A Gamer's Guide 411 (Patreon)

“You too,” I say, and then the fireflies take me, and all of a sudden, I’m back in bed. 

…Still wearing the suit. Well, I guess a return to the wardrobe would be too much to ask for. Pulling my covers off, I heave myself into a sitting position, and… Oh, God. Yeah, the lack of stats is so obvious. I can barely move. I guess that makes sense considering that I’m well… See, if I squish here and there, I can tell that pretty much all my flesh is maggots. My muscles are maggots. Of course I can’t move normally. It’s maggots. The fact that I can move at all is a miracle in and of itself. 

Sleeping in vest and pants won’t do, but if I can just get those off, then sleeping in a shirt will be fine, I think. Yeah.

Seated at the edge of my bed, I start undoing the buttons. One by one. Not having claws feels so weird. Makes my fingers shorter. And… it’s one less thing to worry about. Normally, wearing clothes is kind of super dangerous for me, since my claws might slice through the fabric at any time. Even undoing buttons like this would be dangerous, each button an exercise in just how carefully I can manipulate my hands without severing strands.

But, right now, my hands simply fly from one button to the next. Slip, slip, slip. Within mere moments, the whole vest is undone, and I can pull it off without difficulty. It’s… nice. 

One more button for my pants, and a stretch here or there, and I’m ready to return to bed. I try to put the clothes into my inventory, but… Oh, yeah, no. In that case… 

I dump them on the floor. It should be fine, right? The floor is clean. I can’t see why anyone would be bothered by floor clothes. Yeah? Yeah.

Sighing lightly, I slip back into bed, pull up my covers, and watch in silent amazement as a cloud of fireflies materializes right above my bed. And, after a few seconds of swirling, all together in a big hypnotizing barrage, they suddenly coalesce, forming a very clear silhouette. 

I squint up at it. Wait, isn’t that…?

Pop! 

A certain moon-faced man appears above my head before promptly crashing down on top of me, shattering my ribcage and squishing me into a surprisingly flat disc. 

“Oh, oh, gosh, Kitty, I’m so sorry, let Me just…” Thankfully for my continued health and well-being, he rolls off of me, settling down next to me with a big huff. “Pheeeeww, what a meeting! I thought my soul was about to leap right out of my chest!”

“I knew it,” I grumble, pushing myself up, pulling myself back into proper shape. “I knew there was something strange going on.” Turning to him, I find with delight that he’s finally back to wearing pajamas, a blue pair this time with pink hearts and white flowers. “What’s all this really about? And why’d You try to bribe me?”

“Oh, You would not believe the shitstorm We’ve had all day. The system’s been bugging out like crazy. At first, it thought Kingfist had just totally disappeared off the map, but that was only because it couldn’t see… Nevermind, I’ll just show You. Here—” His fireflies all arrive at the scene, spinning together into a big ball, going faster and faster until they’ve suddenly taken on the properties of some sort of hologram, showing a planet in grayscale. “Here’s Purgatory, right? Beautiful planet. Just gorgeous. But then, if you look over here…” Turning the whole thing with his fingers, he presents one side of the planet, containing a massive continent. The whole thing is a deep shade of grey, except for a single spot, in the mid-western part of the continent, shining in pure white. “See this? This is Kingfist.”

“...It is?”

Pulling at the sides, he zooms in on the little white dot, until it’s visible as a big white buzzing thing. “Look at that! One miracle and the whole area is nothing but Your divinity. Frankly, I’m not even sure if one of our followers could use magic in this area. Where would they get the divinity? Certainly not from Us!”

“That’s… Yeah, wow.”

