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Livestream this Friday 12/9 at 10am PST! (Patreon)

Published:
2016-12-07 23:28:46
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

Your monthly videos will be up soon, but for now, ask your questions below this post for Friday's livestream! Come hang out if you can, if not it will be on YouTube later :) xox

Comments

Dawn

How can you best handle a rupture in the relationship with your therapist? Like being able to quickly get through it so you can get back on track with normal therapy goals. I don't know maybe self care techniques for it also, because no one likes being in a rough spot in therapy. Thanks Kati! x

Rachel Rae

Hey kati, how do we make that judgement of knowing what's 'best' for ourselves? I often make decisions based on what I feel comfortable with and am not entirely sure if those decisions are what's best for me?? Bad choices and unhealthy behaviours have become routine that I don't know what's 'normal' anymore? Where has this lack in judgement come from? I was in therapy and am now taking a break, I think I need to go back but am battling with myself about making that next appointment. Xox

Brittanyann

Hi! Has your cold gone away yet?? I hope so! So I have been seeing my college therapist for just about a year now. She knows about my generalized anxiety, major depression, and Social anxiety. What she dosent know about is my eating disorder that I've had for 5 years. My question is how can I tell her? I don't know how to bring it up in session. I've tried writing in my phone thinking I could just hand it to her like I do every session but then I erase it and don't give my phone to her. I'm afraid that once it's out I can't take it back and im afraid of what will happen after she finds out.. another question I have( i hope thats okay) she has asked me a handful of times in the past few months if I was eating, how many meals do i eat, etc. Could she suspect I have an eating disorder and she is hinting that she knows? If one of your patient's you were originally seeing for something different started showing signs that made you suspect they could have an ED. would you say something? Ask them upfront? Or hint around and hope they tell you. Thanks a bunch!

sadiegirl

Being ok with ending therpy! I have been seeing my therapist for 6 yrs. Dx with PTSD (cptsd). I have worked really hard & feel like I have worked through all my neg. coping skills & have learned how to handle my stressors. I feel that by the summer I will be ready to do this on my own, but the thought of leaving my therapist is scary! We have a great relationship and I'm nervous about not having her. Is it ok to ask to see her just a couple of times a year? Or if I am struggling to have some booster sessions. I am really proud of how far I have come & just don't want to seem "needy". Any advice on ending therapy. Thanks Kati

Jennifer Hall

Every single time it's when I am in Government class lol! Hey, I may escape that class again. Anyway here is my question: I am still struggling to understand how you describe disocation. Currently being assessed for, I think it was depersonalization? Everyday it feels like I am in a dream. I forget who I have spoken to or people's names. It feels like the whole world is a dream and that I can do anything, like flying for example even though that is not logicaly possible. Are these signs of disocation? Could you explain it a bit more because you talk about "watching yourself" and "out of body" which I am still struggling to understand. Thanks!

Tina
>>3231397

Hey Jennifer, I know I am not Kati - but scrolling through the feed and your question caught my eye because dissociation is a main symptom I have as part of PTSD, so I'll just speak from my experience. I have depersonalisation (feeling like I am not real - I feel like I am watching myself, my body parts don't belong to me) and derealisation (feeling like everything in the environment is a haze and totally unreal). When my dissociation gets really bad, I can also lose memory/time. But I have never felt like I can do anything though...Hope that helps a little. It's really confusing and scary when it first happens, but it definitely definitely does get better with time and lots and lots of therapy!! Xx

sadiegirl
>>3231397

Hi Jennifer, I just want to reply as well. I also have dissociation, but I have learned in therapy to be able to ground myself either before or during dissociating. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone & it can get better. I would literally dissociate almost everyday. Now I don't need that coping skill anymore & it hasn't happened in months!

