I Knew You Were Trouble - 15 (Patreon)

I wanted to post before the majority if this potentially giant snowstorm hits here.

If you're in the path of this storm - stay safe and stay warm!

------IKYWT------

Part Fifteen

“So, are you two ready?” Autumn asked, breathing the question out as she rubbed her hands together in the back of the car. “Excited?”

She hoped they were.

“… Nervous?” She couldn’t help but add on, wincing inwardly at it, but also knowing there was a good chance the twins wouldn’t tell her if they were feeling something negative unless she prompted them to.

Both Honor and Haven nodded in unison, the anxiety etched into their twin faces in varying degrees. Honor had her chin angled up, putting on a braver face, while Haven’s hands were laced together so tightly, they seemed to be turning white, her chin dipped down.

She let out a deep breath, reaching over to rest her hand on Haven’s, giving her a comforting – she hoped – squeeze. Autumn hadn’t been well-practiced in giving comforting touches in a long time; not since she’d had the twins in her life years ago. But with them, it still felt natural.

So natural, she felt like it had loosened this piece inside of her that had been frozen in time since back then.

“It’s going to go well,” she assured them both, with as much certainty as she could.

It wasn’t as much as she’d prefer, because she, too, was very nervous.

Honor didn’t miss a beat. “You look nervous, too.”

Lovely.

She squeezed Haven’s hands again, looking beyond her at Honor. “Yes. I am,” she admitted, because it wouldn’t be beneficial to lie. She didn’t want to be a liar to them.

Still, she squared her shoulders and used her free hand to gesture around them. “But, look: you’re getting dropped off in a senator’s personal car with a driver,” she started to list, locking eyes with Hamish in the rearview.

He shot her a quick wink before turning back to the road.

Charlotte had surprised her this morning by texting her to let her know that Hamish would be waiting outside of her new place.

She’d been confused, because… hadn’t she asked Charlotte for a few hours off this morning? She’d had to, right? Even with the chaos her life had turned into over the last month, even though she’d missed so much more work than she ever had before, she’d always been very clear and communicative with both Charlotte and Maya about it.

She’d quickly texted Hamish first, to let him know that he should go to Charlotte’s ASAP, or to Maya’s, or the office; wherever he was actually needed for work. That she appreciated the ride this morning – something Charlotte did arrange on occasion, especially now. Now that she was with Sutton, and frequently would arrive to work being driven by her.

But he’d let her know that Charlotte had asked him to give her and the twins an escort to their first day of school.

Autumn really needed to get a car; that was next on her to-do list. When it had just been her, living on her own, it had felt like a ridiculously large expense. Why get a vehicle when she could easy take an uber or public transportation or, for work, typically ride with Hamish?

But now that she had the twins, having access to their own car was climbing in importance.

The apartment where they could all have their own space had to have come first. Then getting set up in school. Next would come the car and finalizing the best places for activities for the twins to get back into the parts of their lives they liked. Or to explore new things they might want to try. Whichever.

“Yeah, this is really cool,” Honor agreed, garnering her attention again. Her sister slid her fingertips back and forth over the sleek black interior of the door next to her.

Bolstered by that, she continued, “And… I know this is a public school,” she acknowledged, “But it is supposed to be really good.”

It was rated higher than the national average in every category she’d been able to research. Well, that she and Maya had researched. For the apartment search, they’d made a large grid map, working through average apartment expense, the distance to Charlotte’s office, looked at crime/safety ratings, and then the places with the best school districts. It had all been very comprehensive, and…

Her heart fluttered slightly in her chest at how much leg work Maya had done on it. For her. For them.

The twins had been homeschooled for most of their lives, and then once they reached their teen years, they – like Autumn and their other siblings – had gone to a very small, incredibly religious secondary school in which nearly all of their classmates were also members of their father’s congregation.

Going to any public school was going to be a massive shift for them, Autumn knew that. But she also knew there was no way she could afford to send them to a private school in the area.

Both Honor and Haven seemed to be a little unsure with what they were feeling about religion at this time, anyway. Autumn didn’t push the conversation because she knew it was complex. The best she could do was already have them talking to a therapist that worked with religious trauma, which was already happening.

“Do you want to talk about something else?” She asked, noting that they were almost at the school, just a few minutes away. “Get your mind off of the first day?”

