"All right," (Patreon)

your hostess says as she stretches languorously and opens the book. "We're back for part two of 'How Adler Saved Kringlemas' by Typeandkey with editorial desecration by Tegerio. Quite the writing duo, I must say! This has subverted all my expectations so far, and that's surely the mark of fine literature! Let's proceed."

...

Adler’s jaw dropped and his eyeballs popped;

A skunk-shaped snowman with a mind that stopped.

“Me? Drive your sleigh? Deliver all the toys?

I'm not fit to render Yuletide joys!”

The Kringle coughed, a sound like cracking ice,

“I’ve watched you, Adler; seen you turning Nice.

Last year you earned the Wiener Whistle’s toot.

The question of your Seelieness is moot.”

Yet still the skunk’s tail bristled, black and white,

“You’re every elf’s sworn foe! We hide in fright!

Besides, if I refuse, I'll be in chains

And sentenced to make doll-parts and toy trains!”

Kathy-Slough Drew stepped near, her eyes a-mist,

“Please, Adler, think of children getting this:

No gifts, no dawn of wonder—just despair.”

He snorted. “You’re the one who dragged me there

Two years ago to glue wings on a doll—

You’ve got some nerve to ask me now at all!”

The Kringle raised a trembling, mittened hand:

“Forgive her, lad. She followed my command.

I snatch up elves to teach a simple truth—

That pride and cruelty steal the heart of youth.

You’re not above the lowfolk, nor we are;

A little kindness travels keenly far.

And yes (don’t take this wrong), your kind’s renowned

For being, well… colossal jerks around

The lowfolk race. My Naughty List just grows

Because most elves can’t find their humble toes.”

Adler stared at the quilted counterpane,

Then shrugged, one paw upon his snowy mane.

“Fine. ‘Tis the season, I suppose,” he sighed,

And Kathy hugged him till he nearly died.

“I’ve not a clue how any of this works!”

He squeaked. “The magic? Reindeer? Chimney quirks?”

“Relax,” she grinned, “I’ll navigate the flight—

You just look jolly and try not to bite.”

They dressed him in the classic coat of red,

White trim, black boots, and hat upon his head.

He waddled to the loading dock, abashed,

While shackled elves (his subjects) glared and gnashed.

They hefted presents, grumbling through their chains;

He tried to shrug aside their cold disdain.

Kathy leapt aboard the sleigh with glee,

Grabbed tight the reins and shouted joyously:

“Now, Dasher! Dancer! Prancer! Vixen! Go!

On, Comet! Cupid! Donner! Blitzen—ho!

And Rudolph too, red beacon of the night—

To porch-tops, roof-tops, dash away in flight!”

The reindeer lunged; the runners kissed the stars;

The sleigh shot skyward, leaving Frostheim’s bars.

Adler clung tight; his eyes were all agleam.

“I never thought I’d captain Kringle’s team…”

A sudden thought then crossed his crafty mind:

“Say, Kathy, what of Lana Lynne? Unfind-

Able since last year when she whisked away

With that intern in durance vile to stay.

Her silence has been… honestly, a blur

Of peace and blessed quiet without her.”

Kathy's smile was fleeting, slight, and wan.

“She vanished ere the New Year's bells began.

We meant to send her home with all the rest—

Poof. Gone. Not even Kringle knows her nest.”

Above the clouds the sleigh bells laughed and sang,

While Adler gulped—new worries now to hang.

Kringlemas rested on his shoulders now,

And somewhere, Lana Lynne still lurked, somehow…

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