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LIVESTREAM FRIDAY AT 11am PST! (Patreon)

Published:
2016-11-09 01:26:39
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

Hey everyone!! I hope you enjoyed your videos this month :) xoxo I am going to do a livestream tomorrow and Friday on YouNow. I will tweet out the times, but here is your post so you can ask your questions below :) Have a wonderful evening! xox

Comments

EJ

Can we asked something we posted on the other livestream thread that didn't get answered? If so... I have a follow-up to my tough love question... I realize that therapists are human-beings with feelings and sometimes might have a bad day. I was wondering, Kati, if you've ever said something to a client that you later regretted, and how you handled it as the therapist in that situation? I saw a therapist briefly who one day blew up on me, yelled at me and then refused to help transition by providing any info to my new T (and who still owes me a session I've paid for). I find I have a fear with new T that something similar may happen.

Emily

Hi Kati, Okay so I have been in therapy for a few months now and it was going well, but in the last few sessions I have been feeling emotionally stuck and have even been finding myself trying to find excuses so I don't have to go to therapy. I know in my head I have anger issues towards certain members of my family as a direct result of my childhood abuse. But the problem is even though I know there is huge anger inside of me, for the most part I can't seem to tap into it to work through it. Its like I have numbed it out, "like I feel nothing most of the time." Sometimes my mood gets low or I will find myself getting really angry about stupid stuff, but not about the real issue. Its like I am completely fine, even though I know that there is this anger buried inside of me. Like I know I need to feel the anger and hurt to process it, Right?? Do you have any advice on how I can tap into the anger I know I have inside? Thank you so much for your help and thank you for your videos, so helpful, as always. x x

Amy

Hi Kati. I am a 3rd year Psychology undergraduate and would really want to get into Honours program and then proceed with Masters in Clinical Psych in the future. Or second options Masters of Social Work. However, I have suffered mental breakdowns throughout my school, college and university years because of test /performance anxiety. And I will often find lots of difficulty remembering concepts and do well enough in exams due to my anxiety and maladaptive perfectionism. I have been told multiple times I am smart but often I feel less adequate or smart compared to my peers. Is there any way I can boost my resilience and ability to do well which is really needed in this field of work? Please answer if you can :)

Kirbie

Hey Kati! How long would you say it takes to have normal hunger cues after starting to recover from an eating disorder? I have been in recovery for 4 months after struggling with an ED for 6 years and I am just now starting to feel hunger again but I am getting hungry at weird times like sometimes within an hour after eating..this is really frustrating and I am now worried about overeating. Is this normal or are things taking too long?

Jennifer Mackay

Hey Kati, I have been accepted on a STEPPS course. It's a 20week group treatment for people with BPD. Do you know much about this treatment? How does it compare to DBT? I don't have access to DBT.

Min

Hi kati, first of all thank you so much for your videos. My name is Anne, I am 27 years old and I have AVPD, because of that I don't have a lot of friends and I have never been on a date or have ever even liked anyone. I think this was self-defense for a big part, why like anyone when no one will ever like you, you will only get disappointed. I've been working hard in therapy to get a little more confident and stuff and that has led to me going on a date. They asked me out again but I don't know what to do. I think they're nice, but the date itself caused a lot of stress and anxiety, and I honestly don't know if I think it's worth it. How do I know if I like them?

Michelle

Hi kati, how can I move on from a past sexual assault when I have so many unanswered questions, I feel like i need closure but will never get the answers I'm looking for. Also is there a way to get over it without talking about it, as it's too difficult to talk and have never told anyone

Kati Morton
>>2977715

Yes you can definitely repost a question I didn't get to. Sorry i missed it btw.. I tried to get through all of them. xoox

EJ
>>2977715

Oh my gosh, I think there were like 100 posts, don't worry about it! Thank you xo

Jana S.

