The Game Changer - ch. 6 (Patreon)

Aaaand to award the general patience of the last month, here we go!

We all (and Abbie) have waited so long for the truth to come out...

About That Night, anyway. Some other truths won't be revealed until later :)

----------TGC------------

Chapter Six

Rose kept her arms wrapped around her waist as she walked side-by-side with Nathan in the parking garage after dinner. Cassie was on his back, enjoying her piggyback ride as they walked in the direction of where they’d both parked after Cassie’s game.

“That was unexpected, huh?” Nathan asked, turning his head to look at Rose.

“Quite,” she murmured, her lips tugging into a frown.

Yes, running into Abbie, who was out with Daniele, as they were all going out to the same restaurant for dinner – unexpected was the least colorful adjective Rose could think of to describe their evening.

Finding out Abbie wasn’t married.

Abbie learning about her impending divorce.

Whatever that encounter had been in the bathroom? Abbie referring to the night they’d had sex as the biggest mistake she’d ever made. Rose grit her teeth at that, putting considerable energy into not thinking about it.

“I thought it was hilarious when Daniele pulled out Abbie’s issue of Sports Illustrated and asked her to sign it.” Nathan chuckled. “I wish we’d brought our copy!”

“Your copy,” Rose was quick to sharply correct, feeling her cheeks burn at the very implication.

Obviously, she’d been aware of Abbie’s Sports Illustrated cover; it had been everywhere after her first Olympic win. Everyone they’d gone to school with had been chatting about it, which should have been easy enough for Rose to avoid, given that she no longer maintained contact with anyone from school other than Nathan. However, Nathan’s group of friends that he still kept in touch with had talked about it enough, that her husband had been the one to bring it to her attention.

The irony was not lost on her.

Rose had done her very fucking best to not look at the cover. To not seek out the fact that – there Abbie fucking Dalton – Parker? – was, all toned, lithe muscle and bright blue eyes and wind-swept blonde hair.

She’d done a good job of it, too. Until Nathan had returned home from work with a physical copy and excitedly shoved it in her face. “That’s Abbie! Our Abbie! This is insane!”

Our Abbie.

God, something about hearing Nathan refer to her like that had made Rose’s stomach turn. There was nothing theirs about Abbie. She belonged to neither of them, in any way.

But, of course she’d been unable to avoid staring, then.

She’d seen Abbie in games, of course. But games on TV were so very different than that fucking cover.

Nathan shrugged. “Yeah, okay. If I’d known we’d be running into her, I would have brought my copy.”

“I’m glad you didn’t have that on hand. Absolutely ridiculous,” she muttered, narrowing her eyes at the visual of Daniele teasingly batting her eyelashes at Abbie, handing her the magazine and a sharpie as they’d been awaiting their check.

“Come on, Ab. I’m in the very unique position of having my first love featured on the cover of Sports Illustrated. If you don’t sign it, no one will ever believe me,” Daniele had playfully begged.

Rose grimaced at the thought. Sickening.

Especially because Abbie had clearly been uncomfortable with the attention. Her cheeks had been so red, and she’d immediately cut Cassie a distressed look.

Which Rose had found very endearing.

Nathan lightly jostled her with his shoulder. “It was all in good fun. And let’s be honest, here: Abbie’s hot!”

“Nathan,” she hissed, feeling her cheeks flushing, as she shot a pointed look at Cassie.

Nathan shot her an incredulous stare. “What? Cassie’s half-asleep.” For good measure, he walked with an extra bounce in his step. Indeed, their daughter burrowed closer into his back, releasing an adorably sleepy sigh.

To his credit, he lowered his voice when he spoke again. “Come on. You don’t think Abbie’s hot? Especially on that cover?” He looked at her meaningfully, a little spark of excitement in his voice as he whispered, “Kind of crazy to talk about something like that with you, now. Women being attractive.”

A muscle in Rose’s jaw twitched, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to smile at him or groan. “It’s… something,” she agreed, without answering the question at hand.

It was absolutely wild, was what it was. But in a good way. In the best way, truly, given the way Nathan had taken everything she’d laid on him in the last six months in stride.

“Crazy how many lesbians were in our graduating class, now that I’m really thinking about it,” he pondered.

“Is it?” She murmured, wryly. “We lived in gendered dorms through our teenage years.”

He barked out a laugh, nodding thoughtfully. “True, true.”

She was grateful for the ensuing quiet so she could retreat back into her thoughts.

