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What A Cartoon! - Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue (Patreon)

Published:
2020-04-13 04:01:00
Imported:
2026-06
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Move over, The Avengers! There's a much worse version of you from 20 years earlier that absolutely no one likes! That's right, the most epic crossover in entertainment history took the form of Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue, which saw animated superstars like ALF and Garfield put aside their differences to fight in the famously successful War on Drugs. And thanks to the generous support of patron Phil Jacobi, this week we're digging deep into this highly embarrassing relic from an earlier time. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if your favorite cartoon characters entered the real world and then started acting like huge jerks to you? Just say YES to this week's podcast to find out! 

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Boomer Spacely

This was the Genesis for Ready Player One. For that and that alone, I can never ever forgive this piece of media. Except by watching ready player one after smoking a blunt in the state of Illinois, where weed is recreationally legal. Take that George H W Bush.

ShyRanger

I am a bit younger than you guys, about 7 years I think. I also had to spend most years of my elementary school life listening to the anti-drugs stuff. It got very repetitive to the point where even me as a ten year old knew "Okay this isn't targeted at me because I have never encountered scenarios like this." One big difference I can say is that the programs I had did have more emphasis on parents' behavior. They did want to establish that what parents do affects kids, which WOULD be a good point except for two things. One, it never got real enough, they never REALLY went into what kinds of parents would act like this, and it especially never got to parents acting so bad they should be arrested themselves. And second, the advice we were always given was "Tell your parents they should stop because it affects you." Yeah kid, just tell your parents to stop, that'll go SO well. So it really flet like them going "Well we HAVE to say that parents play a role in this, but that's all."

Alex Irish

I was one of the many little kids who first watched Cartoon All-Stars in the early 90s via video rental, and one of those who had the anti-drug message go right over my head. All I took away from my first viewings as a youngling was how cool the cartoon crossover aspect was, not reading into the real intent of the thing. When I rewatched it years later in the far off year of 2006, as one of the earliest things I watched on YouTube, the purpose of the special became very clear. Interesting to note Wang animated this whole special in six weeks. Considering the insane turnaround on a 30 minute special dealing with multiple layers of character design, this doesn't look as bad as it could have. In hearing the big “Wonderful Ways to Say No” song now, you realize why you don't hear the same kind of screechy, cartoon voices in TV cartoons anymore. The last decade of animation voiceovers has gone in the direction of making characters sound more or less like normal people, rather than impressions of impressions. Heck, even in the 2018 Muppet Babies reboot, they toned the voices WAY down from the original show's direction.

Joe Hodgson

Cartoon All-Stars was the type of event programming we really don't see much of now. It feels like the only time it happens is with tragedies and we get some fund-raising show (which I'm surprised we haven't heard of one yet for the current climate) which is usually just a bunch of Hollywood types and musicians, no cross-over cartoons. I know I watched this live and it was the only time I ever watched it until recently. I was mostly tuning in to see Michelangelo and I remember feeling mostly let down he just stood around and lectured some kid. This thing is mostly intolerable though. I wish it had more humor about it and the protagonist was allowed to push back. He's told his life is on a crash course by a talking turtle who lives in a fucking sewer! As if he is one to talk. And Simon is such a narc, easily the worst of the chipmunks. About the only thing I could appreciate here is that it is yet another reminder that Russi Taylor doesn't get enough credit for how good a singer she is. She's able to sing as the duck nephews without being screechy (unlike Miss Piggy whom I now wish harm upon) and is rather endearing. She's also great when she sings as Minnie Mouse in other, better, cartoons than this. Because of the cross-over, I have at times been tempted to show this to my kids, who despite being 5 and 3, are familiar with most of these characters. After reintroducing myself to it though, I'm a firm "No." They can seek it out when they're older and better able to process the cynicism here. And you know all of these characters are mostly here because it would have been bad PR to say "No" (ironic) to Roy Disney as they could be accused of being pro drugs for kids. I do somewhat wish it had gone even further though and incorporated the D.A.R.E. program into it so they could have saved Daren the D.A.R.E. Bear for the end just so kids could have reacted with a "Who?" and been left further confused by this mess of a PSA.

Brian Hortin

I’d never watched this special. My anti-drug “education” was mostly the D.A.RE. program. This consisted of the friendly D.A.R.E. officer showing up in his flashy sports cop car to tell you how drugs are bad and what the various types look like. The car was seriously changed out every couple of years and at one point was a bright yellow Plymouth Prowler (the car from that syndicated superhero show with saxophone solos, Night Man) with D.A.R.E. in bright red on the side. I guess the point was to make sure you know cops are cool and your friends (they aren’t). We also got to try on drunk goggles once. My public schools were very white. If I ever do try drugs it will be at least partially out of spite for the messed up drug education program. Loved the McGruff song dropped in.

mavrick

"drugs will ruin your life!" oh, I dont need drugs to do that, thanks

Thad Komorowski

This was what you got to watch when all the other tapes were rented or when you thought you’d explore all options with your favorite character. And it always felt like punishment. Fuck every person involved with this script and concept.

Nicholas S Anderson

This had me rolling for 12 hours like a maniac at my crappy job. Thankfully I was wearing a mask. Winnie the pooh: what would happen if you dont tell?😐😈lmao. This episode has pushed me and I hope many other to the next patreon tier. Comedy gold.

Mr. President

Bob and Henry's impression game on on point.

Tricia

I have to say I’m glad you guys are providing these drug facts and advocating safe drug use; I feel like nowadays we should treat weed use like safe sex, with that said, what’s the weed equivalent of a condom? (Genuine question I don’t do drugs)

PurpleComet

Minor nitpick: Bob said 30 million people watched the Seinfeld finale, it was actually 76 million. Although given the quality of the finale... When it comes to edibles, I suggest looking for something with 5 mg of THC. 5 mg is just enough to hit that sweet spot where music, cartoons, and food are amazing but you're still a functional human being. All the edibles I've seen in shops label the amount THC in each package.

Dylan (batmanboy11) Freitag

I had watched this once before as a commentary video, so I knew what I was getting into, but goddamn is this still such a bizarre piece of propaganda that hits so many of the same issues that the War on Drugs and things like DARE always do. It'd be hilarious how stupid and backward this was if there weren't hundreds of thousands (millions?) of people (mostly non-white) who have been treated like sub-human trash because of fucking WEED. -- Like most white people, growing up as a teen I was stupidly judgemental about people smoking pot until partway through my senior year of high school when I mellowed out and realized a) it's actually not really a problem and b) who cares what other people do if it's not a harmful thing to the people around them. I didn't partake in any myself until just under a year and a half ago with some friends and have done it occasionally since then - I just find it to be relaxing, especially as someone with anxiety. After watching this damn cartoon I did my duty and lit up (immediately realizing I should have done it TO WATCH IT, but alas). -- Biden's comments on this completely track with his record of being a democrat who's different in name only from most republicans and I hate that 30 years later he's being peddled as the saviour of freedom and #1 pick of the #Resistance.

Strange Hombre

That special is burned into my brain. On the one hand, I loved it because CROSSOVER! But on the other hand it made me cringe and was also gross

SlothIsLegend

Oh man. This one was fucking hysterical. “Michael, we need to talk. You’re havin some real problems, buddy and uh, I’m worried about ya, man.”😂😂😂

Vash2123

I'm on a different boat with this one. I don't care if people that know how to use it responsibly do it. But I really don't see telling kids not to do drugs of any kind is a bad thing. For me you shouldn't or really need to have any of it unless a Dr subscribes that to you. I'm not one that agrees to selling in a store to anyone. But it's what it is.