Home
Creators
Search Recent Random
Posts
Search DMs Popular Hash Lookup Tags Random
Importer
Import FAQ
Register Favorites Keys Review DMs Logout
Community
Telegram ThePornDude
Home Creators Posts Import Register Favorites Logout

Call for submissions: tell me things that family & friends can do to support folks in menopause (Patreon)

Published:
2026-07-03 01:21:03
Imported:
2026-07

Content

Lately I’ve mentioned the information BEAST that is the upcoming menopause episode. A two-parter with five guests.

But I want to add to it. Because I have lost my marbles.

SO, please, leave some advice for people who want to support others going through menopause. I mean first off is listening to the two-parter we’ll put out, but what are other things you wish people did or knew? Have you been through it? Or been there for someone else? What should bosses or spouses or kids or friends or doctors know that some don’t?

Lay it on it on me, and I’ll read as many as I can in a bonus episode.

Plugging away, Your Father Who Once Had a Uterus

Files

Comments

Abby L :)

From my mom: buy them a bunch of black cohosh and let them have the AC up as high as they need it

Abby L :)

Additionally, a nice face cream

Carrie Steele

My husband doing research and learning not to take things so personally has been a game changer

HazHydro

Get her a rechargeable fan!

Andie

Older women telling me what it was like, how they got through it, etc has been SO helpful in my ability to diagnose some of my own peri menopause symptoms. It’s made me feel less like I’m crazy and more like everything is fine it’s just my body gaslighting me like it’s supposed to at this time of my life 🥲

Mie [me-ay]

my mom really appreciated us taking some tasks off her plate by handling the grocery shopping and cooking. also not to take things personally because she was MEAN

Aubrey Nelson

From my lovely mother, Lorraine Welsch. “Evening Primrose Oil helped to control my hot flashes. One time I ran out of them and I dismissed it as it didn’t really help. Then all my hot flashes came back and I realized it did help. I have been on it ever since.”

Julie K. Rose

Put a fan in every purse, backpack, and nightstand. I can't do HRT for Reasons and the hot flashes during the summer in particular can be brutal. Also: talk about it with other women going through it, and tell younger women your stories. They deserve to know what's to come - bad and good. Related: not having periods is fucking BOMB, 10/10, no notes.

Erin Bagley

Stay quiet and stay out of the way! Lol What has helped is being able to have open conversations with my spouse about what I'm feeling and for him to know it's not personal, it's crazy hormones. Also, he lets me control the AC.

Nichole

Quit breathing so loudly!

Katie Hammond

I have no advice, but would just encourage you to look up the book "You are a Hot Flash Goddess (and other truths I tell myself)". The cover is incredible.

Michelle D

Can't wait for this one, just starting perimenopause now and it's a bitch. have to upgrade my adhd meds. all advice welcome.

Shelby.0.0

They control the ac. Keep frozen rice pouches at the ready. Always allow for changes of plans. Be down for adventures :)

Beth Middleton Voigt

Menopause is a wild ride - totally satisfied and confident while at the same time slapping my menopause apron belly, enjoying my “natural” blush (hot flash) and no interest in sex - I’m in my “nun/none” phase

Addie Cappello she her

Perimenopause here- with late adulthood ADHD diagnosis. I need help and also want to help others. The most helpful thing I’ve experienced so far is when people validate me instead of trying to justify symptoms as something else. Or telling me “I’m too young” or “you only experience that if you’ve given birth” etc. Working with multiple different experts helps triangulate what you’re going through to strategize a plan forward. Medical doctors, therapists, psychiatrists supporting you as a united front is key. Having family, friends, and peers who have either experienced it or who are also going through it are invaluable. Don’t be afraid to talk about what’s happening to you. Ask questions then ask more. Do your own research so you can come to the table ready to advocate for yourself. If anyone has specific ADHD/perimenopause crossover guidance or advice- I am all ears. Was diagnosed around the same time I realized perimenopause was starting so I don’t have a handle on either and I’m going insane. This episode will hit hard I’m sure 🧡🙏🏼 Thank you Ali for taking on this beast on behalf of all of us out there struggling to find a new normal. Xoxoxoxox

Paul Hoffman

Don't assume that you're cranky "because of menopause". It could be because you stubbed your toe, or that you're sick of living in the fucking patriarchy. Menopause increases the chance of crankiness, but it is not the only cause over the course of those years.

