No Holds Barred (Mushoku Tensei/Celestial Dojo) - Chapter 4 (Patreon)

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K414 - Greyrat Family Home, Buena Village 

“Ghislaine! It’s been ages. How’ve you been?”

I’m closer to the carriage, so they don’t notice me at first. Though Paul Greyrat gives me a curious glance before joining his wife near Ghislaine. The red-haired maid stands a little bit behind them with her child.

“This your kid?” Ghislaine asks. “I didn’t know you had another.”

Zenith laughs. “Her name is Norn. The other little one over there is Aisha.”

“Is…”

“Yeah,” Paul says weakly. “Also mine.”

“Expecting you to keep it in your pants was a dead end, huh?” Ghislaine shakes her head with a soft chuckle. She looks at the maid. “Bring her here.”

“I’m Lillia,” the red-haired woman says. “Nice to meet you.”

“Mhm. …It’s good you’ve got girls. Less of a chance they take after Paul.”

The women laugh at the tall man’s expense. He sighs, glancing at me with a lascivious grin. “This your man, then, Ghislaine?”

While the adults glance at me in curiosity, the little boy hides completely behind his mother.

“He’s… maybe. Call him a challenger.”

“A challenger?” Zenith tilts her head.

“She means that to be with her, I need to beat her in a fight,” I say, snorting. “Nice to meet you all. I’m Eiji Takase. I work for the Boreas Greyrats as a guard.”

Paul makes a face. “That’s an odd name.”

I give him a shrug. The ladies introduce themselves to me, then Zenith reaches behind herself, taking her son by the hand. The kid clearly doesn’t want to be anywhere near me, though.

“Come on, Rudeus.” She turns back to me with an apologetic smile. “S-Sorry. He’s usually mature, but he can be a little closed-off at times.”

Ghislaine nods. “It must be Eiji’s face.”

…What’s wrong with my face? I elbow her a little and whisper the question into her ear. She doesn’t get discretion in the slightest and responds to my question aloud.

“You’ve got a frightening glare.”

Paul laughs.

“Do I?” I ask Lillia. “Be honest.”

She looks away. “You are possessed of an… intense stare, sir.”

“Damn.” I rub the back of my head. “Uh… kid. Rudeus? I swear, I’m not a bad guy.”

“That’s the most unconvincing thing I’ve ever heard, man.” Paul swats my shoulder. “Come on in. I’m sure we can treat you guys to some lunch before you go. Rudeus, we’re sparring afterwards, so don’t eat too much. You’ll throw it up otherwise~!”

Rudeus nods. “Yes, Father.”

“Dear,” Zenith protests.

“A joke, honey~! I was jo—o-ow!”

Lunch is bread, some kind of stew, vegetables, and a slab of meat that tastes like pork. I think it’s pork, anyway. Halfway through my second helping, Paul points his spoon at me.

“So, how long have you known Ghislaine?”

“Six months.”

“And you’re already trying to court her? Sorry, challenge her?”

Across the table, Ghislaine calmly tears a chunk of bread in half.

“Fuck off,” I blink. “...Sorry. I forgot there are kids here.”

Zenith covers a laugh with one hand when Rudeus shrinks in his seat at my glance.

“You do look like someone who swears a lot,” Paul observes.

His son, meanwhile, has barely stopped looking at me. He’s trying not to make it obvious, but every time I happen to glance his way, his eyes dart somewhere else. After lunch, Paul makes good on his promise to spar with his kid. I lean against the side of the house with my arms folded while they move around the yard. Ghislaine stands beside me, holding Norn against her chest because Zenith went inside to do something.

We watch Paul leisurely knock Rudeus’ sword aside.

“You said he might be rusty.”

Ghislaine hums. “I guess he’s not as rusty as I thought. Maybe he started training again.”

Sometimes he gives ground when I expect him to press forward. His sword changes direction halfway through an attack in a way that makes my shoulders tense just watching it. I still don’t really know enough about the three styles to tell where one ends and another starts. Most of the time, he fights like Ghislaine, only to suddenly turn elusive or do these crazy acrobatic moves. Compared to Paul, Rudeus is okay. He’s obviously nowhere near his dad, but Paul corrects him a couple times between exchanges. Rudeus nods seriously and then actually adjusts what he’s doing instead of immediately forgetting it.

