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Villains, Round 2 ... and 17 minutes of odd (Patreon)

Published:
2024-05-04 14:24:13
Imported:
2026-06
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Downloads

  • jerk - SN.mp3
  • I Recognized Your Screams 2022.pdf

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Poll

Villains, Round 2 ... and 17 minutes of odd

  • The Droditch – 'D.N.K.' 98
  • Fiona – 'elements' 86
  • George Vidhor - 'bots' 21
  • The Singers of Songs – 'Let No One Walk Beside Her' 57
  • The Baker – 'The Crack' and 'excursion' 71
  • The ghost in the bar - 'summoners' 38
  • 2024-05-03
  • 371 votes
{'title': 'Villains, Round 2 ... and 17 minutes of odd', 'choices': [{'text': "The Droditch – 'D.N.K.'", 'votes': 98}, {'text': "Fiona – 'elements'", 'votes': 86}, {'text': "George Vidhor - 'bots'", 'votes': 21}, {'text': "The Singers of Songs – 'Let No One Walk Beside Her'", 'votes': 57}, {'text': "The Baker – 'The Crack' and 'excursion'", 'votes': 71}, {'text': "The ghost in the bar - 'summoners'", 'votes': 38}], 'closes_at': None, 'created_at': datetime.datetime(2024, 5, 3, 23, 48, 38, tzinfo=datetime.timezone.utc), 'description': None, 'allow_multiple': False, 'total_votes': 371}

Content

Congratulations to the tarp from tarp for getting through to the finals of the 2024 Knifepoint Horror Villain Playoffs! But that was as easy as it gets, you… tarp. Today's Round 2, I think, has some trickier choices for you. Cast your vote below for the best evil, and enjoy the democratic process while it’s still a thing!

Moving on from this deeply serious business, we also have the latest entry in the free audio fiction series that The New Yorker says “represents the sad and embarrassing death throes of a once promising imagination.” Soren Narnia’s Unchallenging Campfire Tales is back in action with the attached story that I call jerk. (I’m not gonna lie; the titling process for this one was not extensive.)

Attached to this post you'll also find an early script adaptation I wrote for possession.

Finally, because Saturday nights are made for lingering in Twitch chat feeds, that’s where you’ll find me tonight as part of my occasional narration joints for the host of Let’s Not Meet, Andy Tate. Andy has me and a few other podcasty folks read near-anonymous creepypastas on video and all are invited to come, comment, gossip, and be inspired to maybe submit your own story to Andy's shows. Tonight at 10 Eastern, 7 Pacific at twitch.tv/crypticcounty.

Okay, back to work I go on May’s upcoming tale. See ya!

ROUND 2's VILLAINS... you can choose only one...

Files

Previews only

Comments

RetroBot

I’m afraid this one HAS to go to the Singers of Songs! They’ve got the creep factor, the numbers, the ephemeral dread. And honestly the best branding potential with that hard af name!

Dougal

Obviously had to vote for George Vidhor, beep boop.

David Greenspan

The ghost in the bar is a newbie but a strong contender nonetheless. Really excited to see how they pan out, Phil. You're absolutely right, Tony, they're an up and comer for sure. Lots of hype over their reality shifting abilities. Will they live up to it? Only time will tell. Now back to Brian for the weather. I hear it's cloudy with a chance of...human viscera? That can't be right.

Tanya S.

FIRST, if The New Yorker really did say that about you it's time to throw hands, as well as knives, which cut off the hands I will throw at them. SECOND, I want to vote The Singers of Songs but you said 'best evil' and they, in my opinion, are not evil at all. So I voted The Droditch because it seems less discriminating in its morality.

James McClenathen

It's Fiona for me. Equal parts tragic and terrifying. The Far Spider did her dirty.

Monica Sheakley

DNK is one of the episodes I’ve listened to countless times. I love how it’s set up as a commentary and I love the mystery behind the Droditch AND the fact we never learn really anything about it!! Mysterious monsters are the most realistic and also scariest!

Kayley Grissom

Darn!! Was hoping Dennis from ‘Digs’ would be on this list… He always terrified me.

Soren Narnia
>>137055291

"It's time to throw hands, as well as knives, which cut off the hands I will throw at them" -- the best deleted line from 'Austin Powers'

Soren Narnia
>>137055483

Dennis was a composite of all the ever-suffering low-level residential managers I have dealt with, the ones who keep trying to put a brave face on a truly thankless job (as opposed to the ones who don't even have an office in the building and laugh at the residents' plight from miles away).

Soren Narnia
>>137055265

'Viscera' is another fun word to substitute in the titles of classic books and movies during long family car trips.

SF

Tough one...Droditch, Singers, and Fiona (even while quite sympathetic) all left an impression that comes back immediately as I read this list, but..."Summoners" freaked me out like no KH has in a while (I thought I had established a very manly tolerance!) so even though a bit of a non-character I think that's where I have to land.

Brendan

Good to see Tarp got through the first round. Never underestimate the power of tarp! Tarp's going all the way this year! This is a trickier pick, but I'm going for the Droditch too. I know D.N.K. is a well-regarded story, and rightly so. But it's the confounding nature of the Droditch that works so well for me. Everyone in the story knows of it in a way we don't. We get descriptive glimpses, we get impressions and retellings, which is so effective in making what could otherwise be a "Grrr, scary" big rubber monster sort of fascinatingly dreadful... or dreadfully fascinating.

Emily T

Elements was my first KPH episode and she not only stabbed a lady AND a pig through a mattress with a giant cutlass, she set fire to an entire forest. Fiona has got my vote. She is so chaotic that there’s something almost disinterested about her violence and that truly freaks me out. She’s incredibly calm because all of her threats come true; she’s got nothing to lose and nothing to prove.