Both of the twins were quiet for a beat, before Honor asked, “So… Maya doesn’t have a girlfriend?”

She was leaning slightly forward so she could look over Haven, staring directly at Autumn in question.

She froze, feeling her face heat. “Ah. No. She doesn’t.”

Her stomach twisted into knots just thinking about it. Autumn hadn’t ever – in her adult life – been someone’s girlfriend. But thinking about Maya… it left her feeling breathless. Terrified and exhilarated all at once.

Honor and Haven exchanged a look, and Autumn narrowed her eyes slightly. “Why do you ask?”

Autumn could have never predicted that her sisters would be more obsessed with Maya than she was.

Not that she was obsessed with Maya. But the twins seemed so… taken with her. After they’d finished painting a couple of days ago, both of the twins had asked Maya to stay for dinner, and it threw Autumn off.

A lot.

Because the twins really didn’t ask for things. They almost never voiced their own opinions or wants, not unless they were asked about them.

It was Haven who answered, quietly, “We were just wondering. Because, um, she spends a lot of time with us. So, it would be weird, right? If she had a girlfriend, too?”

Autumn pursed her lips, breathing out a quietly affirming hum.

Yes, it would be. She couldn’t imagine that if – when. Maya wasn’t her; she would absolutely end up in a relationship with someone when she decided to date – Maya’s mystery-future girlfriend came alone, she’d be too pleased about the time Maya spent with Autumn and/or her sisters.

Autumn knew she would detest it, if Maya spent so much time with someone she’d had such an involved sexual relationship with in the past.

But it made her feel sick to think about, so she decided not to.

“I’m sure Maya will cross that bridge when she comes to it. When she enters into a relationship, she will figure it out,” she settled on as an answer.

“Well, what does Maya want in a relationship?” Honor asked.

She whipped her head around to stare at her, incredulous. “What? I – why?”

Honor shrugged, staring at her so intently waiting for her answer.

“I don’t know what, exactly, Maya is looking for,” was what she could truthfully offer.

Which was the truth. Mostly.

Apparently, in a lot of ways, Maya had wanted her. But what, really, did that mean? She was looking for someone emotionally damaged who could fuck her brains out?

She shook her head, inwardly groaning at herself.

Honor’s eyes were narrowed in confusion. “But aren’t you two best friends? You don’t… talk about that kind of thing?”

The thing was, Autumn knew the twins were genuinely serious with these questions. Their experiences around dating and what was “normal” when it came to romantic relationships was very different than that of a typical teenager. Autumn knew that all too well.

Her warped perception of relationships that had obviously carried into her own life for years after leaving Ohio served as a reminder.

Clearing her throat, she shrugged. “Ah, we don’t usually talk about… that.”

Both of the twins frowned, skeptically, back at her.

“I think she’s probably looking for something most people want,” she found herself saying, in the face of Honor and Haven’s obvious disappointment with her answer. “Someone they feel compatible with, someone who understands them. Who makes them feel… safe. Accepted. Someone she can have good conversations with. Someone who can make her laugh. Someone who – who sees everything she has to offer. Who sees how smart she is. How good she is. Someone who sees that she might sometimes push against boundaries, but recognizes that she’s actually incredible about not overstepping them.”

Autumn’s breath caught in her throat, and she stumbled slightly over her words, catching herself.

She didn’t really know where in that moment she’d gone from talking about an indistinguishable someone, to talking about Maya.

Clearing her throat, she dropped her gaze down to her own lap. “Maya… is looking for someone who is ready for everything she has to offer. And that’s what she deserves.”

It was the conclusion Autumn had come to in her mind.

While she was ready – or, thought she was ready at least – to try, while she wished Maya was still in the place to want her to take the next step, the reality was that Maya wanted more. It was the whole reason she’d broken their sexual relationship off.

Autumn’s life was chaos. She couldn’t promise that she’d always be able to be open and ready with Maya, the way she both wanted and deserved.

“Oh.” Both of the twins breathed out the same, identical sound.

Autumn cleared her throat, brushing her hair back. She was far more relieved than she ought to be when they pulled to a stop outside of the school.

***

When she walked out of the school, Hamish was waiting for her, idling at the drop-off curb.

She shot him an appreciative smile as she slid into the backseat, caught between melting back against it, and feeling strung out with nerves, glancing at the school.

