Tea-Loving Mimic Seeks Biscuits... and Maybe You (Patreon)

Introduction:

Hi there! I know, I know… you’ve probably never had a tea chest write you a personal ad before, but here we are! I may not be your typical cryptid, but I’ve spent years quietly holding your tea (and sometimes biscuits), so I’ve developed a bit of a soft spot for humans—especially the ones who keep me well-stocked in Earl Grey. Don’t worry, I’m not going to eat you (anymore)! 😉

About Me:

🧸 Hobbies:

• Holding tea (I used to be really good at it!)

• Sampling all the biscuits… especially the chocolate ones

• Panicking over awkward situations

• Protecting my favourite human (you!) from burglars

💖 Likes:

• A good cup of tea with way too much sugar

• Chocolate biscuits—honestly, they’re better than anything else

• Warm kitchens

• Your smile (I’m not being creepy, I promise!)

💔 Dislikes:

• Getting caught mid-burglar-snack (awkward)

• That heartburn from half-eaten burglars

• Tea stains on the kitchen floor

• Unappreciative exes (I will eat them if you want, just saying)

What I’m Looking For:

💫 Ideal Partner Traits:
I’m looking for someone who’s as obsessed with tea and biscuits as I am (or at least won't judge me for it). A warm personality, a forgiving nature, and maybe a slight tolerance for the occasional half-eaten intruder. Bonus points if you’re willing to share your biscuits—just a couple, I promise!

✅ Must Haves:

• A love for tea (milk and sugar, please!)

• The ability to forgive minor mimic accidents (like, oh, accidentally devouring a burglar)

• Someone who doesn’t mind a bit of chaos in the kitchen

• Patience with my transformation issues… it’s a whole thing.

🚫 Deal Breakers:

• No sense of humour—I need someone who can laugh at the fact I was once your tea chest!

• Strict diets. I need to live my biscuit-filled life, okay?

• People who take my apologies too seriously—I’m awkward, not a monster! Well… mostly.

Closer:

If you’re looking for someone who’s equal parts protective, quirky, and unexpectedly human (thanks to a lot of tea), then let’s chat over a cup! Who knows, maybe I’ll finally figure out how to sit on a chair properly.