The Game Changer - Chapter 16 (Patreon)

Oh Rose, how we all love thee... let us count the ways...

--------The Game Changer--------

Chapter Sixteen

Rose was buzzing.

She felt giddy.

… she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt giddy. Not in this bone-deep, jittery, lasting kind of way. Because it didn’t dissipate, not at all. Not a single ounce since she’d left Abbie’s a couple of hours ago.

They’d kissed.

And what meant even more, Abbie had feelings for her.

She’d heard what Abbie had said, though. She understood Abbie’s reservations.

Kind of.

Logically, fine, sure. whatever. Logically, she understood where Abbie was coming from. They were in an… interesting… position, that could run the risk of getting complicated.

Rose wasn’t a moron.

But she also wasn’t willing to let go of this opportunity, now that there really was an opportunity to be had. She couldn’t let it slip through her fingers. She wouldn’t.

And she was prepared to do just about anything in her power to make sure that wouldn’t happen. That Abbie wouldn’t try to walk away from starting this, whatever this could be.

She’d meant what she’d said to Abbie at her house, before they’d kissed: first, that she didn’t care about the possible negative consequences. For once in her life, she couldn’t care less about the negative what-ifs. All of those what-ifs had already come true for her in her life.

Second, she wasn’t sure how to maintain her sanity if Abbie decided not to pursue what was between them. Abbie couldn’t really believe that was still an option, right? She wasn’t an idiot, either. And there was no way in the world that a sane, reasonable person could believe that Rose could continue to work in any capacity with Abbie, day in and day out, knowing that Abbie had feelings for her.

“Sooo…” Nathan’s voice jarred her out of her thoughts, as he gently nudged her with his shoulder. “You okay?”

The confusion and concern etched into his expression was extremely valid.

Because throughout the evening, at the Elliston Kindergarten Halloween party, Rose had found herself drifting off into some sort of fantasy land in her mind, multiple times. And Rose was not, by any measure, someone who drifted off into fantasylands in her mind.

Even in their teenage years, Rose had never been someone to drift away into daydreams very often. Because the landing back in reality was too harsh.

But, for the first time in her life, she was daydreaming.

Only hours ago, she’d kissed Abbie.

Not like their prom night, when she’d been longing and desperate and it had all been clandestine.

Not like the night they’d had sex in college, when she’d been even more desperate and anguished and exhilarated, feeling the ticking clock inside of her. Knowing what she’d soon be entering into.

They’d kissed, for real.

For the first time in her layered past with Abbie, Abbie had feelings for her when they’d kissed. And maybe it was Rose being uncharacteristically fanciful, but she swore she could feel the difference.

And maybe it wasn’t just the difference in Abbie’s kiss, now that she had feelings for Rose. Maybe it was all different. Because they were both older and wiser and honest. Everything was above board, now. Not only did Abbie have feelings for her, but she had feelings for her after Rose had shared her past with her. Abbie knew all of her, and she still wanted her.

Nathan had caught her spacing out multiple times throughout the party, catching her eye questioningly, just like he was now.

“Yes,” she answered with a nod, turning to look at him directly. “I’m okay. I’m… more than okay, actually,” she tasted the words on her lips, amazed at how real they were.

She and Nathan had sat where they were sitting right now many times in their shared life. She sat on the step stool they’d bought to keep next to the tub for bathtime, while Nathan sat next to her on the toilet with the lid down, while Cassie in the bathtub a few feet away, playing with her toys before they finished washing her hair.

Nathan’s eyebrows furrowed together. “All right. I guess I should just ask directly – what is going on with you tonight? I assume it’s why you’re here…?”

He gestured around them, to the upstairs bathroom in the house he still lived in. Because instead of leaving and going back home after the party, she’d paused and asked to join them for a little while.

Rose nodded. “You’d be correct.”

Briefly, she slid her gaze to Cassie, who was currently engaged in the millionth chapter of her ongoing mermaid doll saga, diving them into the water, talking excitedly to herself as she played.

Good.

With a deep breath, she turned back to Nathan.

She and Abbie would be talking about their possibility in less than twenty-four hours, and Rose wanted – needed – to make sure she was as prepared as she possibly could be. She needed to be armed with as many truths as possible.

And, given their past and her current mid-divorce present, Nathan was a big part of it all.