Yuri

People with PCOS are much less likely to have hot flashes as a symptom. I didn't have them at all. Perimenopause for people with pcos can be really different. And in general for everybody, There are tons of symptoms you never hear about. Itchy ears! They drove me nuts. If you have mast cell, you might need a different ratio of hormones. The cream estradiol is so much better for me than the patch! Dr Louise Newsom is INCREDIBLE for actual science based info, there is so much flim flam. She goes into the studies, and the limitations of which studies, etc. Highly highly recommend her! I had to push my doctor for a higher dose of bio identical hormones - blood tests aren't accurate because levels can change drastically hour to hour. After going up i felt a MILLION times better!

Rich Jester

Buying your wife a ductless ac unit for the bedroom to combat relentless hot flashes????? #besthusbandever

Marla J

Let your teenagers know that mom's hot flashes are normal and to give her some space (and ice water). Laugh with her, not at her. Guys, her sex drive might change. It might vanish. It might get stronger. Deal with it in a kind and understanding way. But good luck - you don't have to deal with birth control anymore. Her body is going to change. It will be frustrating for her. She is still the same beautiful amazing woman you fell in love with. Guys, your bodies change too. Deal with it. Please know that she still needs to get her Pap tests and other check-ups. Just because the parts aren't making babies anymore doesn't mean that they should be ignored. Every woman goes through it differently. Just because your mother, sister, best friend's wife, or your ex had a certain experience it doesn't mean that your partner will have THAT experience. You might be stopping your periods at the same time your daughter is starting hers. Be there for each other. Show love, support, and try to have a sense of humor. Let her know that she is still sexy, beautiful, intelligent, fun, amazing, and valued.

Addie Cappello she her

Yes yes yes pleaseeeeee elder goddesses share with us all your wisdom!!!!!

Ani Gee

I don't know what I need, I only just figured out that I must be in perimenopause a couple months ago since my ADHD medication stopped working. Luckily I'm on a new medication now that works. I just wish there was a way to know for sure. Anyway it would be great if my immigrant mother didn't yell at me every time I said I was in perimenopause... 😂😂 I guess that means she would have to be old and she's not into that?

Abby L :)

According to her, it’s a natural herb you can take to help reduce hot flashes

Christy

I wish my family had understood what was happening to me. Education is key!!

Dave Brewer

I’ve been wearing sweatshirts around the house a lot.

JENN 'Benthopelagic squirrel' ALVAREZ

Omg *exhausted sigh* what do I do with all this new rage? I can't go to prison. I can't poop in front of ppl. I can't take HRT 1 piece of advice tho, Itchy ear canals.. put flonase on a qtip. It helped me.

Alice Rubin

Talk about it openly and honestly. Ask each other. Ask your mom. Stop making it a secret and get it out in the open. Also, support people to find a doctor who is supportive. Do not stand for a rejection of symptoms or only offering one or two treatments. There are so many different treatment options that we know of, and people should be supported to find what is right. Also, therapy. It's like reverse puberty. Hormones are up and down so mood is up and down. Therapy is so helpful!

CuriosityPJ

Since ADHD and Autism have some overlapping traits, I highly recommend “Autistic menopause” by Rachel Moseley and Julie Gamble-Turner.

Sarah Chaney

I feel like people accept and acknowledge the hormonal changes and all the other changes that happen during puberty and pregnancy, but menopause is just as major in terms of changes happening to our bodies. I wish we would all give it the same respect and grace and understanding that those two big changes usually receive.

