I Am NOT a Catgirl! Ch. 12: The Boss (Patreon)

I glared at the hunk of rotusk meat simmering in my stew. It’s because of you that my poleaxe broke last night. This wasn’t the same rotusk we’d attacked the evening before, but I had to get my aggression out on its species somehow.

Fortunately, Tristan had offered to pay for the poleaxe’s replacement. I dreaded what Celestia would say once the news reached her ears. “How unbecoming of a Shi Island maid,” I mouthed.

“Tut tut,” Lieutenant Glaze said, looking over my stew. “That will not do.”

“Why not?” I grumbled.

“You have simmered it for much too long. Observe.” She used the ladle beside the pot and scooped a helping. Large chunks of meat sat in a salty broth speckled by pepper and a couple of other herbs I couldn’t remember the names of. She sipped at the lip of the spoon and shook her head. “Much too salty. You’ve burned the flavor.”

“How does that work?” I said, gritting my teeth. “Burning the flavor.”

She sighed, and I mimicked her sigh mockingly.

“That is exceptionally unbecoming of a Shi Island maid. I will not tolerate such insolence.” She turned the ladle in the pot, dumping the rest into my soup.

I’d like for you to get out of my head, Glaze.

“Ms. Glaze, perhaps Madeline is simply not suited for our way of life?” one girl said from the other side of the room.

The worst part was that it wasn’t even Veronica. It took everything I had not to march over there and shake her by the cuffs of her maid’s uniform. School in the morning and training at night were starting to take their toll on me.

Ms. Glaze shook her head. “Nonsense. We simply must work her harder.” She smirked and spun on her heel, her shoes clicking as she stepped over to another student’s dish.

It felt wrong to let it slide like that, but I didn’t want my actions to reflect on Augie, Tristan, or Destiny. Celestia was compliant, but that didn’t mean that things would stay that way.

I’d simmered—ha—down by the time class was over and took the short time I had to go scream into my pillow. This place was a nightmare of borderline useless skills, and I had just about had enough. Once I’d had my grievances out with my pillow, I left the room and slammed the door.

A sharp and sudden pain prickled in my tail, electrifying my veins and numbing my fingers and toes. The highest-pitched squeal I’d ever heard tore its way out of my mouth. With trembling hands, I opened the knob, still keeping my back turned, and pushed the door open, freeing my tail.

I hate this thing. I cradled the appendage like a newborn baby that I’d dropped on its head. How does anyone function with this attached?

“Maddie!” Augie’s voice gave me momentary relief, but the pain came back tenfold. She hurried down the hall and clapped her hands to her mouth in a gasp. “Did you slam the door on your tail?”

I meant to simply nod, but a whimper accompanied it. “Did I break it?” I managed to utter.

Augie pursed her lips and gently took my tail into her hands. She brushed her fingers along the fur, and I hissed through my teeth. “Oh goodness, I’m so sorry, Maddie,” she said. I shook my head and urged her to continue.

The initial shock of pain I felt was fading. My toes curled each time she pressed a digit against the tender skin, but that was more out of anticipation than actual pain. Eventually, she smiled and carefully lowered my tail.

“There’s nothing wrong with your tail,” Augie said, smiling. She snaked her own tail in front of her and caressed it like it was an old friend. “I used to catch my tail in the door all the time as a kitten. You’ll get used to it.”

I hope not. I don’t intend to stay a catgirl.

“Thanks, Augie.” An awkward silence wrapped around us. I wanted to try to fill the air with small talk, but it was becoming harder to commit to with every second that passed. After about the third time scratching the back of my neck, I’d given up on breaking the silence.

“W-well, I should go,” Augie laughed nervously.

“Yeah, me too. See you tonight?”

Augie nodded. “See you tonight… Matt.”

Yeah. Still feels just as nice as the first time I heard it.

Augie and I parted ways, and I made my way to embroidery class next. It was nice to see a familiar face, and Destiny and I sat together discussing where we would go later this evening. Well, at least as quietly as we could without the teacher catching us. Felt sort of nostalgic, like passing notes back in high school.

The day felt like it dragged, and by the time evening rolled around, I was ready to hit the sack.

“I feel like death,” I said, cricking my neck. I hefted the new poleaxe Tristan had given me over my shoulder as I marched at the front of the pack. Lappers were on the menu tonight. Whatever those were.

Tristan yawned and wiped some of the sand from his eyes. “There simply aren’t enough hours in the day.”

“I have some nailbark, if you need it,” Destiny offered.

I frowned. “What’s nailbark?”

“It’s wood,” Augie answered a few feet behind me. “You chew on it, and the spices wake you up.”

Like chewable coffee? I thought about those guys in old westerns who would chew tobacco and stuck my tongue out in disgust.

“I’ll be fine,” Tristan reassured her. “Just a little tired is all.”

“Well, I’m here if you need anything,” Destiny said, giggling.

