Chaotic Slideshow - Chapter 07 (Patreon)

I leaned against the window of the taxi as the driver, cheerfully and only occasionally yelling at other drivers, navigated through the hellscape that was Alexandria at this time of the day. I didn’t envy him, as I had experienced it in the nineties enough to not want to do it again. And back then, it was much easier…

My mind was mostly on what I had just experienced with my rapid transitioning between several dimensions. Those beings that had met me looked rather harmless, but the powers they had demonstrated were terrifying. The casual reading of my mind and manipulation of my own power showcased that, while I was marginally more powerful and equipped than a random Joe off the street, in the grand scheme of things, I was still no more than a speck of dust.

Incredibly humbling.

Still, it kinda made me want to get more powerful and return to those dimensions. Not to fight them. I wasn’t that stupid. No, instead, I simply wanted to talk with them, ask questions. Like, for example… why this dimension?

I didn’t feel like going toe to toe with Decepticons or rogue paramilitary operations. Give me nameless alien armies or rampaging dinosaurs, please…

Shuddering slightly, I let out a breath. The driver must have heard me because he finally spoke to me.

“Rough day, boss?”

I looked back at him, making eye contact through the rearview mirror, and nodded. “Upper management, you know?”

He snorted. “Don’t I? Why do you think I drive a taxi, boss?”

“Smart…”

I didn’t continue, and he must have sensed my reluctance to talk, because he also fell silent. I simply continued to look out the window as the streets went by.

Watching the ubiquitous fashion of the early 2000s being paraded in the streets brought back memories of my first childhood. Some, I missed dearly, and some I just had to shake my head at; it was so stupid. But that was fashion for you…

As I watched the people on the street, one thought managed to surface.

It was two thousand and seven. That meant that the internet was alive. Oh, how I missed that accursed place…

It looks like I need to buy a new phone and laptop…

Not long after, I felt the taxi finally slow, before the driver stopped, punched something on the meter, and turned back to me. “We’re here, boss. That would be twenty-eight bucks.”

I reached into my pocket, pulled out a Benjamin, and handed it over to him. “Keep the change.”

As I scrambled out of the car, the driver behind me let out a gasp and may have called out after me, but I ignored him as I headed for the mall. I needed equipment if I wanted to get a read on the situation.

If the events of whatever may happen had already started happening, then there would certainly be signs of it in the news, even if they were censored. Living in the Before had taught me how to read between the lines. And as the disinformation was less competent and heavy-handed in this time period, I felt cautiously optimistic about my chances of finding something.

The biggest problem was that I was never a Transformers fan. Oh, I watched some of the movies and cartoons, and I may have taken the time to do a few wiki dives, but never thoroughly or with the intent of remembering everything down to the last detail. Thanks to cultural osmosis and being a big nerd, I knew the biggest names, but if you asked me to name Megatron’s lieutenants or what they transformed into, I would probably name one. And that was it.

Honestly, I knew more about Primus and Unicron than anything happening on good ol’ Terra.

I entered Pentagon Mall and felt the cool air of the air conditioning sweep over me. After the jungle of Isla Nublar and the suffocating heat outside, it was heaven-blessed. Most of the shops were luxury items, focusing on fashion and clothing, but there were at least a few high-end tech shops.

I walked through the building, enjoying being among “modern” people once again, though it was pretty hard to ignore the way most people moved out of my way. As soon as they glanced at me, they flinched back and scurried away. It brought my mood down a little, as it reminded me of the fact that Menacing was now baked into my soul.

The first thing I did was pick up some era-appropriate clothing. Jeans, a shirt, and a hoodie with zippers. I even got a nice set of aviator glasses at some random luxury shop. They didn’t even flinch when I paid the entire price with cash. They just smiled and asked if I wanted the packaging.

At the tech shop, I picked up the phone with the best screen quality and specifications. My Tinker power synergising with my Programming skill made the choice easy to make. Without them, I would have had to depend on my fuzzy memories.

One good thing about my curse was that, when the sales assistant tried to start their spiel about signing up for all sorts of things, I just sent them a look; they flinched, fell silent, and started ringing me up. I glanced at the RAZR phone in the display and felt another rush of nostalgia.

Then, after paying, I pocketed the phone box and left for one of those stupid luxury laptop shops. In an ordinary situation, I would take the time to go for a self-built computer, but I didn’t have the time for that, so I had to make do with those shiny pieces of eye candy.

The sales assistant was a bit pushier in that shop, but I just mentioned that the airline had lost my bag with my personal laptop, and I refused to use the brick-like company laptop for leisure activity, and she instantly changed her tune.

Apparently, they get at least two or three people a day with the same issue.

Glad to see that no matter the dimension, the air travel industry was still universally despised.

Collecting my stuff in a bag, I picked up one of those prepaid phones before I headed for one of the many fast-food places filling the middle of the mall. There, I ordered some greasy burgers and a pile of snacks, then started setting things up.