Hey Kati. How can I stop ruminating, when I have to concentrate on work (without medication)? Do you have any tipps to stay focussed? and How can I tell what's "best for me" (concerning things you do in your free time like joining a choir, sports or stuff like that), if my dermatillomania makes a lot of situations very uncomfortable or I feel like I have to force myself to go there in the first place. :/ How can I differentiate between me just genuinely not liking something vs. my dermatillomania making it hard for me to like it, but under other circumstances I would really enjoy it? Thanks for everything you do!! xxx

Brittanyann

Hi Kati! I have just recently become a patreon member. Woot woot. Before I ask my question I just want you to know how much you have improved my life in the few short months that I have been watching your videos. I'm sure you get told that alot but anyway, thanks! I have always had a hard time making a decision. I always see bad things happening no matter what I choose. It could be something as small as where to get gas or whether to quit my job, and even what streets I should drive to get somewhere. Is there a way to make it easier to make a decision without all the stress and anxiety that comes with it??

Jennifer Hall

I am waking up early for the livestream lol! Hey Kati, I was wondering on how to not be so hard on ourselves. I have everybody, mostly my counselors and social worker, telling me I have really high expectations of myself, that I take on a lot of responsibility, I take blame, and control things. I am a perfectionist. Every counselor I see tells me this and I do the detrimental aspect as I think negatively of myself when things don't go right when I am in control. As I see the problem now, I want to fix it. How could I lower my expectations for myself as I do a lot of things like college/HS, LGBT groups, community service, etc. I feel like I need to have things perfect or at least in the 90% range for grades, I know that it doesn't have to be like that. How could I change those thoughts?

Amy
>>2987889

I am like that too.. It has been difficult for me to change it so far, had this perfectionism problem for more than 10 years of my schooling in primary through university. A book that helped me was The Pursuit of Perfect by Tal Ben-Shahar, it described me to the dot.. There are some good tips there and I am still working on overcoming this perfectionism.

Jess Campbell

How can someone deal with being in an almost constant state of feeling triggered? I've been stuck in this state for over a week and can't seem to get out of it.

Tina

Hey Kati! Yay so excited for your livestream today! Self harm and spending used to be my go-to maladaptive coping mechanisms. Lately, it's 'changed over' to purging and restricting. Whilst I am happy that I am doing less of the former; it's frustrating that I am still using bad coping skills. So I am wondering firstly why behaviours change from one bad one to another and secondly, what do I do about it? (journaling helps me immensely and I've been doing it a tonne!) And finally, my doctor has put me on a medication that I suspect is flattening my mood and suicidal ideation, but it's so helpful for flashbacks and nightmares; so I don't want to actually go off it, what would be your thoughts? Thank you so much Kati!!! 😘😘

Lauren_E

Hey Kati! I have a question that was sparked from monday's video about coping with a loved ones suicide. But do you have advice about coping with a suicide attempt? I know therapy is obviously important but is there one type of therapy better than another? Also with trauma, is it only possible to recover from it through talking about it and sharing your story? I feel like I am still stuck because I really have a lot of trouble being open and sharing personal and emotionally charged things. I feel like therapy is helpful but sometimes I feel like only sharing with my therapist isn't enough but it's hard enough to share even with my therapist. It was even hard to ask this question.

Amy

Hi Kati - do you think there is a danger of us becoming selfish/self-obsessed after a long time in therapy working on ourselves? I have recently noticed that so many people around me are lovely and text to see how I am doing but I struggle to keep up with what they are all up to. All my energy/thoughts go into strengthening my mental health and not relapsing etc. Any tips on reducing the risk of becoming self-obsessed when most waking minute is focused on getting ourselves better?

Hailey

don't think i can be on but i have 2 questions!

Hailey
>>2993132

I volunteer as a youth leader which I've been doing for 5 years now, legit since i was 14! Until now theres been this one girl in charge of our area who i got along with and told her about my mh difficulties and she was amazing with it and was easier just to say this week i just can't do group or whatever and was helpful. This year she's left so officially theres a group of 5 others who are 'running' and we have our specific roles, except one decided that she's in charge.. i clash with her a lot she just bugs me so much, i think its just a personality thing and that i automatically will take lead but she gets there first and is new so doesn't know how everything works. I'm so not a confrontation person and feel like thats the push to quit.. except ik this is really healthy for me i have like the community of people and often its the only time i interact with people (dropped out of college due to depression, yay:/ but now I'm not doing anything. i try meet up and stuff but doesn't always happen.) now we do have another two girls from the next area joining us and i get on well with one of them but idk if i want to tell her all my shit. i don't know what to do.. any advice?