For the sake of both Abbie and Nathan, she wanted to make sure everything was air-tight. That everyone – finally – would be on the same page.

Keeping her voice quiet, she said, “I wanted to let you know that I’m…”

How should she describe this? She didn’t actually know what she and Abbie were doing, or what to label it. Maybe she had done this out of order?

Shaking her head, she blew out a frustrated breath. Semantics didn’t really matter so much as the meaning did. “I’m going to be seeing someone.”

Nathan remained unfazed, keeping his voice down as well, as he responded, “Yeah, you told me you were going on the dating app…?”

She had told him, because she wanted to make sure they were both in agreement about dating before everything was technically finalized, and he’d been unsurprisingly encouraging. But that had been different.

Rose rolled her lips tightly, before pushing out a deep breath. “That’s not what I mean.” She reached up, dragging her hand through her hair.

It was unexpectedly stressful, she realized in this moment. Telling Nathan she was going to be on apps and maybe go on a few dates had been one thing.

Abbie was another thing entirely.

Not that Nathan knew the breadth of her past with Abbie, and Rose doubted she’d ever tell him about the details, because what purpose would it serve? Not only had she and Nathan not been together that semester and had agreed not to ask any questions about anything romantic or sexual during their time apart, but… but that night with Abbie was hers. Something she’d held on to, something she’d clutched in her memories.

“It’s Abbie. The person I’m going to be – be with,” she stumbled slightly over her words, because saying them aloud sent a jolt through her system, something that reverberated through her with static electricity.

Now, Nathan was fazed.

His eyes widened, and he sat up straight so quickly he slammed his back into the toilet tank. “Holy s – sugar,” he caught himself before shouting a swear in front of Cassie.

Who turned and looked at them at her father’s exclamation, aiming a reproachful look in their direction for having the gall to interrupt her mermaid saga, before turning back to play.

Nathan immediately leaned back in, expression alight, as he whispered, “Abbie! Lesbian Abbie! Oh – oh my god,” he gasped again, before his mouth fell open as he stared at her.

She felt like she was watching some sort of revelation happen in real time, and she folded her arms over her chest, huffing out a breath at him. “What? Why are you staring like that?”

“Lemon!” He slapped his hand on his knee, reaching up and rubbing the back of his head with his other one.

Rose’s cheeks burned, and she set her jaw tightly.

But Nathan clearly wasn’t done, as he whispered excitedly, “It just makes so much sense, Rose. Wow. God, you were obsessed with her in high school.”

No amount of internal fortitude could stop her from blushing, even as she narrowed her eyes at him. “I was not obsessed.”

Having a crush on someone – obviously, she had – wasn’t the same as being obsessed.

He scoffed, before barking out a laugh. “Uh, yeah, you were. You were so… so… frustrated by her.”

“I was frustrated by a lot of people, especially back then,” she countered.

Nathan didn’t disagree, as he offered a shrug. “Sure, yeah. But not the way you were by Abbie. It was always Lemon this, Lemon that.”

“It was not,” she denied instantly, and far too quickly.

She was regretting telling Nathan immensely. She should have taken her chances and gone into her conversation with Abbie tomorrow without doing this first.

He shook his head in amazement. “How did I not see it before? I mean, I guess because I didn’t know you were a lesbian,” he reasoned with himself. “If I’d known you liked girls back then, I totally would have known.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “No, you wouldn’t have.”

Because Nathan was oblivious and trusting, and she’d have resolutely denied it. Adult-Nathan could now see through her when she did things like that, but Young-Nathan? Not so much.

Unbothered, he shrugged. “Guess we’ll never know now.” He heaved an exhale, seeming to finally let the news settle. “Abbie. Wow.”

“Yes. Wow,” on that, she could agree.

Nathan hummed quietly. “She is super hot.”

Like a switch had been flicked in her mind, she pictured Abbie. How she looked with her shoulder-length blonde hair a little windswept when they were at practice outside. All of those toned muscles. That lightning-flash confident smile.

She’d let out a content, agreeable hum before she even realized it. “She is.”

He whipped his head around to look at her again, eyes wide. “That – that sound you just made. What was that?”

Taken aback, Rose snapped her mouth shut and sat up straight, as she snapped back, “What are you talking about?”

Nathan snapped his fingers at her. “You just did a… I don’t know, like a girly-ah sound. I didn’t even know you could sound like that.”

