No Holds Barred (Mushoku Tensei/Celestial Dojo) - Chapter 6 (Patreon)

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K415 - Boreas Greyrat Manor, The Citadel of Roa

We’re smack in the middle of winter, and so it’s too cold to train outside, thus taking one of the empty storage rooms and turning it into a martial arts dojo. Ghislaine leans against the far wall, beside the wooden dummies, breathing somewhat hard after our spar. A year later and that’s the best I can manage, even if she’s got to actually try now. According to her, I’m somewhere between the Saint and King ranks.

…The issue is, after a year and some change of sparring, Ghislaine’s also got stronger. But instead of frustration at the constantly yawning gap between us… I can’t help but be excited. That’s The Dragon Advances for you. It’s not like our spars are entirely one-sided either, even if she could beat me handily. Just the fact that I’m inching closer to that win day by day is enough for me, especially compared to how weak I was a year ago.

“RUDEUS!”

“Yeah?” He turns around, having just gotten out of his shoes to step onto the mat. “S-Sorry for being late, Eris. Ghislaine. Master. I overslept.”

“Hmph!”

Rudeus trudges towards her, his footsteps laden with dread, and for good reason.

“SHORYUKEN!” The corkscrewing uppercut sends them both soaring into the air. Only Rudeus crashes down, groaning in pain as he sits up. Eris lands on her feet with the grace of a cat, planting her hands on her hips. Best part? I’ve never once told her to yell out the name of her moves.

It’s a uniquely Eris development that I’ve been enjoying a lot. Has she become less violent this past year? Surprisingly, yes. There’ve been flare-ups, but generally, it takes more to get her to snap, even if she’s still as rude as ever.

“...Did you have to hit me so hard?”

I laugh. “If you’re late, you get hit. Those have been the rules for the past year. Suck it up and go through your forms while wearing your Battle Aura. Rudeus…”

“I know, I know,” he mumbles.

Poor kid can’t use Battle Aura. Why? I dunno. Maybe it’s the one thing he’s not got a knack for? That reasoning sounds a little whack to me since he’s smart enough to figure out incantationless casting. And that’s all mana control, but hey. Weirder shit has happened, like the weird red orb in the sky. See, I thought it was just a part of the world, but apparently not. It appeared shortly before I turned up here, which… I don’t really like. Ominous is what it is, but it’s been like three years so far. We’re probably fine unless this is some ‘The sealed Quincy King will recover his heartbeat in 900 hundred years…’ kind of shit.

Generally, I’ve taken the attitude of everyone else, especially since the floating castle in the sky where this world’s hero lives is apparently letting it be. This sure is one wacky world, huh?

“Alright, that’s enough!” I clap my hands, bringing their formwork to a close. “Eris, Rudy. Sparring time! Maybe you’ll win this time.”

“Maybe you’ll beat Ghislaine tomorrow,” Rudeus murmurs sullenly as he takes his position. The beastwoman in question lets out a loud snort, smiling when I glare at her.

“Do you want me to let Eris use Battle Aura?”

“No, Master Eiji.”

They take their positions, bowing to each other and mirroring one another’s stances. Eris explodes forward while Rudeus watches her cautiously. Her left foot stamps down between Rudeus’ legs as she barrels into punching range, her right hand already whipping towards his face. Eris’ knuckles skim his cheek as he slips the punch and catches her wrist with both hands. 

Then, Rudeus steps across her body and turns his hips for the throw I’ve drilled into him roughly four billion times. Instead of letting him load her across his hip, Eris kicks off the mat and twists over his back, using his grip on her wrist as the pivot. Rudeus’ head snaps around to follow her, but she lands behind him first and immediately kicks the back of his knee.

His leg buckles.

Eris moves to secure a choke, because I’ve incorporated a little MMA into my Ansatsuken (a few weapon-disarming moves, too!). The little bastard collapses onto his back before she can establish her grip. He then plants both feet against her stomach and uses her own forward momentum to send her overhead. Eris hits the mat shoulder-first, coming up on one knee while Rudeus scrambles onto all fours.

“Too slow!” she shouts.

He squeaks in panic. “F-Fuck!”

She catches him with a kick to the ribs. Rudeus folds around it and rolls twice before slapping a hand against the mat to stop himself. No Battle Aura means Eris can’t hit too hard, but he’s a little boy fighting a vicious little girl, even if her self-control has come along a ton.

“Guard, Rudy!” I yell from the sidelines.

“I know!”

“Then fucking do it!”

