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Patron Editing: Borne of Caution - Act 2: Chapter 16 - Part 1 (Patreon)

Published:
2023-03-20 23:19:55
Imported:
2026-06

Content

Quick announcement before you all dive in. I know I've been missing a lot of the deadlines I set for myself, and in response to that, I'm going to stop using hard deadlines. I don't know if I'm psyching myself out with them or what, but the one update per ten days thing is becoming a general guideline rather than a hard schedule. I'm hoping to keep to at least three or four updates a month for anything, however. I assure you I'm not sitting and twiddling my thumbs, as this chapter had probably 35,000 words worth of revisions and got so big that it needed to be split. Part two is on the way, so hang tight.

Anyway, enjoy.EDITING HELP https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TwNxaik5pMd-jkXLyfEjLMwyanleA0WF7MnmDjbJjGw/edit?usp=sharing READ ONLY https://docs.google.com/document/d/1asRGQb25eCfB33jPWMaH6f9X7SEsyAPAyiwnI0hlDQg/edit?usp=sharing

Comments

Seadrake

This is brilliant, and I totally agree with Lee's reaction to Maxie being there. Lee is just halfway through his first gym route, Maxie can fight Steven Stone as a worthy opponent.

Sean

Is part 2 coming out today?

Giant Sloth

Sigh. I’m frustrated. But the good kind. I can’t wait to read the next chapter 😭😥

WirelessGrapes

Whatever Brendan has decided, he is resolute. Which is very interesting given that the last thing that had been said before Maxie interrupt was the groundshaking (hehe) reveal of Groudon, which was uncontested by the Admins. Maxie shows up, and Brendan is almost as deferential to him as Courtney is. I don't think we've seen him be anything but a snarky teenager to authority (correction, he was in awe of Steven Stone), and that kind of reaction is strong for only being passed on from Courtney. Is Brendan about to smash this TE machine? Edit: Oh shit while rereading previous things I remembered that Courtney's Swellow is absolutely gonna do something here

WirelessGrapes

Oh lmao I also just realized that Lee is actually the perfect person to give a scientific explanation of why Magma's plan is fucking stupid

Russell Todd

That would be baller as fuck if he does.

WirelessGrapes

Lee and Zinnia are scrambling to keep up with Maxie and, just before the killing blow is landed, with a little monologue, we hear a piercing "NOOOOOOO" and Tabitha is kneeling in front of a wet, sparking machine. Then Steven Stone interrupts

Russell Todd

Now that they know what claydol can do, they can under no circumstances leave brendan there. Birch would have their heads and probably come off the bench to personally exact revenge on Maxie if anything happened to Brendan. Also, im sure that what Maxie and claydol have been doing is beyond illegal and warrants a no holds barred response from the league.

Planetace

Pure, unfiltered Terror. That is my beat description of how you wrote Maxie. In the games, the player would face off against Maxie in increasing steps, tying off against him a battle similar to a faux Champion. But here? His power *shows*, he isnt some weekly villain, but a mountain to be surmounted, a literal Champions level of power buried within a mask of actual villainy. Not only is he written to be so potently destructive, but his mannerisms and thought process show him to be best described as a pure sociopath. Manipulative, coniving, pragmatic and logical to no fault. He regards everything as a chessboard, and him the chessmaster. People are but tools, even his most loyal and treasured could be discarded, albiet likely without great pain on how difficult it would be to acquire equal talent. As other comments have posited, I think Brendan hasn't been fully swayed. Everyone has been expecting it, but from a story point of the view that idea of *another* party split POV would probably be grating to the viewers. Brendan is likely plotting something, possibly involving breaking the TE machine while Lee and Zinnia are fighting for their lives against an unstoppable force.

SwiftFate

Right off the bat with a fight against Maxie. Good. Lee needs a true challenge to pit himself against, something to break that hesitation he has when it comes to being a proper trainer. He lacks a goal, a purpose, aside from simply flying by and occasionally having spurts of inspiration, his trauma has kept him shackled with this mindset that getting stronger holds no purpose, or going down that path of being a champion. He wants to make positive change, and is still looking at it from the perspective of a different world, however the reality of the Pokemon world is that those in power? They are the strongest trainers. THEY are the ones that affect change. Lee needs a more concrete goal for not just himself, but his pokemon. Win or lose a fight against Maxie, hopefully that teaches him that unless he steps up..Stuff like this isn't just going to disappear. The world MIGHT have other potential heroes and leaders willing to step up, but his potential is wasted with the attitude he has had until now.

Voligne

Rayquaza is going to kill us all you Mook! XD

Anonykor (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-05 20:00 Brendan is so cringe. I hope his recruitment ends up being a trick because his reaction to Lee's revelations almost broke my suspension of disbelief. There are multiple reasons established within the story why he wouldn't join Magma. Some of them are actually discussed or acknowledged in the writing, so I don't think it's neccasarily reader bias. If he truly joins at this point, I'm assuming mind control because I can't come up with a better reason. I can't even say seduction because I don't thnk he's old enough for his balls to have dropped yet. But otherwise, great update. This chapter definitely evoked an emotional response from me which is a rare thing. This is one of the best Pokemon fics of all time.
2023-03-21 01:55

Fuggmann

Part 2 is coming out in the next few days

Charles Moeller

They didn't pet ninetales even once in the chapter. Sad.