Feeling her face burn all over again, she narrowed her eyes at him. “Well, I normally don’t.”

It was her automatic first response, this defensiveness. Even toward Nathan, sometimes, still. Especially when it came to the most vulnerable parts of her.

But… but it was Nathan. And this was something she’d wanted for her entire life. Taking Abbie herself out of the picture, if she couldn’t trust Nathan to know how she felt, she couldn’t trust anyone.

So even though Nathan hadn’t taken her sharpness personally – he never did – she took in a long, controlled inhale, feeling her stomach flutter a little bit with butterflies.

Butterflies at voicing this longest kept secret aloud. Yes, her longest, biggest secret had been her sexuality. But… the reality about Abbie felt inexplicably intertwined with that, like she was an asterisk attached to Rose’s lesbianism.

“I wouldn’t say I was obsessed,” she reiterated, arching a look at him. “But… I did have feelings for her back then.”

The confirmation landed in the air between them, and she let Nathan sit with it.

Because it was different, wasn’t it? He knew Rose was a lesbian, so he knew that she’d never had true romantic feelings for him.

But it was different to know that while it hadn’t been him, it had been someone else. Rose… she understood that. And she never wanted to hurt Nathan, so she supposed that was why this made her so nervous.

She darted a glance at their daughter, blissfully unaware of the seriousness of their moment. And wasn’t it amazing, that they’d given Cassie such security in her life that she didn’t have to feel keenly aware of what was going on between her parents at any given moment? Rose couldn’t imagine it.

Cautiously, she reached out and put her hand on his knee, hoping it was welcome. Hoping it was… supportive. Even though physical support was never really her thing. “I know that this might be complicated.”

And, okay, maybe there was real merit to voicing this to Nathan before talking to Abbie. Facing the possibly complication here was different than it existing as a hypothetical in her mind.

Nathan slowly nodded, his expression contemplative as he refocused his attention to her. “Did you always have feelings for her? Like. Always? Even after high school? Or is it something that is coming back up, now?”

Rose gave his question the consideration she felt he deserved before answering honestly, “A combination? Definitely during high school. During college it faded, with all of the distance. And throughout our marriage, I…” She swallowed, hard, but kept going, “I mean, Abbie and I didn’t have any sort of relationship. Like, we didn’t speak or keep in touch,” she promised. “And it did fade even more, into background noise. I never considered that it – that she – would be a real possibility. I had no fucking idea that she would show up at Elliston.”

He let her explanation stew for a few long moments, and she gave him silence to have it sink in.

When she went to withdraw her hand, though, he reached down and placed his on top of hers, keeping her where she was.

“It is complicated,” he agreed, softly, his eyes searching hers. “But… it’s like I said when we separated: I can’t regret the last fourteen years of my life.”

He shot a look at Cassie, before turning back to her.

“And I know that none of it is about me,” he landed on, with a big shrug.

“It’s not,” she agreed, resolutely.

Which had been what the end of their marriage had, tearfully, boiled down to. That Rose did love Nathan, deeply, and if she was capable of having romantic feelings for a man, things would be different. She loved him in the very best way she could. From the moment they’d gotten engaged, she and Nathan had been teammates in every sense of the word. Supported one another, were loyal to one another, respected one another. They created a safe and happy home, in ways they’d never experienced growing up.

At the root of who they were: they were friends. They’d been each other’s confidants since long before there had been any romance in the mix. And, truthfully, the last several years of their marriage felt very much the same: like they were best friends who happened to sleep in the same bed.

Nathan let out a thoughtful hum as he squeezed her hand. “You know, I’ve always liked Abbie.”

She breathed back a relieved chuckle. “I know. I hated it.”

A trademark Nathan smile darted over his face. “Yeah, I’m sure it really bothered you when I would mention your cruuush,” he sang the word out.

Still holding his hand, she reached out with her other to shove at his knee, as she rolled her eyes. “Actually, it did, yes.”

On occasion, Nathan would bring up hanging out with Abbie or getting to know her better. They didn’t cross paths too much, but they’d always gotten along when they did. Teenage Rose made sure that did not happen.

He laughed. “Oh, man. You know, you being a lesbian made a lot of things make sense. But this is like the icing on the cake.”

“I’m so happy for you,” she said, dourly, even though – really – she was.

She couldn’t continue to live a lie, but she didn’t know what she’d do with herself if it had left her relationship with Nathan acrimonious.