CuriosityPJ

The biggest thing I’ve learned is that there’s no way to predict how your body will respond to the hormonal changes. While symptoms are common, nothing is guaranteed. The menopause transition is unique for each individual. To all the neurodivergent people, I recommend the book “Autistic menopause” by Rachel Moseley and Julie Gamble-Turner. Cut yourself some slack, remember to breathe, and rest as much as you can. “This too shall pass” as the saying goes.

JillyDoogs

Let us sleep! My husband is already researching about sleep issues that this damn thing will cause me. I will be 40 next year, already a light/anxious sleeper so… just let us sleep in or nap when we want to. Not looking forward to this at all. 😑

Paul Alcantra

Just be a friend - be present with them wherever they are (mentally), express empathy for what is happening, authentically agree and/or disagree with what feelings they have and actions they take, suggest specific things you can do for them to ease their responsibilities (grocery shopping, mowing the lawn, picking up children from school, etc.). Lastly, you might simply ask what they need: to be heard, to be helped and/or to be hugged.

C dB

Stop taking it out on those husbands, parents of your kids and cats, to start.

Dr. Niki

It's more long-term but advocate for more research on women. Whether that's through your vote, stand up for science, being more vocal, or donating to orgs. The lack of research is ridiculous and only getting more restricted

lothlauren

Gotta echo my fellow perimenopause-ers and say to listen to us and don't dismiss us. My doctor asked how I was doing and I mentioned all my symptoms and said I thought it might be perimenopause. I'm 36 and got my period at 10. He scoffed and said "well I have a hard time believing that." My husband, on the other hand, bought me neck coolers and popcicles and rubs my shoulders and tells me I'm pretty lol

Mini Minnie

Hand the suffering woman on fire an ice pack or a glass of ice water. Holding on to something cold can help bring your whole body down. You know how wrapping your hands around a hot beverage warms you up? Same concept in reverse.

Mini Minnie

The exhaustion and inflammation can be absolutely unreal. Let her rest. Validate any pains she may be having and encourage dr appointments to try and address whatever can be addressed before it becomes chronic. Plantar fasciitis, frozen shoulder, joint pain, coughing/asthma, itchy head/ears . . . Oh so many options for things that can and will go wrong!

Mini Minnie

I do think GLP-1s help because they can fight inflammation. Gotta find the one that fits best with your body, they do not all work or feel the same.

Laurel

How to sort through the infinite flimflam and get to actual helpful information? And how to get you loved ones to do the same (yes they're trying to be helpful, but ooooof so much nonsense)

Sienna

Ooh thank you

Sienna

I find this comment deeply annoying

Sienna

What mediation did you change from- to? Late diagnosed AUDHD here who is definitely in perimenopause and flailing

Addie Cappello she her

Absolutely find a doctor that doesn’t dismiss you!! It’s so frustrating and absolutely unprofessional… especially from a person without a uterus. Good grief. I believe you!!

Addie Cappello she her

I have also thought to myself I cannot go to prison because they don’t serve vegan food and yes the bathroom situation no thank you 😂

Addie Cappello she her

Sammeeeeeee I tried strattera and that made me a zombie so they took me off it and said go deal with perimenopause first and then come back… but my ADHD is BAD BAD now.. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

lothlauren

Trust me, I am on the hunt! It was infuriating!

Janet R.

It would have been helpful to have the myth that HRT is harmful debunked about 10 years ago! Also if you are taking antidepressants, you may want to be aware that they suppress the symptoms of menopause. If or when you try to wean off, be prepared for another surge in hormones that include hot flashes, mood swings and brain fog (worse than after childbirth) Also I am wondering if there may be any relationship between fertility treatments and menopause symptoms?

Judy

Friends and lovers ones can practice kindness and buy their

Judy

Loved one a fan

AngelaO

Patience. Give me lots and lots of patience please. Trust me, I don't want to be this hot, this irritable, this sexless, this sad, this acne-ridden, this itchy...any more that you want me to be. Do some research, know that I'm trying, and give me grace!