Suddenly, there’s this sickening crack as Paul’s hand blurs, and the kid crumples.

Paul barely gets his head around before my fist catches him across the mouth. His head snaps sideways. I grab the front of his shirt and drive forward, but the bastard recovers fast. His forearm slams across mine and breaks my grip. I throw the other hand. Paul slips it and something crashes into my stomach hard enough to fold me slightly. I swing an elbow. He ducks, and the pommel of his sword catches my cheek.

My Battle Aura flares over me properly, invisible but very much there, and I grin despite the circumstances.

“Eiji!” Ghislaine yells.

Paul throws another punch. I catch his wrist, step in, and drive my shoulder into his chest. He stumbles backwards. I hook my foot behind his ankle and try to dump him onto the dirt, sprinting into a Tornado Kick that blows him back a few steps.

“How about you tell me what the fuck your problem is?!” he snaps.

I land on my feet. “You just knocked out your fucking kid for no reason!”

“W-What’s wrong?” Zenith and Lillia sprint out of the house.

Paul wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “He doesn’t know he’s being sent away. He would’ve refused, so I knocked him out.”

“Is it done?” his wife asks, glancing at the unconscious little boy. She walks over to Ghislaine. “Thanks for taking care of her for me. I didn’t want to see it happen.”

I rub a hand down my face. “...I fucked up.”

“A little bit.” Paul touches his split lip and winces.

“I thought you just—” I stop and shake my head. “Doesn’t matter. Sorry.”

“You don’t strike me as the kind of guy to apologise after punching someone.”

“I apologise when I’m wrong,” I say defensively. “But sorry, man. I’ll make it up to you.”

Paul waves me off. “Eh. Buy me a drink next time I’m in Roa. A good drink.”

“Done.” I nod.

He holds out his hand for me to shake, and I take it, relieved he’s so chill about it all. Ghislaine’s holding Rudeus in her arms. His mother brushes some blond hair away from his forehead, lingering there for a few seconds.

“Take care of him, Ghislaine.”

“I will.”

“And make sure he eats properly. Paul packed his things, but I put some extra food in there, and—”

“Zenith.” Paul puts a hand on her shoulder. “He’s going to Roa, not the other side of the world.”

Lillia says her own goodbye before we leave, quieter than Zenith’s, and I’m left standing around awkwardly while Ghislaine carries Rudeus towards the carriage. I give Paul one last nod before climbing in after her. Rudeus gets an entire bench to himself. Ghislaine lowers him onto it, shifting him around until he’s lying on his side with his head resting against a bundled-up coat. His luggage gets shoved underneath, which leaves the opposite bench for the two of us.

I sit down first, and Ghislaine sits beside me. Our thighs touch. I shift closer to the wall, which gets me maybe two inches before my shoulder bumps against the side. Ghislaine doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest. She’s looking out the window as the carriage starts moving, one arm resting along the back of the bench.

Something curls around my ankle. I flinch, then look down to find Ghislaine’s tail wrapped around my leg. Slowly, I look back up at her. Her twitching ears betray her, and after weathering through my stare, she eventually snorts. Hours later, Rudeus groans awake. For a few seconds, he stares blankly at the two of us before going rigid.

Rudeus scrambles upright, looking from me to Ghislaine, then to the moving sunset outside the window. One hand goes immediately to the side of his neck. “Father...”

“He knocked you out,” Ghislaine says. “Then Eiji attacked him.”

Rudeus’ eyes move to me.

“It was a misunderstanding,” I say weakly.

“He punched Paul.” Ghislaine reaches into her coat. “Anyway, Paul gave me this.” She pulls out a folded letter and holds it towards Rudeus. He hesitates before taking it. “Read it aloud.”

Rudeus looks down at the letter, then back up at her. “A-Aloud? Why?”

“She can’t read,” I say. “And it’s your letter, so I’m not gonna read it… unless you can’t read either?”

“I-I can read! Umm… ‘My beloved son, Rudeus, I’m sure you have no idea what’s going on. I’d ask you to ask that meathead, but you won’t get a decent explanation out of her.’”

Ghislaine shoots up to her feet, growling.

“That was a joke,” I say, tugging at her pants. “Sit back down.”

“Oh…”

“Keep going,” I smile.