The twins had done somewhat of an introductory day here yesterday, and Autumn had joined them. They’d had an in-depth tour, they’d received their class schedules, and they’d both gone in to talk to their guidance counselor, while Autumn had spoken to the assistant principal, giving the run-down of their situation.

Still, she didn’t quite feel prepared for today.

But it had to happen. They had to find a routine, in order for this to really settle into life and become… normal.

Hamish lightly cleared his throat, garnering her attention as he started driving once more. “That was a very interesting comment. About what you think Maya is looking for.”

She met his eyes in the rearview, sharply arching her eyebrows up at him.

As they were stopped at a red light, he stared intently right back at her in the mirror.

He offered somewhat of an exasperated smile. “Hey, I’ve done my due diligence in the specialty it takes to have this job: not commenting on anything, even when it’s right in front of my face.”

The light turned green, and he broke eye contact. Still, though, he continued to say, “But you and I… we’re friends. Friendly,” he waffled.

“We are,” she confirmed, even though it felt a little odd to her.  

They weren’t friends in a classic sense, of course. Autumn really didn’t have those. Which was why it felt so strange. But in terms of someone who she could accept seeing her personal life and commenting on it, Hamish was one of very few people that didn’t make her feel had crossed a line.

“All I’m saying is that your sisters seem to be… perceptive. That’s a good thing, especially with them starting at this school.”

“Right,” she agreed, quietly, locking her fingers together in her lap, tightly controlling any possible fiddling.

Hamish nodded to himself for several seconds, before he spoke again. “We haven’t spent much time together recently–”

It was only then that Autumn realized how true that was. Not that they’d hung out frequently before, but it had happened semi-often. Not in over a month, now, though.

And because she did like Hamish and she did consider him a friend, she cut in with an apology, “I’m sorry about that.”

He breathed out a dismissive scoff, waving one of his hands. “Autumn, I know what’s been going on in your life.” He used that same hand to gesture over his shoulder at her, to where the twins had been sitting. “Obviously, there’s been a lot happening. With the twins, and… maybe more,” he tactfully hedged. “And I’m just saying that if you ever need, or want, someone to talk to, who isn’t your “best friend” Maya, or our boss, I’m here.”

Unexpectedly touched, she swallowed thickly. And then felt guilty that her first thought was that this was surprising, because Hamish had always been available to her as a friend, quietly and dependably.

“Thank you,” she murmured, rolling that idea around in her mind. Having Hamish as a real friend that she talked to, about real parts of her life.

She might eventually take him up on that.

***

On the positive side, work was incredibly busy by the time she got to the office mid-morning.

It was a great way to distract herself from the needling anxiety about the twins at school. Which was still very present, but… she needed to figure it out. She’d already discussed with her therapist, and she was sure it would be an ongoing topic.

The biggest negative about work today was the lack of Maya. Who hadn’t been in the office all fucking day, not from the moment Autumn had arrived this morning.

Where was she, anyway? Obviously her absence was approved by Charlotte, who hadn’t commented on it. For all Autumn knew, Maya was out doing work Charlotte had sent her out to do.

With how split Autumn’s focus had been this past month, she didn’t have her thumb on everything that happened in this office the way she used to.

Autumn was torn between longing for the days when she preferred for Maya not to be in the office, and cursing her past self out.

If she could have just – just pushed harder, figured things out for herself, she didn’t know. What she did know, was that she used to find Maya irritating in the office. Her inane conversation and the little celebrations she would do when she – or Autumn – did something exceptionally well.

And now, when she went back through her memories, she was more annoyed at herself.

Currently, she didn’t know who to be annoyed at, but she knew she wasn’t thrilled.

Because she was going to have to call a car imminently to pick her up to bring her to the school. She didn’t plan on always picking the twins up; her schedule simply wouldn’t allow it.

But on the first day, it was important.

She needed to see them with her own two eyes. Make sure they were actually okay. Make sure nothing had happened and they just weren’t telling her as to not stress her out.

Charlotte hadn’t even had her get the full sentence out, before giving her an incredulous look earlier, saying, “Hadn’t this already been decided?”

And, no, it hadn’t. Autumn’s morning with the twins had been decided, but not this afternoon.

Now, Charlotte was out at a meeting without her. It didn’t make Autumn feel great, especially because for so long the thing she’d been able to take pride in was being exceptional at her job.