“However,” he says, and now an impish glint has snuck into his eye, “it does make for the perfect hiding place. There’s too much of Your divinity here for anyone to peep in. Unlike the Greeting Room, where everyone can always see you because duh that’s the point.” He frowns apologetically at me. “Sorry about that, by the way. I was chosen as representative in confidence, so if I started acting, well, like I normally do, then I’d have a hundred gods on my ass about it. Well, maybe not all of them. The God of Love is a nice guy. He wouldn’t be upset with Me over something so silly. I don’t think so, at least…”

Even the god of love was watching? Gosh, that’s… “Must’ve taken a lot of convincing to give me all those boons. Considering what happened today, that is.”

“Hm? Oh, that? Ah, well…” He chuckles. Is that self-derision I hear? “You’re not the first god to get praised for stupid mistakes. Do not ask me how Painum was formed, I’m not ready to relive that trauma.” Huh. Even he…? I never would’ve guessed. “Besides,” Pain says, his gaze drifting towards the window, “We decided long ago that dying at Your hands would be preferable to conquest from the God of Kings.”

“Oh,” I say. “I… guess that’s a good thing? Not that I’m going to do anything like that. Really, I’m not. People want me to repeat this miracle elsewhere, but… I don’t think I can.”

“However it goes,” Pain says, “I’ll still think You’re just swell.”

“Hmm. Thanks.”

“That said…” He rolls over to look at me, eyes intense, smile faint. “Are You really okay with it? I appreciate that You played along, but it’s just Us now. No need to pretend. You’ve spent years collecting experience and levelling up Your skills, and now, it’s all gone. Of course, being upset changes nothing, there’s literally no way for us to help, but if You want to punch me a little or scream, I’ll be here to hear it.”

“No, that’s okay. I appreciate it though.” Ah, he’s still not really buying it. Silly guy. I smile at him, pulling my knees to my chest. “Really, it’s fine. The skills and stats… I needed them to survive, and to kill others so that I’d survive. But I can’t die anymore. And I don’t want to kill people anymore. Even the stats… Being able to walk unhindered is nice, but, like… I have people who’ll support me, now. They’ve surprised me a bit, but even if I fall, I know they’ll help me back up. So I don’t need it. Losing my stealth skills sucks, but… I’ll figure out a way to make do. Hey, maybe it’ll be good for me, huh? Getting seen? Well, we’ll see.”

In the darkness of the night, lit by the little fireflies drifting through the room, stars in orbit, I can see very clearly how his smile widens, wrinkling up the edges of his eyes. He pats me on the back, and even though I can’t feel that blinding, all-consuming pain, there’s still a bit of hurt, a twinge, just from his patting. “Yeah. We’ll see.”

I smile back at him. “Could I ask a question?”

“Sure.”

Unbuttoning my shirt a little—with immense ease—I show him my bare chest, pale and almost gray in the dim light. “What happened to my brands?”

“The Goddess of Law is only an aspect of the God of Multitudes. You can’t expect Her influence to be great enough to brand the form of a full God, can You?”

“Ah. Yeah, that makes sense, I guess. It’s just… No, it’s fine. You’re right.” I look down at my chest again. If I run my hand over it, my skin doesn’t really feel like skin. It’s softer, smoother. Almost like silk. “I’m not human anymore, am I?”

“No, You’re not. This body You’ve created… It may look human, but it isn’t. There’s no saying what it’s capable or incapable of, or even what it’s made of. Nevertheless, since it’s made by You, from nothing but Your own divinity, You should be able to manipulate it freely enough, as long as Your aspect aligns with Your desires.”

“Right. Another question, and this might sound like a stupid one, but… Purely hypothetically… What would happen if someone, say…” I make a few futile, non-meaning gestures in the air, purely to not rouse suspicion. “—Drank my blood?”

“Your blood?”

“Or—I guess, my milk?”

“Your milk?”

“Okay, wait, um… Like this… My blood is milk. If someone were to drink that, purely hypothetically, what would happen? About a full glass of it.” 

He blinks at me. Scratches his big moon-chin. Then, humming, he says, “Well, with that quantity… They’d probably die?”

I blanch. “Die?”

