Takemi Makes an Appointment (Reflection) (Patreon)

Hi everyone!

So sorry that this has taken a while for me to post! I meant to post this sometime last weekend, but I actually found myself so busy that I did not have the chance to, but it is here, another reflection, this time with my girl, Takemi.

So I remember actually having a tough time when making this chapter. At this point, when I was writing this, I had written a ton of Kostas Kingdom, on top of what I was considering my 5th "serious" fic, as I had written the Ryza fic, the Fubuki fic, and this was my 3rd chapter of this series. So at this point, I think I had written so much mind control fics that I was getting into my own head about making sure that I wasn't getting stale. Basically, I felt like I had hit another mental wall in terms of writing fanfic.

At the same time, I was actually just having normal writer's block, and while I was very excited to write this fic leading up to it, once I finally sat at my computer, the words just wouldn't come to me. To this day, I think this was probably the worst writer's block I've ever had.

Furthermore, I really love Takemi, as she is my 2nd fav girl in P5 right behind Makoto, so I had a lot of expectations on myself to really get this one right.

So, mix anxiety about keeping my writing feel fresh, seriously bad writer's block, and super high expectations that I placed on myself, and well, the writing experience on this was really tough for me. I basically just decided to try to push through the writer's block and I felt that if I did this, at some point, I would break through it and eventually get the flow. And well...that didn't happen.

As a result, by the end, I felt unsatisfied with the final product. I just felt like it was missing...something, but when going back and editing it, I just couldn't exactly place what it was. It is very possible that this was just a result of all the things I stated above and it was just in my head, but I remember being very unsatisfied.

On top of that, I was still with my old editor at the time (it was either this or the Ann chapter that would be our last chapter together, tho I believe it was this one). I forget if I have mentioned it officially in my posts, but while I am extremely grateful to my old editor, I felt that while a lot of our interests aligned, a lot of the time our writing style and ideas would not. Chapter 1 and 2 of The Doctor Is In had a lot of stuff that we went back and forth on. In hindsight, while there were things I did say no to, there were a lot of ideas that they had that I kept in my story because I still lacked confidence as a writer and I felt like they knew more than me.

So, when it came to this chapter, they also had a lot of ideas that I didn't mesh with. However, as I was already not in a great creative space, I felt that I gave in to more of their ideas than normal, which did NOT help in my satisfaction with this chapter.

But after a few years (man I can't believe it's been that long since I started writing fanfic) and going back and doing some editing, I do feel like it is stronger than I remember, especially with the new edits.

I do very much like the dynamic of Sonya and Takemi in this chapter, two very strong-willed and capable doctors, and one overpowering and dominating the other was a great idea, and one that I was very excited to write. That's partly why I wanted to start this fic with Takemi doing research on Sonya. Takemi is very smart and capable, and I thought it would be great to see that she is getting close to figuring out what Sonya is doing, which I feel adds to when she falls. In my mind, Takemi is right on the cusp of finding something and taking the lid off of the whole thing when Sonya interrupts her by showing up, and then taking her as her slave.

Speaking of which, this was the chapter that I decided to include the cigarettes in Sonya's arsenal. The main inspiration was this one superheroine mind control series I grew up reading where for a couple of chapters, they do use pheromone-laced cigarettes. I wanted to try to come up with some creative solutions to make it so that I wouldn't have to limit Sonya to just using her candles. I knew that with a lot of characters, usually the non-Phantom Thief characters, that I couldn't rely on the chapters taking place in her Palace and using the whole candle setup without really trying to force that scenario to happen. So I knew I needed some type of way to make Sonya's method more "portable". Plus, I thought having something else would help in not making the fic too repetitive in terms of the scenarios I could put Sonya in. That's when I remembered the smoking idea and I thought that would be a great answer. Plus, I thought the image of Sonya with the cigarette holder and using the smoke on Takemi was such a hot image.

Of course, I think when Sonya finally does pull out the cigarette (I really liked the image of Takemi turning around and suddenly seeing her with it only to suddenly receive a puff in the face was a fun idea) and puts Takemi under her spell is when the fic really gets going. I do really like all of that. Seeing the tough Takemi in such a state was GREAT. Knowing how tough Takemi is, I didn't want her to fall immediately. It seemed appropriate to me that she would be strong enough to resist, and I felt like it did a good job in showing how strong she is, since she doesn't have the power of a persona to help her resist.

One of my favorite parts is when Sonya sits on Takemi's lap, feels her legs, and run her fingers up the straps of Takemi's heels. And then, of course, there's the smoke-filled kiss. To me, THAT was THE moment of the fic.

Another part I wanted to hint more at with this fic was the flaw in Sonya's reasoning. Of course she is distorted to the point of getting a Palace so it's safe to assume she isn't the fully benevolent person she says she is, but I wanted to emphasize that a bit more here. She has the right intent in her mind, but the line about her now having an excuse to "save" Takemi since she knows she is trying to investigate her is such an thin one. She states that she has her morals and that's why she wouldn't do it before, but the fact that she is willing to break her moral code for such a flimsy reason shows that crack in her "morals" even if she doesn't see it herself. But stuff like that is why I find writing for Sonya so interesting, because she isn't like the other villianess' I tend to write who have almost no morals at all.

At the end of the day, I do enjoy this fic quite a lot more than I originally did, though I would be lying if I didn't admit that some part of me still feels like it's not exactly how I wanted it to turn out and that it's still missing that "something", though, again, it is still a lot closer to that intended vision now than it was before. Big, BIG thank you to Setokaiva for the edits on this chapter, and for helping me to finally make this into the chapter I always thought it could be. They were a big, big help :)

So what did you think of this chapter, either now or when you first read it? Am I just being crazy and this chapter is fine? Or did you feel this chapter was missing something too? Just let me know, and don't be afraid to say whatever you're feeling lol, it's okay.

Thank you for reading everyone! I hope you liked the new version of this chapter!