“Abbie and Rose, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I–” his whispered, teasing song was cut off by Cassie.

“I’m ready! Princess Salamander is, um, she got kidnapped in the cave,” their daughter explained, pointing to where she had her pink-haired mermaid doll sequestered on one of the built-in shelves in the wall of the shower.

“I’ll take my leave,” Rose announced, pushing herself to stand. She took a step closer and pecked a quick kiss to Cassie’s forehead. “Love you.”

“Love you!” Her daughter returned with a small splash that was thankfully contained to the tub.

She shot Nathan a quick, warm smile as she passed him, and was unbelievably relieved by the way his smile was returned, looking entirely untroubled.

As she reached the door, she heard him breathe out another chuckle, as he said, “Lemon…”

“What?” Cassie asked.

“Mom loves lemons,” he said by was of explanation, in another fit of laughter.

Rose let out a groan, before she called over her shoulder, “Goodbye!”

***

Rose didn’t often feel unsure of what to do with herself.

She had a daughter, she had a full-time job, she had hobbies. There was quite literally always something she could be doing.

But when she was puttering around her home awaiting Abbie’s arrival so they could work out the details of their possible relationship, how was she supposed to focus on anything else? She’d spent her whole life focusing on anything else except for Abbie.

When she heard Abbie’s car door open and close, she was already at her front door to open it, watching Abbie walk up the steps of her porch. Like she was greedy to watch Abbie do anything.

And that’s because she was.

Abbie’s bright blue eyes fixed on her as she popped up the last step, quirking her head to the side. “Interesting decision, calling out of practice today when we have the tournament this weekend.”

“You weren’t at practice all week,” she shot back, incredulously.

Abbie’s mouth fell open with a laugh. “I was at a prior commitment that I made months ago.” She walked – swaggered, really – over to Rose.

Even though Abbie was several inches taller, Rose was slightly elevated due to the step up into her home, putting them perfectly eye-to-eye.

“What was your excuse?” Abbie murmured, arching her a look.

Rose dipped her eyes down to Abbie’s lips, licking her own as she answered honestly, “I had to weigh what was a more responsible decision: going to practice and having the girls witness the way I might be looking at you, or skip practice and wait until we’re on our own.”

The teasing smile slid right off of Abbie’s face, her breath leaving her in a heated exhale that washed over Rose’s lips.

She smirked, heat working steadily through her, mixed with pure glee. It was the only word that made sense to describe this sheer joy at being able to make comments like that.

Not only did she not feel shame about them, not only did she have no fear, but Abbie enjoyed her saying them.

As much as she might claim she didn’t, she did.

Because Rose knew Abbie far better than Abbie might think.

There was no shame, no fear, only exhilaration. Excitement. Wonder. Desire.

Abbie swallowed thickly. “I… see. And, how do you think you’d have looked at me?”

She stared, intently – honestly – right into those perfect blue eyes. “Probably like I am now.” Like Abbie was a five-course meal and Rose wanted to feast like she’d never eaten before. “Like I couldn’t wait to not be surrounded by teenagers, so we can get back to where we were yesterday.”

Abbie’s eyes closed, and she gently shook her head. “Okay. Um. All right.” After another few seconds, she opened her eyes, nodding over Rose’s shoulder. “Are you going to let me in, then? So we can talk?”

She emphasized the word, drawing it out, and Rose knew she was making a point. But, also, all she did was draw her attention back to her mouth.

“Yes,” Rose agreed, eventually, stepping back. “Come in.”

Instead of turning and going toward the living room, Abbie walked straight toward the kitchen.

Amused – and a little exasperated, because she had certainly had ideas about how this conversation could go, while they were sitting close on the couch – Rose followed.

They sat at her small kitchen table, adjacent so their knees brushed under the table, and she watched as Abbie interlocked her fingers, setting her hands delicately on the table. “So…” Abbie started, before trailing off.

“So,” she echoed, a smile curling at her mouth, teasing Abbie.

A slightly impatient smile, admittedly. She was more than ready to have whatever conversations Abbie wanted to have, but desperately hoped there would be more kissing tonight. She’d been counting on it, craving it.

Abbie rolled her eyes at her, knocking her knee into Rose’s. “Don’t give me that tone. I’m just trying to figure all of this out.”