Rudeus flinches, lifting the letter to cover his face. “‘To cut to the chase: I got you your job. You’ll tutor a nine-year-old young lady in Roa. The woman with you is the family bodyguard and her sword instructor. She’s a Sword King. I haven’t beaten her once, except in bed. You won’t find a better sword instructor, so don’t slack off. For the next five years until you turn 12, you’ll teach reading, writing, arithmetic, and magic there. During that time…’”

He goes quiet for a while.

“What’s the matter?” Ghislaine asks.

“I-It’s nothing!” He clears his throat. “‘You’ll work, earn money, and live independently. I can’t wait to see the person you become. Your wise, awe-inspiring father, Paul.’”

“...Huh. He really loves you, huh?”

Rudeus smiles. “W-Wait, it’s not done. ‘...P.S. hands off the strongwoman. She’s mine. The young lady’s fair game, though,’ i-is what he says.”

Man, this guy really can’t keep it in his pants, huh? Knocking up the maid and still calling dibs on his old flame while he’s married is definitely something. Can’t bring myself to hate the guy, though. He seems like fun and is a solid dad for the times, all things considered. 

“I see.” Ghislaine goes quiet for a moment. “...Rudeus, when we arrive, send that letter back to Zenith.”

The kid salutes her with a lopsided smile. “Yes, M-Miss Ghislaine!”

“Just Ghislaine’s fine.”

“Okay.”

…Well, Paul, you brought this one on yourself, bud.

【—〄—】

K414 - Boreas Greyrat Manor, The Citadel of Roa

“WHAT?! YOU’RE YOUNGER THAN ME!”

Rudeus steps back a little under Eris’s scrutiny. The naive little guy is way too close to her for comfort, and seeing that she’s shouting, I’m pretty sure we’re a few seconds away from some violence. God, I hate this kid.

“I-I don’t believe my age is relevant.”

Eris scowls. “Are you disagreeing with me?”

“B-But you can’t do all the things that I can—”

Eris smacks the shit out of him. “Who do you think you are to talk to me like that!”

“Hey—!” I start moving towards them only for someone to tug at my arm.

Philip holds my arm and shakes his head. “If you step in here, she’ll never give him the time of day, Eiji,” he says. “Frankly, I’m not expecting much from him, but since Paul asked me to give him a shot, let’s see where this goes.”

The maid who was attending to Eris till we entered scurries around to the door. But since we’re blocking it, she can’t exactly escape and takes refuge on our side instead. It’s me, Ghislaine, Philip, and Thomas just watching this shit go down. Rudeus seems like a nice kid, so there’s only so much I can let the little shit get away with, even if her old man insists on letting things play out.

“Why’d you hit me?” Rudeus asks with some iron in his voice.

“You’re younger and you talk back!”

…That’s never stopped her from hitting the maids or poor Thomas. Or trying to hit me, but go off, I guess. Rubbing his cheek, the blond boy lifts his other hand, humming, before nailing Eris with a crisp slap to her face. Thomas makes a noise that sort of sounds like a strangled laugh.

“Nice!” I whisper.

Philip lets go of my arm. “I… didn’t think he had it in him.”

“He’s in for it now,” Thomas mutters.

Rudeus, having no clue what kind of fuse he’s lit, folds his arms and starts lecturing. Thing is, Eris has the world’s thickest skull and is as dumb as rocks. Like, I’m not exactly one to talk with my temper, but fucking hell.

“Now do you understand what it feels like to get hit—!”

Eris sends him to the ground with a vicious punch, panting and growling like some kind of feral animal. She mounts him, raising her fist.

“I’LL MAKE YOU REGRET HITTING ME!”

Thus begins the old ground and pound.

I wince. “Should I step in?”

“G-Give it a little bit,” Philip says weakly, turning around as some footsteps slow behind us. “Ah, Alfonse!”

The head butler looks on at the beatdown and takes his head in his hands. “At this rate, the young lady will remain illiterate forever.”

Rudeus yelps and grunts with every punch Eris delivers, all of them aimed at his face and nothing else. 

“Alright, that’s enough—” I stop as visible wind gathers in his palm and blasts Eris off him. She sails across the room and lands atop her bed. The kid springs up and bolts out of the room without wasting a moment, barrelling through everyone in the doorway with Eris hot on his heels.