Sunflower star

There’s research about how women can still build strength and stay active in menopause even though there’s a lot of rumors that we suddenly lose strength. If we can encourage each other to stay active and work out, maybe with a bit more rest and recovery, we’ll be able to manage the aging process a little better. Make time and find ways to have fun and an active life, so jumping exercises for bone density, lift heavy weights and some cardio.

Alie Ward

Misophonia episode: required listening

She Purple

Get interested, and get invested. Read a couple books and learn about what is happening, what to expect, why it’s important to take it seriously. Don’t make her figure it out and manage it all by herself!

She Purple

Also I am SO EXCITED that you’re doing this! THANK YOU!!

etherdog

As a guy, we think that "menopause" means we aren't going to have connubial bliss for a while. When my wife went through it, we haven't boned for since, and that has been 20 years and I am "backed up". What can a guy do to reassure his mate that she is still sexy, smart, and desirable (as you are Alie), and you would love to give her "la petite morte".

Bálint Novák

I have no idea what it's like to go through menopause, but from what I hear I guess just validating the symptoms and acknowledging the suffering might be a good first step. Making sure that the people in menopause are heard and feel seen and their problems are taken seriously.

Ann Over

I have experienced hot flash symptoms for ~10 years. However when it started, my GYN suggested a simple non-HRT that controls them called "Paroxetine." It's a mild antidepressant, very affordable, and it works wonders. Talk to your doc about that option. In general, I still wear only cardigan sweaters, which is great for travel anyway.

Tabitha Dell’Angelo

I have been through it and I figured out early that anytime I drank wine I got hot flashes. For me wine and caffeine were difficult. Yet, there were so many stupid “wine o’clock” signs marketed to people my age it was maddening. My advice is to try avoiding alcohol and see if it alleviates the hot flashes. My other advice is to expect difficulty sleeping and be honest with others if you aren’t sleeping well. For me, the inability to get a good nights sleep was the worst.

Tabitha Dell’Angelo

I also can’t take HrT because of breast cancer. My moods are wild and I can’t believe I have been fired for how salty I can get at work.

Julia Gray

Believe them. And be kind and give them grace, and do your best to do things the way they want them done (which might change tomorrow).

MontanaBaker456

Agreed, asking loved ones to not take things personally saves a lot of heartache.

El Mo

This rings true for me. If you discount every bout of anger to menopause, you might be dismissing very valid reasons for being upset. Anger can tell you if something is unjust or you're feeling ignored or if that thing your coworker said was insensitive - those are still important things to learn.

Isabelle Leclerc

Stop talking at us! Take note of what we're doing before asking us where your stuff is, we're likely in the middle of something and with the new brain fog, any interruption will cause mental overload and subsequent delays (plus, whatever I'm doing is most likely for my family). This is especially true for menopausal people with ADHD, as the hormonal shifts worsen symptoms significantly.

ChickenChomper

I’m SOO glad to see these episodes being made. You’re amazing Ologies team! Just one question please… wth can I do to prepare myself for this tidal wave of wonderfulness that is heading my way??

Margaret

Costco’s large freezer became a welcomed friend. I’d push my cart slowly through the bagged salads and berries and gently nod to other lingering women. The camaraderie was reassuring.

Ellie

Second this! And if gyms and traditional weight training aren't your thing, there are other ways to build strength. For example, I started learning pole dance in my early 40s and became stronger than I had ever been before. I've also sampled partner acro, parkour, and circus (e.g. silks, rope, hoop, trapeze). I've heard about places that teach seniors parkour as a way to help build strength, mobility, and prevent injuries from falls - and I love that idea. If you have young kids or are caretaking for someone else's kids, play with them! Explore exercises together as play, including activities where you take some or all of their weight. We need to normalize that healthy adult movement isn't just "fitness", "sports", or "gyms", and that creative, silly, and playful movement is for everyone at all ages. My personal muse for that mission is Marlo Fisken - (https://www.instagram.com/marlofisken/). I've been through a lot of hard things in more recent years, including breast cancer treatment and medication that blocks systemic estrogen production to prevent cancer recurrence (because menopause alone isn't enough, SIGH). I'm certain that being active before all that was a huge factor in my recovery, and it motivates me to continue strength training and dancing (my cardio of choice). I'm now working towards an unassisted pull up. BONUS TIP: If you're taking an aromatase inhibitor to prevent breast cancer recurrence and can't do HRT, recent research indicates that vaginal estrogen is still safe to use - some listeners might not be aware of this and my oncologist didn't say anything about it until I mentioned that dryness was a problem.

