I Am NOT a Catgirl! Epilogue: The Breakdown (Patreon)

I woke up to Augie sleeping in my bed, her arms and hair tangled around my torso. It didn’t matter how many times I suggested we sleep alone over the past month; we still wound up in bed with one another.

At the very least, I’d gotten more used to her twitches and mumbles while she slept. Thinking about it, there were a lot of things I’d gotten used to at the Venicia School of Etiquette. I didn’t burn everything I cooked to ash anymore, I walked with “perfect posture” according to Mistress Gwendolyn, I could embroider a whole patch of lule misres without a second thought, and fixing my uniform after battle each night had become second nature.

To be honest, all of that scared the absolute fuck out of me.

It felt like every day that passed in the school, Madeline stole away another inch of my personality. I hated knowing how to properly walk in heels and situate my elaborate underwear. I saw the way Tristan looked at me and felt Madeline’s body react. Even the voice inside my head when I read or thought was shifting closer to Madeline’s. I could barely remember what I sounded like on Earth. It messed with me to no end.

Today, though… Today we had a plan.

“Hey,” I murmured to Augie, stroking her hair. “We’re going to miss the carriage.”

Augie yawned and buried her face in my chest. “Days off are for sleeping,” she grumbled.

“Should I just go with Destiny, then?”

“No.” Her ears twitched, tickling my chin. She yawned again, and I felt her hot breath through my shift. “I’ll get changed.”

We met Destiny in the dining hall and grabbed breakfast together. I’d had to explain my…predicament to her, too, after Augie slipped up and called me “Matt” one too many times. There was no way for Tristan to come with us without sounding every alarm in the school, but he knew what we were planning. Augie and Destiny had both suggested this trip on our next day off after I, well, had a meltdown in the middle of combat. Despite a ton of improvement from our first night fighting together, my boobs had hindered another perfect swing of my poleaxe, and I’d had enough.

So the three of us sat in a carriage to Badyron. It was my first time outside of Venicia since arriving in Nyarlea, which was nice. The cart was bumpy as hell and went out of its way to hit every rock on the road to get there, but the fresh air helped clear my head a bit. Somehow, Augie managed to nap against my shoulder despite the turbulence, and Destiny read a book in her jolting lap. Do catgirls not get carsick, either?

I felt like I’d just stepped off a boat in hurricane when my feet found ground again. Augie and Destiny didn’t seem phased.

“This way,” Augie said. She hooked her arm through my right, and Destiny flanked my left as we left the carriage behind.

Badyron was a whole lot smaller than Venicia, though the structure of the few houses there was painfully similar. Tall, pointed roofs and windowed pillars that reminded me a lot of the Victorian houses speckled around Spokane. However, in contrast to Venicia’s perfect façade, the buildings in Badyron had chipped paint and cracks in the plaster. Some of the paint in the shop windows was scratched and faded with time. Weeds poked between the cobblestones in the walkways, and overgrown bushes flowered in chaotic directions.

Despite it all, I felt far more comfortable than I did at the school. Somewhere that wasn’t full of tight-asses demanding that every blade of grass be cut at a specific height was a refreshing change.

They took me to a small building with a royal blue awning and intricate cursive painted in the window. ‘Esmerelda’s Eclectics.’

I took a deep breath. Augie and Destiny had both warned me that this woman may not be able to do a damn thing for me, but it was rumored that she was the most powerful [Sorcerer] on Shi Island. If she didn’t have a few breadcrumbs to give me… I shook my head. I didn’t want to think about what came next.

We stepped inside, and the sunlight disappeared when the door closed. In its place were dim lamps and a ceiling that twinkled like the night sky. I studied it, wondering what kind of lights she could have used when a shooting star shot from one end to the other. Magic is insane.

The walls were packed with scrolls, bottles both empty and full, candles, herbs, spices, and other supplies I couldn’t make out in the low lighting. If they weren’t enough, six rows of shelves stood from one side of the store to the other, filled with more scrolls, bottles, candles, incense, stones… What doesn’t this girl have?

“Welcome to Esmerelda’s Eclectics,” an even voice greeted us from behind a low counter. “Ah, Augustine, wasn’t it?”

“Y-yes. Hello again, Esmerelda.” Augie released my arm and curtsied.

