I Am NOT a Catgirl! Ch. 11: The Baby Mama (Patreon)

I met the morning with a groan, Augie’s hand draped across my face. My muscles still ached from the evening prior, and the very concept of sunlight was an offense to my eyes. I rolled my head to the side to see Augie snoring away like it was a Sunday morning. Her shift hung off one shoulder slightly, and a small pool of drool had collected below her mouth.

I blinked. This is a new look for her. Augie had stuck out in my head as the school’s ideal candidate, so this felt like a rare moment in time. She must’ve been just as tired as I was. I pushed up to sitting and gently pried her curled white tail off my thigh. Leaning over, I poked her cheek.

“Augie,” I said, “it’s time to get up.” I watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she mumbled some incoherent mumbo jumbo. I poked her again. “Augie, come on.”

“I’m awake,” she said, clutching the pillow at her side and burying her face in it.

Are you sure about that? This was a new one. I was actually up before the model student.

Sleeping in nothing but a nightgown was not something I wanted to get used to. I’d started wearing a bra again whenever I went to sleep. It was uncomfortable, but I couldn’t get over the idea of my nipples bleeding through the fabric. Seeing as I didn’t know where I stood with Augie, the experience just made it all the more awkward.

I got out of bed and dressed. Augie did the same, slowly rolling her stockings up her legs and hooking them to her garter belt. I forced myself to look away. Staring wasn’t very maid-like.

Just another day in hell.

Thankfully, As soon as I made it to my first class, I fell into the rhythm I’d grown somewhat accustomed to. Today’s Glaze agenda entailed a slow-cooked broth that involved an evening of cooling in the ice boxes. At last, something even I can do.

I looked at my table in hopes of finding some type of bottle or jar with the aforementioned broth, frowning when I saw nothing but a pot.

“Some of the finest meals are defined by the broth in which they are contained,” Colonel Glaze said as she extended one finger to the air, her steps punctuated as if for effect. “The improper balance of scraps, water, and spices will have a pernicious effect on your meal. At your table, I have already prepared scraps from this morning’s leftovers.” She cast one judgmental eye in my direction, and I met her glare. “You may prepare your broth as you see fit. Once it is done, leave it on your table, and I will place it in the ice box when it has cooled.”

I scratched the back of my head when Glaze gave us the go-ahead to begin. The girls surrounding me were quick on their feet, their hands even quicker. They expertly poured several cups of water into their pots and began adding bones and vegetables—a few of them were braver still by chucking fruit inside. At least, it looked like fruit.

Alright, it can’t be that hard, right? Throw some stuff in a pot, let it cook. Simple, right?

Fortunately, a bucket of water had been placed beside my station. I reached for it and immediately set it back down when my muscles screamed out in protest. Damn, how much does this thing weigh? I was used to carrying large boxes back at my old job on delivery days, but this was so much worse. Once again, I wondered if my arms were too thin or if I needed more Levels in my [Strength] to compensate. Who knows how many Levels these girls have on me.

“Madeline, is something the matter?” Glaze’s terse voice cut through the air, and a couple of the girls giggled at my expense.

“Nothing at all, Ms. Glaze,” I said, cupping my hands against my apron and forcing myself to smile. The stern woman cocked one judgmental brow, then strode away to the other side of the room to pick apart some other poor catgirl’s dish.

‘Other catgirl,’ Matt?

I shook the thought aside and reached into a small crate at the opposite end of my workstation. Inside were bones, vegetables, and leftover scraps of meat from the kitchens. With more effort than I wanted to admit, I filled my pot to the halfway point with water, which was about the length of my hand, and then started throwing anything inside that sounded good. I’d never made a broth before, so I hoped that whatever I was doing was correct.

When the time came for our broths to be judged, I couldn’t fight down the thought that I was wasting my time here. My mind wandered just as Executioner Glaze snapped her fingers inches away from my face.

“Miss Madeline, are you listening?” Glaze asked, her eyes staring directly through me. This is such a waste of time.

“Yes. My apologies, Ms. Glaze,” I said, nearly snapping back at her. She hovered over my soup—or broth, whatever—and hummed as she tapped her finger to her lips. “Much lighter than I was expecting.” She picked up the ladle resting beside it and scooped up a helping. “Thin slices of vegetables, fewer bones than usual.” She rolled her around the ladle and sniffed. “Aromatic. Pleasing to the senses.”

Then she looked at me with a frown.