Especially the thoughts regarding what had played out at the very end of their dinner, as they’d all been getting ready to leave. Rose had taken Cassie to the bathroom, and on her way back, she’d seen Abbie and Daniele embracing.

That alone was enough to make her roll her eyes – they weren’t, by their own admission, romantically involved anymore. So why in the fuck were they touching so much all night?

But that irritation had dissipated, zapped away entirely, as she’d overheard Daniele murmur, “I’ll take a look at the scans you sent me and get back to you ASAP. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me, okay?”

Rose’s stomach twisted so violently and hadn’t stopped since she’d overheard that comment twenty minutes ago. She couldn’t get it out of her mind, and it immediately superseded anything else from tonight. Anything about Daniele or about Abbie’s biggest regret being that they’d slept together.

They made it to Nathan’s car, and Rose reached up to gently lift Cassie off of his back.

After the soccer game, a large dinner, and riveting conversation to eavesdrop and take part in, she was entirely unsurprised at the way her daughter essentially melted into her, reaching up to wrap her small arms around Rose’s neck.

If there was anything that could soothe her right now, it was this. And she took a moment to revel in it, closing her eyes to inhale Cassie’s scent as she rubbed little circles into her back with the arm that wasn’t lifting her up. “Love you, Cassie.”

Cassie yawned. “Love you, too.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Rose leaned back enough to press a quick kiss to Cassie’s soft, warm cheek.

She stepped forward closer to the car, appreciating that Nathan had taken advantage of the last minute to unlock it and open the back door, clearing the way for her to put Cassie into her car seat. 

As she buckled her daughter up, Cassie blinked her eyes open – no one loved fighting against drowsiness like Cassie did. Tonight, though, that was Nathan’s cross to bear.

“Mom – mom – wait,” Cassie kicked her feet out, blinking herself into wakefulness.

Rose paused. “Yes?”

“I had so much fun tonight with Abbie and, um, Daniele! Can we have dinner with them again?” Cassie asked, some of her excitement from the very idea of another dinner with Abbie and Daniele clearly perking her up.

Rose managed to contain her grimace at Daniele, but just barely. “We’ll see.” Before Cassie could press her further – because she absolutely would – Rose reached down and lightly squeezed her daughter’s knee. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she reiterated.

“’Kay!” Cassie chirped back, before she reached down to procure one of her stuffed animals from the backseat next to her.

Satisfied that her daughter was secured, she leaned back to look up at Nathan. “What were Abbie and Daniele talking about, when I took Cassie to the bathroom?” She asked, mindful to keep her voice down.

Nathan looked at her quizzically. “Huh?”

Impatiently, Rose crossed her arms, staring intently up at him. “When I came back from the bathroom, Abbie and Daniele were hugging.”

Nathan slowly nodded. “Yeah?”

The obliviousness, she swore…  “And they were talking. Do you know what it was about?”

After all, he’d been right there!

He shook his head, frowning. “No. I mean, it seemed private. They were being quiet, so I assumed they didn’t want me to hear it.”

Rose reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose. At the end of the day, she’d always appreciated Nathan’s innate goodness. She’d certainly appreciated that he never pushed or pried for information people weren’t ready to give him; she’d certainly benefitted from it.

Depending on how one looked at the situation, of course.  

Either way, how could she be frustrated when that kindness was extended to other people?

Reasonably, she couldn’t.

Unreasonably, she needed to know why the fuck Abbie was sending scans to Daniele, the oncologist.

“All right.” She cleared her throat, shaking back her hair. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

He nodded, somehow looking like one of the most handsome men she’d ever seen but also like an obedient puppy at the same time. “Yep. I’ll text you when I’m going to bring Cassie over.”

She managed a small smile at him as he waved, before she walked around the front of his car to get into her own, parked next to him.

She sat in the driver’s seat, closing the door behind her, the quiet of her car engulfing her. Giving her a moment alone with her thoughts. She mechanically waved at Nathan as he pulled out of his spot, settling back in her seat.

How could she approach this conversation with Abbie? She was positive it wouldn’t be well-received.

But she also couldn’t not bring it up.

She sighed as she heard her phone vibrate in her purse, believing that it was Nathan. He’d probably stopped at the exit and texted because… Cassie had left something in her purse? Because she’d dropped something in his car? To make sure her car was working before he truly started on his way home?

Fishing her phone out, she tapped on the screen. And her grip tightened on it as the absolute surprise rushed through her at the sight of the name on her screen that she hadn’t seen in a very long time.