But… right now, she needed even more to be an exceptional sister and guardian.

Where her bad mood was coming from, was that she’d thought she’d at least see Maya again, have a quick chat with her, before leaving the office for the day.

Ridiculous, she knew. Because it’s not as though they coordinated to make sure they saw one another. Anything they did had to be approved by Charlotte, but other than that…

Autumn had just – she’d assumed she’d see Maya more today.

“Stupid. Idiot,” she muttered to herself, frowning tightly as she shut her computer down for the day.

This was the issue, wasn’t it? With coming to rely on someone emotionally.

Because you could find yourself in a situation where you expected them to be there and check in about your sisters whom you were now in your car starting at a new high school, and even though that person had been around constantly and supportive and sweet and steady, they had no obligation to do that all of the time.

For one example.

Closing her eyes, she reached up and rubbed at her temples, blindly reaching for her phone to get a car.

With traffic, it would take a little while to get back to the school, and she wanted to make sure she was there right when the day was over.

“You ready to go?” Maya asked.

Autumn snapped her eyes open, surprise filtering through her.

Sure enough, Maya was standing there in front of the doors to their shared working space. She was, really, a sight for sore eyes, and Autumn felt like she was drinking her in.

“I… yes.” She cleared her throat, forcing herself to look away from Maya and to focus on gathering her things, before she stood. “I was actually just about to call for the car to pick up the twins.”

Maya jangled her keys, grabbing Autumn’s attention once more. She had her car keys hanging off of her index finger, teasingly wiggling her fingers in Autumn’s direction.

God, she missed Maya’s fingers.

“I have my car. Unless you’d rather take the Uber…” Maya trailed off.

And her voice sounded both teasing and uncertain.

Fair, because in the past, Autumn would have chosen the Uber. Even though she – deep down – would have preferred to go with Maya, she’d have chosen to take the car with a stranger.

Even still, it was a strange automatic reaction she felt.

But, no.

Because she’d wanted to see Maya all day.

And, “No, that’s… I appreciate it. The twins will be happy to see you.”

She knew they would, so it wasn’t a lie.

Maya’s lips curled into a small, knowing smile. Something that was caught between acceptance and laughter? “Well, I’d hate to disappoint the twins.”

Autumn felt her heart thud in her chest, as she slung her bag over her shoulder. She didn’t look directly back at Maya, as she walked around her desk toward the doors. “I… I am also… happy about it.”

Why did something like that take so much effort for her to say? It was so small, but it really did feel so big for her, inside. She wished it wasn’t the case, but it was.

But Maya’s smile melted into something brighter, something truly beautiful, and lessened how difficult it all was inside of her. Quieted that kneejerk reluctance. “Me, too. Let’s hit the road.”

She didn’t really allow herself to look at Maya – not the way she wanted to – until they were settled in the car, on the road. It was a little strange, really.

She’d been with Maya in just about every other travel situation: been driven by Hamish together, taken trains together, flown together. But she’d never been in Maya’s car with her before like this.

Strange. But not uncomfortable.

She found herself frowning as she eyed Maya closely, taking in her outfit. “Where were you?” She asked, tilting her head as she raked her eyes up and down Maya once more. “You look… good.”

Maya tossed her a look, arching an eyebrow up at her, an exasperated scoff leaving the back of her throat. “Wow. Thank you for the tone that tells me you’re shocked I look good. It’s not like I come to work every other day looking like a slob.”

“No, you don’t,” Autumn agreed, easily. Even when she hadn’t liked Maya, she wouldn’t have said Maya didn’t dress for the occasion.

Sure, she could be a little less formal than Autumn was on occasion, but that was just them.

“But you don’t usually look like that, either,” she couldn’t help but point out, and she found herself staring.

Maya always wore business or smart casual to the office. Always put-together, always appropriate.

But today, right now, she was wearing straight up business. Professional. Complete with a very well-tailored dark gray suit. While she was driving, she’d pushed her sleeves up, ruining the “professional” aspect a little, but making Autumn feel far more attracted, so…

Being so attracted to Maya in her loungewear/casual clothing was far less normal for Autumn than being attracted to her when she was all office-ready. Being attracted to Maya in this suit wasn’t surprising, but it was really doing something to her right now.

Probably because it had been, now officially, four full weeks since they’d had sex. She’d wished her attraction to Maya could dim in that time, but… no such luck.