Maybe it was just my imagination—it’s not like I was great at picking up hints from girls to begin with—but it sounded like there was more than simple friendliness in her tone. Augie had said Destiny was ‘fond’ of him, but… I glanced over my shoulder to see Destiny brushing shoulders with our resident shota.

What’s it like, I thought bitterly, to have girls literally lining up to have sex with you?

I shook my head and marched on a little faster. Augie’s feet rustled in the grass behind me, and moments later, she was at my side, keeping pace. “Are you okay?” she whispered.

“I’m fine,” I said. “I just want to stab something.”

“O-oh.”

“Sorry. Just a bit stressed out.”

“Well, at least you hit Level 3 last night!”

I smiled. “Yeah, good thing.” I’d put my second Stat Point into [Vitality] and my Skill Point into [Increase Attack]. If I’d learned anything from tanking, it’s that damage was just as important as survivability. There was no guarantee [Provoke] would work every time, and a good way to get something’s attention was to be a genuine threat to its livelihood. “I’m feeling a little more optimistic about tonight.”

“I’m glad!” There was a lilt to her voice, as if she couldn’t be in a happier position. I admired her for that. I could never live in a school like this.

But isn’t that what you’ve been doing? Living at the school?

“Hey, Augie,” I said.

“Yes?”

“About last—”

A rustling in the brush clammed me up. I barred Augie with my arm, and she quietly took slow steps back to rejoin Tristan and Destiny. The leaves shook again, and I clenched my poleaxe in both hands, ready to pounce on whatever was inside.

The head of a cat popped out of the top. It was black and carried an uncanny resemblance to the one Tristan had perched on his shoulder. I moved to attack it and stopped short when it tilted its head curiously.

“What is it, Maddie?” Augie asked.

“It’s just a cat.” My shoulders slumped, and I stepped sideways so they could have a better view.

Destiny frowned. “There aren’t any cats that live in this area.”

Desiree suddenly hissed at the rival cat, hair raised on her back, and her nails driving into Tristan’s cloak. “Whoa, what’s gotten into you?” Tristan asked, hesitantly raising his hand to calm her.

I glanced between Desiree and the other cat. The longer I did, the more I noticed that they were not just similar, they were practically identical. Desiree’s eyes took on an eerie blue glow, and the other cat mimicked it.

Suddenly, I’m not feeling super great about this.

I took a step away from the cat. Its lips curled into the best smile a cat was capable of making, and trusting my gut, I swung my poleaxe with the intent of decapitating it. Steel sang as the blade slashed through the air, glinting in the moonlight as it passed through the bush. The cat vanished in a puff of black smoke the moment my weapon met its body. Having thrown too much of my weight into the attack, the blade of the poleaxe lodged itself into the soil, and I tore it free immediately.

“What the hell is that?” I hissed.

“I don’t know,” Augie said with a hint of fright in her tone.

“A Defiled,” Destiny whispered as I heard her undo one of the bottles around her uniform.

“What should I be looking out for?” Tristan asked.

“Anything. Everything,” Augie said. “Defiled are unpredictable.”

Oh, that’s great. Are we ready for this?

The bushes rustled to my right, and I lunged with the point of my weapon, meeting nothing but twigs and leaves. A whisper demanded my attention, and I turned to my left, keeping the axe head of my weapon high as I maneuvered to intercept. Three squirrel-like creatures skittered out of the thicket, two of them climbing up my legs to my shoulders, with the third darting away between my legs.

Tristan and Destiny parted, allowing the third squirrel to pass them, and Augie moved to stand between them. I batted at the squirrel on my left shoulder, and the Encroacher sank its teeth into my hand.

“Shit! Let go!” I yelled, shaking my hand. The squirrel dug its claws into my skin and bared two razor-sharp teeth.

“Get off of him!” Augie’s staff clinked as it connected with the squirrel’s skull, resembling the sound of a metal baseball bat. I gaped as the squirrel was sent flying against the bark of a tree.

Augie gasped. “Oh! I got it!”

“Thanks, Augie!” The second squirrel silently maintained its position on my right shoulder as I rushed to deal a killing blow to Augie’s makeshift baseball. Just as before, however, the creature lying flat against the tree vanished moments before my blade connected, and I lodged the axe head into the bark. “Damn me!”

“[Invigorate]!” With Tristan’s Spell, I felt a renewed surge of [Strength] and effortlessly ripped the blade from the trunk.

“Thanks, Tristan!”

“Catch, Madeline!” Destiny tossed me a bottle with a yellow-green liquid inside, and I fumbled it. Thankfully, the squirrel friend I’d made managed to catch it and handed it to me.

Is this what it feels like to be a Disney princess?

“Thanks, little guy,” I said as I took the bottle.

“It boosts [Dexterity]!” Destiny said.