Tracy Woodard

Ask your doctor if there’s a low hormone birth control pill you can take in your 40s, it will help ease your body’s shift.

Cecilie Hoffman

Be prepared for mental attitude changes - the hormones that made you care about being nice all the time and compliant with “rules that apply only to women” are gone. Now you have to make choices and your choices may surprise you - you may choose to not put up with crap from idiots which may include family and friends. You may choose your own interests instead of accommodating others. Simple but emphatic “no”s may come out of your mouth with greater frequency. Who is this person? She is you finally living her own life without apology.

Megan Bakan (pronounced BACK IN)

First and formost, quit expecting the person to do everything. Get in there an help your mom, spouse, friend, coworker, or adult child with any and everything. Let them know it is ok to step back from doing it all. When that hot flash comes let them take a break, put their feet up, sip a glass of ice water, and close their eyes for five minutes. Yes, even at work and when caring for another. It makes the hot flash more like a warm wave by allowing it to move through the person instead of fighting it. Irritability and some brain fog can be natural consequences of menopause. Give the person time to gather themselves before responding to questions or in conversations. Slowing down helps lessen the Irritability response and allows time for the brain to think. Give them a hug or a back rub to keep those positive hormones and neurotransmitters coming during this time of change. Be kind. It can be a beautiful transformation for you all.

Rachel Cannon

Perimenopause is knocking at my door at the ripe old age of 37. 😒 My blood tests showed very high "bad" cholesterol that isn't genetic. My PCP told me to eat better, which is odd because I eat mostly vegetarian and live off beans, veggies and whole wheat stuff. I told her that and she never responded. I had to see a specialist who told me that low estrogen can cause high cholesterol and give you extra weight around your waist. 🤯 Estrogen patches have helped. They have also meant that I no longer wake up in pools of my own sweat in the middle of the night. I don't get hot flashes during the day, but nights were brutal. Also maybe just tell me I'm pretty? And if you're my mom, maybe stop implying that you want more grandkids? I also have PCOS (now PMOS) so that was never gonna happen anyway.

Jeanette-o-saur

💯 I have NO fucking idea what rage is hormonal vs 'waves hand at literally everything' vs burnout because of literally everything.

DLC

My lifemate asked me once how long my hot flashes lasted. I timed a few and found most could be counted in seconds and they never lasted more than a minute. It became easier to pause, count and know they would be over soon. Oh! and let your bed partner use you as a foot warmer. Guaranteed to cool a hot flash. :-)

James Thomas

For husbands it is simple: reassure your wife that menopause is a change not an end. Still the woman that you love. Still brilliant, beautiful, funny ... whatever the attributes that drew you to her in the first place. Be sensitive to her hot flashes. There's nothing she can do about them and they make her uncomfortable and self conscious. She will have some mood swings so toughen up and grow some stones. They pass as quickly as they arrive. And celebrate the sexual freedom that comes when pregnancy is off the table 😁

Meg Medonis

Get bloodwork done and LOOK at it. Don’t assume the doctor will and notify you of any issues. (How do I know this🤔?) Make sure the symptoms you are writing off to menopause aren’t due to something else.

Meg Medonis

May I add I am eagerly anticipating this episode!!!! Go Alie go !!!!! Love love love your podcast❤️❤️❤️

Ani Gee

Strattera worked great but had to stop because of my heart, eventually I went on quelbree a few months later and that did nothing for me. I figured I was going to have to retire on disability! I'm now back on a stimulant and feel like a human again!

