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Story Post: Amends (GI) (Patreon)

Published:
2022-07-08 00:14:03
Edited:
2022-07-11 18:11:39
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

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Content

Coming in at juuuust under 15,000 words is this month's slightly belated Good Intentions story! Hope it was worth the wait! (And, uh... I should maybe break this up into two installments, but instead I'm just gonna plan on going short for next month. Probably. Cool?)

WARNING: This story contains explicit sexuality, explicit violence, numerous expletives, stolen and looted artwork, burglary, perfidy, conspiracy, snobbery, breaking and entering, assault and battery, stalking, eavesdropping, assault with a deadly art object, false identities, indecent acts on a utility easement, divine rule-bending, flashbacks, persistent flirting, lewd behavior, impersonation of federal agents, impersonation of international criminals, impersonation of ordinary working stiffs, one-upmanship, afterplay, smooching, cuddling, ass-grabbing, fraud, and a bunch of Neoclassic and Romantic artists' names that the author completely made up.

Comments

William Hart

Always enjoying your stories. And still very much excited for your upcoming new series.

Karl-Johan Norén

Well, that's a way to set up some wholesome and wholesale art theft.

Vairya1

Where does this one fit in the timeline?

Karl-Johan Norén

Ahoy! Incoming literary criticism and introspection! First, lots of interesting and fun tidbits and characterisation in this story. The angelic peanut gallery is fun as always, even when (or especially when) we only get Rachel's side of it. But taken as a whole it felt like the story lacked tension or drama. I tried to read up a bit on the structure of heist and caper stories to better understand my reaction, but didn't find much help. That might cause this to become a bit long-winded. First, caper stories are probably more associated with moving pictures than words on a page. I think that's partially because they are heavily dependant on external sources of drama and tension, like music, ticking clocks, or cross-cutting (quick scene shifts can be done in literature too, but are nowhere as effective as on film). Second, a big part of a caper story is that things go off the rails at some point. Your other caper-like stories, like Skin, Past Due, or No Medals for Secrets, all share that element, but it's not really present here. Alex being ambushed during the break-in was arguably something he was mentally prepared for, and the possibility of guards was part of the plan. (Or should have been, but I don't see Sierra, Lorelei, and Alex being so incompetent they'd overlook the possibility.) (I really liked Donald Westlake's humorous caper stories about a group of luckless criminals while younger. Those stories lived on things going off the rails and character interaction, rather than trying to build tension like a thriller.) Third, a key part of the caper was missing in the story, namely how Ben Palmer was fooled into hiring the crew as movers. We get to see some of the planning and the prep work, as well as the result of fooling Palmer, but not really where he goes from "mark" to "conned". I can think of several possible ways it was accomplished, but given that Palmer was suspicious and had access to not only muscle but probably also a construction crew or two, I think that piece of the caper was probably the trickiest to pull off. I also imagine that the easiest solution—Rachel misdirecting Palmer's phone calls or e-mails—would go a bit too far into her being involved.