“This comes as a surprise,” she said. I wanted to smack that frown right off her face. “There may be hope for you yet, Miss Madeline. We shall see how your broth performs in the morning.”

I curtsied as a true Venicia maid would. “Thank you, Ms. Glaze.”

When cooking was over, I met Augie in the hallway, who was discussing something with Destiny. They spoke in whispers, and my curiosity piqued.

“Good morning, Destiny,” I said.

“O-oh. Hi, Madeline,” she said. She took a half step away from me, curling a lock of her hair over one finger. She’d never been this nervous around me.

I glanced at Augie. You didn’t tell her, did you? “Did I interrupt something?” I asked.

“No, of course not.” Destiny quickly shook her hands and folded them over her apron. Then she glanced at Augie.

“Maddie, would you be against Destiny coming along during our training?” Augie asked.

I frowned. I wondered how much she’d told Destiny. “It’s up to Tristan.” I shrugged.

“Please let me accompany you,” Destiny said, bowing at the waist. Well, this is a new one for her. Why the formality? “It would be an honor to be part of your Party,” she continued, still stuck in her bow.

“Hey, come on,” I said, nervously looking over my shoulder. This was a common hallway, and I still wasn’t sure how much we were allowed to say. Knowing our luck, this is right where Celestia would catch us. I grabbed Destiny gently by the shoulder and urged her to stand up straight. She caught the hint, and I breathed a sigh of relief. “We shouldn’t be talking here.”

 I led Augie and Destiny to the front of the school and pushed open the doors. There were a few other catgirls who were tending to a garden on our side, and I waved to them, smiling. Once I was sure we were out of earshot, I looked around the corners of a building we’d taken refuge behind, then leaned against the walls with my arms crossed.

“How much did you tell her, Augie?” I asked.

Augie shuffled her thumbs over one another and averted her gaze. “Most of it.”

I couldn’t stifle my sigh.

“I understand if it’s Tristan’s wish to bar me from entering, but I can’t approach him without Madame Celestia’s approval,” Destiny said. Then she took two steps forward, yanked my hand out of my arms, and gripped it. “Could you speak with them on my behalf?”

After everything you’ve done for me? God, I’m a sucker for a pretty face. How am I supposed to say no to that?

I nodded. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks. “W-we’ll ask if it’s okay.”

Destiny’s eyes brightened as she clapped her hands together and pressed them to her lips. “Thank you. Thank you so, so much. On my honor as a Shi Island maid, I promise you won’t regret this.”

I kind of already do. I pictured Celestia’s scornful glare, that well of darkness behind her eyes, and I shivered. “I know,” I managed to say.

Destiny skipped away, humming some melody I didn’t recognize.

“Why bring her into this?” I murmured to Augie, afraid of anyone overhearing.

“She noticed how tired I was and, um, it just kind of…spilled out,” Augie whispered. She clasped her hands over her lap. “Destiny is really fond of Tristan—”

“Like every girl in this school?”

“N-no, Maddie. It’s different…”

“Did you tell her about me?”

Augie shook her head. “N-no!” she squeaked. “Of course not. I could never. I made a vow to keep that between us, and I intend for it to stay that way.”

I smiled. “Thanks, Augie.” I turned to leave when Augie caught the hem of my dress. I stopped and looked at her over my shoulder.

“W-was okay last… urgh. Was last night okay?” Her lips pulled into a thin line, her cheeks puffed—and were red as hell—and her eyes refused to look at anything but me.

Unwilling to ask what she meant by that, I nodded. “Last night was”—I wanted to say ‘fine,’ but quickly caught myself—“great, Augie.” I wasn’t ready to have a conversation about her kissing me or us sleeping in the same bed again just yet. Knowing that I was taking her away from becoming a true Shi Island maid with a, uh, kitten, of her own didn’t sit well with me.

“O-oh.” She nodded, strangely as if that wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear. “Good.”

I wish I had a female-to-male translator. Maybe Tristan could help.

Augie and I returned to the school without another word.

That night, Augie and I waited at the forest’s threshold as a distant figure exited the school with two others in tow. The first person’s mannerisms were undoubtedly Tristan’s, and I recognized that straight-backed alien woman behind him. The third person, however, was new to our little club meeting.

“How are you feeling so far, M-Matt?” Augie asked.

She seems to really like calling me that. Not that I was complaining. It was nice to finally hear my actual name again.