Ani Gee

That's crazy that they told you to deal with the perimenopause first.... I didn't want to go back on a stimulant but I'm back on and it is really helping me!!

That Iowa Ginger

Stop trying to help me find my words. Be patient. Wait with me while my pathways connect. Every time you say a word I have to restart the search.

Betsy Hoffmeister

I went through peri during the pandemic with no idea that my free-floating rage and misery was not just the regime, lockdown and COVID but also biological. I am not eligible for HRT because I sometimes get migraine with aura. Do not take it personally if your perimenopausal person is out of fucks to give. Do not breathe loudly, eat chips with your mouth open, eat chips with your mouth closed, make bad smells, have the heat on, argue, mansplain, snore, chew food, sneeze like an elephant seal... basically, if you could be non-corporeal, that would be great. In fact, best case scenario, separate houses for the duration. In seriousness, though, we have a split-bed situation with different covers. I sleep like a rotisserie chicken rotating all night long flinging covers off and on, and it has helped that I'm not sharing the blankets which is a thing most Americans do. I'm now on the other side and it's so much better, except that occasionally my feet erupt into itchy flames? who knew that was a thing.

EffortlesslyWeird

Just when you think the universe has taken everything from you, menopause takes your orgasms too. Before peri I could handle stress and change fairly well. Ever since I had a painless thyroid episode I am acutely sensitive with stress and anxiety. Any that helps with downshift on the level of stress is essential.

EffortlesslyWeird

Also the opposite of BV is a thing. CV will sneak up on you out of nowhere and things will start burning and smelling like rotten cheesecake for no reason. Ph regulation is essential.

EffortlesslyWeird

The connection between Peri brain fog symptoms, PMS/PMDD, and ADHD must be studied. Researchers get on it.

EffortlesslyWeird

Shout out to Gen X on social media for being the first to start documenting symptoms so the rest of us could figure out WTF was going on with our bodies. So helpful

EffortlesslyWeird

Also shout out to the people who are the external brains for people in peri who forget their own middle name. I'm convinced Amelia Bedelia was just going through perimenopause.

Kendric Beachey

I had my wife (not an Ologite herself) scroll through these comments, and she stopped on this one, read it out loud, and exclaimed, "hells yes, that is facts."

Kathleen C

In perimenopause I gained weight and couldn't get it off, even though it felt like all I ate was steamed vegetables and salads without dressing and I was fairly active. A wise friend told me not to give up, that once I was menopausal, I could lose the weight. She was right! I managed to lose 20 lbs the first year I was menopausal. I'm not saying it's automatic to lose weight--it's just that watching your diet and exercising actually works after menopause if it didn't before.

TB33

Please debunk the MANY myths about HRT, especially HRT and breast cancer. So many people are suffering based on their doctor's outdated info and ideas and we need to advocate for ourselves. I've had so many friends told by their doctors that they can't do HRT, based on incorrect information. HRT is gender affirming care btw! And it literally saves lives - it reduces risk of heart disease by nearly 50%.

TB33

Also, as a Human Resources professional: don't be afraid to advocate for yourself at work to get what you need. Many of the individual symptoms of peri/menopause are legitimate disabilities under the ADA. AskJAN is an amazing resource about how to get support and accommodations, navigate the ADA process, your rights at work, etc. - you can search by symptom/condition, and get a list of reasonable accommodations to ask for.

Melissa Hart

I wish I'd known more about early menopause. I went through it in my very early 40s. I thought I was just turning into a raging bitch. I ignored all the symptoms because menopause is for women in their 50s, right? (P.S. My mom went through early menopause, but she NEVER discussed it, and I thought she'd just turned into a raging bitch.) Advice? Y'all in your late 30s/early 40s, know that early menopause is real. Treat yourself gently and build a supportive community, whatever that looks like. Long-distance running saved me.

