A Gamer's Guide 461 (Patreon)

…What? “What are you talking about?”

Gecko smiles compassionately. “Don’t worry, I know it’s still early for you. I’ll go tell him the good news.” Not waiting to hear my very reasonable apprehensions, she walks the final distance, all the way up to the ring of cats. The cats in question are too busy purring and meowing and eating little pieces of meat and lapping from little dishes of milk to really care about her approach. “Hello, good sir!”

Nothing. Nothing greets her. The hole in the cats does nothing, so…

“Oh, hello, oh Hopeful One,” a voice says, from absolutely nowhere, though I could swear it’s coming from the hole in the cats. “I, ah, I had expected not to see you again, but… This is most pleasant, indeed! I must, however, ask, as politely as I possibly can, for what reason have you chosen to present yourself before someone such as Me? If I’m an eyesore, then I’ll be sure to leave the city as soon as possible. The only reason I decided to stay for a bit was for the cats, and completely unrelated to the…”

A gaze falls on me. I can’t see the one who holds it. I have no idea where they are, but I know they’re looking right at me. 

“Oh! Oh, finally! There You are!” the voice says, and then the cats part, and now I can see something. It’s faint, especially in the shade of the buildings, but I’m certain that I can see, crossing the ground beneath us, a shadow. That’s it. Someone’s shadow, splayed across the ground, but without being connected to anything or anyone. I watch with muted confusion as the shadow slides across the cobblestones before reaching my own shadow. The shadow grabs my hands, and I feel someone grabbing my hands, their rough hands and thin, knitted gloves scraping against my soft, silken skin. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t have come sooner, I came as soon as I heard, but it was… I’m sorry. I was both too early and too late. If only I had known, then…”

“I’m sorry,” I say, unsure whether to look at the shadow or where the face would be if the shadow was connected to something. “Who are you…?”

The shadow flinches. “Oh. Oh, yes. You see Me, don’t you? But they don’t. Please, don’t tell them. Come along. We must talk in private. I have much to give You. Here—I live just here. Isn’t it pleasant? When I entered the city, I told them the truth—that I have no home, no identification, no money. But they gave Me a name, and told me where to go. I met with someone. They gave Me this house. Even if I wouldn’t be long, they let Me stay here, at no cost to myself! You have raised a fine city, Hope. But come along—enter. I have little to serve You but milk. Will that be fine?”

“Oh, um… Sure. And you don’t want them…?”

“No. No, they mustn’t come along. They are lovely humans, indeed, but I can’t. I… I wish I could. I don’t have the courage.”

“Okay. I understand. Um, Gecko, Rice? Will you be alright if…?” I look over at the two of them. My right-hand and left-hand woman. They’re both sitting on the ground, unheeding of their pants and robe getting dirty, cats in their laps, on their shoulders, in their arms… Anywhere there can be a cat, there is a cat. And the women in question are both cooing and petting and giggling, both hands occupied. Damn. I’m so envious I could die. But I can’t die anymore, so I just mutely follow whoever this guy is into the house next to the cats, stepping over their purring forms with all the care I can muster. 

The inside of the house is nice. A little small, but he’s got everything he could want. It smells pleasant, too. And, of course, there are cats everywhere inside here, too. Lounging here and there. Stretching out in the sun streaming in from the windows. 

“Wait just a moment, let me get you a cup of spiced milk,” he says, producing a kettle from the stove and a pair of cups for the both of us, setting the table with it all. Which would be normal, if it wasn’t a shadow doing it. How does that even work? Being a shadow… Very odd. Either way, since he clearly wants me to take a seat, I do just that, sitting down at the table. He pours me a cup of warm, fivaro-scented milk. Even though it’s not much cold outside anymore, I can’t help but enjoy the feeling of warmth between my fingers. “Well,” he says, sitting down across from me. I can hear a fond smile in his voice. “Hewwo, Hope.”

“Hewwo,” I say back, looking at the shadow seated in front of me. And, finally, the memory clicks. “Cowardice!” 

“In the flesh,” he says, chuckling. “Or, I suppose, what’s left.”

“What’s up with that, anyways?” I ask him. “You’re, like… a shadow. I’m not sure what I expected, but this is a bit…”

“Nothing dramatic,” he says. “When I ascended, My followers were very keen on having relics to remember Me by. So I gave them what I had. Didn’t want to be so impolite as to refuse. You’d be surprised how much You can give of Yourself before You run out of things to give. Of course, after fifty thousand years, most of those relics have been lost to the sands of time. Though, I have a feeling one of my vertebrae may still be out there, hidden away in a shrine somewhere…”

“Whoa. So, you can still see, even without eyes?”

“Of course. I’m a god, after all.”

Hmm. Good to know! In that case, I shouldn’t be too shy about giving relics. Sure, I don’t want to end up a walking shadow like him, but if I can give stuff, then that’s probably good. “I see, I see.”

There’s a pause on his end. “You’re not going to follow my bad example, are You?”

“Never! How could you—what makes you think that?”

Picking up the cup, he swirls it around just a little, letting the milk become a spiral. “I have known You for a while now, Hope. Long enough to know You. Even Your stranger habits.”

“Ah. That’s true.” At least he can’t read my mind anymore…

“Or so You think.”

“What?”

“Oh, sorry, I was trying to make a joke, but I suppose You didn’t think something like at least He can’t read My thoughts. Pardon.”

“Haha… Yeah… That’s exactly it. Um…” I run my finger along the rim of my cup. Dang, he knows me too well. “So, uh… What did you come for?”

“Ah, yes, of course. When I heard You had ascended fully, I was overjoyed! That is, until I heard the circumstances. Oh, You poor thing. I knew at once that what You would need was not only a shoulder of relief, but likewise the pleasant and most useful ability to escape all notice. Fetal-Position Blowover, as it is so aptly named. Of course, with Your ascent, You will have no difficulty at all modifying it to work at all times. With that, You should never need to fear the gazes of the people around You!”