“Sore,” I answered honestly. I kept the poleaxe draped over my shoulder in hopes that shifting it between my hands might get me more acquainted with the weight. “But good. I’m learning a lot.”

Augie giggled. That’s such a lovely noise. “Like what?”

“Well,” I said, lifting the poleaxe and digging the butt into the soil. “I learned that overextending is a great way to hurt myself. And that poleaxes are way heavier than I thought.”

Two of the distant figures began to walk toward us. The third, undoubtedly Celestia, watched them at a distance.

“I knew some stuff about fighting already from—” games… “Uh, reading,” I continued, “but I’ve never so much as touched one of these things.”

“You were doing great by the time we finished,” Augie complimented. She took one step closer to me and leaned her head against my arm. “We’ll figure this out. Together.”

Careful there. You’re going to bring me to boiling.

By the good grace of Saoirse—whoever that was—Tristan arrived with a gentle wave, his cat familiar perched on one shoulder. Beside him was Destiny, which came as no surprise, with several bottles of various colors strapped to the belt around her maid’s uniform. As she made her way up the hill to join us, I caught several more bottles strapped to her thighs.

Do I want to know what’s in those bottles?

“Good evening,” Destiny said, grinning. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“Of course,” I said, trying to maintain some semblance of the persona I’d built since arriving. This was going to make things awkward. I was starting to like being called Matt again.

“Destiny is an [Alchemist],” Tristan said, gesturing to her. Large dark bags hung under his eyes, and there was a hint of weariness to his voice. But he flashed one of his usual disarming smiles, and my heart skipped a beat. Shut the hell up, Madeline. Matt’s in charge.

“Healing isn’t my only specialty,” Destiny said. “I can also employ bombs and other useful tools for us in combat.”

Another backliner, huh? As much as I didn’t like the idea of the girls putting themselves in harm’s way at the frontline with me, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want someone fighting alongside me. We may be taking on simple wildlife for now, but if the Defiled were as fearsome as they seemed, then it was only a matter of time until I was overwhelmed. I’ll just hope it doesn’t come to that.

“It is a pleasure to have you,” Augie said. The two maids curtsied to one another, and forgetting who and what I was, I lagged with a curtsy of my own.

“So, what are we hunting tonight?” I asked, straightening and leaning my weight against my poleaxe.

“May I make a suggestion?” Destiny asked, raising her hand. I nodded. “A few days ago, I saw a family of rotusks building a nest not too far from here.”

Rotusks? Those things with ribs the size of my arm? “Are they dangerous?”

She nodded, keeping one hand cupped over the other against her apron. “Yes. Especially if their offspring are nearby. If they move much closer, someone could get hurt.”

I wonder why we didn’t run into any last night.

“Are you up for it, Mat— Madeline?” Tristan asked.

Well, it was nice while it lasted. “Yeah, er. Yes.”

Augie giggled.

Destiny took the lead and led us through a dense thicket. She kept a few meters away from the perimeter, where the forest met the cliff overlooking Venicia’s dock. I hate heights. I tried not to think about one of us falling over the ledge.

“There,” Destiny whispered as she pointed to a clearing. She squatted behind a bush, and the rest of us followed her example. I craned my head over the bush to have a better look and saw a bed of flattened wood beside a cave that barely looked wide enough for a single person to pass through. “See it?”

“Oh, I see it,” I said, frowning. Resting atop the bed of wood was Nyarlea’s version of a warthog. Even though it was resting, it had to be at least as tall as any one of us. The tusks that protruded from the sides of its snout were curved and perfect for scooping up a skewered catgirl. I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “That’s a rotusk?”

“Yes.”

Is it too late to convince Destiny to switch to a melee Class?

I couldn’t see an ounce of fat anywhere on its body. Going toe-to-toe with that thing sounded like suicide.

Tristan was kneeling beside Destiny. “Are you sure about this?” he asked. “That looks a bit beyond our capabilities.”

“I’ve hunted a few of these before,” Destiny said. “We should be fine.”

“Can anything even pierce that thing’s skin?” I asked.

“It looks tough, but a sharpened blade will cut right through it. Their muscles are dense, but they have very little in the way of fat.”

“What do you suggest we do?” Tristan asked.

“I don’t see its young anywhere,” Destiny said, looking to her left, then to her right. “Let’s get the jump on it while it’s sleeping.” She unhooked a bottle of red liquid from her strap. “Tristan and I can start the fight. Be ready in case it charges, Madeline.”