Christy Karras

For friends and family of peri and menopausal folks: there is a 99% chance that her body will change. She will most likely gain weight. Some weight will move around, most annoyingly into the belly region, which will probably force her to buy new clothes whether she wants to or not. She may get hot, not be able to sleep, and suddenly have to fend off messages about all the ways she needs to “take care of herself,” because otherwise she’ll lose bone and muscle and brain matter and (apparently) turn into a hunchbacked zombie. So one very helpful thing you can do: expect her body to change! She won’t know in advance exactly how; no one will. When it does change, you don’t need to say anything about it unless asked, and if asked, be kind. Remember all the ways she has supported you over the years and be prepared to pay her back for that without judgment. Also remember that the worst parts are most likely temporary. So hang in there!

Kaitlyn June

Former personal trainer here- all my menopausal/ perimenopause clients SO appreciated working out. They got to vent to me and really found that strength training helped! If she’s not doing it already, It’s hard to get motivated to start, plus the gym is scary and the fear of injury is real! Find your lady a good trainer and gift her some sessions. Make sure to be DELICATE about how you give them to her! A good trainer will teach her so she won’t need to have a trainer forever but it’s such a good way to get going! Even if it’s 30mins 2x/ week! I’m 31 now and really appreciated the insight all my clients gave me into perimenopause so it’s really women helping women!

TB33

And with all due respect, men: please shut up. No one wants to hear your opinions about peri/menopause, how great you are for doing the bare minimum to be decent to your wife, or how it impacts you. This is your time to be quiet.

Beverly Sobelman

I'm just going to add one more voice to the chant of NORMALIZE TALKING ABOUT IT. I've been super vocal about my experience and am always delighted when other women feel comfortable asking me questions. I'm also grateful to friends who have posted about their own experiences - like, I would not have known injectable estrogen was an option until a friend posted about it (since I, like many, can no longer get their preferred patch reliably). I know not everyone can do HRT but it's been a lifesaver for me and so far the injections seem to do the trick.

Susan Frikken

Listen to people when they say they are struggling. It's real. And please allow children and non-menopause experiences to listen and hear what happens. It will help. Also, please research us more. My MD has me on a combination of estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone (the latter of which insurances aren't paying for much, but hopefully that will change). It has helped my expected symptoms to decrease: 1) I'm still warmer, but it's manageable. 2) My sleep is better. 3) My sex drive is better and vagina is no longer dry. AND it helped things I couldn't imagine: 1) I'm able to gain some strength back. 2) My joints no longer feel as if they are made of tissue paper! I trust them, and they are much less painful. 3) My ear wax is less dry (!?!) And so much more. Thank you for asking!!

Ivette Buere Cantu

Vipassana Meditation has helped me deal with the hot flashes. Meditation in general I would assume. Have hobbies and other interests/activities besides work and family obligations. Younger people, start caring for your bodies early. I have a pretty healthy lifestyle (exercise, not smoking, eating, sleeping well, etc.) and I'm still getting surprised that I got osteopenia, weird digestion, etc. You can start at any age, but the earlier, the better.

Shannon Klakowicz

Menopause gives men a pause. Sorry couldn't resist. Actually mine started when I had surgery due to severe fibroids. I cringe thinking about how much money I spent on managing my period over the years. And how much pain I might have avoided if I'd found out sooner.

Debbie Gloom

I'm 52 and was scared of hot flashes because I was always too warm. I'm a few years in now. It was going to be smooth I think, I was changing my BC pill to another and ready for HRT as needed, but just when I got my last period I got a breast cancer diagnosis. I'm on estrogen blocker for 5 years, halfway through. I'm single, no kids, & only live with my cats so I'm getting through it alone just fine. I can't really advise how I could be supported since I'm on my own but obviously just listen, be sympathetic, never try to skimp on fans or cooling. Do not insist on windows open because it's just a little warm. I was having the worst hot flashes, every half hour to 2 hours so so hot all day all night. On fire, life disrupting, sleep disrutping. After trying a bunch of different hormone blockers finally we got to Veozah (not a hormone blocker, another pill to take) which can help with them. What a relief.. I have a few very mild hot flashes a day now. (dr has to do bloodwork monthly for a while to watch it's not damaging my liver and I think it is advised to only stay on it up to 2 years.