Abbie Dalton – 7:53P.M.I think we should talk.

Rose Elliston – 7:53P.M.I couldn’t agree more.

Where and when works best for you?

She frowned down at her phone as she stared at Abbie’s contact information, quickly editing it. Abbie might have a new last name, but she wasn’t married. Even if Rose didn’t know the story behind it, she didn’t feel that ugly, simmering feeling. Abbie Parker had a decent ring to it, now that she thought with a clear mind.

Abbie Parker – 7:54P.M.Now? Your place?

Absolutely floored, Rose slouched back in her seat for a few beats, her nerves entangling painfully.

Why her house? What did that mean?

She supposed she’d find out soon enough, as she texted Abbie her address, and put her key into the ignition.

***

Generally speaking, in the scope of her life, Rose didn’t consider herself an overly lucky person.

As she pulled into her driveway a half hour later, she couldn’t help but feel that – at this moment, at the very least – she was a little lucky.

Because… Abbie was here, just as she said she’d be.

A Rav4 was already parked on one side of Rose’s garage, though, as she slowly pulled up next to it, Abbie wasn’t inside.

Shutting her car off, she got out and turned to look over toward her front porch. To find Abbie sitting on the steps, her elbows resting on her knees, chin resting on top of her arms.

The light from Rose’s porch illuminated Abbie’s blonde hair, as the sun had now almost completely set. Her hair that was now tossed up into a ponytail, whereas it had been down at dinner.

Locking her car, she rolled her shoulders and started toward Abbie, who quickly, swiftly, stood up as Rose approached.

“I have to admit, I find it interesting this is where you wanted to meet?” She asked, arching an eyebrow at Abbie as she gestured behind her. At her own front door.

When faced with the actuality of Abbie coming into her home, she felt her nerves buzz to life. Having Abbie in her personal, private space felt – daunting. When they’d been teenagers and Abbie had come up to her dorm room, Rose had felt overwhelmed by it. And back then, her room had essentially been… a shell.

She’d very deliberately, very mindfully not put anything up around her room that could reveal too much about herself, to anyone that ever saw inside. Having Abbie be privy to that for that one day had terrified Rose as much as it thrilled her.

With the prospect of this, of Abbie coming into her home… she felt a little daunted all over again.

This space belonged to her, unlike her dorm room. This house was hers – hers and Cassie’s – and the prospect of showing it to Abbie gave her that same feeling. Anxiety but still a little thrill of excitement.

Why did Abbie want to come here? Did she want a glimpse of Rose’s real life? Was she curious –

Abbie crossed her arms, shooting her a glare. “I think this conversation could potentially get ugly, and I didn’t want to potentially cause a scene in a public place.”

Ah. All right then. Rose’s stomach sank slightly, as she bit her cheek and accepted Abbie’s comment with a nod.

That was fine, then. Whatever.

Frankly, she still wasn’t even sure what Abbie felt they needed to talk about, yet. Right now, that was irrelevant to her.

Because that unsettled, actually terrified feeling made her feel sick, and she crossed her arms right back. She didn’t need to venture into her house in order to ask what she needed to know.

In fact, she couldn’t wait that long to ask, because she needed an answer. “Are you sick?”

Abbie reeled back, her lips twisting into an offended scowl. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Absolutely, entirely out of patience when it came to this – to something that actually fucking mattered very, very much – Rose quickly walked up the steps so she and Abbie were on even footing. She wanted to look into Abbie’s eyes, to make sure she could tell if Abbie was being honest with her. Abbie had never worn a great poker face, and Rose had always appreciated it about her, especially right now.

“I’m not asking if you’re sick in the head or something, Abbie,” she clarified hastily, searching Abbie’s gaze as she pressed, “I’m asking if you are sick?”

Abbie’s forehead wrinkled in confusion, as she stared right back at Rose from those mere inches away. “Why are you asking me that?” She asked rather than answer the fucking question.

Which only made Rose want to reach out and shake her, the anxiety threading through her even more intensely.

She dug her nails into her arms, instead. “Because I couldn’t help but hear what Daniele said to you when we were leaving the restaurant. She’s – as you so proudly informed me – an oncologist, and apparently, she’s going to look at scans for you? She wants you to call her if you need anything including a referral? Why?” She pressed, intently.

“So, you were eavesdropping,” Abbie surmised reproachfully, rocking back on her heels.