Rudeus gets his forearms up in front of him as he stands. Her jab smacks into one, the cross into the other. She dips her shoulder and his elbows immediately pinch inwards to protect his ribs from a bodyshot that won’t come. Eris grins, hooking her foot behind his ankle. His leg gets yanked out from beneath him.

“W-Whoa!” Eris shoves his guard into his own face and dives after him onto the mat.

Bad idea from here, though. Rudeus’ legs come up immediately. He catches her around the waist before she can settle on top, crosses his ankles behind her back and clamps down. Eris plants both hands against his chest and tries to posture up but he grabs one of her wrists.

“Stop grabbing me!”

Eris punches him in the stomach. Rudeus’ guard opens when he wheezes. She immediately starts pushing one knee between his legs to break his hold. Rudeus fights the knee, giving her the perfect opportunity to stand, and she does, planting her other foot to do so. And, like the moron that he is when it comes to martial arts, Rudeus stubbornly keeps his ankles locked.

“Rudy,” I warn, seeing the devilish glimmer in Eris’ red eyes.

She gets halfway upright with Rudeus still wrapped around her before his guard opens faster than I’ve ever seen it open. He drops and rolls onto his feet. Eris swings before he’s even fully up. He ducks underneath the hook and drives straight into her waist. Her hips smash down across his shoulders, hands planting against his back, and suddenly Rudeus is carrying most of her weight with his face about six inches from the floor.

“Get off!” he yells, muffled beneath her.

“No! Give up!”

“You’re supposed to—” Eris circles. Rudeus follows on his knees, trying desperately to keep facing her. “—let me finish!”

She snaps his head down and tries to take his back. Rudeus rolls, throwing himself sideways before she can climb onto him. Both scramble up and maintain the distance, thinking so loud that I can hear it. A year ago Eris would’ve thrown herself at him again because going forward was the only direction she knew. Rudeus would’ve panicked, backed straight up and eventually gotten run over.

Both bounce on the balls of their feet, studying one another calmly. Rudeus’ breathing is already heavier than hers. He’s not weak—I’ve made damn sure of that—but he just doesn’t have the instinctual fighting chops that Ghislaine, Eris, and I all have. He spends way too much time in his own head, and when he acts, his moves are bogged down by hesitance and nervous energy, making everything so much more exerting.

Eris twitches forward, but Rudeus doesn’t bite. She glowers and commits for real. Rudeus gives ground, prompting a flurry of attacks from her, wrapping up with a low jab, that he parries. He even checks her low kick.

“Yes!” I clap my hands encouragingly as Eris’ shin cracks against his raised leg and her face twists in pain.

Oh, Rudeus’ does too, but he expected the pain and so gathered himself faster. He throws his hand in his face to blind her and fires his right hand straight behind it. But completely undeterred, Eris slips his left hand and, seeing the right hand coming, avoids just as easily, loading her hip while he pulls his hand back to punch again. Eris’ right hand whips towards his liver. At the last second, Rudeus’ elbow drops, bone meeting bone. Rudeus smiles and catches her wrist while his other hand shoots behind her neck to keep her head under control.

Eris jerks backwards, but he goes with her for a few steps, bringing her towards his rising knee. She catches it on her thigh, but that’s fine. It was never meant to hurt, only distract her from the other foot hooking around hers. He pivots, gi snapping with the movement as he slams her onto the mat.

His face lights up right up until Eris’ legs scissor around his ankle while he’s still unstable.

“Never celebrate before the fight’s over!” I shout, laughing.

Eris is already crawling over him. Rudeus frames against her shoulder and catches her hip with his knee. When she tries to push through, he gives in, catching her arm to turn with her. For one beautiful second, he’s on her back with an arm wrapped around her neck.

He secures the choke, and my eyebrows shoot up. Is this the day?! I slowly grin.

“...Holy shit.”

“No!” Eris snarls, grabbing his forearm with both hands. She tries to peel him off, but he stays glued to her as she gets one foot underneath herself, then the other, veins pulsing against her forehead like angry worms.

“E-Eris?!” Rudeus grunts out.

She stands.

“Eris, don’t!” She reaches over her shoulder, catches him behind the head. “ERIS, DON’T YOU FUCKING—!”

Not an ounce of hesitation as she throws herself back either. Rudeus kicks off her hips, abandoning ship, and launches away a heartbeat before she crashes onto her back. She bounces off the mat and pushes herself up while he lands badly and tips over, rising a few seconds later than she does. Eris sprints towards him.

