"Are you really he?" (Patreon)

the Ixie asked after we rounded the dolmen.  "Are you truly the legendary White Elf?"

"Yes," I admitted.  "I am."

"Great-Great Grandpa!" she exclaimed as she pressed herself against my face in what I assumed was a familial embrace.  "It's so wonderful to finally meet you!  All of the stories about how handsome and dignified you are were true!" 

"Mice to smee you too," I mumbled out of the side of my mouth.

"Angela told us to watch for the signs, and she was right - as usual!" the Ixie gushed as she let go and hovered in front of me.

"Angela?" I repeated.  "Do you mean Angela Weakflit?"

"The Oldest Living Ixie," my great-great granddaughter confirmed with a nod.  "She described most precisely the signs by which we would know that you had reawakened -"

"I've been awake the entire time!" I interrupted.

"Are you saying those bigfolk over there didn't rouse you from an enchanted slumber?"

"NO!" I exclaimed.  "I've been stuck here for AGES, waiting for somebody who can help me to show up!  Does this mean that you and your sisters could have come back here at any time?"

"Well, uh, not at first," the Ixie explained.  "I've been told that the rabbits of Bunkirk used to keep a tight blockade around the forest."

"Are they still around?" I glowered.

"Yes, but they've relaxed their vigilance.  The forest is widely considered to be haunted or cursed.  Nobody goes in ... until those two adventurers there.  They entered, and then came out, and then came back with items.  That's how we knew they must have made contact and were running errands for the White Elf.  Gosh, I still can't believe I'm really talking to you!"

"So where have you all been?" I asked.  "What have you been doing all this time?"

"In my grandmother's day, our base of operations was in Percysthorpe, and we had to avoid this area because of the rabbits.  But recently we set up a major hive in what's left of Tulgeyside so we could keep an eye on these woods.  Angela said the time was nigh."

"So you've basically been loafing around the countryside, eating sugar and listening to Angela Weakflit's ramblings for the last three generations," I surmised.

"Not at all," the Ixie contradicted.  "There are stories from Great-Grandmother's time of Ixies being worthless layabouts, but Angela and Uncle Ash got us organised into a smooth-running intelligence and espionage operation.  The Ominous Orse has hives in major cities on every continent.  We know almost everything that goes on, and anything we don't know, we can find out."

"You didn't seem to know that I was awake and waiting for you all this time," I retorted bitterly.

"I'm sorry, sir," she replied sheepishly.  "It's an embarrassing oversight."

"A competent spy network would have been extremely useful to me DECADES ago," I grumbled.

"Well I am honored to inform you that you have one now, sir," she declared with a crisp salute.  "The Ixies of the Ominous Orse are yours to command!  By the way, should you keep ignoring your visitors?"

I peeked around the dolmen to see what Venatrix and Barkingthwaite were doing.

"I love you more,"  Barkingthwaite murmured.

"On the contrary, Roger dear.  I love you more."

"Pellia, my sweet, I love you ten times more."

"That may be so," Venatrix sighed, "but I love you A HUNDRED times more."

"They'll be fine for a while longer," I declared, turning back to the Ixie.  "I have some important questions for you.  First:  Does the current generation of Ixies still have an addiction to sugar?"

"No, sir," she responded solemnly.  "I've heard the tales about how sugar compromised the loyalties of my ancestors.  An addiction is a weakness which enemies can exploit.  We never touch refined sugar.  Only natural nectar and sweet aphids, the proper nutrition which Fuma intended for us."

"Do you still have a problem with gambling?"

"Certainly not," she declared.  "Gambling is a destructive vice, not to mention just a plain bad investment."

"I must say," I sighed, "that a relief."

"We only invest in worthwhile things."

"Like what?"

"We buy and trade in Penny Stocks!" she announced proudly.

PREV http://www.patreon.com/posts/99035681

NEXT http://www.patreon.com/posts/99961537