Charges? I glanced at those tusks again and prayed to whatever god was listening that she was right. I stifled a sigh and rose to my feet, poleaxe in hand. “Everyone ready?”

Tristan nodded, and Augie hummed her reply.

We stood up, and Destiny raised the hand with the bottle. “[Enchant Bomb]. [Expedience],” she murmured. The liquid inside turned into a phosphorescent orange, and I took a few steps back so I could clear the bush with a running start. Destiny threw the bottle, and I leaped over the bush.

“[Fire Ball]!” Tristan cried.

The rotusk was engulfed in flame as soon as Destiny’s bottle crashed against its snout. It squealed and hopped to standing, only to be met by Tristan’s [Fire Ball] immediately afterward. The heat was so intense that I paused a couple of feet away from the bush. I felt that if I got any closer, I’d be roasted along with it.

The rotusk looked at Tristan and Destiny and screamed.

Well, time to get in there, champ.

“[Provoke]!” My voice cracked with the word. A chill swept over my body as the burning bacon redirected its attention to me. I took one step back and kept the point of the poleaxe facing the beast.

“[Invigorate]!” Tristan yelled.

My muscles swelled with Tristan’s Spell. The poleaxe felt lighter, surer in my grip. I dug my heels into the soil, and the rotusk charged in my direction. I rolled to my right, and the Encroacher sailed past me into the bushes and into a tree with a resounding crack. I sprang to my feet, eyes wide. The Encroacher had not only trampled the bush but had nearly knocked down the tree it crashed into.

What the hell is this thing made of?!

I ran up with the hope of giving the rotusk a sharp surprise in the rear, only for it to buck its hindlegs at me. I threw up the flat of my poleaxe to block, and an ear-deafening clang punctured my eardrums as its hooves connected. The force knocked me off my feet, and I hissed through my teeth as the poleaxe’s tip embedded itself into the soil inches away from my face.

That would’ve looked real good on my headstone. ‘Here lies Madeline, impaled by her own poleaxe.’

The poleaxe began to tip toward me, so I grabbed it and jumped to my feet. Augie, Tristan, and Destiny steered clear of their hiding bush and retreated to a pair of trees a stone’s throw away on my right. The flames sent the smell of freshly cooked bacon and hair into the air. I grimaced as the Encroacher spun around, its eyes melted out of their sockets.

If it can’t see me anymore, then maybe…

I picked up a rock at my feet. It was about the size of my palm and had a good weight to it. I licked my lips, and the sense that [Provoke] was about to wear off fell over me. I didn’t know how [Provoke] would work against a blind opponent, and I wasn’t willing to wait to find out.

I watched Tristan and Destiny prepare for another attack like the one before, and I raised my hand with the rock in it to stop them, shaking my head. They put their hands down.

God, fighting with tits sucks. How the hell do the girls do this?

I bent my knees and tossed the rock to the side. The rotusk responded immediately and charged in the direction the rock had landed. I spun and drove the point of my poleaxe into the beast’s side as it passed. The glee I felt from connecting the attack was immediately ripped away as the rotusk dragged me and my poleaxe along

“Wuahh!” I cried. Thankfully, I had the sense to let go of the damn thing, but not before it dragged me across the grass and into a thorny bush. “Son of a—”

Thorns and leaves wedged and scratched me in every possible way. Each time I moved, some new little puncture wound appeared. I spat out some of the leaves in my mouth, hoping none of them were poisonous, and poked my head out of the bush. The rotusk had fallen on its side. Its blood pooled beside it, and the grunts and snorts it made were growing noticeably quieter as the seconds passed.

“Are you okay, Maddie?” Augie asked, panic in her voice. I turned around to see her, Tristan, and Destiny.

What wisdom can the maid of the bush bequeath to you?

“I’m fine.” I raised my arm and sighed. It was speckled with droplets of blood, and the bush’s thorns had torn countless tiny holes into the fabric of my dress. “I might need help with this later.”

“I’d be happy to help you with that,” Destiny said, clapping her hands together.

“Thanks. Er, thank you.”

Damn etiquette training.

After pulling myself free from the bush, I found that my dress was so much worse than I’d feared. Bad enough that part of my bra was visible. I quickly turned around to hide it and looked for my poleaxe. It glinted in a spot of the moonlight, and as I went to retrieve it, my shoulders slumped.

The shaft had been snapped in half.