Rose gestured at the table, at the somewhat serious/more formal setting Abbie had chosen. “Clearly.”

“Oh, and had we gone somewhere more comfortable, you wouldn’t have pushed for us to have a little less conversation and a little more…?” She trailed off, her implication obvious, as she challenged Rose.

Who shrugged, holding up her hands. “I’m sitting here, Lemon, ready to talk, aren’t I?” The thing that had been digging at her, pinging in her mind, since last week popped to the forefront of her mind, and she sat up a little straighter. If they were talking, then she could finally get her answer. “Why did I see you on dating apps? If you’re interested in me,” she clarified, mostly for herself. To hear it aloud again.

But her stare was intent and direct, because she needed to know why. Had Abbie been looking for a distraction?

She set her jaw; yeah, that wasn’t going to happen.

Abbie huffed out a breath. “Because you wouldn’t talk to me about what you were looking for! So, I had to do a little research.”

It had been the last answer she’d expected, and one that pleased her more than anything. Her heart leapt, picking up speed in her chest.

“So… you joined dating apps to stalk me,” she drawled, tasting the words on her lips.

It was like something out of her wildest dreams.

Clearly affronted, Abbie frowned, reeling back. “Stalk you? Pfft. No. That sounds crazy. Makes me sound insane.”

Rose arched her eyebrows. “You’re the one that did it.”

“I wasn’t–” Abbie’s cheeks were tinged with pink, and she groaned, rubbing at her temples. “I wasn’t stalking you. I just… you were dating, and I – I–” She blew out a long, deep breath, leaning back in her seat. “Fine, yes, it’s not my finest moment. But, in my defense, I had asked you about your dating life. When you didn’t give any real answers, I had to find my own.”

“And did you?” Rose was enjoying this far, far too much. But, god, she really was.

Abbie shrugged. “Eh. I mean, I found your profile,” she studied Rose, biting her lip. “But it didn’t reveal much I don’t already know.” She shot her a glare. “And you are getting too much enjoyment out of this.”

Ah, and there it was: Abbie knew her, too.

“I am,” she didn’t bother to deny it; why should she? “And, I think that your intention in terms of it being stalking is far less important than how I, the object of your desire, interprets your actions.”

Sure, maybe if Abbie had been pursuing her and Rose had shot her down and then Abbie tried to seek her out on dating apps? It would be a problem.

But the lord fucking knew that if Abbie had ever pursued her, there would be no need to resort to any underhanded tactics.

“I guess I just don’t understand why – if you weren’t ready to jump into something with me – you were trying to get answers on a dating app,” she mused.

Abbie offered her a shrug. “Probably… because I couldn’t stop myself? I mean, Rose, you saw how I was, trying to keep this concealed from you. I’m not great at keeping my feelings hidden.”

One of Rose’s favorite things about her.

“The flowers, the chocolate covered bananas,” Rose recounted, still feeling her stomach flutter at the reminder. “So, you were subconsciously wooing me?”

She felt absolutely crazy, to be as delighted by all of this as she was. But that didn’t make it untrue.

“Well.” Abbie shifted in her seat, before her lips ticked up into a sheepish, cute as hell smile. “I guess? But, also… even if nothing came of those things, it’s…” Her eyebrows furrowed slightly, as she looked Rose in the eye, and said, “Honestly, I just wanted you to feel special. I wanted you to smile, and I wanted to be the reason behind it.”

Rose’s breath left her in a whoosh, leaving her staring at Abbie with the most unexpected sting of tears hitting the backs of her eyes.

She’d never been an easy crier, and certainly not when she wasn’t sad – and she was the opposite of sad right now. But Abbie so earnestly telling her that she just wanted to make Rose smile… her breath hitched in her throat, as she got herself under control.

“Abbie,” she started, her voice low in her throat, hoarse with emotion. “I know what you said yesterday. And I know that we’re here trying to talk things out. But I don’t give a fuck about what we should do or not. I’ve lived my entire life up until this point doing what I “should” do, and I’m done. I kissed you at prom even though I knew what could happen to me if anyone saw, and it got around to my dad. I sought you out to have sex the week before I got engaged because I needed to experience you before I’d never have the chance.”

She reached out, placing her hand over Abbie’s where it rested on the table. Stroking her fingertips over the soft skin of the backs of her hands, her fingers tingling at the simple contact.

