Third Eye Volume 1 Draft 4 Download (Patreon)

There's a new version of volume one available now! Not too many major changes to the story, so don't expect any sweeping changes to how things progress. This draft was focused on making character and story beats more consistent and making ideas easier to understand.

Also, a lot of grammatical and errors and strange wordings were fixed. Like a lot. frankly, I'm embarrassed I didn't look that mess over earlier, and I apologize for anyone who had a rough time reading the third draft over. This new version should be more accessible to anyone with eyes.

If you're interested, here's a brief list of some of the things changed.

• The intro was made less abrasive. It is now way less "this isn't yer dad's book about fuck-demons, kid." It's more understanding that a lot of your parents were trying their best when they forced you to take five bites of your dinner before letting you go play on the Nintendo.
• Dialogue that had multiple paragraphs or were broken up by indentation were either fused into one paragraph, or had the double space removed. This is a solution to some feedback I  received regarding dialogue being hard to attribute to its speaker when three or more characters were in a conversation. Not sure if this makes it easier or harder to read, so I'll let the readers decide with any feedback.
• Several parts were changed with a new direction that still leads to the same result. Most of these were due to motivations and events that happened in earlier drafts that were removed and didn't make sense in the current draft.
• Elenore's title was changed to "Ebon Empress," because I started writing this book before I stated playing Destiny 2.

Now here are some things I'm considering changing and would like your feedback on, whether you've read this version or the third draft

The video game sections might need to be less story heavy
Based on some feedback and my own feelings on it, I'm considering removing certain story parts of the game. I think there's far too much detail for something that happens once in the story. Things like the in-game characters and certain events would stay, but the amount of dust on the curtains of Castle Badfortress don't have too much meaning to the rest of the book. Finding the right level of that is something I'm going to have to consider though.

In chapter 13, there are asides that go into detail about the Bobcats, but if you're not me and know what I have in mind for formatting when art and later elements are added, they just seem like I took a moment out of the chapter to shit on those guys. Which, to be fair, I totally am, and might be something to consider changing.
Something I'm considering is adding placeholder images or putting them in a different font so you know they're asides, like the ones after chapter 2 and 6. (although that second one is after 7 in this draft) I'd probably do the same for those asides as well, and maybe the intro for consistency. Then again, I could just remove the ones in chapter 13 and save them for the ends of other books when they're more relevant.

That's about it, I think. If you haven't finished, or started the book, I'd suggest you use this version. Also, thanks again for supporting the book. Have I already said y'all're real ones? If not, you should know that you is.