The laptop was a bloated mess of an early-2000s operating system, with all its glory and inefficiencies. It took me almost an hour to clean it up and upgrade the OS into something that could actually be used. Then, connecting my phone to it with a cable, I did the same thing to my phone, while also transferring the prepaid phone's number and ID to it.

After that, it only took a moment to join the public Wi-Fi and then piggyback off it into the mall's private network. There, I started my research. A quick wiki search netted me a grand total of nothing. A few obvious differences, like politicians' or historical figures' names and genders, but otherwise, nothing that jumped out at me.

Physical laws were the same; there were no random new countries that screamed some kind of extraterrestrial power. Then came the current events… Most international news was focused on the Middle East, with a few mentions of the North Korean nuclear program. Of course, Russia was also mentioned, but nothing jumped out at me.

Frustrated a little, I started just surfing the net, visiting the old sites that had long since gone defunct by the time I left the Before behind, while sipping my drink and occasionally snacking on nuggets and fries.

“This is just pure torture…” I murmured as I lowered the laptop screen.

I planned to stand up and head for a nearby hotel, take a well-deserved break, when I realized I was next to the Pentagon and had no ID on me. Well, I had the ones from ’94, and a fake one from the Jurassic Park worldline, but I doubted either of them would be accepted.

Opening the laptop back up again, I started working.

There must be a way to get some kind of ID with supernatural programming and Tinker knowledge. I could build an ID-printing robot that gave me basic knowledge of how IDs were made, so I started capitalizing on my programming knowledge.

“That’s not going to work.”

SLURP

“Jesus Christ!” I jumped in fright and turned around in my seat, looking at the source of the voice.

It was a blonde woman, slurping a drink and staring at my screen. At first glance, she looked like every other college-age girl I had seen around, wearing a skirt, high heels, and a thin zip-up jacket not unlike my own. Though it looked much better on her, I was sure. Under it was a green top, leaving a slight sliver of midriff bare, as it was common with current fashion. My not-often-used Makeup skill told me how high-quality hers was, as if she had done it professionally.

Trying to calm my racing heart, I looked at her. “What?”

Her hand still holding the drink, one of her fingers extended and pointed at the screen. “That’s not going to work. They upgraded the system last year to patch that vulnerability.”

I turned back to the screen, where my rather amateurish attempts to hack the government were displayed, and then back at the rather beautiful blonde. “What?”

I admit I was a bit confused.

She let out a sigh. “The thing that you’re doing. Not going to work.”

“Oh… er, thanks?”

“You’re welcome,” she replied in a satisfied manner and took another sip of her drink. “Why do you even want to hack the government?”

I frowned and looked her up and down again. “Legally, you have to tell me if you’re a cop.”

She rolled her eyes, but I saw the corners of her mouth trying to curve upward, so I counted that as a win. She reached over with her other hand and flipped her lanyard over, showcasing her work ID. “I do work for the NSA.”

“Damn, already busted,” I complained playfully.

She rolled her eyes again. “Yes, because hacking the government in plain sight, right next to the Pentagon, is the safest way to do it. There is no way it could go wrong…”

She eyed me with interest. “Why do you even want to do it?” she asked again.

I shrugged. “I need an ID.”

“You need an ID?”

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t have one.”

She tilted her head to the side, trying to take me in. I saw her eyes recognizing how much my clothing and equipment cost as she tried to divine why I wouldn’t have any identification.

She pulled out a chair and plopped down, taking another sip. “You know, they give us regular counterintelligence training, but you don’t scream foreign or even domestic spy.”

“Really?” I asked, perking up a little. “Nice.”

The blonde leaned a bit forward, crossing her legs. “You should also know that NSA, FBI, CIA, and everyone in the alphabet soup keeps an eye on this entire area, to make sure nobody gets ideas.”

I shrugged again. “Meh…”

She stared at me, and I looked back.

For a minute, we just stared at each other. I was trying to be respectful, but damn, she was a looker.

Finally, she let out a sigh and rolled her eyes. I noticed she did that a lot. “Alright, enough staring at me, or I’m going to charge admission.”

“Sorry?”

She put her drink down, pulled my new laptop over to her, and began going through it. “What OS is this, even? I don’t even recognize it…”

“It’s mine…” I told her as I scooted my chair over so that I could see what she was doing. “I just cleaned up the original and fine-tuned it.”

She nodded. “Not bad. Not bad at all. A bit lame, but I suppose I can’t expect better from an amateur…”

“Hey!”

She grinned at me before clicking through a few windows. “Timothy Walker? What kind of name is it?”

I shrugged. “That’s what my mama gave me, so that’s why I’m using it.”

She recoiled a little. “Wait. Are you using your real name for a fake ID?”

“Sure,” I replied. “I’m not planning to stay long.” Then I returned her grin. “Plus, it’s a little unfair to make fun of my name without giving your own.”

She hesitated for a moment before replying. “Maggie.”

“Maggie…” I nodded. “Nice to meet you. Name’s Tim. I’m an alien.”

She chuckled, but when I didn’t crack a smile, she slowly stopped and stared at me. “Like… from a different country?”