“At least, I thought that would be my only chance,” she breathed out, looking back up at Abbie, whose eyes were wide, and her breath was coming a little faster. “So, what do you want? What do you want to call this, between us? I’ve already told Nathan that we’re… something; everything is above board. Whatever you need to feel comfortable here, I’ll do it. I–”

Anything else she could have said fell away, forgotten.

Because in a move so smooth she almost couldn’t believe Abbie managed it: Abbie stood up, flipping her hand around to grip Rose’s, using it to pull Rose up. She was assisted by the arm she reached out to wrap around Rose’s waist, hauling Rose up against her.

In a whirlwind of seconds – every single one of them, Rose would try to commit to memory – she found herself wrapped up in Abbie.

She was on her tiptoes, wrapping her arm around Abbie’s neck, as those perfect, soft lips were on hers again.

She wondered if there would ever come a time when Abbie’s mouth on hers didn’t make her blood sing, didn’t make her heart thrum wildly in her chest. She both hoped not, and hoped so – because it would mean that it was so common, so typical.

God, there was something so fucking sexy in the way she could feel Abbie’s strength. How Abbie’s arm was wrapped around her waist, and Rose could probably break away – she wouldn’t have to, because she knew if she gave an ounce of resistance, Abbie would release her – but she had to put essentially zero effort into this, into keeping herself up on her tiptoes, into holding her own body up.

She clawed her hand into Abbie’s hair, the heat lacing through her veins, making her throb, making her ache.

Rose’s head angled back, breaking their kiss on a low, throaty groan. But Abbie didn’t pull away, instead, she felt Abbie’s teeth scrape down the side of her neck, and she whined in the back of her throat. She couldn’t roll her hips into Abbie’s, but they jumped, pressing into Abbie of their own accord. She couldn’t possibly be closer – not like this, not the way they were standing – but she wanted to be.

She blinked her eyes open, unfocused, up at the ceiling of her kitchen, and it was bleary.

The wanting. Fuck, this kind of wanting that she hadn’t experienced in so long. Not since the night she’d had sex with Abbie, nearly a decade ago.

“Upstairs,” she rasped out, her knees almost buckling with the anticipation. She repeated, with more urgency, “Let’s go upstairs.”

Abbie froze against her, her lips paused, parted, still lightly pressed to her throat. She could feel the hot, panting breaths Abbie released against her skin, and she shuddered from them, flexing her hand tightly in Abbie’s hair.

And then, maddeningly, Abbie slowly released her. Unwrapped her arm from Rose’s waist, and stepped back, with both of Rose’s own now empty hands falling to her own sides.

Those blue eyes were dark and wanting, her pupils were blown, and her lips…

Rose’s clit throbbed, her gaze locked onto Abbie’s mouth.

All she could do was clench on the emptiness between her legs, waiting on a sharp edge. Waiting for Abbie’s agreement – to any higher power, Abbie would agree –

“No,” Abbie finally said, her voice an octave lower than usual. “I… no.” The force behind the word seemed to be more for herself than Rose.

Abbie steps back, and Rose pulsed, clenching on the emptiness between her legs.

“We’re going to – to date,” Abbie managed, inhaling deeply, looking like she was finally coming back to herself.

“Great,” Rose meant that single word more than she ever had in her life. “Don’t people who date also have sex?”

Abbie breathed out a low chuckle. “I think… maybe we can do some sort of – hybrid?”

Rose stared at her, blankly, her hands falling to her hips. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Just – you know – keep things… exploratory.”

“I’m sensing that you don’t mean that in a sexual way.”

Fuck, now that she’d said it aloud, the ideas took a root in her mind. Exploring sex – good sex, sex Rose was needy for – with Abbie…

Abbie roughly drew a hand through her hair. “I don’t. At least, not yet?”

Rose continued to stare at her, as she demanded to know, “I’m going to repeat: what the hell does that mean?”

“I don’t exactly have a map for this,” Abbie came back with, exasperated.

“And I’m trying to tell you that if you’re willing to pursue something between us, I’m more than happy to do what you want to do.” She thought she’d made that abundantly clear. “But I need you to tell me what it entails.”

“Well, I’m kind of building the plane as we’re flying it,” Abbie gestured between them, before she rolled her lips in thought.

Rose could give her some time to think it over… at least a few seconds.

