GRATITUDE ✨ (Patreon)

Hello everyone~ 💙

If you'll indulge me for just I minute I have some things I need to express to you all. I am so grateful for each and every one of you and I don't know how to put all my feelings into words but I want to and need to try.

Thanks to you my fridge is always stocked, I have no trouble paying my rent or bills, I can afford to treat myself to takeout, buy an expensive piece of clothing every now and then, buy k-pop albums and merch to support my faves. I was able to save up and afford a new home, I can save up for nice furniture to put in this home that I love so much. I can buy good quality dog food for Poppie and should she ever need to go to the vet I would be able to pay for that as well. I can never repay you for all these blessings you have provided me with but I hope you know that whoever you are and wherever you are - I love you so much! Maybe that's cringy to say and feels silly because we haven't met but I truly feel that way and I hope you know that.

Thanks to you I have felt so secure in myself and my life that I have been able to quit an addiction that once upon a time saved me and sustained me but was no longer serving me. I got a chance to pause, relax and heal with my community holding me up when I was at my lowest and most vulnerable. I don't think I have expressed that because it was many years ago now but without you I don't know how I would have gotten through that. I got a chance to start over and start again. I've changed my content and reactions a lot compared to when I first started them and I understand when it is no longer of interest to some people and I don't take that personally. I'm just grateful to anyone who was ever here to begin with because that love will forever stay in my heart. Wow that probably sounds really cheesy, but it's how I feel! I'm tearing up writing this.

Thanks to you I never feel lonely anymore. I've always loved being alone, in a way I guess I also got used to it being an only child with not a lot of friends, but now I love being alone and I enjoy my solitude so much because I never feel lonely and I have all of you to thank for that. You who watch my videos, like my posts and write comments (the more the better!!!). You make me feel so much love and so loved and I love reading your comments so much because they always make me laugh. Growing up I never thought I'd be able to feel like this. My weirdness that I would get bullied for has become my superpower in what I do. I hope you know how amazing you are for making me feel that way and I wish I could give all of this love back to you somehow which I guess is the reason I'm writing this.

I started making videos sitting on the floor, drinking wine and talking to an iPad mini back in 2017 and I feel like that was several lifetimes ago. I had no idea my need for connection would bring me where I am today. I just wanted to find others to talk to about k-pop. Making cringy videos while wearing too much make up, talking to my dog Cookie and drinking wine on the floor was the best decision I ever made so I want to tell you that if you ever have an feeling like that inside you - follow it.

I wish I had done it so much sooner but it is NEVER too late - it only is if you believe it is. If you're not good at whatever you want to try or do - that's so much fucking cooler, do it badly! The most important part is that you start and that you do it consistently. I heard this quote the other day - not sure where it's from or who said it but I want to share it:

An idiot in motion goes further than a genius at rest and that's because the world doesn't reward what you know - it rewards what you do.

In case you didn't know by now - I love you all 💙 Thank you for everything.