“Of course! Your blood… milk… liquid divinity is extremely potent. Only a few drops would be enough to override whatever divinity someone has in them, instantly killing them, or—if You’re lucky—transforming them into Your herald. Wouldn’t be a pretty death either, divinity-overload tends to cause interesting methods of demise…” He flashes a great big moon-grin at me. “I can really recommend testing it on small animals to see what happens! People will pay a surprisingly good amount of money to see small animals die in odd and interesting ways.”

I can’t sweat. There’s no heart in my chest to skip a beat. My mouth can’t dry and my body can’t turn any colder than it already is. As still as a statue, unable to bodily express everything I feel, I say, trembling, “But—but that death would be instant, right?”

“Of course. Instant death.”

“Right. So. In that case, she should be fine, right?”

“She…?” His eyes widen. “Wait. Did You make someone drink Your—”

“No! I didn’t make her do anything! I just gave her the cup, and she drank it all on her own! I was not part of it, whatsoever.”

“But… She didn’t die?”

“Not dead. Hair turned white, pupils too, but she’s asleep and fully alive right now.”

“I see. Hm. Curious. In that case, if she didn’t become a herald—which You would have noticed—and she didn’t become a stain on the carpet, then she must be an apostle.”

“...What? No way. That is not how—”

“Not for the God of Multitudes, no. Our apostleship trials are fairly convoluted processes, compared to those of other gods. I believe the God of Love’s process included something similar to what You’ve done—that is, feeding a potential apostle Your blood. However, in His case, the blood only caused a partial transformation… To complete it, You must transplant enough divinity to make up at least one percentage of your divinity, quickly enough for it to not dissipate.”

“Shit. Heck. Okay. Um. Is there something we can do to cancel this? She was drunk off her ass, and I don’t think she actually wants to become something as ridiculous as my apostle. This is all a big mistake.”

He looks at me oddly. “Not necessarily. Surely, for things to have gotten this far along, You must have noticed her?”

“...I must have what-now?”

He waves his hand. “Well, it’s no matter. What’s done is done. Her state is unlikely to change, so there’s no need to wake her up now. Ask her in the morning if she wants to become Your apostle, and if she does… I really can’t say how the process will go, but I’m sure You’ll figure it out.” Apparently, the way I feel is more than a little obvious, and once he spots the look on my face, he quickly gives me a gentle smile and a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “If anything, for a God as fresh as You, having a companion to get through the first years will be invaluable.”

“...Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” Now, how to tell Gecko that she drank my milk…?

He leans back out, stretches like a cat, and yawns. “I should be going. It was nice catching up with you, Kitty! Before I go, was there anything else you’d like to ask?”

“Oh, um…” I glance towards the window. They’re still going. “Did I… Today… What do You think about it? I mean… With what I did.”

Sitting up, he turns to the window too, an enigmatic smile flashing across his face. He slings an arm around my shoulders, squeezing until it’s just a little too tight. “You will come to learn a lot about mortals, Kitty. Most lessons, You must learn on your own. But what I can tell You now, is the simplest of them all.” In the tawny light from the window, I can’t tell whether the look on his face is one of triumph or despair. “A follower poisoned by faith will never see mistakes where they could see a miracle.”

I feel my jaw clench. “Okay. I’ll be wary of that.”

He lets go of me, rustling my hair as he does. “Atta boy.” Then, he slides out of bed, his fireflies all joining him at his side, lifting him up as he heads for the window. Though, before he has time to climb out fully, he turns to me, his silly crescent face framed by the moonlight, nose big and pointy and bell jingling softly. “Before I go, I’d like You to keep one thing in mind, Kitty.” His grin darkens. “Be careful with Your real name. It holds power.”

“Thank you,” I say, and then, in a brilliant flash of light, he transforms into a cloud of fireflies, drifting out the window and into the open air outside. With the night sky as his canvas, his countless drifting lights quickly meld in, becoming one with the stars, perfectly invisible in their visibility.

…It’s going to be a long day tomorrow, isn’t it?