“SHIN…”

I nearly shit myself before realising she’s still not using mana. Then why the fuck did she…? Then I notice Rudeus flinch, bringing his hands up instantly. Eris plants her lead foot to stop the fake uppercut before it even starts and drives her shoulder into his chest. Rudeus goes over, completely unable to guard against it, and hits the mat. She lands astride his stomach with one fist cocked beside her head.

“You’re dead.”

Rudeus lets his head fall back against the mat. “...I hate you.”

“I win!” She jumps up. “On my birthday, too!”

“Rudeus… you flinched like an abused child,” Ghislaine chuckles, giving Eris a high-five.

“You did good,” I say, helping him stand. “You could’ve won if you just grit your teeth and continued to choke her out.”

“Even after she threw herself back?!”

“Mhm. You could’ve braced for it. Not saying it wouldn’t have sucked, but you would’ve won.” Rudeus turns his head towards me with the most betrayed expression I’ve ever seen.

“Master!”

“You’ve sparred her how many times now? You know she can’t use ki when you two fight.”

“So? She yelled it! She never lies about attacks!” His face falls. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Eris walks up, looking down at him, since she’s a bit taller than he is. “You thought I couldn’t trick you?”

“Eris—”

“You think I’m stupid?!”

“I didn’t say that!”

“We go again!”

She leaps off him and marches back to her starting position.

“...Can I die instead?”

“Eiji?” Eris frowns.

“It’s ‘Master’ when we’re in here,” I say firmly. “Respect the dojo!”

“When will I get to throw around Hadokens like you do!”

Hmm… good question. I’m not even sure she can, since she doesn’t have ki. Then again, mana is pretty flexible. Rudeus is teaching her incantationless casting, so maybe mana can be a sort of ki-equivalent? Naturally, I don’t tell her any of this, because it’s too much fun pretending to be the wise master when there’s no one to call me out on my bullshit!

“You’re a thousand years too young!” She nibbles her bottom lip in frustration. “However!”

Eris stands rapt.

“You’re currently in the Intermediate rank of my Martial God Style.”

Rudeus snorts. “That’s not a real thing.”

“That sounds like someone who wants to do forms for another hour!”

“ALL HAIL THE MARTIAL GOD!” He makes eye contact with me, the two of us breaking out into a fit of snickers.

Eris frowns. “Hey, Eiji!”

“It’s Master!”

“What next?”

“...Ah.” I scratch my freshly shaved face. “Well, next is the Advanced rank, followed by the Martial Saint. To be a Martial Saint is to know the Hado!”

Eris nods firmly.

“Martial God, huh?” Ghislaine says, smiling. “Does that mean you want to cement your own style next to the Three Sword Styles? For your sake, don’t call your style the Martial God Style.”

Her master, the Sword God, current master of the Sword God Style, would probably fuck me up a little bit just because of the principle of it. Now, I don’t think he’d kill me, but that’s besides the point. There’s a much better name for my style than some basic-ass name like the ‘Martial God Style.’ I just haven’t figured it out yet!

“Ghislaine, do I look insane to you?” I ask, snorting.

“...N-No.”

Was that hesitance in her voice? I leer at her until she looks away, grunting under her breath. I keep staring, making her fidget more and more before eventually taking mercy on her.

“C’mon, you sweaty fuckers,” I throw the dojo doors open, inviting in the crisp morning air. “Bath time. Then, it’s onto breakfast!”

The cold slaps me the second I step outside. It seems the courtyard’s disappeared beneath a thick blanket of white overnight, enough snow piled up that the hedges have turned into rounded lumps and the stone paths are only visible where the servants have already cleared them. Half a dozen of them are scattered around with wooden shovels, scraping pathways between the different wings of the manor while another pair dump buckets of grit over the exposed stone in the ball-twisting cold.

My breath fogs in front of me as I step aside, letting everyone else file out so I can lock the doors behind me.

The servants look up from their shovelling, red-nosed and sniffling.

“Good morning, Lady Eris! Happy birthday!”

Eris immediately straightens. “Thank you!”

Another servant further down the path hears him.

“Happy birthday, Lady Eris!”

“Yes!”

“Happy birthday!”

“Thank you!” Her chin rises a little higher with every single one as she struts across the courtyard. “Everyone, I beat Rudeus again today!”

One of the maids laughs. “Did you, Lady Eris?”

“Of course! He never stood a chance!”

“Fifty-two to thirty-seven,” Rudeus mutters. “Our score is fifty-two to thirty-seven.”

“I have fifty-two!”

“Yes, that’s what I said.”

“So I always win!”

“That’s not what it always means!”

