TBoB - Book 8 - Chapter 24 - New and Improved (Patreon)

“What are you doing? I thought you were going to get a brain scan,” Sharron asked as I leapt over the back of the couch and landed in a reclined position. 

“I said that I’d get the scan done, not that I’d do it the instant we finished breakfast. I need a couple of minutes to rest and digest,” I grumbled. “Besides, I have to take care of something really quick.”

“Something more important than checking for brain damage?” she asked.

“Yes, way more important,” I replied. “Look, as far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t matter whether my ability to unconsciously control the bears is due to mental trauma, some sort of conflict with all the hardware in my head, or due to my own natural mental affinity; This is the way it’s worked for me ever since I went through the upgrade shortly after we fought that oversized fucker way back in Jasper. If I haven’t encountered any adverse effects in the months following that encounter, I highly doubt I’m going to have problems in the next few hours,” I said. ”Besides, if I don’t deal with the alerts flashing up in my augs soon, I’m going to snap and start murdering people.”

“Why don’t you just put your augs in silent mode if they’re bothering you so much?” Sharron asked as she stepped around the couch and dropped into the chair across from me.

“Because I can’t,” I grumbled. “When I disabled the command and control networks internal messaging system, and arranged for a bear on the bridge to handle everything, Spooky made me promise to stop ignoring my messages, and Nyx forced the issue by disabling my ability to turn off the alerts unless I was in a critical situation.”

“You lost your mute privileges?” she laughed. 

“Oh, not only did I lose my mute privileges, but Nyx changed my alert noise to one of the most grating, headache inducing noises on the planet,” I grumbled. 

“Oh please, I’ve obtained a complete list of all terrestrial noises, ordered by how irritating they are to the average human, and the alarm I chose for you doesn’t even rank in the top ten,” Nyx exclaimed, their voice echoing over the back of the couch. I sat up and glared at their panda shaped avatar as it waltzed into the room.

“Really? Is it in the top twenty?” I asked suspiciously.

“No comment,” my AI smirked. 

“I hate you so much right now,” I grumbled, dropping back onto the couch.

“In all fairness, it’s your own fault for ignoring your messages,” Shannon said.

“Hey! I was looking for sympathy. Don’t take Nyx’s side!” I exclaimed.

“Why? It’s your own fault you’re in this mess,” she replied.

“Traitor,” I muttered under my breath.

“While all this banter is cute and all, I’m not going to turn off the alarm until you handle your assigned tasks,” Nyx said, peeking over the back of the couch. “And keep in mind, if you choose to ignore the messages I can always update the alert noise, and make it even worse.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be here to help me? Why are you torturing me like this?” I asked.

“I am helping you,” Nyx replied. “Technically I’m helping you keep a promise that you made to yourself.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” I growled. 

“While this little squabble is amusing and all, maybe you should deal with your messages, so Nyx will disable the alert and we can finally get to that scan,” Shannon said.

“Fine,” I grumbled, finally pulling up the waiting message.

As soon as I finished reading it I paused for a moment before going back to read it again, slightly slower this time. 

“Nyx, there’s no way this is an emergency,” I said, sitting up so I could look at my AI.

“I never said it was an emergency. I just said you had a message,” Nyx replied with a smirk.

“What is it?” Sharron asked.

“I’ve received a request to setup an area where the self aware bots in my army could use to customize themselves and their squads,” I said. “All I really need to do is authorize the use of one of the Class II Molecular Assemblers and a holo table.”

“Wait…” Sharron said, squinting at me. “You have more self-aware bots than just your squad? Since when?” 

“Well, the Class II AIs have always had the ability to develop sentience, they just needed to be exposed to situations that required non-linear problem solving and enough time for them to establish distinctive personalities, but I checked the logs earlier and it looks like the half dozen that awakened only did so in the last few weeks,” I said. “I guess dealing with the siege and figuring out how to fight underwater pushed a couple of them over the edge.”

“And the first thing they want to do with their new found sentience is to what? Get haircuts? Customize their facades?”

“No… well, not entirely. It’s just that between all the different bot models and upgrades I’ve purchased over the years and there are a couple that are under utilized, like the enhanced movement servos for the rabbits, and a couple of the squad leaders would like to specialize,” I explained. “At least, that’s what’s in the request. The truth is I think there’s one new self-aware bear, and the rest are chameleons, beavers and foxes, so I suspect that truth is the beavers want to experiment a little, but whatever, I’m sure it’s something I’ll need eventually, and with the new Class III machines handling a lot of the heavy lifting I can afford to let them use a single Class II.” 

“Have you met any of the new ones yet?” Sharron prompted excitedly.

“I’ve met Earl, who’s kind of the beaver team leader, when he pulled a practical joke on Heavy earlier. That’s kind of how I found out how far I was behind on checking my messages,” I said.

“And the others?” 

“I haven’t had a chance. I was busy ‘fixing’ my messaging system,” I said, shooting Nyx a dirty look.

“You went from ignoring your messages for several months straight to checking the first one that came in through the new system within a couple minutes. I’d say the system works,” Nyx declared.

I scowled at the monocrome bear. “And I hate it,” I grumbled as I sent out the proper authorizations across the network. “Now that I’ve sorted that out… Nyx, change the fucking notification sound. I dont mind if it’s an emergency, but if I have to deal with that shit echoing through by head every couple hours I’m going to shut the entire system down. Promise or not.” 

“Are you sure?” Nyx asked.

“Do you want to test me?” I growled. “Because if I have to listen to that shit again I’ll decomission the bear in charge of messages so fast…”

“Fine, I’ll change the non-critical alert to something more pleasant, but I’m leaving the critical alerts as is,” Nyx conceded. 

“Fine,” I muttered.

“What exactly was the alert sound?” Sharron asked. 

“The shrill scratch of a harpy,” I hissed. 

“A screaming goat,” Nyx replied at the same moment. 

“Right…” Sharron said, glancing between the two of us. “So is everything sorted now?”

“For now,” I repeated, nodding. “As long as Nyx doesn’t change anything else.”

“I make no promises,” my AI announced, drawing another glare from me.

“In that case, it’s time for you to get scanned. Even if you haven’t experienced any problems in the last year, doesn’t mean there’s nothing wrong with you. The last thing I wasn to do is explain to Jane and the kids how you died of a brain anyerism just before returning home,” Sharron declared.

“Fine,” I grumbled, finally sitting upright again. “Let’s get this over with.”