Which seemed to be the perfect amount, as Abbie nodded to herself, and said, “Rose, I’m working on building a life here. Assuming we both keep working at Elliston, our lives are going to include one another no matter what. I’d really prefer to keep the relationship we have a positive one, because I – you’ve become really important to me.”

There it was, that sweet, genuine tone, the one that worked so well to grip at Rose in a way that refused to let her go.

“So, I don’t want to rush into anything with you. If we’re going to do this, I want to make sure we’re doing it right. Historically, our relationship has been one step forward, two steps back. What does two steps back look like if we take this giant leap and more too far, too fast?” Abbie challenged her to think about, before she answered for the both of them, “I, personally, don’t know, but I don’t want to find that out.”

Her heart flip-flopped in her chest, the heat inside of her still very much alive, but mixing with this softness, something she couldn’t deny.

Because on one hand, hadn’t they moved slow enough throughout their lives? This intense, throbbing need that hummed through her body, making her nearly ready to beg, thought so.  

But on the other hand, this wasn’t that night in college. This wasn’t something they needed to do, and do it now, or else.

Abbie wanted to move slowly, because she wanted things to be right between them. Because she wanted to build something real, together.

She’d never been “romanced” before. She didn’t know if she would survive Abbie Parker being the one doing it.

But maybe this was what she’d been surviving for her entire life.

So, she acquiesced with a slow, considering nod. “I… can see your point.”

Yes, Rose was ready to jump into bed with Abbie. So, so ready.

But if moving at a pace Abbie was more comfortable with made Abbie feel more certain that this – they – would have a lasting relationship, then… she was ready for that, too.

Still, she refocused, locking eyes with Abbie as she asked, again, “But, what does that entail?”

Abbie’s face lit up with a gorgeous smile. “Like a dog with a bone.”

Rose merely arched an eyebrow at her, waiting for an answer.

“It entails not jumping into sex, or even labels. It entails just – this,” Abbie held her hands up looking around them. “Us, spending time together. Dating, you know? And before you ask again, physically, it means… kissing? A little touching? If that works for you.”

Rose hummed, interest piqued. Kissing, touching, time together – yes, all things that worked for her. “What, exactly, would you say our timeline is?”

Abbie’s mouth fell open, a laugh escaping her, and Rose merely stared back, unashamedly.

She knew what – who – she wanted, and it was Abbie. She didn’t have qualms about being direct about it, not now.

“Your divorce proceedings have already started, so why don’t we see that out?” Abbie suggested.

Rose rolled that over in her mind, deciding that she’d waited this long in her life to have this moment, so that much longer wouldn’t kill her.

Probably.

“I’m tentatively in agreement,” she decided was all she could commit to.

Abbie let out an adorable laugh. “That’s what you can give me here?”

Rose shrugged. “I thought we were giving one another total honesty.”

The smile on Abbie’s lips faded into something soft, something sweet, and all directed at her.

Aaand if Rose didn’t do something, she was going to get lost in that look and go back on the word she’d just tentatively given, and possibly jump Abbie here and now.

Clearing her throat, she folded her arms over her chest, and asked, “Okay, so, now that we have all of that discussed – how was Florida?”

Rose understood what Abbie meant when she’d said that she just wanted to be responsible for Rose smiling, that she wanted to be responsible for Rose’s joy. Because she felt that same feeling when Abbie chuckled, and it was because of her.

“You know, I really like how focused you are. I mean, that’s usually the first question someone would ask, once they see someone after a trip. With us, it’s different.”

She knew Abbie was teasing her, but she merely shrugged. “Yes, it is.”

Before Abbie answered the question, though, she reached out and took Rose’s hand in hers. “Now that we’ve had that conversation, we can move this to the living room.”

She allowed herself to be led through her own home toward the couch, mostly still marveling at the fact that this was happening. Abbie had taken her hand, bringing them to sit on the couch together, where they both curled one leg under themselves in order to face the other without any extra space between them. Their legs solidly pressed together.

Abbie’s eyes searched hers as she brought up, “Like I said yesterday – you didn’t really seem interested in chatting while I was in Florida.”

Rose pursed her lips, offering a shrug. Before she decided to go for broke and be totally honest, because – apparently – that was the thing that seemed to get her anywhere with Abbie. “I… was nervous.”

Abbie’s surprise was obvious in the way she furrowed her eyebrows so low. “Nervous? To text me?”