“GET BACK HERE! I’LL BEAT YOU INTO PASTE!”

The rest of us split up. I’m a lot more comfortable letting Rudeus be if he’s a mage. As powerful as she is, I don’t think Eris can beat him. Sensing how powerful a person is can be difficult when they’re not actively using their power, but from that brief spell, I can tell Rudeus is plenty strong based on just how much mana he’s got. Thomas, Philip, and I head back into the dining room to wait things out. Alfonse and the maids, meanwhile, get back to work.

Ghislaine straight up leaves the manor to go on patrol. Mine’s not until tonight, so I’ve got the entire day free, more or less, and all my learning now is self-study.

About an hour later, Rudeus staggers into the dining room, looking surprisingly okay. His hair’s stuck to his forehead with sweat, but he’s unharmed otherwise. He stops dead when he finds the three of us waiting for him. Philip’s sitting at the head of the table. I’m sprawled across one of the chairs across from Thomas with my feet kicked up onto another.

“Lose her?” I ask.

Rudeus bends over, planting his hands on his knees. “I... believe so.”

“Sit down, Rudeus,” Philip says, saving him from having to figure me out. “I assume you used healing magic for your wounds?”

Rudeus nods and drags himself towards the table. Thomas pours him some water. He downs half of it immediately.

“Well?” he asks.

“She’s violent.” Rudeus lowers the cup.

Philip closes his eyes for a moment. “Yes. I suppose there’s little point denying that after what you just experienced.”

“She’s unreasonable, short-tempered, unwilling to listen to explanations, and seems to consider violence an acceptable response to being contradicted.” Rudeus glances at me for a second before he looks back towards Philip. “If I’m expected to teach her like this, I don’t think it’s possible.”

“So you intend to give up?” Philip rubs his chin. “All the other teachers gave up around this point, nor can I begrudge you or them for it.”

“No.” Rudeus looks down into his cup. “I came here to work. If I return home immediately, Father will bully me. And I need the money.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“What if she were put into a situation where she was forced to understand the value of education?”

“Go on,” Philip says when Rudeus hesitates.

“...What if we staged a kidnapping? If she sees reading, arithmetic, and magic actually help us escape, then maybe she’ll understand why they’re useful.”

Philip laughs. “It’s certainly... unconventional. But I understand what you’re trying to accomplish.”

“It wouldn’t be difficult t-to arrange, I mean.” Thomas folds his hands behind his back. “There are plenty of men in Roa willing to play the part for a little coin. The young master and young lady could be taken somewhere nearby, given the opportunity to escape, and we’d have people watching in case anything went wrong.”

“Exactly!” Rudy says.

“Unlike everyone else, you’ve survived your first meeting and immediately started thinking of another approach. I’ll at least allow you to try. Wouldn’t you agree, Eiji?” Philip asks me.

Personally, I’m looking forward to seeing Eris terrified.

“Thomas can handle the arrangements. For now, you should wash up and rest. I imagine Eris will be looking for you again before long.”

“...Right.” The light leaves Rudeus’ eyes as Thomas shows him out of the room. I hang around for another few minutes because I’ve got nowhere better to be as Philip gets dragged away by a dog-eared servant carrying a stack of papers.

Thomas comes back before I can leave. “Sir Eiji. Could I speak with you for a moment?”

I get up and follow him out. He leads me down the corridor, waits for a pair of maids to pass us, then opens the door to some tiny sitting room I’ve never had a reason to enter before. The moment I’m inside, Thomas closes it behind us.

“You’ve had your share of difficulties with Lady Eris.”

I snort. “Understatement.”

“She attacks you. She attacks the maids. The servants. Myself.” His face twists. “Anyone she pleases, really, and nobody does a damned thing about it.” Thomas is usually pretty calm. Even when Eris punched him at dinner, he just took it. I figured the guy had the patience of a fucking saint. Apparently not. “She is a violent, arrogant, spoiled little monster, and her family has allowed her to become one.”

He catches himself, and his expression smooths over, but not completely. There’s still something ugly underneath it.

“Listen, I’ve wanted to punt her through a window once or twice, too.”

“Which is why I thought I could trust you.”

Here we fucking go. I frown. “What are you planning?”