Hailey
>>2993132

that wasn't meant to be that long! was just background info too..

Hailey
>>2993132

My second question is so its my birthday next week, the past two years its really triggered me and I attempted suicide a few times around my birthday. I am seeing my therapist twice a week for now to hopefully keep me safe, (she can't do more because of the days she works) The only reason I got through the hell of the last six months,(changing meds but now I'm on a different ssri which I can actually tolerate! Thats new for me, now working on sleep meds for my insomnia so can't up the ssri) I got through that by deciding that I won't be alive on my 19th birthday, I've never before been able to dissipate the thoughts without attempting suicide, either my ed or/and sh will get worse and it would calm the intensity at the moment but just squash it down for the next time. I have no idea how I'll stay safe, even without this buildup its a hard time and I think when the suicidal thoughts hit I won't be able to control them. I have made huge progress in controlling the thoughts in the past year but I feel like this will just be way too strong for me. So my question, how can I manage this and not commit suicide, if I do ik it'll be medically quite serious. The alternative in my view is to take my sleep meds when I wake up so I'm constantly sleeping! ya I think thats it, sorry its so long:( thank you so much for all your vids and support, your voice calms me down! <3

Kirbie

Hey Kati! Do people with seasonal depression have to take medication year round? I ask because I have depression and I feel my symptoms are only there from fall-early spring. I usually will take medication and after a while I feel I don't need it so I stop but then in the fall my symptoms come back and I feel bad. Do people with this take medication year round?

EJ
>>2977715

Thanks so much for answering today, Kati! I'm not really sure whether I am going to pursue any kind of official action against the ex-therapist, because even reaching out to ask for notes or a transition to my new T seemed like it was opening old wounds, so to continue to give it airtime in my brain just seems like it would just keep the wound open and add challenges to the new therapeutic relationship, etc. But then I also think "Wow, I really don't want anyone else to have this experience". She never refused to refer me though - I just didn't book with her again after the blow up.

Bethany Laura Anderson

Hi... I am in uni in the UK and we have a guest speaker coming in next week to talk about sexual abuse/rape support groups and organisation, I have spoke to my lecturer about not attending this as I don't know how triggering it will be for me but she has basically told me I need to attend. Should I just stay off uni or should I push myself to go?

Mikala Frenette

question in regards to eating habits...if you have serious anxiety about eating in front of people, would you say that is part of an eating disorder or more of an anxiety issue? like getting invited to a potluck or a group dinner with friends is a nightmare because feelings of people are going to watch me eat or judge how much I eat is always present so when at events like these I don't really eat anything and if I do it is like one spoonful of each thing because I am so worried about how much I am eating in front of people. I am sure that no one is even paying attention or cares and it is probably all in my head...is this cause for worry?

Siobhan

Hey Kati! What if you don't have control of my thoughts, it sounds like someone is inside me speaking to me. But it sounds like it's coming from inside me rather than outside. I'm not sure if that made any sense

Aqueda Veronica

Hello Kati, I would appreciate a chance to share some thoughts with you. Any feedback would be welcome. Since I didn't get a chance to be guested, I will try asking my question here. So I became a Listener on 7Cups some time ago and I found it to be a fascinating experience. Turns out, not only am I good at it (based on the feedback I am getting) but also I'm finding it to be very rewarding. One thing I know for sure is that I am a very mission driven person and being of service is a significant part of my Faith. Maybe it's also because I am turning 30... At some point I had a thought that maybe I would make a good counselor/therapist/psychologist. But at this stage of life I don't have enough resources available to make a career shift. Lately I've been regretting the choice of a wrong major back in college and it's frustrating and disappointing. At the moment I hold a customer service job that I enjoy plus I volunteer mentoring a youth group. Clearly, I like talking to people. Was wondering are you aware of any options or resources that would help me be more of service and have a positive impact in the realm of mental health? Some online certification perhaps? Looked into Mental Health First Aid training but it's quite expensive and only available in the UK in Europe. Would love to hear your thoughts about what makes a good therapist. Take care and warm greetings from snowy Estonia!