Tyric Gaias

Ohhh I LOVE this. I've been wondering on how I feel about Lee and this describes it perfectly.

Teatime42

I hope he does, because otherwise this contrasted with his OWN info he's holding back? About the life he wanted to save Lee from? God I hate the "You've done everything to help me, and been by me, and taught me, but you didn't tell me about the secrets the chick I like was keeping from me and she did eventually when she potentially had no other choice I'm just gonna follow her now." type mentality. A bait and switch would be great.

Teatime42

I guess hormones are a type of mind control, but yeah, it's going reeeaaally against previous writing. It's been shown that he's actually incredibly insightful in the past, so him just taking things at face value is rough.

Green0Photon

I loved this chapter so much. Amazing writing! Totally worth the wait. Not really worrying too much with the cliffhanger. Just pure good writing.

MrPerson0

Brendan doing that would probably redeem him in everyone's eyes.

Stavros Istoria

Well, when faced with "love", it can make people blind to see the truth. This goes the same for Courtney. This said, Brendan is showing a lot more internal struggle than I expected, still leaning towards team magma, but yah more so in what is shown. Also I still believe that Brendan is unfortunately taking the place for zinnia, in this timeline, since Lee was able to draw zinnia into a path where she could most likely rely on others, since in the game zinnia was the one that helped team magma/aqua, believing them to be able to help her/the world/her trial. Though with the new knowledge that Lee has brought up, will open Lee up to questions from zinnia on how he knew their plans.

Bapping

i joined the patreon to avoid stressful cliffhangers, but the tension in the latest chapters along with this one has me clinging on by my fingernails. god damn, but also, well done

WirelessGrapes

After rereading a couple times, I think the only thing that really rubbed me the wrong way about the chapter was that, even if Brendan turns on Magma, his vehemence that Magma is good and helping them is what his new life's goal is just feels so abrupt. Kinda like a college student going 100% into a new volunteer group in a week to chase a girl or something. It's only been like 5 days in story, max, that Brendan has known what Magma's about. We haven't seen any of Brendan's discussions with Courtney about the details, and so him just tossing aside his dream to follow Magma is so weird after his scene in Act 2 Chapter 10, where he is honing in on becoming the Champion to save his friend and mentor from the responsibility. Maybe some insistence on his part that he could do both instead of saying that it was more important than his dream? I loved the playing on his insecurities and the manipulation, but just really biting the bait that hard is a lot. I guess it depends on where you plan on taking the resolution, but overall Brendan felt very flip floppy. Like, dude is a shonen character lol, even if the fic is less shonen-y.

Shil Modi

I actually agree with this. Brennan has felt way too uncertain and insecure, in complete contrast to his normally upbeat and somewhat confident self. On the other hand, though, he is a 10/12 year old. If anything, it just goes to show just how disgusting and irredeemable Courtney is. Lee also feels weirdly indecisive in his explanations in this. He's faltering and stuttering when he should be confidently listing off flaws in Magma's plans and their completely unfounded claims.

WirelessGrapes

I think Lee being hesitant and unsure is a good response, not even just in a Doylist perspective to put the ball in Brendan's court. He's not been seeing what Courtney has been doing to him, even though he suspects. This is catching him extremely off guard and he's really scared of pushing Brendan's buttons the wrong way and really driving him off. Lee isn't a social wizard, and you can't really do "reasons why you suck" speeches IRL. And I think the opposite about Brendan, I think he should be more unsure

BelligerentGnu

Please in the name of all that is good and holy let this be the way things are going. That would line up perfectly with the way Brendan's character has been written so far.

Cynocephali

I've been looking forward to this for weeks now. The anticipation has been killing me. 35,000 words of revisions huh, that sounds like a nightmare. I'm going to enjoy this one!

Cynocephali

Brilliant! Utterly magnificent! It's far far better than I envisioned. From the slowly swelling tension like a growing shadow, to the small sparks of hope as Lee and Zinnia poured their hearts out and Brendan's resolve faltered. A wonderful piece. Glad to see you are already putting what you've learned to use. I looked forward to seeing how defy expectations. I must say, this chapter was certainly full of surprises even after you made everything seem so well foreshadowed and set in stone.

Clay Smith

All I gotta say, is Brandon can do this…whatever. But there has to be repercussions. 0 chance that Lee or Zinnia should ever trust him again considering they both aren’t trusting people to start. If he comes saves them at the last second, it shouldn’t matter. As far as I am concerned he is a terrorist.

(K) KaurisAzurai

Brendan must be playing the long game. Even being a hormonal teenager doesn't make him this stupid. Unless claydol has gotten to him already. Somehow.

balder harbo

A lot of people seem to think Brendans actions in this chapter are illogical.But i dont think so and here is why. 1. Brendan is a very young and emotional person, a fact that a lot of people forget because of his talent in methodical and logical pokemon battling, something that doesnt necessarily translate over to every other aspect of his life. 2. The person that he is in love with has had a lot of time to convince him of Magmas ideas, if Lee had some more time to talk with him im sure he would be turned around but currently its days worth of convincing from his love against a last minute undetailed talk from his longtime friend.

ToolsOfTrypticon (Tryptine Advanced)

Got to say I really enjoyed this chapter. I was worried I might not considering all the controversy with it (and maybe those people are right, who am I to say?) but, no, I enjoyed it plenty and am looking forward to more as always.