“Nah, I was born near here. Warrenton, specifically,” I explained with a straight face, enjoying her confusion.

“So then how are you an alien?”

“Oh, that’s easy. I’m not from this dimension.”

She stared at me for a moment before letting out a burst of laughter. “Ah, you almost got me. Alien, sure.”

I smiled and motioned toward the laptop as if the last few seconds hadn’t happened. “What about the ID? Do you think you could help me?”

“Are you kidding me? You’re almost certainly flagged. If I help you, then they are going to nail me to the cross once I go back tomorrow.” She pushed the laptop away and snagged one of the few remaining nuggets, taking a bite. “If you got into the country and got as far as DC, why do you need a fake ID?”

I scratched the back of my neck a bit awkwardly. “You need an ID to rent a room, and I really need to take a shower.”

To my surprise, Maggie leaned closer and took an actual sniff. She returned to her position before commenting. “You don’t smell bad.”

“Thank you? Also, please. Personal boundaries,” I told her, but she once again, yep, rolled her eyes. How sassy… “It’s more for my mind. Dimensional travel is hard on it.”

She eyed me for a moment before stealing a few of my fries. How dastardly…

“Alright, I’m going to bite. Prove to me you’re an alien, and I’ll help you with the room. Plus, I’m going to wait at least a week to report you to my supervisor. Unless they ask, then I’m not covering for you. Sorry, Mr. Wizard.”

“Oh, you have seen the movie?”

She scoffed. “Who hasn’t?”

I leaned back in the chair and thought about a way to prove my alien-ness. Summoning one of my bigger familiars would be an option, but she could claim sleight of hand or some kind of actor hired for the occasion. I mentally went over the list of my abilities before landing on one of the first ones I had gotten.

I hadn’t used it since.

Maintaining eye contact, I slotted the ability in, opened my mouth, and let my elongated tongue emerge. It grew until it was long enough that I could tuck a stray hair behind her ear. She stared at me with wide eyes as I retrieved my new appendage and smiled smugly.

“Convinced?”

Maggie opened her mouth, then closed it.

We sat there for a minute as she processed what she saw, and I was marinating in the smugness.

Finally, she began to speak. “Alright,” she sighed, halfway disappointed and halfway in disbelief. “I didn’t expect my day to go this way. Made contact with aliens. Yay…” She looked at me, scrutinizing my appearance. “Is this some kind of covert first contact? Scouting for invasion? Or are aliens just a bunch of pervs?”

“First of all: How dare you?” I replied deadpan. “Second of all, this is definitely not first contact. Aliens have been on your planet since… dunno, the beginning of civilization.” Seeing Maggie open her mouth, I interjected. “Not me, another race.”

“Another race?”

“Yes.”

“Does the government know about it?”

“Probably. They usually have some kind of secret government sector dealing with them.” I still had no idea which continuity I was.

Maggie thought about it and nodded. She worked at NSA, so probably the idea of a secretive government group wasn’t too far-fetched to believe. “Should… should I be worried?”

“Worried about what?”

“About you. The aliens. All of this?” she said, waving her hands around dramatically.

I scratched the side of my face. “From me? Not unless you attack me. The other aliens? Oh, yes. Big on genocide. And murder. And murderous genocide. With the occasionally brutal murder,” I described Megatron’s attitude to biological lifeforms. “You know… for funsies.”

“Really?”

I don’t know if she believed me and wanted to know more, or if she was keeping me talking to extract more information. I didn’t mind. Either way, I had an in with the NSA. Either I could follow her if our newly established friendship didn’t work out, or get captured by the NSA and brought in. A win-win as far as I was concerned.

Plus, a hot woman was talking to me. That rarely happened, so I wanted to use the opportunity to try my flirting, as bad as it was. She clearly didn’t give a fuck about my cursed presence, so that told me she was strong, at least mentally.

“Yeah, their leader could be described as… mhm… super space Hitler? Yeah, that works.”

She stared back at me. “Super space Hitler?”

“Yeah. But good news. There is a guy out there fighting this super evil dude. Really Boy Scout and everything. Like the embodiment of all that is good.”

Maggie closed her eyes, reached up, and massaged her temples before opening them and looking back at me.

“Cool… Just what I wanted to hear after work,” she muttered.

I leaned back in the cheap food court chair. “So… how about that help with that room?”

She let out a deep sigh, reached over to the table, grabbed a fistful of fries, and stuffed them into her mouth. Mumbling something, she leaned back.

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak that language,” I told her cheekily with a small smile.

She swallowed the food and glared back at me. “Sure, but only because I want to know more.”

I clapped my hands together. “Excellent! Thank you so much! And don’t worry, I can pay you back.”

Surprisingly, Maggie didn’t lead me to a group of grumpy NSA agents or soldiers with deadly weapons. She took me to the Ritz next door and booked a room. We ascended on the lift in silence before entering the room with a swipe of the card.

