” Super Mario RPG Cake Monster: *Busts through a wall chasing after Keith and Natani, Falling into an acid pit* GLaDOS: “I see you have defeated the Cake Monster, Congratulations. I Regret To Inform You, You Have Now Made The Cake A Lie… I Had To Fire The Cooks For Making Such A Monstrosity… With A Turret. <u>Meanwhile:</u> Keith: &lt;“Phew! That Was Close!!!”&gt; Natani: &lt;“Remind me to never take a cooking assassination job ever again!”&gt; Youngtani: “But all our hard work.” 😭
2018-08-18 19:07 <b>STORY-COMMENT™</b> Keith: <“How so?”> Natani: <“So… Clovis hired, or rather ordered, Zen and I to assassinate a rival Assassin Lord and… Since I didn’t know how to cook, and that poison seemed like the only way to do it. He made me take cooking classes.”> Keith: <“Well that can’t be too bad.”> Natani: <“It wasn’t bad, it was terrible. He was always demanding me to practice by making meals for him or he’d expose my secret.”> Keith: <“If it was that bad why didn’t you off him when you brought him a meal sometime?”> Natani: 🤯 Zen (Mindscape): “Natani, Natani are you there?” Youngtani (Mindscape): “Duck!!! It’s Like a war zone here after Keith suggested we could have offed Clovis the same way you tried offing that Tiger Cheiftain.” Zen: “You mean the one who choked to death on the appetizer before we even gave him the main course?” 🤯 Youngtani: “Get me out of here!!!” <b>DarthKeidran ALT-COMMENT™</b> GLaDOS (to <a href="https://www.patreon.com/posts/portal-kat-8584501">Portal Kat</a>): “Would You Like A Piece Of Delicious Cake?” Kat: *Nods Head* GLaDOS: “Complete The Tests And You Will Get Your Piece Of Delicious Cake.” Kat: *Completes a Test* GLaDOS: “The Enrichment Center Is Experiencing An Unexpected Change. We Are Sorry To Inform You That <u>The Cake Is A Live</u>. Try Not To Die.” Super Mario RPG Cake Monster: *Busts through a wall chasing after Keith and Natani, Falling into an acid pit* GLaDOS: “I see you have defeated the Cake Monster, Congratulations. I Regret To Inform You, You Have Now Made The Cake A Lie… I Had To Fire The Cooks For Making Such A Monstrosity… With A Turret. <u>Meanwhile:</u> Keith: <“Phew! That Was Close!!!”> Natani: <“Remind me to never take a cooking assassination job ever again!”> Youngtani: “But all our hard work.” 😭

<b>STORY-COMMENT™</b> Keith: <“How so?”> Natani: <“So… Clovis hired, or rather ordered, Zen and I to assassinate a rival Assassin Lord and… Since I didn’t know how to cook, and that poison seemed like the only way to do it. He made me take cooking classes.”> Keith: <“Well that can’t be too bad.”> Natani: <“It wasn’t bad, it was terrible. He was always demanding me to practice by making meals for him or he’d expose my secret.”> Keith: <“If it was that bad why didn’t you off him when you brought him a meal sometime?”> Natani: 🤯 Zen (Mindscape): “Natani, Natani are you there?” Youngtani (Mindscape): “Duck!!! It’s Like a war zone here after Keith suggested we could have offed Clovis the same way you tried offing that Tiger Cheiftain.” Zen: “You mean the one who choked to death on the appetizer before we even gave him the main course?” 🤯 Youngtani: “Get me out of here!!!” <b>DarthKeidran ALT-COMMENT™</b> GLaDOS (to <a href="https://www.patreon.com/posts/portal-kat-8584501">Portal Kat</a>): “Would You Like A Piece Of Delicious Cake?” Kat: *Nods Head* GLaDOS: “Complete The Tests And You Will Get Your Piece Of Delicious Cake.” Kat: *Completes a Test* GLaDOS: “The Enrichment Center Is Experiencing An Unexpected Change. We Are Sorry To Inform You That <u>The Cake Is A Live</u>. Try Not To Die.” Super Mario RPG Cake Monster: *Busts through a wall chasing after Keith and Natani, Falling into an acid pit* GLaDOS: “I see you have defeated the Cake Monster, Congratulations. I Regret To Inform You, You Have Now Made The Cake A Lie… I Had To Fire The Cooks For Making Such A Monstrosity… With A Turret. <u>Meanwhile:</u> Keith: <“Phew! That Was Close!!!”> Natani: <“Remind me to never take a cooking assassination job ever again!”> Youngtani: “But all our hard work.” 😭

Muddypaws

Cooking for her man,.., Er... Basitin.

DarthKeidran

🎶“Anyway this cake is great, It’s so delicious and moist! Look at me still talking when there’s science to do, when I look up there it makes me GLaD I’m not you! I’ve experiments to run, there is research to be done, on the people who are still alive…🎵

DarthKeidran

I’m jealous because that meal looks so food right now.

Ordithus

Heh, Natani is shy about his greatest skill. For a gender-confused assassin, Natani sure acts cute.

DarthKeidran

Tell me about it. If I could cook like that I could rule the galaxy.