“Yes. Fine. So what?” Rose snapped back. She wasn’t going to deny it, because – why should she? Eavesdropping wasn’t a crime, and her need to know the truth – the need to know about Abbie’s health – was far more important than that. “Is that why you’re back here? Is that why you retired so unexpectedly? Because you–”

She choked on the words, unable to even speak it into existence.

No, she and Abbie hadn’t been in one another’s lives in a long time. No, Abbie’s health and well-being had no effect on Rose’s life.

But – but Abbie was so young and so talented and so good, and the very idea of the possibility that she might not exist on this earth stole the air, painfully, from her lungs.

She stared, beseechingly, at Abbie. “Can you just answer the question, Abbie?”

Her throat ached with how tight it felt, the words barely above a whisper.

The hard edge in Abbie’s expression faded as she studied Rose, blinking several times. A raw, vulnerable look edged in and –

God, no.

“I’m not sick,” Abbie murmured, finally.

Rose’s knees felt weak, her cheeks heating, as she felt her lungs fill with a much needed deep inhale. Jesus. Okay.

“My mom is,” she continued, her voice dipping to a pained whisper. “That’s why I’m here.”

Whatever relief she’d felt faded a bit. Granted, she couldn’t help but be entirely selfishly relieved that it wasn’t Abbie. But, at the devastated expression on Abbie’s face, Rose felt a tightness in her own chest in sympathy.  

She had recollections of Abbie’s mom – both of them – and how much Abbie had adored them. How much they’d adored her right back.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she murmured, softly. “Is she…?”

Abbie released a shaky sigh, rolling her shoulders. “She’s – she’s going to be okay. Probably. We think. I just…” Those laser-sharp blue eyes closed tightly. “I just wanted Daniele to confirm everything her doctors have said. I just wanted someone I know and trust to confirm it’s going to be okay.”

Rose nodded, some of the inherent enmity she’d felt from tonight fading, as well. She couldn’t begrudge Abbie that; if Daniele could provide something so comforting, then – that was a good thing.

She wasn’t, by nature, a very soft or comforting person. She knew that about herself. But she couldn’t stop herself from feeling the need to do… something. Carefully, she reached out and rested her hand on Abbie’s forearm. Gently stroking her thumb over her warm, bare skin.

Upon contact, though, Abbie froze, opening her eyes and looking down at the contact. Rose felt the tension work through Abbie’s body under her touch, before she pointedly stepped back, and Rose’s hand fell down to her side.

She curled it into a fist, tingling at the contact and feeling rejected in equal measure. Clearly she wasn’t providing comfort to Abbie the way Daniele did.

“We’re not here to talk about my mom.”

“Actually, that topic is exactly what I wanted to clarify,” Rose returned, honestly.

Abbie narrowed her eyes at her.

Rose tilted her jaw up at Abbie, refusing to back down. “Okay, then, why did you want to meet me tonight?”

Now that she’d had her question answered, she was undeniably curious about what Abbie wanted to discuss so desperately, she was wanting to meet Rose on a Friday night at her house, when it seemed that spending time alone with Rose was something Abbie actively wanted to avoid.

“Because we have to talk about that night. In college,” Abbie clarified, sharply, gritting her teeth as she spoke.

The clarification was needless, really, because Rose knew immediately what night she was referring to.

Now that the issue of Abbie’s health had been smoothed over, though, Rose was thrown right back to the other comment that had been made tonight that had turned her into knots.

“Oh, the night that was your biggest mistake?” She snarked, echoing Abbie’s comment.

But she didn’t want to look at Abbie, anymore. She didn’t want to hold Abbie’s honest, clear blue stare when Abbie talked about the night they’d had sex like it was the bane of her existence.

That night had meant a lot of things to Rose, it had been a memory she’d revisited many times over the years, and sometimes, not all of her feelings about it were positive. Sometimes, she’d felt like she was drowning from the reality of her life, and wondered if spending a night with Abbie had been a mistake. Because… because it was like she was drowning and she’d reached out and grasped a flotation device, only for the flotation device to be ripped out of her hands. A brief flash of hope and lightness. Was it better to have never known what that felt like?

Regardless, though, Rose had never regretted what had happened. She certainly would never classify it as the biggest mistake of her life; not even close.

And the fact that Abbie did…

She swallowed tightly, resolutely, and turned to walk toward her door, punching in the key code to unlock it.

Any concern or potential excitement about Abbie being inside of her house was gone. Replaced with the determination to not have this conversation without the accompaniment of alcohol.

“Yes,” Abbie confirmed, walking up behind Rose. “That night.”