She opened her mouth to say something, but I held my hand up, silencing her. I pulled out Virgo’s key and summoned her, causing Maggie to jump back a little, letting out a squeak. Virgo appeared in all her glory, looking at both of us. She bowed. “How may I serve you, sir?”

“This is Maggie,” I introduced my new friend.

Virgo bowed at her too. “Greetings, Mistress Maggie. Please give me an order so I can mess up, and my master would punish me.”

“W-what?” Maggie asked, confusedly.

I just sighed and waved my hand. “Don’t worry about it. She is a masochist.” I turned to Virgo. “Search the room for bugs and whatnot, please.”

We both took a step back as Virgo, like a whirlwind, tore through the room, uprooting everything as she searched while simultaneously cleaning, wiping down surfaces, and dusting.

“Masochist maid, huh?” Maggie commented from next to me.

I smiled awkwardly. “Came with it preinstalled.”

“Wait. She is not human?” Maggie asked, wide-eyed.

“Oh, yes. Virgo is the celestial spirit representing the Virgo astrological sign in the zodiac.”

“You’re fucking with me…”

“I assure you, Maggie, I’m not.”

“You know I took you here so as to make sure you were in a place where I could report you, but after this, I’m kind of afraid of what you would do if I did that.”

“Should you have told me that?”

“As far as I know, you could have a way to determine if I’m lying.”

I did have a way, but there was no point using it on her.

Taking my brief silence as affirmative, Maggie let out a huff. “Of course you have. Why wouldn’t you have it?”

Honestly, she looked a bit hysterical. I suspect her plan didn’t go the way she had expected it to. Virgo, sensing her distress, calmly and gently led Maggie to one of the seats and served warm tea to her before stepping next to me.

“I’m finished, sir,” she reported. “Found devices were destroyed. Anything else?”

“Keep an eye out while I talk with our new friend.”

She bowed. “Of course, sir.”

I took a seat opposite Maggie, leaving her some space, and watched as she shakily reached for the cup of tea and took a sip. Putting down the cup, she looked back at me. “So… this is all real? Not some mind-bending NSA testing?” Then after a moment to gather herself, she continued. “You’re really an alien?”

“Technically, I’m a human from a different dimension.”

“Whatever. At this point, it hardly matters,” Maggie rebuked, taking a few deep breaths before steeling herself and leaning a bit forward. Her hasty bun was halfway undone, and her hand was still shaking a little. “So… why are you here?”

“What do you mean?”

She looked me in the eyes. “Why are you here, Mr. Wizard? Why here? Why now? If you can travel between dimensions, why arrive here, in this exact time and place?”

“Someone told me I would be useful here…” I told her a bit of twisted truth. After all, I didn’t know who the being was that sent me away, nor did I know why they chose this universe. But they seemed friendly and generally good-natured, so I assumed it was so that I could help.

I hoped.

It could have also been a very elaborate assassination attempt.

Whatever it was, I couldn’t really seek clarification. So half-truths and obfuscation were the way to go.

Maggie eyed me, clearly much better at smelling bullshit than body odor. “Do I even want to know?”

“I suspect that you don’t,” I replied honestly. Even I had a hard time digesting it.

She let out a shaky breath. “Alright. Alright. This is what we’re going to do. You’re going to have your stupid shower and stay here. And I’m going to go home and try not to have a breakdown.”

I nodded. It was not like I had anything planned. Sooner or later, the NSA would catch on, unless I decided to infiltrate, so there was no need to move from here.

“Also, if they ask why you rented a room, just tell them it was for a quickie…”

She rolled her eyes. “You wish…”

Maggie left me alone in the room after reiterating that I should stay there before leaving for the day. Apparently, she had an apartment in Alexandria so she could stay closer to work. It was only after she left that I realized I could have asked to stay there, but I suspect that would have been a bit much.

Still, we exchanged numbers, and I was left alone with Virgo.

“I’m going to take a long shower, make sure nobody bothers me…” I told her and headed for the frankly luxurious shower after my accommodations on Isla Nublar. “But here, get me these things…” I handed over a hastily written list of tools and equipment, along with a pile of money.

Virgo bowed and vanished from the room.

By the time I was finished with my shower, grooming, and a bit of woolgathering, I returned to the main room to find a spread of fresh food and a pile of the requested items, with Virgo standing respectfully as I tightened the robe around me.

“Please check to see if everything is here, sir,” she said. “If not, I’m ready to be punished.”

I patted her on the head, causing her to pout, and headed for the pile of materials. It was mostly a few low-end computers, a bunch of tools, and spare parts mixed with general stuff I needed for Tinkering. I was about to go into battle with a bunch of robots; I needed to prepare.

Tinker – Robotics provided me with an instinctive understanding of simple robots, which the Autobots and Decepticons were most definitely not, but it was enough to give me an idea of what would work. I knew from half-remembered memories that extreme cold could work to disable them, while shooting them to pieces generally worked to kill them. They also had a spark in their chests, which was what gave them their energy.

Energon, if I remember correctly…

Building guns wasn’t in my Tinker database, but building a robot that worked as a gun? Yes.