Dragging her gaze back up from where she’d unintentionally lingered on Maya’s chest, she focused intently on her face.

Which Maya kept diligently on the road, and Autumn could see a little blush creeping onto her face.

“I just decided to dress up a little today,” Maya said with a shrug. “It’s not a huge deal.”

“You were out of the office all day,” she pointed out, not enjoying this.

She didn’t know what it was, exactly, but she knew it didn’t sit right with her.

“Yes, I was running errands for Charlotte to make sure everything would be good to go for both of us to take this afternoon off,” Maya shot her a quick look.

Which did mollify Autumn a little, because who was she to argue with that? Maya had filled in for her in abundance over the last month, and she’d then taken all of this time to show up for Autumn in her personal life, too.

So, even if she wanted to dig in a little deeper… she couldn’t.

“Well. Thanks,” she said, relaxing back into her seat.

She found, however, that she couldn’t make herself face forward. Not the way someone normal would.

She found that she wanted to keep looking at Maya. Like she’d been deprived of her all day. Because she had been.

Maya caught her eye, catching Autumn in her stare after a couple of minutes. “What is it? Do I have something on my face?”

Stomach fluttering, Autumn snapped to face forward. “Hmm? No. No, it’s… I was just thinking about this morning. The, uh, the twins referred to you as my best friend.”

It was the first thing that popped into her mind, even though she did regret it a moment later. There was no need to say that to Maya; Autumn didn’t even know how she felt about it.

But Maya chuckled, warmly. “Oh? We’re besties, huh?”

She nodded, taking in a deep breath. “Well, according to them, yes.”

“Makes sense.”

She turned to stare at Maya again in confusion. “It does?”

… were they best friends?

That felt absurd to Autumn. Inaccurate. Both because it felt far too intimate to describe them but also like not enough intimacy.

Maya’s expression was definitely amused. “Yes. I mean, in their perspective we aren’t dating or in a relationship of any kind. But I’m still around all of the time. So… what else would they think?”

Autumn settled with that, the concept of it feeling so foreign to her. Her voice dipped to something so quiet as she admitted, “I’ve never had a best friend. I guess the entire idea feels…”

Immature? Fictional? She didn’t know, precisely.

But the next look Maya cut her was obviously full of sympathy. Autumn was now very accustomed to that look, with her big, sweet brown eyes.

“You know, it’s fucking wild, Autumn, but at this point – if we take out my sisters – you’re my best friend by default.”

“Way to make it feel special,” she sniffed.

“Hey, I’m just being honest. It’s kind of a crazy thought for me, too, in all fairness.”

Autumn could understand why. Because Maya was the kind of person who had best friends growing up. And they were probably all people that she spent time giggling with and sharing inside jokes with. Not someone that happened to get the role by default because of their work schedule and intense but fraught sexual history.

And yet, she would take it.

Interlocking her hands in her lap, she half-turned her head again. Just enough to be able to look at Maya’s face when she said, “The twins also, um, they brought up – well, they asked me what you’d be looking for in a relationship.”

Thankfully they’d come up to a stop sign, because Maya whipped her head to stare at her. “What?”

A dry laugh escaped Autumn’s throat. “Yeah.” She let out a deep breath. “I guess that would be something a real best friend would know.”

“… right,” Maya cautiously agreed. She cleared her throat, waving one of her hands. “But, let’s get this straight, so to speak. The twins thought that we were getting married just because they thought we might be dating. So, what’s up with the relationship questions?”

Autumn slowly nodded, dropping her head back against her seat. “Yeah. Well. “Dating” under our parents’ roof and their rules is very different than normal “dating.”” She licked her lips, feeling the way her stomach twisted and turned. Feeling that instinctive want to cut this off at the knees. But, she didn’t. “It’s hard for you to understand because it would feel so antiquated to you that it wouldn’t even be possible to be real life.”

And she didn’t say that in any way to dismiss Maya’s attempt to understand. Because she knew Maya really tried so hard to internalize and work through everything she’d learned about Autumn, Honor, and Haven’s background.

But…

“Obviously, they understand dating and relationships as a concept. Theoretically. But, in practice, the real world isn’t like what they’ve seen play out. There’s no dating around, especially not for girls. If you’re in a relationship, especially in our family, with our father, you’re in a relationship with the intention to get married. That’s it.”