Rose didn’t know what she’d been hoping for; it wasn’t like she truly believed Abbie would say no, actually, I lied earlier, that night wasn’t my biggest mistake.

Abbie wasn’t a liar.

But she very much wished she was, in this specific instance.

Feeling her stomach roll and her shoulders tense, Rose flicked on the lights to the foyer and walked in, toeing off her shoes and slotting them into place, before moving farther into her house, toward her kitchen.

Without turning around, she heard Abbie follow suit – kicking off her shoes and shutting Rose’s front door, before she listened to Abbie’s admittedly quiet footsteps follow her.

She couldn’t help but wonder what Abbie thought about her home. About the colors on her walls that she’d agonized over picking for weeks. About the décor she was still figuring out.

Most likely, though, Abbie was not having any thoughts about it. Because, clearly, Abbie hated Rose more for that night in college than when they’d been in school together.

She bent down to tug a bottle of red wine from the built-in fridge in the kitchen island, as Abbie slowly walked in and stood across from her.

“Want a glass?” She asked, pulling one out for Abbie, anyway, before she received an answer.

Also without receiving an answer, she poured a healthy amount into both glasses and pushed one across the marble countertop in Abbie’s direction.

“Thanks,” Abbie dryly muttered.

Rose hummed in response. The biggest mistake of Abbie’s life had been having sex with Rose.

She took a large sip, before she couldn’t help the words from bubbling up her throat, “Frankly, I’m shocked you’ve held onto such a grudge about that night. Was it bad?”

Jesus fucking christ, wouldn’t that be the real icing on the cake. It had been Rose’s first time with a woman, and she knew it had been obvious. But… but she knew Abbie had orgasmed. Multiple times.

Abbie coughed on the sip she’d taken. “What? What are you talking about?”

“The sex,” Rose clarified, sharply, the words sticking in her throat. “Was it bad? Because, as far as I could tell–”

“No!” Abbie denied, shaking her head, her cheeks flushed. “What are you – are you kidding me right now? Are you really going to play dumb?”

Staring back at Abbie with the same disbelief Abbie was throwing her way, she felt affronted with that tone. “I’m not playing dumb,” she hissed, darkly.

She took another healthy sip of wine, trying to quell the discomforted cramping at the way biggest mistake repeated in her mind.

“Is it because I left in the morning without saying goodbye? I understand that it wasn’t the most polite thing I ever did, but I didn’t think you’d be this upset about it. Enough to hold a grudge for almost ten years.”

Abbie snapped her glass on Rose’s counter so hard, the wine almost sloshed over the top. “You think that I’m so pissed at you because you ghosted me the morning after?”

Baffled and frustrated, Rose tossed her hands into the air. “I have no fucking clue, Abbie! At this point, it’s the only thing I can think of. And, as I said, I understand that it was a bit uncouth, but I never thought you’d have held onto it for almost a decade. I thought it was obvious that I wasn’t angling for us to have a relationship.”

She’d been in no place for that, in any way.

“Given that we didn’t talk about what came next, we didn’t make any plans, and we didn’t ever see or talk to one another, anyway.”

Abbie stared at her, silently, her mouth agape like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “You ghosting me after… yeah, okay, it hurt my feelings.” She admitted, rolling her lips tightly, before she waved her hand through the air, as if wiping the thought away. “But I got over that, because yeah, that would be a little insane to hold onto for eight years.”

Blue eyes narrowed at Rose, glittering with such intense anger and hurt, it dug sharply into Rose’s chest. Before Abbie spoke, her voice low and raw with emotion, “What I’m holding a grudge about is that you made me a fucking cheater. That night, you lied to me, and you turned me into someone I’d never wanted to be. Something I would have never chosen to be.”

Floored, Rose reeled back. “What?”

“My dad cheated on my mom throughout their entire marriage,” Abbie informed her, passion dripping from her voice. “And even though I was so young when they were together, I can remember what it did to her. Even though she wasn’t in love with him it chipped away at her.” Abbie jabbed her index finger at her own chest. “I would have never, under any circumstances – no matter how much I wanted someone – have done that to another person.”

Absolutely baffled, she interjected, “I would never believe that you would do that.”

Abbie operated in the world with integrity; Rose knew that about her. She’d always known that.

Those blue eyes widened in shock, her cheeks flushing with anger, “So you admit, then? You knew I’d never cheat, so that’s why you lied to me?” She shook her head. “I asked you that night – I asked you about Nathan, and you told me he wasn’t in the picture.”