Elise R

"One day I will walk on a carpet of the dead" is the most metal breakup line in history. Fiona all the way!

Benjamin Welvaert

Droditch all the way! D.N.K reminded me of a nightmare I had as a child that I can still remember to this day(I’m 29).

Justin Dubin

IMO the most heinous villain is “Big Pharma” and their relentless pushing of the highly dangerous and addictive Z-Sominol onto compromised folks in recovery!

James McClenathen

Wondering if Dr H. from "A Compendium for Halloween" will enter the lists. Dude really got under my skin.

Doug Reed

I’ve been obsessed with the singers of songs for years now. Really scary, enough to kill the whole world and require death by a literal ancient rotting hand. My bracket is at 100% so far, so I’m sticking with this one!

Alex Fulcrum

intently watching the electoral map, i am awaiting the 2024 Droditch sweep. that thing is one of my favorite monsters from ANYTHING.

Mark Matics
>>137077071

I would put the Droditch into a Call of Cthulhu story but it seems even more unfair than that game usually is. "Where is it *now*?"

Kim Nowaczyk

‘Let No One Walk Beside Her’ has been lulling me off to sleep for several nights now (in a good way!) so my vote was easy 👍. All are great candidates, tho!

Bernard Ng

I'm embarrased to say I finally know how to spell "droditch".

Oni

The Baker must be hangry. Her ability to hypnotize people is legendary.

Oni
>>137077071

We need a Droditch watch similar to the NORAD Santa one, only scarier.

Nicole Michele

Listening to Fields last night....The Singers cross over!

Kim Nowaczyk
>>137067824

Gotta root for the singers! Those apocalyptic little kids and their creepy hand clapping announcing their approach freak me out every time 😱

K. Lem

Gotta go with the woman who ran into a twister- Fiona FTW!

Hilde Marciniak

I voted for George Vidhor because i would fight for Sammie & Joel. The Singers gave me the creeps so very much. Bravo!

Brian J

Droditch, Singers, and Fiona in the same poll, brutal!

Thomas Little

As with any election, I vote policy over popularity, so I'm going with the ghost from 'summoners'. Being the new kid is going to work against him, but to infiltrate the minds of the innocent in order to axe-murder children in their sleep is the type of bold and ambitious attitude I want to see in my villains.

Chris Dabb

Do you want to see my feet? DO. YOU. WANT. TO. SEE. MY FEET?!! I WILL WALK ON A CARPET OF THE DEAD!! - Vote Fiona 2024

Sara Fleming

The singers of song remind me of the PTSD I have from attending toddler birthday parties when my own little demons were young. So of course I voted for them.

Soren Narnia
>>137142163

STORY IDEA: Elderly parents summon their adult children home, tie them up, and make them listen to every terrible song they used to beg the folks to sing again and again and again and again and again

Jessica Morris

Fiona is one of the most amazing characters I’ve encountered in anything. I was kind of rooting for her to be granted the promised transformation, even though she would have destroyed the world.

Jill E Merrill
>>137058599

Sorry about your nightmare, Benjamin. I see you and raiser you one. I can still remember in vivid detail a nightmare I had when I was about seven. I'm 68 now. Soren's really good, but there's nothing that terrifies more than our sleeping minds.

Jill E Merrill

Singers of Songs. For sure. Because their terror is so subtle. Nothing even objectively scary about them. Except their existence and every single thing about them. And btw, there's nothing more disappointing than waking up Sunday morning and reading about an absolutely fantastic video program that streamed live Saturday night.

Erin Rae

Bots definitely scared me the most but weirdly not because of the villain. Just that sort of lingering despair of how life can change so suddenly. Think this one has to go to the Singers of Songs

Benjamin Welvaert
>>137058599

Jeez! Very interesting how our minds and memories work, things we hold on to for really no good reason other than the strangeness and oddity a nightmare brings us. What was the nightmare if you don’t mind me asking?

Zach Martin

Shittt I know what's going to be #1 before I even select an answer, but still this is a really tough one. Honestly going to have to be contrarian and pick Fiona because I admire her sheer force of will. Praise The Far Spider.

Martin Kühl

I voted for Fiona because she's the *best*, but I have to disagree with her being called a "villain". The villain in that story is very clearly the narrator's inability to emotionally handle meeting a woman with actual agency, initiative, and sexuality!

Ryan Fahey

This is a tough draw - I would have preferred having Fiona and the Baker face off in the finals. That said, for anyone who votes against the Baker, the recipe IS DEATH!

Soren Narnia
>>137675074

Man, I hate it when the recipe is death! I mean, it's not as bad as when the prescription is murder, but it still sucks!

Lori K.

Still stinging from the ignominious loss of Shirley Frost in round one, I have voted for another femme fatale, Fiona, in round two! I await the arrival of Doggo…another bitch?? 😉

Lori K.

I am throwin’ down!!!

elliot

i want fiona to r u i n me

elliot
>>139029706

also funny to think about fiona attempting to become a giant elemental starfish, or whatever, but ALSO having to masquerade as a graphic designer and dealing with mid-level clients who are like, "can this white be lighter but also darker" and misusing "tone", "hue", and "saturation".

BB Schaiks
>>137056523

Elements and Twelve Tiny Cabins were my first two KPH episodes and I listened to them, by complete coincidence, while driving to Southern Illinois to start an MFA program- some kind of harmonic convergence - I bonded to KPH instantly

BB Schaiks
>>137056523

It’s not often that you hear great stories name check small towns in southern Illinois!