“No. I was nervous that,” Rose pursed her lips, both hating being vulnerable like this, but also feeling a little thrilled by it – with this woman in particular. “It was the first time you were around everyone in your life before coming back here. I’d already started to get myself hopeful about you and I being a possibility, so…”

She trailed off, feeling that knee-jerk clenching in her stomach the way she had while Abbie had been gone. She’d vacillated the entirety of Abbie’s absence between feeling wonderstruck about them being a possibility, and terrified that Abbie would realize she missed her real life. Her mom’s health was getting back on track, so… why not?

When Abbie was here, she was the coach of a mostly-losing high school team – they were finding their footing! – and developing feelings for her teenage kind-of-bully, who had a child and was mid-divorce.

When she was there, things were different. She’d been on fucking ESPN, doing an interview, analyzing the game. She could have anyone, the world at her fingertips.

The thing about having hope was that it was dangerous. Rose had managed to stop herself from hoping for things before she really even learned to start. So, she’d done her best to temper all of that while Abbie was away.

“Hey,” Abbie’s voice was soft, cajoling enough to make Rose look at her again.

And the look on Abbie’s face, that understanding, sweet smile… it filled Rose with hope. That, for once in her life, didn’t feel terrifyingly dangerous.

“I’m happy here,” Abbie murmured, thoughtfully, as she looked down at Rose’s hand still entwined with her own. Studying the way they fit together. “And, the truth is… I wasn’t unhappy, before. But being dropped into a facsimile of my old life for a few days really highlighted things that I didn’t really notice when I was living in it.”

Intrigued, Rose tilted her head. “Like what?”

“Like – loneliness,” Abbie settled on after a beat.

Taken aback, Rose frowned, trying to reconcile that word with Abbie. And when she didn’t say anything for long moments, Abbie sent her a questioning stare, so she explained, “I mean, I feel like you have friends wherever you go. I guess I’m struggling to imagine you being lonely.”

In fact, she absolutely detested the very idea of it. Abbie was open and warm and effusive, and she should just never feel loneliness. Actually, Rose felt very strongly about that.

“You aren’t wrong. Which is, I think, why I never knew how to label this feeling I’d get when things felt a little off?” Abbie’s lips ticked down into a considering frown, before she qualified, “And I didn’t always feel that way, either. But… I really love coming home to people at the end of the day.”

And there, just there, a brighter look washed over her expression, and that was precisely how Rose wanted Abbie to feel.

“For basically all of my twenties, life has just been really… different? I’ve always loved my team, and I’ve always had friends, people to make plans with. But there’s something very different about having people to make plans with, and having people that are – there. And being friends with teammates is also different, because, yeah, we’re spending time together, and we care about one another. But it’s also very focused. You know? Unless we’re making other, personal life, plans, we are spending time together focused on this thing that has brought us together.”

She released a long, deep sigh.

“I’m not complaining; I really loved my life. And I was really fortunate to be able to make it so far–”

Rose squeezed her hand, cutting off that train of thought, “You don’t have to justify anything to tell me your feelings. Just because you weren’t, say, living deep in the closet, married to a man, and trying to get enough therapy to figure your shit out so you don’t fuck up your child, doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to have complicated feelings about your life.”

If Rose held everyone in the world to that metric, she’d never feel sympathy for anyone.

Maybe Abbie had lived a very charmed life with the love of her mother and Caroline, and the physical and mental ability to follow her dreams. But she’d also had a negligent father, seen her mother experience abuse. She had never allowed anyone to intimidate her or stand in her way, even when being a teenager, starting in a new school, where Rose herself had made it clear she hadn’t wanted her there.

“In fact,” Rose continued, feeling her breath hitch in the back of her throat with the nervous-but-exciting vulnerability fluttering inside of her, “I want to know these things about you.”

“Okay. Good,” Abbie breathed back, barely above a whisper. She focused on Rose again, so intently, as she said, “So, I had a good time. But it made me feel very solid in that I don’t miss my old life.”

The pleasure started working through Rose at that, even before Abbie said:

“I’m really invested, actually, in this new life I’m building here.”

Enjoyment burst to life through Rose’s entire body, and she found herself smiling widely. So widely, it actually was painful, but she couldn’t stop. “Good. I’m going to hold you to that.”

Abbie let out a chuckle. “I’d be shocked if you didn’t.”

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