Jennifer Hall
>>3231397

I have PTSD as well. My social worker had told me she wondered if I was dissociating when I talked to her on the phone a few months ago. My nurse practitioner mentioned the word depersonalization. I'm the type of person that'll do a lot of research. I've tried to understand the articles online. I honestly didn't even know the dreamlike feeling was a problem until I mentioned it and I only mentioned it because it gets scary. I think that as Tina described the derealization is what I experience on a daily basis. I tend to lose a little control such as speaking a lot like I can't control the urge to say something and I won't be quiet. As for the grounding techniques, I still don't understand those. I think Kati has even said something like "it's supposed to bring you back to the present" -- I don't understand that term at all. I've really tried to wrap my head around these terms and have done years of looking and relooking at the term's definitions. Thank you both for your insight!!

Kirbie

Hey Kati! I was wondering if it's normal for people with eating disorders to "check out" mentally while eating? I have noticed that I will be eating and about halfway through my mind will go somewhere else. It has gotten to the point to where someone will ask me a question about something that happened during the meal and I will have no idea how to answer it because I just go off in my own little bubble..it's super embarrassing! Is this common and how can I fix it?

Keely Pearmain

I cannot wait for the live stream!! I've missed the last couple, do you have any tips on being honest with yourself? I find that I'm constantly lying to myself. It's not as to whether I'm happy or not but stupid things that lead into bigger things. My head is so mashed up lately I just don't know where to start. The negative voices are taking over so badly at the moment and I don't know how to control them. Also I contacted the crisis team and they basically said that if I was going to hurt myself to go to the hospital. And they will only refer me to the secondary mental health team.. who I'm already with. I'm just lost right now. Glad to be in on the live stream though 🙂love kee x

Carys Lewington
>>3229185

If you have done DBT there is a 'wise mind' concept between (using both) your emotion mind and your rational mind. If we can connect with that space it is supposed to help us choose a helpful and healthy outcome. It can become easy to justify unhealthy behaviors if that is what you want to do (emotional reasoning). I do this all the time. Returning to therapy sounds like a good idea. Hope this helps.

Dawn
>>3228115

My therapist has expectations of me that I am trying really hard to meet but some times I fail. When this happens my symptoms are usually sky high and I didn't realize fast enough to slow things down and explain what was going on with me until it was to late. I feel bad for not meeting his expectations but I feel like I am trying as hard as I can to be as open and forthcoming as possible. However he is confused and upset with me and I feel like I tried as hard as I could. Hence a rupture or a disagreement. But this seems to happen each time I have a dip and I hate repeating the same cycle. Yet I am just not at a point where I can be as diligent as I would like to be in letting him know what is happening because some times it feel like it just hit me out of no where. I use mindfulness and everything my therapist suggests but still sometimes I fail. I feel bad for letting him down, but I also feel like he has hurt me with some of the things my therapist has said in our last session. My therapist during the one session where I expressed how hard things were for me at that moment said that he really would like me to promise him to make it to our next session, like an agreement. Than when I did show up to the next session he literally spent the whole session asking me why I even came in to my session. I told him I came because he asked me to promise to come, but than he seemed upset that I was there. I know communication is the key here but I am trying my hardest to communicate and I don't feel like I am doing a good enough job. I would like to get past this as quick as possible and not feel so hurt because I want to continue working on what I need to work on instead of doing this waltz until we figure out the relationship, it seems like a waste of my money and a couple good sessions. I know the relationship is key in healing but I really just want to make things better as quickly as possible so we can both move on. Therapy is too expensive to spend three sessions working out the rupture. I am sorry if this is too long or doesn't explain things well enough... as I apparently have an issue with communication... my apologies.

Carys Lewington
>>3235572

I am sorry you are feeling like that, it can be really difficult especially when you are having trouble getting the support you need. Can you give an example of what the 'stupid things' and 'bigger things' are? I hope Kati can answer you.

Carys Lewington
>>3235572

I am going to add my question to yours. When I have too many things or changes going on, I get overwhelmed really quickly. I have strategies to help not get to this point. However when I do my mind stops making sense (tries to say a million usually contradicting things to me at once, so my brain feels like it will explode), I am left almost paralyzed and unable to act in any reasonable way. So my question is: When your brain is overloaded with thoughts and emotions how can you slow down and start making sense of anything again?