So I threw myself at the items Virgo acquired for me, and with her help, I soon had a pretty nice, semi-futuristic-looking gun. I couldn’t take it into true sci-fi territory, but it was hopefully enough to get through the outer armor of the Transformers.

It was a bit bulkier than the usual guns of this era, with a matte-black finish and a wider bore. It fired tiny metal slugs, accelerated to incredible speeds. One of the robotic mechanisms was the shaver that could shave a uniform amount from the block of alloy I made by melting down a bunch of different metals extracted from different high-end tools and devices.

With what Virgo managed to get, I made three blocks.

One went directly into the weapon, and the other two were backups. As one block was capable of generating at least a thousand shots or more, I thought that much was enough. I also made sure to modify the front of the gun to absorb the noise of the projectile breaking the sound barrier, as I didn’t want to go deaf every time it fired.

How did it work? I have no idea. Tinker magic.

I also added a biometric sensor to it, just in case any other organic got hold of it.

I think my power only went through with the whole idea because, broken down, most of the components were pretty simple. So I focused on it, like I was building several small robots, then, in the end, putting them together to form a gun.

And it worked! Yay!

Creating a magnetic clip for it was child’s play after that.

I spent an hour practicing pulling and arming it, but after that, I returned to my impromptu workbench, aka the coffee table.

There, I pulled apart my new phone and started rebuilding. I considered it the display screen of a normal robot, and bam, my power was providing all sorts of ideas. I made the screen better, improved the battery capacity and the cameras, and made sure to cram as much RAM and processing power into that little rectangle as possible before encasing it in an ultra-durable and lightweight metal alloy made in the small smelter that I had tinkered up.

Then I made sure to build in as many anti-hacking features as possible. Probably won’t be enough against Decepticons, but I at least had tried.

By the end of it, it looked like every other high-end model on the market, but it was much better under the hood.

Satisfied with what I had wrought, I had Virgo clean up while I started snacking and browsing the net.

Maybe this time I’m going to find something…

The next morning I woke up, stretched, and padded to the bathroom.

Maggie only rented the room for one night, as it was pretty expensive, and she was barely above an intern in the hierarchy of the NSA, so the pay wasn’t that great. I didn’t mind. Virgo made sure that I didn’t leave anything physical behind, and the Untraceable trait would make doubly sure I was like a ghost.

I affixed the magnetic clip to my belt, though the gun was left in my enlarged pocket. Washington, D.C., didn’t allow open carry, so I had to keep it hidden.

I checked my phone as I walked out of the hotel, heading for another round of shopping. I needed to stock up on modern snacks just in case I found myself somewhere in the past. Plus, I wanted to get a few examples of technology for when I got back to the Independence Day universe. I’m sure the scientist would have a grand ol’ time with them.

The phone only had one message.

Maggie: Got called in early. Emergency thing. Call you later. DON’T PROBE ANYONE!

Ordinarily, I wouldn’t think about the message at all. But I was sent here with a mysterious purpose, and the NSA calling people in for an emergency meeting? Pretty suspicious, I would say.

I checked my watch.

“A bit more than twenty-four hours of downtime. Not bad…” I muttered. I turned to Virgo. “Let’s go deal with the shopping before shit hits the fan.”

“Yes, sir.”

Turns out, I was worried for nothing.

I managed to go through my shopping, dump everything on Virgo, then simply sit around in a lounge area I found on the upper levels of the mall, waiting for Maggie to call. I amused myself by improving the software on my laptop and surfing the net, while occasionally going out for another snack run.

I also picked up a few things for Maggie, just in case. A set of sensible shoes, a change of clothes, and hygiene stuff. Thankfully, Virgo was ready to assist. Apparently, that brief interaction was enough for the masochist maid to get Maggie’s measurements.

Competent maid indeed.

It was late afternoon when I got another message.

Maggie: They’re keeping us in. All hands on deck. SSH?

It took me a long moment to figure out she was talking about Super Space Hitler.

Mr. Wizard: Probably. Want help?

Maggie: Everyone is on edge. So no.

Maggie: I need to go; the toilet is over.

Chuckling slightly, I put away the phone and prepared myself to stay awake all night. I didn’t know when the action was going to start, but I needed to be ready. Battle Continuation would make sure I didn’t suffer for my decision.

I left the mall around closing time and simply relocated to a nearby 7-Eleven, with my laptop open and browsing, occasionally checking my phone for a message or call from Maggie while scanning the news headlines for anything interesting to happen.

It was around midnight when I found the first thing that was odd.

A small article about fighting around Qatar. It was from a small European news organization. But cross-referencing the area with American press releases, it was easy to find that there was definitely a base somewhere there belonging to the American military.

Searching deeper and even finding a few forums, I was quickly able to piece together that the American military was moving aggressively in the area. Which meant something big had happened.

I tried to remember: was Qatar in any of the continuities I had watched? Sadly, it had been so long since I had watched those movies and shows that I had no idea.