Kati Morton
>>2977848

Hey honey :) I answered this in Thursday's livestream. if you missed it, it's on my Tumblr page :) xox

Kati Morton
>>2977992

Hey Amy :) I answered your question today in my livestream.. but I am also going to have a video come out soon about building resilience. xoxo So stay tuned for that!!

Kati Morton
>>2978658

Hey Kirbie :) I answered your question in my livestream on Thursday :) If you missed it, you can find it on my Tumblr page :) xox

Kati Morton
>>2979861

Hey Jennifer :) I answered your question in my livestream today!! It's on YouTube if you missed seeing it live :) xoxo

Kati Morton
>>2979959

Hey Anne :) I answered your question in my livestream today :) I hope you found it helpful! It's on youtube if you missed it live. xoxo

Kati Morton
>>2982170

Hey honey.. I talked about this and answered your question in my livestream today. I hope you found it helpful :) It's on youtube if you missed seeing it live. xox

Kati Morton
>>2983825

Hey Jana :) I answered your questions in my livestream today!! I hope they helped! It's on youtube if you missed seeing it live. xoxo

Emily
>>2977848

Hi Kati, I was on The livestream so I heard your answer, thank you so much for answering it and for the great advice. I am going to give your suggestions a try, hopefully they will help. Thank you again for everything you do. xoxo

Kati Morton
>>2984899

Hey Brittany!! Yay! Thank you so much for your support :) I am glad you have found our community and are finding my videos helpful :) xoxo As for your question, it would be my guess that this struggle is either coming from OCD or high anxiety levels. The struggle to make decisions is actually really common with both of those issues. If you haven't yet, I would look into see someone asap!!! Therapy and/or medication can really help with this :) xox

Kati Morton
>>2987889

It honestly takes time and practice.. but the way to start is to think about what's most important to you. Just you, not anyone else, or anyone you worry you will be letting down. What is it you care about most??? Take some time and think about it.. Also take some time to think about what it is you are trying to prove? Who are you trying to prove that to? In order to stop expecting perfection and 100% all the time from ourselves we have to figure out where it's coming from. Usually (in my experience) it's a way to control things in our life when other things (ie. family life, etc) can feel out of control.. or we are seeking approval from someone who has never shown that to us. Whatever it is, once we know it, then we can process through that in therapy and let some things go.. or even just participate about 60-70%. I know that seems so hard right now.. but if we have done the other work.. we can do it!!! xoxo Keep me posted! I hope that helps and makes sense :) xoxo

Kati Morton
>>2992414

In truth Jess (and I have a feeling you already know this) but it sounds like you need more support. When we are constantly triggered that usually means we have nothing left to give and are struggling to just be... you know?? So if we can get back into a treatment center, or double up our sessions with our therapist then we can feel like our head is above water enough to take on what life can throw at us. If you can (I know it's been hard sometime) reach out and see if you can get more support. xoxo Keep me posted too! xox

Kati Morton
>>2992418

Hey Tina :) It's completely normal to sort of switch from one bad coping skill to another.. because in all truth they work best and feel best in the moment.. and our brain gets used to that and relies on it. The true way to stop the switching back and forth is to try and find 5 solid healthy coping skills. I know that sounds hard, but if journaling helps, you've already got one, now add in coloring, then maybe watching some supportive videos online, reading something positive, doing a puzzle, etc and you will soon have plenty to choose from. Try them out too, and if one doesn't work, trash it and try another. We need 5 to undo one urge for 1 unhealthy on.. so keep at it. Just know it can get better!! xoxo As for the medication issue, maybe see if lowering the dose helps. That has worked for some of my clients.. to help them with the flashbacks etc while still allowing them to feel like themselves :) Also, tell your doctor how you feel, because maybe there are other options that would work better for you too :) xoxo

Kati Morton
>>2999318

In all honesty.. you know you best. If you are worried, stay home and don't go. There is no need to put yourself in that triggering situation. They should be more understanding about it..because that could be hard for many of their students. xoxo