Carys Lewington
>>3228115

It is not too long, and it explains things quite well. I am sorry you are having so much trouble. It sounds to me like you need to try another therapist. I used to be extremely bad at understanding and expressing myself. I went through a lot of therapists because they didn't know what to do with me, or didn't understand where I was at. Eventually I found one who was extremely helpful and patient with me. He learnt to recognize what was happening before I did and hence helped me notice and then prevent a crash occurring (or at least some of them). Also, I found it a lot easier to write down what you want to express on paper, where you have time to sort out your thoughts, then come back later and see how much sense it makes toward expressing what you want it to before presenting it to your therapist.

Dawn
>>3228115

Thank you so much for you opinion and kindness. Honestly I am having a really hard time not hating myself because I have failed and upset him, I have wrote out everything I can possibly think of to explain myself and let him read it but he still is upset and I feel horrible that I am not meeting his expectations. So it helps to hear that I am not alone and that someone else has struggled with this issue before. I am sending you caring and loving vibes. Thank you. xx

Keely Pearmain
>>3235572

It's hard to explain without sounding like a really awful person. Well that's what it all comes down to, that I'm horrible.

Tina
>>3231397

Ohhh grounding was the most confusing thing in the entirety of the universe when I first started therapy - my psychologist had to even convince me that they were a thing!! Fast forward 10 months, they are life savers! I like to think of grounding strategies as tools that you use to bring yourself to the present moment, so you aren't stuck in a flashback/thinking everything isn't real/feeling like everything is a haze etc (everything with dissociation). Grounding is fastest using senses to get ourselves in touch with the present! I find tactile (feel the fabric on where I am sitting, clothing etc. also cold water, any cold things) and smells work absolute wonders (I have a go-to perfume, and I love rose). I find visual and auditory senses tend to not work and actually can make my dissociation worse. So it's really about practicing, and trying out a variety of different tools! Not sure where you are based, but in Australia, we have a PTSD app that have little grounding strategies that can be used on the go, as well as other things. :) But yes, grounding strategies are definitely worth trying out and dissociation definitely does get better! :)

Siobhan

Is it healthy to have a lot of friends will mental illness, I find it really helpful having people that understand but mental health comes up in conversation quite a bit

Jennifer Hall
>>3231397

Thank you Cary -- I rewatch Kati's videos all the time. Tina, how do you know if a skill is working? I feel the same no matter what I do. I've tried quite a few things but I feel no different.I don't even know what to call the dreamlike feeling other than the dreamlike feeling -- like it sounds wrong for me to say dissociation because I am still struggling over the concept. Thank you guys, it's helpful(:

Hailey

Hey a few things first wanted to Luk that I've booked a short holiday with a friend in a month which is gonna be good motivation for me to keep pushing through the suicidal thoughts

Hailey
>>3244786

Glad it's finally booked and confirmed now just need to plan but the fact it's booked is what calms me down. Second had a whole crisis last week and intense panic attacks that the meds I normally use weren't helping even at a higher dose went to er had a horrific experience but now that I'm off that medication that was causing the anxiety my panic is back at baseline which is great too:) my mood has slightly gone down but that's expected at least I did. Just happy things are slightly more stable for me

Hailey
>>3244786

Things are slightly looking up and ik it will be a long journey until I find the right sleep meds and am better but feel like my meds are slightly more stable and I can hopefully plan to do a bit more this coming term and hopefully arrange some evening classes to do.

Michelle

Sometimes I starve myself during the day as form of making myself feel bad, is this a eating disorder or self harm?