“This would be the perfect time to give me a super-memory power, Chaos…” I muttered, fitting in with the rest of the patrons sitting there bleary-eyed and also muttering to themselves.

Sadly, no eldritch screen appeared.

So, the only thing I could do was lean back, ignore the ambience, and try to find something. Anything…

I would have been happy to see even one grainy picture where I could manually count the pixels…

But no.

The universe wasn’t merciful, and my own memories betrayed me.

Morning came with cheerful rays of the sun, but no solution to my own queries. The people filling the 7-Eleven changed multiple times, but nobody paid attention to me. Then, just as I was browsing the shelves for breakfast, my phone pinged with a message.

Eagerly, I picked it up.

Maggie: Where are you?

Mr. Wizard: 7-Eleven. Want something?

Maggie: Large coffee. Black. If you add sugar, I strangle you.

Mr. Wizard: No sugar. Got it.

Fifteen minutes later, Maggie stumbled into the shop, disheveled, looking like she hadn’t slept, her hair in a messy bun, though she was still in high heels. She spotted me, and I just raised the coffee cup in my hand.

She practically threw herself at it and drank a large part of it greedily before collapsing into the chair.

“Ahhh, that hits the spot,” she exclaimed. “I haven’t slept since yesterday.”

“That bad?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe…” she said, taking another sip of the bean juice I so detested. “They’re Iran this, North Korea that. Nobody seems to consider that the signal is much more advanced than anything on the planet.”

“I assume you tried to tell them that, and they didn’t believe you?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

She just nodded tiredly, as if used to it. “They said, get evidence… But the evidence is the code itself! Bah…”

She leaned back in the chair, crossed her arms in front of her, and looked me over. “I have a friend who could help me break the code. Anything to add?”

Something about it twigged my memories, but I couldn’t pinpoint why.

“May I see the code?” I asked.

She hesitated for a moment, looking around furtively, before pulling out her compact, opening it, and handing a small storage card over. I took it and inserted it into my laptop’s reader, and as the device processed it, I turned to her.

“How did you even get out of there? I would assume they would keep everybody on-site just in case in an emergency like this…”

Maggie, as was becoming her habit, rolled her eyes. “I told them Aunt Flow came early… One of them even asked if I needed an ambulance…”

I chuckled as the laptop dinged, indicating that it was finished reading the small card. “You know, they probably let you go to see where you go and who you meet with…” I told her idly as I opened the video file. It was a basic screen capture of a much more advanced analysis software.

She ignored my comment and instead watched me.

As the picture of a signal appeared, I was suddenly hit by the realization of where I was. Maggie must have seen something on my face.

“So you recognize what this is?”

“In theory, yes. But I wouldn’t be able to help you break it. My programming skills are below yours,” I told her while I processed that I was in the Bay-verse. I finally managed to remember where Maggie was familiar from. She was one of the few female speaking roles in the whole movie. Also, probably the most competent of all of them.

That meant she was currently about to travel to her hacker friend. And then get violently arrested.

“If that gives you confidence, sure,” she replied with a smirk.

It was my turn to roll my eyes.

Bay-verse Transformers were a bit less powerful than their other counterparts, but even then, they were no joke.

Now I’m glad I spent time making that gun. Hopefully it’ll be enough…

I removed the card and handed it back to her. She took it and put it back into her compact.

“What now?” I asked.

“Well, I’m going to Boston. I know a guy there who can break this in an afternoon,” Maggie replied, looking at me challengingly.

I nodded. “Alright, let’s go.”

She blinked at me. “What?”

“I’m going with you. That information is important, so I need to protect it,” I told her. Then I smirked at her. “And you, of course.”

Maggie huffed. “We need to stop by the apartment, and I need to buy a ticket.” We both stood up before she froze and turned back to me. “Wait. How are you going to get on the plane? You don’t have an ID.”

I shrugged. “I’ll just sneak on. Don’t worry… Just buy two tickets next to each other.”

She eyed me before shrugging.

I sat down next to her on the airplane, and she stared at me with her mouth hanging open. “How?” she whispered harshly as the rest of the cabin filled up.

I tried to smile mysteriously. “Maybe I’ll show you later…”

“You know acting mysterious doesn’t make you look more attractive,” she told me.

“I know. But it is highly entertaining.”

She eyed me for a moment before huffing, crossing her arms, and leaning against the window. “I’m going to nap. Wake me up when we’ve arrived.”

“You got it…”

I poked her awake the moment the plane landed and watched as she groggily stretched, not unlike a grumpy cat.

“See you on the other side, Sleeping Beauty,” I told the grumpy NSA analyst as she blearily blinked the sleep out of her eyes.

“Wha…” she began, but was interrupted by a yawn.

I stepped out of the seat and headed toward the back, where a flight attendant was already opening a door. As always when a plane landed everybody was focused on themselves, so nobody paid one ounce of attention to me. Turning invisible with the aid of the Barrier of Wind King, I waited until the door was fully open, but the connecting jet bridge was still approaching.

I slipped past the flight attendant and simply jumped out.