“Thanks, Destiny!” I downed the contents without a second thought and tossed the bottle into the brush over my shoulder. It crashed against something, and I heard the something groan in return. Lucky! With [Invigorate] and whatever drug Destiny had given me, I was on the brush in a flash. Hiding behind the plant was the squirrel Augie had smashed. One of its eyes had doubled in size, and a vicious white fluid was draining from the spot on its head where Augie had hit it. “Gotcha!”

With both hands, I thrust the poleaxe in the direction of the squirrel. It squeaked in fright, falling over on its left as my poleaxe sheared the tail from its body. Its squeals became more guttural, and a trail of white fluid was left in its wake.

I pursued the little bastard without a second thought, and the distant voices of Augie, Tristan, and Destiny followed in my wake. My little squirrel friend held onto my shoulder for dear life as I vaulted over a colorful array of flowers and scaled a hill of jagged-looking rocks, standing at the top for a good vantage point.

Damn it. Where did it go?

I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat, trying to catch my breath. If these Defiled were as clever and dangerous as they sounded, then I didn’t want to tackle them without my group. Clicking my tongue, I retraced my steps. When I parted the pair of bushes that barred my path, my breath caught.

Tristan and Destiny were right where I left them. However, there were now two Augies.

Oh no.

“Maddie!” the two Augies said in unison. They clutched their staves to their chests, practically a perfect mirror of one another. I looked to Tristan and Destiny—and even Desiree—for help, and they all shook their heads.

“It can copy anything it touches!” the right Augie said.

“I never touched you!” the left Augie said.

I leveled my poleaxe and pointed it at the left Augie, then shifted it to the right. “How did we meet?”

“As roommates!” the left Augie said.

“T-the school!” The right Augie stammered.

“What’s the name of our cooking teacher?” I asked.

“Ms. Glaze,” the left one said.

“G-Glaze!” Again, the right Augie stuttered. The staff was shaking in her hands. I tried not to let it show on my face, but I already had an idea which one was the copy. My gaze shifted between the two Augies, when something beneath the left Augie caught my attention. Light spatters of white flecked the grass. They were subtle, almost invisible. I wouldn’t have seen them if the moonlight hadn’t hit it just the right way.

That doesn’t mean she wasn’t standing there before I got here.

I tightened my grip around the poleaxe’s shaft. If this thing could transform into a perfect duplicate of anything it touched, knowledge and all, then that meant it already had information on me. If I assumed that were true, then it knew far more about me than Augie did.

Let’s test it with something few would know.

“Where am I from?” I asked.

The right Augie looked over her shoulder at Tristan and Destiny. “Y-you asked me not to tell.”

Tristan’s lips formed a thin line while Destiny furrowed her brow and shook her head. The left Augie ground the ball of her foot into the grass. “I can’t say.”

Equally good reactions. Safe to assume it knows everything Augie knows. The real question was, did it know how to differentiate what Augie already knew versus what I had shared with her? Let’s find out.

“What did my dad do for a living?” I said. It was a gamble, but if I were right, then the copy would answer with the truth.

“Your father was a military man,” the left Augie said.

The right Augie paled. Maybe she hadn’t caught on to what I was trying to do.

I smiled. “Very good.” I glared at the right Augie and took two large steps toward her. She squeezed her eyes shut and whimpered.

Inches away from stabbing her, I spun on the ball of my foot and struck the left Augie across the side of the head with the lower half of my poleaxe. The staff was knocked out of her hands, disappearing into black mist as it hit the ground. The fake rolled to its back, its hair matted with thick white ooze, and I pinned its wrists with my feet. “I never told her what my dad did.”

And then I plunged the poleaxe into its gut.

Stabbing Augie, fake or not, brought me no joy. I grimaced as the creature went through several dozen expressions in mere seconds. The bones cracked and contorted, and the skin sank. It spasmed out of control and sent a chill down my tail. I twisted the blade, and the creature’s appearance began to fade.

Fake Augie’s frills dissolved into tender pink skin. Bulbous black eyes emerged from the eye sockets. The creature’s arms and legs retracted until they were as thin as twigs, with two tiny claws at the end of each limb. Its mouth twisted one hundred eighty degrees while its body shrank alarmingly quickly. I stepped away from it, terrified it might have some last-minute trick up its sleeve. It kept shrinking until it was nothing but a bean-shaped piece of pink flesh.

It looked disturbingly similar to a fetus.

Well, if a fetus had alien eyes and a mouth straight out of the movie Teeth.

“Are you okay, Maddie?” Augie said as she took hesitant steps toward me.

“I’m fine. Are you okay?” I asked.

“I am now.”

“A Defiled,” Destiny said as she and Tristan came closer to inspect. She let her mouth hang open while Desiree continued to hiss at the mangled corpse. “This close to Venicia.”

“Has this ever happened?” Tristan asked.

Destiny shook her head. “Not that I’ve ever heard of. If a Defiled has made it this far, then…”

None of us finished the sentence, but I had a feeling we all knew.

The situation on Shi Island was so much worse than we could’ve imagined.