Khanaar

Fahn Daunt! *pretentious accent*

Celes Valkea

Ohgods, the cake from SMRPG!

Gray Scribe

That looks much better than Kitsune Sura's cooking. But then her motto is: "I can cook anything with legs. When they stop moving, it's done."

Spartan277

She'd be a perfect fit for Monster Hunter, Kill em and Grill em.

RagnaBlade

Why does the alternate ending remind me of a boss from Mario RPG?

Torbjörn Larsson

It *is* cute, but I take it Natani has solved his gender confusion. Still mind split though... "[Youngtani] Hey, when did I learn to cook!?" "[Adultani] You never did ... I learned it in Poison 101."

Keith Keiser

Too much fondant, more like whoops I spilled a bottle o magic in that thing!

David

Now I'm hungry! ;3;

Kaija

Excuse me, I may be a little bit deficient in my english today, but "why didn’t you off him when you brought him a meal sometime" means "Why didn't [Try to poison] him"?

DarthKeidran

<b>@Trainki Ruusian</b> You would be correct there. Try to poison Clovis the same way Clovis wanted them to poison their target.

DarthKeidran

Because, it should… x’D³

DarthKeidran

🎵“Do you like my fork, fork, fork. My diamond fork, fork. That you cannot afford, ford, for my diamond fork, fork. Even if you could, could, I’ll lend it to you!🎶 (shocking twist to a tobuscus song, I know)

Capt Jack

like the iron chef but better

SCD

She learn how too cook after watching Emeril on the Food Network.

SCD (edited)

Comment edits

2026-10-08 12:00 Don't worry Keith &amp; Natani, Mario &amp; his friends will beat up the cake and then Booster will eat it for you.
2018-08-19 01:54 Don't worry Keith & Natani, Mario & his friends will beat up the cake and then Booster will eat it for you.

Don't worry Keith & Natani, Mario & his friends will beat up the cake and then Booster will eat it for you.

Shadowkey392

I declare this comment an EPIC WIN.

Shadowkey392

You know...like basic survival skills...

Michael Vey

Hey Tom, where do you keep the knives in a sketch? I'll split the cake evenly, don't worry(And by evenly I mean half to me and half to everyone else.) XP

Emilia

My suggestion got chosen and it's adorable!

SCD

Good choice, I like it. Especially Super Mario RPG is one of my favorite SNES games.

RagnaBlade

That boss was weird. and came out of nowhere.

DarthKeidran

<b>@Shadowkey392</b> Thank you! This <b>STORY-COMMENT™</b> brought to you by Tom Fischbach’s Sketches triggering my creativity.

DarthKeidran

Didnt notice that typo until now. It still works though.

DarthKeidran

Same. I’m GLaD it became two sketches.

Sunfish43 (edited)

Comment edits

2026-10-08 12:00 Keith and Natani being cute with one another = &lt;3 &lt;3 &lt;3 Mario RPG reference with Twokinds characters = as much hearts.
2018-08-19 03:52 Keith and Natani being cute with one another = <3 <3 <3 Mario RPG reference with Twokinds characters = as much hearts.

Keith and Natani being cute with one another = <3 <3 <3 Mario RPG reference with Twokinds characters = as much hearts.

Supreme Leader Porg

Cake- Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You iced my father, prepare to die.

PBaks

I'm jealous too ,because she even has someone to cook for.

Supreme Leader Porg

@Darthkeidran join us, come to the dark sod with cookies, and we will rule the galaxy as chef and uhh... yeah just a chef. Totally no evil empire stuff or anything like that

Supreme Leader Porg

Did you say split evenly? <i> Soviet national anthem plays</i> I didn’t know the Jedi were Russian spies! Lol

Panther

Natani's words : "- You pick up some things" ............. I wonder now where the meat comes from ? ^_^"

Kirien Fost

Always love to see this two! ^w^

Kaija

thank you! X3

Michael Vey

No no no, you got it all wrong, I eat a lot and I want leftovers. XD

McClaw

How are you going to get the target to ingest the poison if the bait isn't appealing?

DarthKeidran

<b>@Trainki Ruusian</b> Essentially, if someone says they “Want to <u>off</u> that guy” it means they “Want to <u>kill</u> that guy”. The means isn’t necessarily poison, but that was contextually correct for the comment.

Supreme Leader Porg

<i>Soviet national anthem stops</i> <br>Did you say eat a lot? Oh ok in that case yup your defenitely not a Soviet Russian spy. Lol

DarthKeidran

The Scout Law is always followed by “and always hungry”

Shadowkey392

THE CAKE IS A LIE! I-I mean ALIVE! THE CAKE IS ALIVE!

Argonwolf

He probably gets his ass kicked, then drools over Saitama watching him do all the dirty work.

Argonwolf

OH! She learned how to cook to poison people... my mind went in a very different, cannibalistic direction with the whole association between assassination and making food. Thank you for putting me at ease.

McClaw

If the idea of poisoning people puts you at ease, please don't invite me to anything where food is served. :P

Ash

Cute!

jared alan bevers (edited)

Comment edits

2026-10-08 12:00 omg the perfect mate&gt;/////&lt;
2019-06-29 13:59 omg the perfect mate>/////<

omg the perfect mate>/////<