With the wind around me softening the landing, there was no need to worry. I landed silently and walked to the side, waiting for Maggie to disembark.

I followed her along as she went through the terminal and emerged into the bustling city of Boston.

“Boo!” I called out as she emerged into the slightly less hot outside. She jumped a little and sent me a look that I had only seen on grumpy cats.

“I’m too tired for this, Wizard-boy,” she said, almost hissing.

I just chuckled and reached into my pocket and took out a Golden Apple. During my stay on Isla Nublar, I made sure to store them away every time it refreshed. “Here, eat this.”

She took it gently in her hand as if expecting it to explode. “What’s this?”

“A bit of energy…”

“It’s not going to turn me into a frog, right?” she asked suspiciously.

“No. I promise.”

She eyed me, her eyes occasionally darting to the golden fruit, before letting out a sigh. “I’m trusting you with this, so if this is anything other than that, then I’m getting a gun and shooting you.”

“Fair enough.”

She eyed me for a moment, then bit into the crispy apple. I could see the moment the burst of regenerative energy hit her body. Her body straightened, and her eyes cleared up. Hell, I could have sworn even her hair got a bit shinier.

Maggie looked down at the fruit in her hand. “This is amazing!”

“A magical golden apple does that…” I said while raising my hand to catch a taxi. “Let’s go see your friend…”

“Mhm!” Maggie nodded as she continued to eat the apple with renewed gusto, now that she knew it actually worked as I said it would.

Ten-ish minutes later, we arrived on the other side of Chelsea Creek, with Maggie fully refreshed thanks to the power of the magic apple buzzing under her skin.

I paid for the taxi, and we got out. Before us was the giant bridge, and almost underneath it, a small, multistory house. Gray panels, white trim… the all-American dream.

Before we could take even a step, Maggie grabbed my arm. I turned toward her questioningly.

“Listen… Glen… is a lot. Let me do the talking. I don’t want your whole…” She waved her hand over my whole body. “…vibe to distract him. Got it?”

I sloppily saluted. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll be the obedient little bodyguard.”

Maggie eyed me suspiciously, then pointed at my face. “And don’t talk. Glen gets distracted by everything shiny…”

Glen was like a giant puppy.

He barely glanced at me and flinched before hugging Maggie. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I’m really sorry to bother you, but I need your help, Glen.”

“No-no! You know this is not how it works, Maggie! This is my private area. My place of Zen and peace.”

“This is important, Glen.”

Glen stared back at Maggie; his eyes occasionally darted to me, but I kept my mouth shut, just as I had promised. I knew the two of them would break it, just as I knew they would be arrested soon.

A bit of yelling later, and Glen’s grandma had pacified him. The three of us entered his inner sanctum, aka his room.

Glen sat down heavily in his chair, his black skin glistening with sweat due to his nervousness. I stood in the doorway, playing the dutiful bodyguard.

“So…” he began, stretching out the word. “I know you wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t something super difficult.” He watched with sharp eyes as Maggie took out the compact and revealed the small card containing the data. “What exactly is the situation?”

Glen reached forward with shaking hands, but just before he could touch it, he pulled back. “Exactly how illegal is it for me to touch that thing?”

“It’s classified enough that if I show it to you, I go to jail for the rest of my life,” Maggie answered honestly.

“Oooh,” Glen whispered. “Spooky…”

But before he took it, he nodded toward me. “What’s with tall and whitey?”

Maggie glanced at me, eyes promising pain if I dared to open my mouth, and I just continued to keep my face neutral.

“He is a bodyguard, here to make sure nothing happens to it.”

“Sweet!” Glen exclaimed, and in the next moment, I was completely forgotten as he gently took the card from Maggie and inserted it into the card reader. He put on his glasses and wiggled his fingers. “Yes! Let’s go! One quick peek!”

As Glen’s desktop changed from a stereotypical desktop of a nerd to a highly specialized hacker’s desktop thanks to a few key presses, I prepared to wait. An analysis software was launched, and soon, the sound of Decepticons hacking the Pentagon could be heard through the speakers.

“It hacked the army database in less than a minute…” Maggie muttered as Glen started to click around, checking the data and reading the charts.

“Makes sense. The signal strength is through the roof,” he muttered. Then, a moment later, “This is impossible… this looks like something an artificial intelligence would do. Maybe even a sentient one. Too advanced compared to anything I’ve seen.”

Maggie hesitated for a moment, glancing toward me. “Could it be an… alien machine language?”

Glen didn’t even look back at her. “Who says life on other planets has to evolve from carbon? Why not silicon?” The large man spent a few seconds clicking around before his eyes narrowed. “Wait a second, I think there is something embedded in the signal!” He began furiously typing, and I waved Maggie over.

“What is it?” she whispered, nervously glancing back at Glen, trying to see what he found.

“Listen,” I also whispered. “By my estimate, we have at most an hour, or even less, before the feds break the door down.” Maggie’s eyes widened. “So make sure to take a bio break and eat something. The first part of the interrogation is always denying food and water.”