“He wasn’t,” she grit back, unable to wrap her mind around this.

This was what Abbie had held onto for so long? Abbie had hated her for almost a decade… over this?

“Bullshit!” Abbie shot back, heatedly. “How could your boyfriend of years not have been in the picture when we had sex, when you then got engaged to him a week later?”

Squeezing her eyes closed, Rose couldn’t believe…

Abbie’s attitude since they’d come back into one another’s lives, the fact that that night had been her biggest mistake. And all because –

“Nathan was not in the picture the night we had sex, Abbie,” she said, softly, opening her eyes again so she could look directly into Abbie’s. Hoping that Abbie could understand her.

Hoping that for all of their miscommunications and the fact that Abbie had always seen the worst in her – and Rose knew why; she’d manufactured their relationship to be that way back in high school – that Abbie could see that she was the truth.

Before Abbie could say anything else, Rose fixed Abbie with a level, intent stare, holding her gaze and refusing to let go. “I… I understand what it must have looked like, to you,” she acknowledged.

In fairness, she hadn’t – before.

The night of her official engagement to Nathan at that Christmas party, Abbie had been on her mind. But not because she’d wondered what Abbie might think when she learned about the engagement. No, Rose had been in survival mode, and there had been no way she could have possibly extended her silent sympathies to anyone else. Not even Abbie.

“But I promise, I didn’t lie to you that night. I wasn’t trying to manipulate you.”

Ugh, even the idea of it made her feel sick. Lying – manipulating – Abbie into having sex… Rose would have wanted to murder someone else for doing it, and she held herself to that same standard.

“It’s… it’s a long story,” she hedged, but was entirely truthful. Because it was her life story. Something she’d only just begin to unpack, herself. “But I wasn’t lying to you.”

For several heart-pounding moments, she wondered if Abbie would be able to see that Rose was being honest. Or if the damage Rose had done during their formative years as a byproduct of trying to protect herself would prove to be irreparable.

Abbie’s breathing was a little labored from the sheer intensity of the last few minutes, her cheeks entirely too attractively flushed, and Rose’s heart thudded in her chest.

Before Abbie reached out and took several sips of her wine. “Okay, then. If it’s a long story, explain it to me.”

Rose felt herself clam up, instinctively. Her throat automatically felt tighter, her jaw clenching at the idea of – of opening up.

Of sharing any part of her real story, of her true thoughts and feelings. Of discussing anything about her past openly and honestly.

“I don’t want to be mad at you anymore, Rose. I don’t want to be this person, either,” Abbie quietly confessed, her stare boring into Rose’s. Imploring – begging – her. “I don’t want to feel so… upset when we talk. Especially since we’re, inevitably, going to be in more and more situations where we spend time together. I don’t want to feel sick to my stomach whenever I look at Nathan, the way I felt tonight. I do want you to be happy, and I don’t want to feel so conflicted about that. Can we please put this to bed, once and for all?”

Despite the fact that talking about herself made everything inside of her seize up, Rose found – in this moment – she would rather push through her hangups and discomfort than be responsible for Abbie feeling this way.

Heart pounding in her chest, she slowly nodded. “All right.”

Taking a moment to pull herself together, to try to figure out how to put in words something she’d never spoken about before, she nodded to herself.

“Thank you,” Abbie whispered, the sound of her voice so quiet and throaty, and it bolstered Rose.

She took a sip of her wine, wondering where to start.

Before deciding – what the hell? That part of her life was over now. Her dad was dead, and the fear and intimidation and rejection she’d felt strangled by had died with him.

“I’ve known Nathan for my entire life,” she started, figuring that the beginning of it all was as good a place as any. “Our parents have been friends for decades, they vacation together, go to the same golf club…” She rolled her eyes. “They’ve essentially planned our getting together since we were in diapers.”

Abbie pulled a face. “Gross.”

A raw, dry laugh fell from Rose’s lips. “Yeah. So, when we did get together, officially, they were thrilled. From there, the plan was in motion.”

Abbie narrowed her eyes, incredulously. “But… you were, like, sixteen.”

Rose chuckled again, mirthlessly. “Yes, I’m aware.” She took another sip of her wine. “It was all very – proper. They weren’t trying to marry off their teenagers. But it was the greenlight to start the dominos they’d lined up for our entire lives.”

She reached out, knocking over that invisible first domino.

“The week before we started our senior year of college, our mothers took us to lunch and informed us that they’d booked the venue for our reception. We’d be getting married the following summer. Our engagement would become official over winter break. They’d spend the year arranging invitations and decorations and… whatever else they saw fit.”