Oh. “Oh. That’s…” Ah, shoot. That’s such a nice thing he did. He came here as fast as he could, on foot, and it took him more than a month, and now he’s here, all because he wants to help me with what’s going on. It’s such an incredibly selfless thing, and for him to then burst into the castle, pressing his case… “This… This is a very brave thing you’ve done, Cowardice.”

The shadow draws back a little. “I—I’m aware. Want called me things. But I knew You would need someone. Certainly, thinking that I could be such a person in Your life… It’s arrogant, I know. But I had to try. I’m sorry I couldn’t arrive any sooner.” The shadow of his hand reaches out, falling upon my hand. It’s warm. I can feel its weight, even though I can’t see it. 

“Thank you,” I say, from the bottom of whatever heart-equivalent I may or may not have. “Thank you, Cowardice. This is… I’m really grateful. It’s just…” Ah, shit, how do I say this without breaking whatever’s in his chest…? I look down at the table. “Right now… At this moment… I like being seen.”

“You… You do…?”

“Yeah. It’s… I’ve met some people. Some really nice people who look at me and don’t get scared. People who aren’t constantly afraid I might leap out and attack them. I have friends. And I want them to be able to see me. Creeping in the shadows… Hiding in plain sight… I don’t need that anymore. I’m happy to be seen. I’m happy for people to see me.”

He hands draws back to his side of the table. “Ah. I… I see. That’s good. I’m… I’m proud, Hope. It’s a very brave thing, to stand in front of your believers, without hiding away. Many of Our kind choose not to. Hiding is far easier.”

“Yeah. Which is why I’m so glad that you’re here, even though you didn’t need to be,” I say, reaching out and taking his hand. “I appreciate that you’re here. If you want to stay, however long it may be, I’d be glad for you to spend that time here. No one has to know who you are.”

His hand clenches mine. “Thank You, Hope. It’s an extremely kind offer. I only wish I could accept it. I’ll leave in a few days. It’s easier that way. But, again, I highly appreciate it.” There’s a shift in his voice. Wistful, but not quite nostalgic. “When We gave You that angel, We had no idea You’d go this far with it. At most, We hoped You might be able to use the access to the divine web to alter some skills, or to cross barriers the rest of humanity couldn’t… But to come this far…” His hand squeezes mine tightly. “Truly, I’m proud of You.”

“...You’re sure?” I smile at the absurdity of it. “I mean… A lot of people died to get me here. Like, a lot. Being proud of that…”

“I’m proud that You’re here in spite of it all,” he says, deliberately. “I’m proud of the good You’ve done. The good You’ll keep doing. Even if it’s something as small as getting an old man like Myself off my hiney, rushing all the way over here…” He sniggers to himself. “You’ve certainly brought question to My domain, haven’t You?”

“Heh. Yeah, I guess.” 

He squeezes my hand again, and then he lets it go, saying, “Now, drink up Your milk. I’ve got something else I need to give You before I forget.”

“Okay,” I say, taking the cup in both hands. The chair scrapes as he stands up, and then I hear the lopsided shuffling as he walks out of the room. I drink my milk. Mmm. Good stuff! I drink almost half of the entire cup before he returns, carrying a bulging knapsack in both hands. Or, well, it looks more like the knapsack is floating midair, but I get what’s happening. He sets it down on the table with a grunt. “What’s in there?”

“One second,” he says, and then he undoes the knot tied on it, opening it up and letting its contents spill across the table, only barely avoiding our mugs.

It’s a whole lot of plush rats, and a big pointy witch hat, and a sewing kit, and… “Hey, it’s my stuff!”

“Yep,” he says, sitting down in his chair with a content sigh. “Someone had to get it for You, and since I was anyway coming to visit…”

“Whoa, it’s been ages since I saw these things! I didn’t think I’d ever get them back! Let’s see, there’s Leif, and there’s Erik, and there’s Susanna, and Berit, and Ragnar…” Digging through the rats, I unintentionally reveal the things at the very bottom of the pile. Below the plush rats, below the sewing kit, below all of that.

A little medal gleams up at me, atop a blue handkerchief. I freeze. 

“I had to,” he says softly, from across the table. “I knew, at one point, they meant everything to You. I know You’ve had troubles with him… That things aren’t now as they were then, but… I couldn’t make that choice for You.”

With trembling hands, I reach out, and scoop the medal and handkerchief into my hands. Cool metal and warm fabric. I clench them in my hand. “Thank you,” I say, lower than a whisper. “Thank you so much for bringing them back to me. I… I wasn’t sure I was allowed to hope for their return.”

“Anytime.”

“You’re sure you won’t stay?”

“I’m sorry. Crowds… people… they get to me. I’m sure you understand.”

“Yeah. I do. Then…”

“After You leave, I’ll go. This house will be empty again, ready for someone else to use.”

“Okay. I’m sad that you’ll go, but… Thank you for coming. It means so much to me. I don’t think I’d be here if it wasn’t for you.”

“Anytime. When the time comes, be sure to kick the God of Kings’ butt for Me, won’t You?”

“I will.”

“Thank you.”

We talk a bit more. About the tutorial, about the future, about godhood. It’s strange to talk to someone who’s technically at my own level, but it also feels nice. I can be truthful with him in a different way, I suppose. But, in the end, I did come here with other people, and I do have other things planned today. So even though I can’t be sure when or where or why we’ll meet next, I bid farewell to him, promising that I’ll try to keep things as civil between myself and the god of multitudes as I can. I happen to like quite a few of them, after all.

It’s all I can do.