Before she could talk, I continued. “Also, if you want something safe from their hands, give it here, and I’ll make sure they won’t find it.”

Maggie stared at me for a second before her shoulders slumped. She walked over to her bag and quickly rooted through it before she emerged with a smaller bag and handed it over.

“Be right back,” I told her with a wink and left the room.

Outside, I found a silent spot and summoned Virgo. She took the bag, including mine, and handed me a pair of sensible and comfortable shoes.

“The next time I summon you, there is a chance we’ll be in the middle of a battle, so prepare accordingly,” I told her.

She bowed a little. “Yes, sir.”

Virgo vanished, and I went back to Glen’s room. Maggie looked up and looked at me questioningly at the sight of the shoes. “What are those?” she whispered behind Glen’s back. The hacker was still distracted, trying to find a way to see what was embedded in the signal.

“Comfy shoes,” I answered with a grin. “Detention is not comfortable with high heels.”

“Thank you,” she said silently as she put them on after hesitatingly briefly. Based on her face, she was visibly surprised they fit. She looked back at me suspiciously, like one would look at a pervert.

“Virgo got them for you, don’t worry. I have no idea about shoes. Or feet.”

She eyed me a while longer, but then Glen’s muttering distracted her and she was pulled back into the word of singals and encryptions.

A few minutes and a bathroom break later, Glen exclaimed, “Success! Now let’s see what my magic got us!”

Maggie sprang forward excitedly, almost smushing against the screen.

Glen continued. “Looks like there’s a message embedded in the signal. Let me see if one of my other spells would work…”

I watched from the back as Glen broke the code that had stumped the entirety of the NSA with contemptuous ease, and Cybertronian language began to stream and decode on the screen.

“Project… Ice Man?” Maggie asked as she read off the screen.

“What’s Sector Seven?” Glen read another decoded text.

“Who is Captain Witwicky?”

Fate seemed to be enjoying playing her usual games, because as soon as the last word left Maggie’s mouth, I could hear heavy boots hitting the pavement, doors being blasted open, windows breaking, and agents yelling.

“FBI! FBI! GET ON THE GROUND!”

I smiled and, with serene movement, simply got on the ground on my knees and laced my hands behind my head as I watched Maggie and Glen panic around me.

Five minutes later, the three of us were sitting in the same car, cuffed and being driven away by FBI agents who spent barely a few seconds reading us our Miranda rights before refusing to say another word.

Glen was freaking out, while Maggie was just leaning back into her seat. Being the smallest, she was squished between Glen and me.

She leaned a bit closer to me and whispered into my ear. “Glad I changed shoes… This would murder my feet…”

“No worries, I have more of those apples…” I whispered back.

Then one of the agents slammed their fist into the clear plexiglass separating them from us. “Stop talking!”

I just smiled and bumped my shoulder a little against hers.

As the car holding us began to move, I was distracted by a familiar eldritch screen.

[Got arrested by the FBI, NSA, CIA, and the Military at the same time! 1 x Silver Random Ticket]

Reaching into my pocket as the car rocked through Boston’s streets, I gently tore the ticket, watching as a galaxy-sized cartwheel began to spin, filling my soul with a new power.

[Intermediate Conceptualization (Uncommon Skill): Conceptualization is your ability to understand what is beyond the mundane. You are an intermediate at comprehending the Mystical and Esoteric. You learn and master magic faster, and you are better at understanding the composition of abilities and esoteric effects.]

As soon as the power flowed into my soul, I could feel my mind going through changes. They were minute, but they were there, making my mind more resilient and receptive to the unknown. Not the most useful power, but I’m sure I can figure out something…

As we left behind the small house under the bridge’s shadow, I couldn’t help but worry. A fight was looming, and I didn’t know if I was ready…

A/N: Here we go. I don't know if it is obvious, but I'm having great fun writing this :)

The gun, if it wasn't obvious, was inspired by the guns in the Mass Effect series, albeit nerfed a little, due to lack of resources and materials. Like Eezo.

Our MC remembers flashes of an old movie, but not all of that. He knew there was a giant battle - it is after all a Bay movie - but he doesn't know the details.

Also, can we talk about that, by my count, if we exclude the screaming extras, the only talking part women had in the move was Megan Fox's character, Maggie, Sam's mom Judy, the little girl seeing the Transformer emerge from the pool, the stewardess on the Air Force One, and Lennox's wife. And of course the hot girls sitting in the cars that gets transformed at the end by the Allspark.

Out of all of these, only Mikaela and Maggie had a discernible effect on the entire movie. And Maggie was dropped halfway through the movie. Granted Rachel Taylor using her original Australian accent in the most American movie ever made was a choice, so maybe there was a reason her role was dropped halfway.

Also another rant: The movie implies Maggie gets into a taxi and drives over to Glen, who lives somewhere in DC. But he clearly lives under the Tobin Memorial Bridge in Boston. You can even find the exact house they had used for exterior shots on Google Maps.

Anyway... rants over. Let's go blow some stuff up!