“Planning everything for… your wedding. Without your input,” Abbie slowly added, as if having trouble computing what Rose was saying.

“Yes,” she confirmed, slowly circling the tip of her index finger around the rim of her glass. “Precisely.”

Abbie blanched. “That sounds shitty.”

“Yes. Precisely,” she echoed, scoffing with it. “I wasn’t thrilled. And I didn’t pretend to be.”

No matter how much Rose had gone along with The Plan, she’d never been able to totally, falsely, change her emotions. She’d never put on a bubbly, fake smile. But that had never mattered to her parents; she could be as dour and serious as she wanted. As long as she went along with The Plan.

“I can’t imagine you would,” Abbie softly affirmed, the slightest hint of a smile on her lips as she looked at Rose.

She held onto that, as she took a deep breath and pushed forward. “I was more than ready to go back to school that semester. Nathan was at Cornell, about five hours away from me. My parents were in Boston. So, being at Viddell felt like the only place I could really breathe. Especially with the plan looming.”

Contemplatively, she sipped from her glass once more.

“I really didn’t expect Nathan to show up outside of my dorm room one morning the first weekend into the semester, reeking of booze from the night before, looking like a fucking mess,” she murmured, still able to envision the memory so clearly. They, of course, used to visit one another routinely, but never unplanned.

“He’d gone out to a party with his friends the night before, and had gotten drunk and hooked up with another girl.”

We didn’t have sex, Nathan had sworn, looking positively tortured as he’d prostrated himself in front of her. We made out and we… we kind of started more, but then I – I realized what was going on, and I stopped, but I –

Rose was pulled out of the memory when Abbie gasped.

“Nathan cheated?” She asked, her mouth hanging open.

“Not the twist you’d expected, hmm?” Rose arched her a look.

“No,” Abbie sounded completely mystified. “I mean. He always seemed so – devoted to you?”

Rose rolled her lips, her stomach twisting. “He was,” she confirmed, quietly. “And when he confessed this to me, begging me to stay with him, I did feel betrayed–”

“Of course you did,” Abbie cut in, sympathy and outrage written, sweetly, all over her face.

She shook her head, holding Abbie’s gaze intently with her own. “But the thing is, Abbie, I felt betrayed because… because of a feeling of camaraderie. Because I’d come to view being in that relationship with Nathan as us being on a little team. I wasn’t betrayed because I was heartbroken. In fact, he was more devastated than I was.”

His eyes had been bloodshot, deep bags under them, tears pouring down his cheeks, proclaiming that he would do anything to earn her trust back… and in his emotional outcry, he’d rambled about how he didn’t understand how he seemed more upset than she was.

But it was because that was the truth.

“More than anything – more than that betrayal – I felt relief,” she admitted, and god, that felt wild to say aloud.

She’d never said that to Nathan. Not even now.

Abbie snapped her mouth shut with an audible click, staring puzzledly at Rose.

“I felt like I was drowning,” she explained, haunted by the memory. “And this gave me an escape, even if it was just temporary. We were both terrified to turn away from our parents. From The Plan. But… this was an out, if only for a few months. I told Nathan that we’d continue down the path we were on, like we were always supposed to. But that clearly, he had some unresolved wild oats to sew. And that I wanted him to take the semester and do just that. Guilt-free. That we wouldn’t tell our parents – we wouldn’t really tell anyone – and we would resume the way we were, come winter break.”

Nathan had cried even harder when she’d told him, matter-of-factly, that was the plan. Insisting that he didn’t have wild oats, that he didn’t actually want anyone else. That he’d waited until he’d felt sober enough to drive, and had immediately left Ithaca at four in the morning to see her, to set things right. To plead with her that he would do anything to regain her trust.

Abbie’s frown was deep, seemingly etched into stone, as she surmised, “I can’t believe Nathan is the cheater. Did he, during your marriage? Is that why…?” She trailed off, the disgust evident on her face.

And Rose quickly shook her head, not wanting to paint Nathan as some sort of villain to Abbie; that wasn’t the goal in any way. “No. He never did anything with anyone else. Not even that semester.”

In fact, Nathan had started going to therapy that semester. He’d regularly tell Rose on their weekly phone calls – something she’d agreed to because… well, Nathan was her person, by then. He was her best friend, and cutting him off completely had been the worst feeling of all – about everything going on in his life, continuing to tell and show her how he was going to do right by her.