Sarah Clark

My mother lost her job yesterday and all I can think about is how to pay bills. I've started to stop eating again to save money and I am trying my best not to sh. My anxiety is thru the roof. Idk what to do

Jennifer Mackay

What's the best way to respond to my mums self harming? Although I have done it myself when it comes to my Mum I don't know what to do

Nicky Fitch

Hey Kati! Been able to watch your livestream tonight 😔 x hope all is okay 🙂

Rachel Rae
>>3229185

Thanks so much for answering my question kati, I really appreciate it :) xox

Kati Morton
>>3228115

I talked about this in the livestream, but I also feel that I need to add onto it here, since I didn't see the response before I answered it. It honestly sounds like you will need to talk to him about this and have him better understand where you are. He should work to meet you where you are & challenge you to do better, but not have you feel like you are unable to meet any of his expectations. It sounds a bit odd to me that he is upset with you.. cause that's not how therapy really works. You support your clients and encourage them.. not be upset and not seek to understand their experience. Sorry you are going through this honey... :( xoxo

Kati Morton
>>3246045

In all truth, it depends on how you feel. If it's triggering you could ask her to cover it up or not talk about it with you.. but if you are more curious as to how to get her to get help, you can just share how it helped you and then hope she reaches out. Cause like I have said in the past, we can't force anyone to get help, but we can support and encourage :) xoxo

Kati Morton
>>3231397

That can definitely be part of dissociation.. especially the dream like feeling and not having memory of things that happened. Have you checked out my maladaptive daydreaming video?? That could possibly help a bit more :) Let me know!! oxxo

Kati Morton
>>3230026

As for sharing about your ED.. you could start by sharing one of your behaviors that you did that day.. that's honestly how it usually comes out with my clients. I don't think many of them come in saying "I have an eating disorder" but more talk about the struggles they are having and that leads to a greater conversation.. maybe try that?? Or if you can, maybe email her in between sessions so that you can just hit send and it's over.. but know that it's always scary to share it, because our ED wants to keep us sick and by telling people, it loses power. So hang in there, and talk back to that voice! You got this!! xoxo As for your second question.. yes she does probably suspect something. I don't ask flat out either, because I want my client to want to tell me, I don't want to have to force it out if they aren't ready. xoxo

Kati Morton
>>3235401

It definitely is!! It is usually because eating is so stressful/anxiety provoking that we sort of check out or dissociate. I would talk with your therapist about it.. and work to lower your stress or anxiety while you are around food and have to eat it. Also, give yourself time and the permission to work through this.. it is SO common, and the only thing that really makes it go away completely is recovery. xoxo

Kati Morton
>>3235572

Hey Keely :) So glad you could catch it live!! xoxo In truth, I would start with positive self talk. I know that may sound silly and like it's not directly helping with the honesty part.. but it will. Start ending each day by listing (or writing about) 5 things you are grateful for or things you loved about today. I know it's sounds silly.. but that's where I would start. Once we get a handle on your negative self talk, then we can figure out where the lying to yourself is coming from.. my hunch is that it's coming from the negative thoughts. xoxo I hope that helps!!

Kati Morton
>>3242903

Of course not! We all enjoy being around people who understand us.. and I think we are drawn to people of similar circumstance. I would only worry about this, if you find it not supportive or helpful and instead triggering. xoxo

Kati Morton
>>3244786

I am happy too!! And SO glad you booked a holiday with a friend!! Yay!! Glad you are feeling more stable and thanks for keeping me posted :) xoxo

Kati Morton
>>3245453

It sounds like an eating disorder to me.. because you are connecting food to feelings. And EDs are a form of self harm themselves.. but since it involves food, I consider it an ED. xoxo

Kati Morton
>>3245975

Reach out!! Do you have any close friends who are supportive?? Or a therapist? Please reach out and start talking to them.. or even looking into services in your area to help out while your mom looks for another job. There are so many resources out there, do not feel that you need to stop eating.. food stamps and other free meal services are a much better option. xoxo Take care of yourself so that you can support your mom as she searches for a job. xoxo

Keely Pearmain
>>3235572

I'm glad that you are feeling better aswell. I went out tonight and survived a whole 2 and a half hours x thanks for the support x

Kati Morton
>>3246538

I am sorry you had to miss it.. I thought this said you were going to catch it.. bummer :( But don't worry.. there's always next time :) xoxo