Kati Morton
>>2992482

In truth, talk therapy is best.. but if you were around to witness it, then I would stick with a trauma based specialist (EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, schema therapy, etc). xoxo Working through trauma can be hard.. and you may need to take a bit of a break from it to get back up your strength and keep talking about it. You also may need to see someone else or a try a different type of therapy... or simply work to strengthen your resiliency first and then try talking it through. I will have more videos coming out about resiliency and trauma therapy. I hope those are helpful :) xoxo

Kati Morton
>>2994342

No they actually don't! Many of my clients have just taken it about 3 weeks before it's starts to get dark (or whatever we know triggers the mood shift) and then stop once that season is over. Just make sure you are working with your doctor to properly titrate it up and down as you go on and come off of it :) xox

Kati Morton
>>2992484

In all truth Amy, maybe there is after we are doing well and aren't putting so much energy into our recovery and treatment.. but the fact that you are even asking this means that you are not going to get that way. Sometimes we need some time for ourselves so we can be better and have energy to help others out too.. now is your time for yourself.. just be honest with your friends about it and they should understand. xoxo

Kati Morton
>>2999535

Have you talked to someone?? I would reach out to your doctor and let them know what's going on. It could come from a lot of things (OCD and anxiety come to mind first) but there are many many more reasons this could be happening (even dissociation can do this). If you have been traumatized in any way.. it could definitely be coming from that. I would start brining this up with professionals so you can figure out where it's coming from for you. xoxo I hope that helps a bit.. oh, and I have videos about dissociation, anxiety and OCD if you want more info on what those are :) xoxo

Kati Morton
>>2993132

This can be SO hard.. it all depends on what you are comfortable telling her.. and what you think she needs to know. If you don't trust her with the truth, you could just say you have a medical issue that sometimes makes it hard for you to do things.. and you would hope she could understand. Then just end by telling her that you will do your best to help out, but hope she can be supportive and understanding. leave it at that. It's always up to us what we want to share with people.. and don't feel pressured to tell her everything. Or you could just tell the other people who you like and work with.. they may be more helpful and supportive anyways. xoxo

Kati Morton
>>2993132

I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time honey.. something that I would do and start working on now are things you are looking forward to (on one sheet of paper.. you can dress it up, color it, and make it pretty and hang it in your room) and then on another sheet of paper, the things you have worked on and improved this year. Then consider why it is you wanted to commit suicide.. I find we often get stuck in our negative thoughts and suicidal hopes without considering everything.. especially the good. You have worked really hard recently and done so well!! Keep reminding yourself of this and use it as a reminder that with work, things do get better.. and you have people in your life who are supporting you. I think that will really help you get passed this hard time. YOU GOT THIS!!! xoxo

Kati Morton
>>2999435

Hey Mikala :) In truth.. that's part of the ED. Because we are usually judgmental about how we eat as a result.. and think everyone is watching us etc (trust me, they are not). (I hadn't even read the rest of your question yet..haha! SO yes it's definitely ED related anxiety). I would definitely bring this up with your therapist.. and maybe start bringing snack with you to therapy?? That's what I have my clients do.. and then I even go out to eat with them sometimes so they can practice. If your therapist won't go out to eat with you.. maybe a supportive friend would :) It takes a bit of time and practice but it will go away too!! xoxo Promise!! oxox

Kati Morton
>>3000664

Hey Aqueda :) I am not that familiar with how Estonia's mental health care system works.. but in the US we do have many ways to become a mental health professional. Some get certifications to be a peer support counselor, they also have programs to become a licensed counselor, and along with 7cups there is also talklife and other peer support systems online :) See if any of those can help. Oh, and some people become life coaches and just get that certification so they can help people :) That's another option! As for what makes a good therapist, I feel it's the ability to have people feel they are being heard and understood, and not taking it on themselves... staying impartial and outside of the issue so they can better help fix it :) I am sure you are amazing at what you do!! I hope some of those options work out for you :) xoxo