It still made her shudder to think about, made her break out in a cold sweat.

She roughly cleared her throat. “I just – I do appreciate you letting the twins ask all of their questions all of the time. And for never making them feel stupid.”

She’d never be able to thank Maya enough. Autumn was reasonably certain that Honor and Haven peppered Maya with more questions – questions that seemed so silly or inconsequential to someone who didn’t understand what it was like to have grown up in Circle of Mercy – than they asked of her. Which she understood. Even though she’d left their family, she still hadn’t had the typical upbringing, hadn’t experienced anything at their age the twins were going to experience now as teenagers.

Maya frowned. “Well, they aren’t stupid. They’re… naïve.”

Autumn nodded, feeling this unstoppable wave of utter affection for Maya in this moment. She was both glad that Maya was driving and had both of her hands on the wheel, and hated it. Because if Maya had one of her hands down on the console between them, she’d have taken it in hers.

“Yes,” she agreed, her voice rasping the word out of her throat, roughly. “But I’m sure it could get irritating sometimes. And I’m sure, given that you’re here to pick them up, that they’re going to want to ask even more questions about dating. Even if it’s not today, it’s going to come up again.”

It had to. Honor and Haven were teenage girls; they were likely going to want to have dating experiences, eventually. Especially now that they got to have choices.

Before Maya could say anything, Autumn found the words leaving her in a rush, “Even if it’s not something you want to discuss with them in detail, I – I would really appreciate you being the person they could come to with those questions. Because I want them to be able to have healthy relationships. And they’re absolutely going to need a better understanding about dating. About being in a relationship for the sake of being with someone they like, rather than being with someone for the purpose of – of marriage, then procreation.”

She could hear, dimly in the back of her mind, her father lecturing about how that was the purpose of romantic companionship. “Romantic relationships” had nothing to do with “romance” in that world.

“After everything you’ve already done for us in the last month, this might be even more to ask, given…” She trailed off, gesturing between the two of them. “But, you’re a far better person to offer them a perspective than I am.”

What the hell could she offer them about dating and relationships?

She was just so glad that – as far as she knew – the twins had gotten out of there before they’d experienced anything sexual or romantic with the courting partners their father intended for them. She was so, so hopeful that was a good sign. Hopeful it meant they’d have a different trajectory when it came to sex and relationships than what Autumn had experienced.

She inhaled sharply when Maya’s hand landed gently on top of hers, her thumb stroking along Autumn’s knuckles. She felt herself shiver from it, that sharp inhale leaving her on a trembling breath.

“Autumn, to be frank, at this point in my life I’m not really sure what I can offer them by way of relationship advice.” There was a wryness in her tone, something very aware. “But… Honor and Haven can ask me anything. You know that I’m an open book.”

She stroked her thumb along Autumn’s knuckles again, and she could only stare, reveling in Maya’s touch.

Maya was an open book. At least, she’d been an open book to Autumn. And Autumn hadn’t taken advantage of it the way she should have.

The twins would have a million questions for Maya. They’d want to listen to every anecdote Maya had to offer. And, at the very least, maybe Autumn could also benefit from being able to hear them now, still, because of that.

They managed to make perfect time, pulling into the pick-up parking area ten minutes before the final bell for the day. She’d texted both of the girls over their lunch to check in with them – all had been going well – and had told them where she’d be parked this afternoon.

Now, they were just waiting.

“So… your birthday is this weekend. Just a couple of days away,” Maya provided the perfect distraction.

Autumn rolled her eyes. “I suppose it is.”

“Wow, tell me how you really feel.”

Autumn rolled her lips. But she didn’t shut the conversation down, and instead she took a deep breath, and said, quietly, “I just don’t have any great birthday experiences. With my family…” She pursed her lips, shaking her head. “It was stressful. Even good days were stressful. Waiting for something to go wrong, waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Waiting for one of her siblings to do something out of turn that would sour their father’s mood, waiting for something to snap.

Even if it never happened, the day was ruined because of the anxiety.

“And after that – who was I celebrating with? It’s just another day.”

Maya nodded, giving Autumn that serious, intense look. That one that made Autumn feel seen and heard from the inside out, that made her stomach squirm. She waited for several beats after Autumn finished, just to make sure she was done speaking before she murmured, “That all makes sense. I’m sorry that’s how you feel about your birthday, but it makes sense.”