Abbie’s confusion was clear as day, as she tilted her head at Rose. Clearly wanting more.

Rose fortified herself with a deep breath, preparing to give it to her. “The truth is… Nathan and I could have never been on a real team, at that point. It would have been impossible,” she started to explain, staring meaningfully at Abbie. “And I didn’t hold that night against Nathan, for the same reason. Because he felt just as betrayed by me as I did him, only he had no idea why.”

Abbie slowly shook her head. “I don’t–”

“Nathan was excited about our prospective engagement and wedding plans. He made some jokes about how it would be nice to be able to plan it ourselves, but… Nathan was so happy about getting married to me.” The truth of that sat heavily on her shoulders, even still. “And I think that my obvious unhappiness was the first time it occurred to Nathan, even subconsciously at the time, that I didn’t feel the same way for him that he did for me.”

Yes, the reality of that still didn’t sit well with her.

She knew she and Nathan were beyond everything from back in their college days. She knew they’d moved far beyond that, that they’d truly formed a loving bond, if not in love, throughout their twenties. They’d become a real team, eventually. Made possible only when Nathan had started to fall out of love with her – even if he hadn’t realized it.

But, still.

There was a short list of people in her life that she loved, deeply and fully, and Nathan was one of them. So, no, this didn’t make her feel good to re-live.

“I was relieved that Nathan had done something that betrayed our relationship, so that my betrayal felt more justified, too.” She quickly cut Abbie a look. “Not sleeping with you, for the record.”

God only knew that even after all of this, Abbie would jump right to that conclusion.

“My betrayal being that I… I could never love Nathan the way he loved me.” She paused, giving that a moment to sink in, feeling her stomach tingling…

She’d known the truth of her sexuality for a long time. She’d worked through accepting it for months, now. But stating it aloud in the world was still very new.

And saying it to Abbie felt far bigger than Rose knew how to explain.

“Because… you’re a lesbian,” Abbie stated, sounding absolutely blown away, but not like she was guessing at anything. 

And, oh. Hearing Abbie say that made Rose’s pulse quicken, her face heat, and her breath caught in her throat.

Slowly, she nodded. “Yes.” She breathed out a laugh, butterflies awaking in her stomach. “Of all of the times for you to be astute…”

“Well, I feel like you’re sort of making sense to me for the first time,” Abbie informed her, eyes wide and thoughtful, as she studied Rose. Like she was finally clicking things into place.

She felt her nerves alight all over again, wondering what, exactly, Abbie was seeing. Wondering what she made of Rose, now.

Unexpectedly, she felt the backs of her eyes prick with tears, and she blinked them back, baffled by the sensation. It was just – a lot. Especially to be sharing with this person in particular.

Blowing out a trembling breath, Rose swallowed back against all of that, as she finished, “So, there you have it. Nathan and I weren’t together that night; I didn’t lie to you. You didn’t participate in any sort of cheating, at all. You can look Nathan in the eye, free and clear.”

“Wow,” Abbie breathed, looking – adorably – like her world had been completely rocked.

Rose hummed, her throat still feeling a little tight, a little raw, as she stared, intently at Abbie. Who – insanely – felt less readable to her right now.

And then she had absolutely no idea what to think, when Abbie’s eyes brightened, and she wheeled away, pushing herself away from the counter as she retraced her steps out of Rose’s kitchen, back toward the front door.

For a moment, Rose was left blinking in confusion where Abbie had just been standing. What was… what?

“Are you leaving?” She asked, exasperatedly, feeling more than a little vulnerable.

She’d just shared a story with Abbie that she’d never discussed before – she just come out to Abbie, for fuck’s sake! – and Abbie was going to leave?! Without a goodbye?!

“No, but I didn’t properly pay attention when I first walked through your house, and I want to be able to take it all in now!” Abbie called back, distantly. “I’ve waited a long time to be able to see where you live with any hint of a true soul to it.”

For another moment, Rose stood, frozen, as she registered what Abbie had said.

As she registered her tone. Something – so, truly, light. No added layers, no complication.

Something she hadn’t heard from Abbie in a very, very long time.

Something that lifted any and all of the weight pressing down on Rose, and her lips curled into a baffled smile. All right, then.

Reaching out, she grabbed her glass and the wine bottle, turning to follow in the direction Abbie had went in. She was unfailingly curious, after all, to know what Abbie thought of her – and her house – now that she’d seen a glimpse into Rose’s true soul.

Terrifying. And thrilling.

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