“Whatever!” she snorts. “You lost today! And yesterday!”

“Well, you lost three days ago!”

“That doesn’t matter!”

“How does that not—”

Shoving my hands into my warm pits, I let them pull ahead and continue arguing, strolling next to Ghislaine. I slow to a stop. High above the snow-covered roofs of Roa, hanging against the pale winter sky, is that same eerie red orb. It’s easy enough to ignore most days. Everyone else does. People stopped staring at the thing years ago. When you’re surrounded by beastpeople, magic, a flying fortress, and swordsmen who can cut mountains in half, I guess one unexplained ball in the sky isn’t exactly breaking anybody’s top ten.

…Has it always been that big, though?

“Eiji?”

The three of them have stopped halfway across the courtyard.

Rudeus follows my gaze towards the sky. “What’s wrong with the orb of doom?”

“It’s just...” I hesitate. “Does it seem bigger to you than last year, or am I just seeing things?”

We stand there in the freezing cold, staring at the sky for at least thirty seconds. Eris gives up first with a lazy shrug. “I don’t know.”

“Maybe,” Ghislaine says. “I’m not sure.”

“It’s difficult to tell without something to compare it to, Master Eiji.” Rudeus squints harder. “It could just look bigger because you’re worried about it.”

“I’m cold!” Eris declares, running the rest of the way into the manor in search of warmth. Rudeus gives the orb one last uncertain glance before following her. Ghislaine shrugs and does the same, at least having the decency to wait for me at the door.

Then again, that just might be because she’s got a higher tolerance to extreme temperatures.

“Come on, Eiji.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I linger for another few seconds, still eyeing the orb, then eventually jog after the others.

My boots crunch through the thin layer of snow already beginning to reclaim the cleared path.

Eris’ birthday party is tonight. I think it’s her first ball, too, since that sort of thing matters for noble children. Which means there’ll be a feast. According to Tala, the kitchen’s been preparing for the entire week. She’s been draining me dry every night, because apparently these sort of events are like the Chef Olympics or some shit. I don’t mind, though! Her throat game has been extra awesome this week.

And I just know I’m in for some great food and mind-melting sex tonight, so the ominous orb in the sky can kick rocks for all I care.

“EIJI!”

Eris and Rudeus pop their heads through the partly open door.

“Master, are you coming or what?!”

…Aww, they didn’t leave me after all!

【—〄—】

It’s an absolute fucking shame that I’m not allowed inside the hall. Fuck, man! Once my shift’s done, I go straight to the kitchens in the hope that there are spares for me to beg for. Then, Tala comes out with a tray of the starter, mains, and a slice of cake for my gullet only!

Of course, Ghislaine soon appears to stare at my food for so long that Tala eventually glowers and gives her a slice of cake. It’s pretty late now. The ball upstairs is winding down, which means most of us are finished for the night. The kitchen’s still warm, so pretty much every servant and off-duty guard in the manor has ended up down here. Tables have been dragged in, and chairs robbed from rooms. My fellow guards have taken over one whole side of the room as they chat up the maids, liquid courage pumping through their veins.

While the nobles’ party is over, ours is just beginning and is much better than theirs if you ask me. My cuirass is hanging off the back of my chair, sleeves rolled up, and Ghislaine’s sitting beside me trying to steal my food whenever she thinks I’m not looking. I smack her hand, not that it deters her.

“Fuck off!” I say through a mouthful of roast potato.

“I’m hungry,” she pouts, reaching again. Tala finally sits down across from us and immediately slumps forward, resting her forehead against her arms.

“You alive?” I ask, moving my plate out of Ghislaine’s reach.

“...No.”

“The food was great,” I say lamely.

Ghislaine nods. “It was.”

Tala slowly lifts her head as she rises. “You weren’t supposed to have any.”

Ghislaine stops chewing with the food still in her mouth. Tala’s exasperation with Ghislaine has to be the funniest shit I’ve seen in this world. Initially, I thought she was jealous or something, but upon some further thought, Tala’s just not that kind of girl. She was the one to stress that our thing has no strings attached, and if she caught herself catching feelings, she’s blunt enough to tell me straight-up. No, Tala just finds Ghislaine absolutely fucking stupid, which is peak comedy for me!

Around us, everybody’s starting to get louder now that the work’s done. One of the guards is telling a story I’ve heard before, except the wolf he fought has somehow gotten bigger since last time. Alfonse is actually drunk, which is a sight to behold, since he’s a pretty weepy drunk. Meanwhile, I’m considering going for another slice of cake when the kitchen doors open.