Jana S.
>>2983825

Hey Kati! It did help! Thank you so much for everything you do! xxx

Hailey
>>3000664

Hey I'm not Kati but I think it's definitely possible, Idk if you have any degree or if you would be counted as a mature learner so you don't need. Do what you love and challenges you, pushes you to become a better you, if a career change is in order go for it! Xx

Jennifer Hall
>>2987889

You know, that's actually some pretty good insight. It's hard to think of just myself because I tend to do so much for everyone. I honestly don't think I really know what and who I am without doing all the work I do. I only picked up on all the groups, community service, and extra school stuff because that's what other expect of me and I don't want to go back to being the special needs kid that can't do anything because nobody would let me. I know that when I get a bad grade, I will be angry for a few days -- which I know anger really doesn't solve anything -- but I am trying to learn to accept it. A lot of my goal for the year was to just stay busy to prevent further damage of myself like self harm and I expected things to be hard but I also expected perfection on my attempts and when that didn't happen it lead to disappointment of myself. I think that I am also looking for acceptance of others, as not many people like me. I am trying hard to accept that things don't NEED to be perfect. I see my social worker on Tuesday (woohoo! Let's hope I don't have to wait 7 weeks again!! I waited 5 weeks this time) and I'll bring it up with her because she did say last time that I am really hard on myself and that I have said at least one negative thing about myself in each paragraph from a letter I handed her. Thank you Kati(: Keep staying awesome!

Kirbie
>>2994342

I will have to talk to my doctor then!! Thanks so much! :)

Nancy willeford

hey kati. i am having an issue and i need ur advise. i dont know how else to reach you but i watch all your videos. i am needing advise about sexual abuse. i dont know if there is a way to private message me but here is my email. nancywilleford@gmail.com i dont really want to be judged so that is y i gave you my email. i am afraid and i dont know if wat is happening is normal. please help.

Jess Campbell
>>2992414

Is it okay to reach out to someone who facilitates groups to admit we need more support than we are getting? I'm lucky to be able to get in for therapy once a month at the moment with the therapist I see and I'm not sure if reaching out that way is safe for me anymore (last time I reached out that way I ended up on the psych unit) but I don't understand how my moods can be fairly stable (no major mood swings) yet I'm still feeling almost constantly triggered.

Heather Reid

Hey kati, a few months ago I wrote a monologue for drama and I wrote it as if it was a suicide note and explained what it is like to live with mental illness, a lot of it is written from my own perspective but obviously because it was for school nobody knows that, I was just wondering if I could send you it and hear your opinion, ps I love your videos and your very inspirational💞💞

Lauren_E
>>2992482

Hey Kati! Thank you so much for responding! I am sorry my first part wasn't clear I meant to say like what about coping with a suicide attempt for the person attempting. But I figure the answer is still pretty much the same! I will definitely stay tuned for the video! You are so helpful and such a wonderful person! xoxo

Mags

So sad i missed the live stream, i'm in the process of moving, theres always next week i suppose

Kati Morton
>>3018396

Yep there will be more this week for sure :) xoxo I hope the move is going well!! xoxo

Emily
>>3008515

Hi Nancy, Sorry, I know I'm not Kati, but I do have experience of sexual abuse and I know how scary it can be and how alone it can make you feel. My advice would be try and find someone that you trust that you can confide in, its scary to say it out loud to someone, but once you have, it makes such a difference to know that you don't have to carry this secret around with you and there is someone else in your corner to be there when you need them. They also may be able to offer you some advice that might help you deal with all the stuff you are going through. I don't know if you are on Kati's website or not but that also can be a huge help as there are many people who understand what it feels to live through something as horrific as this, plus it allows you to stay anonymous, so you can ask any questions you have and get other people's opinions and advice. If you want to chat you can find me on there (same name, same profile picture). Please know you are not on your own, there are so many people who understand and don't worry people won't judge you, they just want to help, Take Care, Emily. xoxo

Jennifer Mackay
>>2979861

Hey Kati you asked me to update you and I have had a couple of sessions now. It's hard going, loads of work to do. Even just being with others with the same condition helps. There's lots of good advice but constantly challenging my thoughts is exhausting