“The young master’s kidnapping will proceed exactly as he proposed. They’ll be taken outside Roa and given every opportunity to escape. Nothing will happen to either of them. Once they return to the city, however...” Thomas pauses. “We will pursue the.At that point, Lady Eris and the young master will believe themselves safe, having escaped their captors. Their guard will be down. They will see me and relax, which is when the hired thugs will strike, disappearing into the night before anyone realises what’s happened.”

“...And then?”

Thomas watches my face carefully. “Sold into slavery, most likely. What happens after they’re handed over will no longer be my concern. I’ll be paid 100 asuran gold coins per child. Naturally, I’ll have to split it with the hired muscle, but just one gold coin is enough to live in opulence for a month.”

“So why tell me?”

“Everyone in this manor knows what you think of her. You’re the only person here who has ever struck her back, and I could use your strength. Once I’ve paid the rest, I will give you half of whatever’s left.”

I scratch my jaw. “What exactly do you need from me?”

“Lord Philip has said you’re coming along, pretending to be one of the kidnappers. Eris would buy it given your dislike of one another. Simply don’t interfere. I’ll handle everything else. Just think about it… and naturally, don’t speak of this to anyone.”

The door clicks shut behind me as I turn towards Philip’s study. It’s on the other side of the manor, which gives me plenty of time to think about just how badly Thomas has apparently misread me. Yeah, Eris is a fucking nightmare, but she’s nine. There’s a pretty big fucking gulf between enjoying the thought of her getting scared straight and throwing her into slavery!

Grumbling under my breath, I round another corner and nearly walk straight into someone.

“S-Shit. Sorry, I wasn’t watching—” …Oh.

Hilda Boreas Greyrat steps back and looks at me with scornful grey eyes. We’ve barely spoken since she got back. I’ve caught her glaring at me plenty, though. Apparently mothers don’t appreciate hearing that the strange foreign man living in their house punched their daughter hard enough to bruise her face something ugly, even if it’s been six months since then.

“Lady Hilda.” I step aside for her with an awkward smile.

Her lip curls as she brushes past me. “...Brute.”

“Nice seeing you too, I guess,” I mutter, watching her go.

Then, I make an elaborate show of heading out to the city before hightailing it to Philip’s study. The brown-haired man sits behind a desk covered in papers, looking like someone’s chained him to the desk. Roa and the massive wall encircling it is bathed in the sun’s dying light. I knock against the doorframe.

“Eiji?”

“Busy?” I ask.

“Painfully. If this isn’t important, save me anyway.”

I take the only seat opposite his. “Thomas is actually planning to kidnap your daughter.”

Philip’s quill stops. He gets up to close the door properly. I shut the door behind me and tell him everything, and he listens without interrupting. When I’m finished, he leans back.

“I see. Let it happen.”

“Huh?!”

“I mean go along with it,” Philip clarifies, laughing as he drops his quill into its inkwell. “Between yourself and Rudeus, my daughter ought to remain safe. Ghislaine will be patrolling Roa, but for all intents and purposes, let the plan go ahead as proposed.”

I stare at him.

He looks away sheepishly. “...I want Thomas to believe his plan is working.”

“Those two things sound pretty fucking similar from where I’m standing.”

“They aren’t.” Philip sets his quill down. “Thomas has shown us his hand. If I confront him now, he’ll deny it, flee, or change his plans. The men he’s contacted remain unknown, and Rudeus’ idea dies with it.”

“I’m struggling to care about the last part.”

His smile fades. “Eris needs this. My daughter has spent her entire life surrounded by people who cannot tell her no. Servants who cannot strike back. Tutors she can chase away. A grandfather, father, and mother who adore her enough to excuse nearly anything she does. You’ve seen the result. Rudeus has devised a lesson she cannot simply punch until it goes away. Thomas and his scheme will make this far more convincing.”

“Only if it goes right! And what if they manage to hold me for long enough that the bastards disappear with one of the kids? We don’t know who Thomas is in contact with!”

“They won’t. Not with Ghislaine there.”

“Gotta say… I still don’t like it.”

“You have my permission to be a little rough with Eris,” Philip says slowly. “Nothing overboard, mind.”

…Don’t smile, fucking god, don’t smile! I take a deep breath and rise all at once, giving Philip a firm nod.

“In that case, you can leave it to me!”

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