Esmerelda smiled and returned the formality with a small bow. She was the antithesis of the Shi Island maid. Her green hair descended to her hips, where a flowing black skirt hung a few inches below her navel. The ebony corset she wore revealed her taut stomach and ample chest, and the slits to her thighs were hard to keep my eyes off of. So I didn’t. I let myself be Matt and drank in the sight of her with glee. At least my good tastes were still alive and well.

“And Destiny,” Esmerelda greeted. “You’ve brought me a friend?”

Destiny curtsied. “We have. This is Madeline. She, er” —she looked around the store, but there was no one else inside. She lowered her voice anyway—“has a problem.”

The understatement of the century.

Esmerelda arched a thin brow, and a smile twitched at the corner of her lips. “Is that so?”

I nodded, then looked around myself. “Is anyone else here?”

“No. It’s just you three and myself.” Esmerelda crossed her arms over her chest. “However, I have an [Alchemy] lab in the back room if you would be more comfortable speaking there.”

“I would be, yes. Please.” I detested how polite I sounded. Too much maid training.

“This way, then.”

Augie, Destiny, and I followed Esmerelda behind the counter and through a door that was impossible to see beneath her night sky. I assumed that was on purpose. As she promised, a second room with two narrow tables and four wooden chairs was on the other side. [Alchemy] supplies littered the tables in disarray, and a leather journal with scribbled notes lay open at their center.

I blinked at the sudden wash of light—it was much brighter here than it was in the shop. Esmerelda took a seat in one of the chairs and gestured for us to take the others.

“This is information that I need you to never repeat,” I began. “Is that going to cost me Bells?”

“Of course not. It’s not my business to share your secrets.” Esmerelda crossed one long leg over the other and looked at Augie and Destiny. “Have I ever betrayed either of your trust?”

“No,” they replied in unison.

It made me wonder just what they were hiding. Now’s not the time for that. I smoothed my skirt over my thighs and stopped midway. When had I started doing that? My hands balled into fists, and the fabric bunched beneath my nails. “Before I came to Nyarlea, I was a man.”

Esmerelda clasped her hands around her knee and leaned forward. “Oh?”

“My name is Matt Kelmer…” I told her everything. From my time in purgatory with Leiana to the moment I’d arrived in her store. It was embarrassing to admit how much I fought between two separate instincts and personalities. I left out my relationship with Augie—I didn’t think Destiny should know that little tidbit, either.

“…I’ve been fighting Encroachers and Defiled with Tristan and these two since,” I finished. “But I can’t keep going like this. I want my body back.” My voice cracked, and I flushed.

Esmerelda was a rapt listener. Her ears were angled forward and never moved the entire time I spoke. Her eyes glittered with wonder, and she didn’t seem to mind that I couldn’t keep my own gaze in one place. She was very easy to look at.

“We have a Spell called [Impersonate Soul] known to [Witch Doctor]s. It allows one to take the form of anyone they choose,” Esmerelda mused. “However, it could never last more than an hour. A full month would be unheard of.”

“Augie mentioned that, too,” I sighed.

“‘Augie.’ That’s sweet.” Esmerelda smiled as she turned and collected the journal from the table behind her.

Augie blushed furiously beside me.

Esmerelda set the journal in her lap and flipped through the pages, idly humming to herself. At last, she settled on a spread covered in ink, sketches, and diagrams. Skimming over the notes with her fingertips, her humming came to an end. “There may be a way to return you to a body very close to yours,” her words came slowly, and her tone was cautionary.

“Very close?” I repeated.

“Yes. It may potentially reshape to the image you hold of yourself in your mind. However, this Spell had never been performed. I cannot promise perfection.” Esmerelda clasped her hands against the book and looked up at me. “This would also be somewhat…illicit.”

Destiny hissed in a breath beside me.

“Illicit how?” Augie squeaked beside me.

“That would be between my client and myself,” Esmerelda said, her smile sharp. “How far are you willing to go to restore your true self, Matt Kelmer?”

Destiny and Augie’s fear meant little in that moment. I couldn’t live like this anymore, and Esmerelda was offering me a chance. “I’ll do anything,” I said honestly.

“Very well.” Esmerelda’s smile widened. “Destiny, Augie, please wait outside.”

Augie stood to object, but Destiny took her arm and pulled her away. They left me alone with Esmerelda. My heart hammered in my ears, but it wasn’t fear that drove it. It was excitement.

“Just tell me what to do.”