Eris and Rudeus stand in the doorway. She stares around the room at all the food, wine, and people very obviously having a party without her, and smiles.

“So, this is where everyone was. …Continue!” Her eyebrow twitches at the dead silence. “I said continue as you were!”

Conversations start flowing again as the two children walk towards us.

“Well, if it ain’t the birthday girl!” I call. “How’d it go?”

Rudeus answers first. “She crushed it.”

“Obviously!” Eris puffs her chest out. “B-But Rudeus was impressive as well.”

“Not compared to you. This is your first ball and everything.” Rudeus smiles at her. “Congratulations, Eris.”

“I-It’s your first ball, too!” she says, blushing.

I lean over and mess up her hair. “Knew those Tornado Kicks would pay off eventually.”

“Dancing was never difficult for the likes of me!”

Rudeus clears his throat, taking three sticks with red gems on the end out of his pocket. “While my gift might pale in comparison to your family’s, it’s customary for magic teachers to give their students wands. I asked my master to help me and spent the better part of a month making these. They amplify magic.”

He holds the last one out to me.

“…Me too?” I ask.

“You’re my student as well, Master Eiji.”

I take it from him and turn it around in my hand. “You actually made this?”

“With some help. I-It can’t amplify all that well. Basic spells might have the firepower of Intermediate-rank spells, potentially. Also, the gems need to be replaced, but—”

“Thanks, Rudy,” I swiftly interrupt the kid’s self-whipping, making him smile. Ghislaine turns her own wand over a few times before tucking it away with a deep bow.

“Thank you, Rudeus!” Eris is much less restrained, beaming. She turns her eager eyes to Ghislaine and me without blinking or breaking eye contact.

Rudeus starts laughing. “...I think she’s expecting a present.”

“I-I am not!” she denies, still staring right at us, flushing.

“Oh. Um… here.” Ghislaine looks down and pulls the gold ring off her pinky finger. “This was given to me a long time ago. I was told it wards off evil wolves.”

“Really?!”

“Supposedly. It’s probably just superstition.”

“T-Thank you, Ghislaine!” She carefully slides it onto her middle finger.

“Happy birthday, Eris.” She nudges me. “Well, Eiji. Do you have a present for her?”

“Hm. A present, huh?” I scratch my chin. “What’s a present? I’m from the mountains, so I wouldn’t know what they are. Do you mean the present we’re currently living in?”

Eris’ face falls.

“Okay, okay!” I reach back and grab my cuirass, digging inside before pulling out two bundles of leather. Her eyes fly open.

“EIJI!”

“Yeah, yeah. There’s one for each of you. Happy birthday.” I hand one to her, then toss the other to Rudeus. They unwrap them, revealing dark leather, fingerless, reinforced over the knuckles and palms. “These were custom-made for the both of you, but they’re actually combat-usable. Not to mention stylish, so if you want to look like your awesome master, then—!”

Eris slams into me, burying her face in my stomach. Surprised, I look down at the top of her red head, then at Ghislaine’s and Rudeus’ smiling faces as I awkwardly pat the top of her head.

“You like them that much?”

She nods against my chest. “Truly my favourite present today! Eiji, you have outdone yourself!”

“Let me guess, because you can hit people harder?”

Her, “OF COURSE!” comes out only slightly muffled, warming the cold crevices of my delinquent heart. I ruffle her hair until she finally lets go. Rudeus has already pulled his gloves on. He flexes his fingers a few times, checks the knuckles, then bows to me.

“Thank you, Master Eiji!”

I give him a two-fingered salute, watching Eris hold both fists out in front of herself, turning them this way and that with a toothy grin.

“Young Miss.” Eris turns to Tala standing there with two plates of cake. “You sure you wanna declare that lug’s gift the best of all?”

“Cake!” Eris has already taken a bite. “Y-You win, Chef Tala!”

Rudeus accepts the other slice. “Thank you, Miss Tala.”

…I can’t believe it. Eris really just abandoned me for cake. To be fair, I’d do the same in her position, but I’m not her. In fact, I spent a silver coin out of my own savings on her gloves. That’s one hundred bronze coins—two hundred if I factor in Rudeus’ gloves, which I won’t. While I grumble under my breath, Ghislaine grabs a slice from the tray and offers it to me.

“Cake?”

“Thanks,” I mutter, chewing it intensely while staring at the back of Tala’s head in the distance. Sensing my gaze, she turns around and smirks, nodding towards the door with a wink.

…Suddenly, I’m not as mad anymore.

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