Autumn took in a long, deep breath, before slowly letting it out. Trying to control that unsettling feeling in her stomach.

“In the interest of honesty and because of the fact that we’ve now figured out that we’re best friends, I’m kind of juggling two allegiances right now, but… you win out,” Maya started, and Autumn turned in the passenger seat completely to face her, intrigued.

“The twins,” Maya explained with an apologetic, wincing smile. “They really wanted to do something for your birthday. Something special for you, because of everything you’ve been doing for them.”

“They don’t need to do anything like that,” she stated, firmly. “And, yes, I know. We bought movie tickets for tomorrow afternoon.”

“I know. And instead of coming home after, you’re going to be coming to my place. Where there’s going to be a party for you.”

Autumn reeled back, frowning. “A party?”

“Okay, I guess it’s a good thing I’m telling you now so that you don’t use that disgusted voice in front of Honor and Haven tomorrow.”

Autumn shot her a reproachful look. “What do you even mean, a party? Who will be there?”

“Not a ton of people,” Maya hedged, biting at her bottom lip, before she apologized, “Look, I’m sorry. I knew you wouldn’t love the idea of a surprise party, but Honor and Haven really wanted to do it and literally begged me to help them. They have such big baby blue eyes!”

Autumn heaved a sigh, feeling some of her defensiveness melt away. Annoyingly. “I know,” she muttered. “They always have.”

“But we did compromise that it will be a no-gifts party. Because I know how much you’d hate having people give you gifts, especially if anyone expected to see you open them.”

It was alarming, really, how truly well Maya did know her. Even about these things, the things they hadn’t talked about in-depth. She’d never told Maya her feelings about birthday parties or anything like that. But Maya knew.

Instinctively, she brought her hand up to her necklace, the one Maya had given her for Christmas. The one she’d almost never taken off since then, not even when she thought Maya was completely done with her.

She’d tried to, but she couldn’t.

How often was it to be seen the way Maya saw her? The way Maya knew exactly what to give her for a Christmas gift?

Wearing this necklace made her feel more like herself, and that was the only way she could explain the sensation. She felt more comfortable with it than without it.

“You’re not getting me another gift, right?” She found herself asking, as she rubbed her thumb over the back of the necklace.

She was terrified about what Maya would come up with, if she did try to give Autumn something else. She was positive Maya would come up with something that would bring her to her knees and make accepting what they were to one another even more difficult.

“Not unless you tell me that there’s something you want,” Maya assured her.

She’d also turned in her seat to face Autumn, and her eyes had settled on Autumn’s, searchingly.

“I mean, you know me. I would love to get you something. Ideally, something that would make you happy. But I didn’t want to jump into anything crazy while I was also complicit in helping to throw this party.”

Something that would make you happy.

Autumn felt her heart twist in her chest, twisting in something that she recognized as sheer yearning, as she stared at Maya. Who was sitting right here with her, but still felt too far away. This whole month, she’d been at Autumn’s side, but still too far.

“Sooo,” Maya drew out, softly. “Is there something you want?”

Autumn’s no was on her lips, but didn’t quite fall. Not when she found herself getting so caught up in staring. Not when she could feel this pull toward Maya like this. So strong, like this.

She dropped her gaze to Maya’s lips, feeling her own tingle in the phantom feeling of their kiss.

“I want something… that I can’t ask for,” she breathed out, feeling her stomach clench tightly.

“I mean, I’m telling you that you can ask me for anything. I mean, anything within reason that I could get my hands on for you, obviously,” Maya kept it light, offering Autumn a sweet smile.

“I want,” her voice was too quiet, barely over a whisper, and she had to pause and clear her throat. “I want what I’d said the other night, when I was drunk. I’d want a redo of that morning. I want to experience it – us – knowing it’s the last time. Just one more time.”

Her stomach released with a flourish of butterflies, taking in the way Maya’s eyes widened in understanding. Feeling the warmth of Maya’s surprised exhale even from over a foot away.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I know I – that we aren’t–”

She jumped in her seat when the back doors of the car opened, and both Honor and Haven sat down in the backseat.

Her heart was racing and her cheeks were red and she could see a similar look on Maya’s face.

And she plastered on a smile, looking back at them. “So, how was school?”

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