Kirbie
>>3235401

I'm definitely going to talk to her about it! It's relieving to know it's so common because it's been something I have felt so awkward for doing!! Thanks so much!! :)

Jennifer Hall
>>3231397

I just rewatched it along with the depersonalization/derealization videos. It doesn't feel like maladaptive daydreaming because I don't imagine a different life than what I am living now unless I am still not understanding the definition? I also don't see myself doing things -- that detachment. It's kind of like living in a fog; something my social worker has said. Also it feels like I could say anything without getting in trouble and it's more on the world feeling not real. I don't know if I am making any sense. There's also the grounding techniques as others mentioned above in the comments -- still not getting that by defintion. Thanks for answering and defintely the other Kinions too!

Tina
>>3231397

Re: grounding working - I find myself gradually coming back to reality - don't get me wrong, I won't be coming right back into reality, fully aware, completely out of the dream-like state - it's more of a gradual thing, and grounding might reduce my feeling of things being a haze from say 80% to 30%. It can sometimes take a number of grounding techniques with a lot of attention and energy to come back from the dissociated state, other times it's pretty fast for me now. Initially though, when I first started using them, I felt little difference, I think it took a good 3-4 months till one day my psych was like 'you are gaining better control of your dissociation' did I realise it was slowly getting better! Having good people on your team is one of best things - they can also help remind you to ground! Don't lose faith, keep practising, I promise it is so so worth it!! Xx

Jennifer Mackay
>>3246045

It just seems so much harder when it's your mum. If it was a friend I could deal with it. I can't put words to explain the difference but it feels really different

Dawn
>>3228115

Thank you so much Kati, I talked to him but it didn't help. He is still upset with me and I don't know how to fix this I am trying everything I can possibly think of to help him understand where I am and to likewise understand where he is coming from. I feel like a horrible person for telling him how bad things were for me currently and I feel like a failure at therapy. This livestream and your reply has been helpful. Thank you. xx

Carrie Pilkington

katie, i was abused when i was 9 yrs old ,by grandfather,i keep quite till jan this year reported to police ,not a lot can be done as long gone,abuse has ruined my childhood adulthood ruined my marriage i failed,i then got ill for first time in hosp ages, now ive just started cbt shes nice but really worried how she ill be opening up on the stuff done to me ,scared to relive as have flashbacks were i can feel it over again isthis normal ,have lot feelings of not that i ever would see knife thinking of cutting car getting hit by it train stuff i see is this normel im crazy hugsxxxx

Sarah Clark
>>3245975

Im on food stamps already and i only get $25/month. My job is trying to give me more hours since it is the holidays. this is so hard

Kati Morton
>>3254436

I am so proud of you for reporting it!! Just to get your voice heard and let people know what he did. Talking about any trauma is hard.. and it can feel worse at first.. but just take your time with it. I would do your best to move at your own pace through it with your therapist. If it's too much, have a signal (like raising your hand or something) to tell her that's enough. I do that with my trauma clients and it helps them not move too fast or go to far that they dissociate. You are not crazy at all.. working through trauma can bring up a lot of things. Just be as open as you can with your therapist so you can get the support you need as you work through it. xxo

Kati Morton
>>3246045

Do you feel more upset by it? Or more responsible for getting her help?? What is it that you struggle with most when it comes to her and her self injury?? oxox

Jennifer Mackay
>>3246045

I feel more responsible and I also feel like I can't break her trust, she has support workers but I don't know how much she tells them. When she is severely depressed she doesn't let them in and I am the only person she will see. She is in her 60's and has both mental health problems and complex physical health problems. She is fragile and I feel I need to protect her. Growing up she was always depressed and anxious made worse by my fathers violence. She left when I was 12 and my sisters were 9 and 14. I have kind of gone off track a bit sorry just trying to ad some background. She was always depressed and suicidal but never cut herself until the last 8 or so years and I feel it's partly my fault because she saw my chronic self harm and never did it until then. I have been self harming for 25yrs or so (since age approx 12) but feel unable to stop. I feel it's all my fault