Debbie Gloom

My therapist just realized I had ADHD around when I hit menopause. It explains so much of my childhood..

Michelle D

Seems to.be really common because all your masking and coping mechanisms start to fail!

Miyo Wratten

I want my primary health person to stop telling me to go to PT for this very painful inflammation that travels from my wrist, to my hips, to my shoulders ... THIS IS NOT A REAL SOLUTION! Why do we insist on "trying other things first"??? I'm 52 and still have my periods. WE KNOW WHAT THIS IS. Please, can we listen to women, do research and treat us like people who deserve help? If this happened to men, we wouldn't even be having this conversation.

Wandering Wyatt

Patience, patience, patience. And kindness. Normalize symptoms. Encourage talking to friends and physicians I went through menopause in my early 40s (over a decade ago) and this was before menopause/perimenopause was having the moment it is having now. Wish I been better at recognizing all of the symptoms. Support them with evidence based science (not the hacks that are just trying to sell their latest “cures”). Too many “quick fixes” online right now.

Daughters of the Red Sunset

I think the biggest problem is that no one knew it was even a thing until recently. Our parents/grandparents never talked about what they were going through because it was taboo. And then, after the WHI, everyone was too scared of hormones and it wasn't even discussed in medical schools. In nursing school, I learned menopause was hot flashes and no longer bleeding, and that was it! So, when Perimenopause kicked my a**, I had SO much to learn! So my advice is to talk about it!! Don't let people tell you that you are being too sensitive about your symptoms or concerns. Talk with your friends, parents, and kids. Make women's health a completely normal thing to talk about at parties and around the dinner table! Find well educated practitioners who will listen and know how to work with you individually. Peri/post menopause isn't a one moment thing that we just get through. It effects us for the rest of our lives. So, we need to know what our options are and how we can live strong and healthy into our elder years. Signed - Loud and Proud Whiny Woman (soon to be Women's Health Nurse Practitioner specializing in the 1/2 half of life!)

Susan Gehr

I wish that I had known that the breathtaking sleep taking appetite taking anxiety had a lot to do with perimenopause. There was a family situation that was bothering me at the time, but the hormone crashes I was going through made it so much more difficult. A pleasant surprise of menopause was that my feet stopped being cold all the time, even when I was done with hot flashes. Happy feet! I wish that I had had a menopause mentor, or at least a book to read about it.

Ivette Buere Cantu

And according to my mom and my gynaecologist, it gets worse the older you get.

Susan Frikken

My MD has me on a combination of estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone (the latter of which insurances aren't paying for much, but hopefully that will change). It has helped my expected symptoms to decrease: 1) I'm still warmer, but it's manageable. 2) My sleep is better. 3) My sex drive is better and vagina is no longer dry. AND it helped things I couldn't imagine: 1) I'm able to gain some strength back. 2) My joints no longer feel as if they are made of tissue paper! I trust them, and they are much less painful. 3) My ear wax is less dry (!?!) 4) One of the BEST and most unexpected things is that my skin no longer randomly splits. I used to go through boxes of bandaids keeping my hands together. Superglue, nightly gloves and slathered moisturizer, increase hydration...and no luck. Every winter since my late 30s, and then it started happening all the time. The one thing that has completely (completely) cured it is the hormones! And so much more. Thank you for asking!!

🪲Lilahlikesbugs🪲

As a teen daughter I often get caught in meaningless arguments with my mother who’s going through menopause. I’m wondering exactly why the hormones of menstruation and menopause tend to create tension in the household. Is it some sort of chemical reaction, or is she just shit stirring?

sweetish chef

Let us rest! Yes I went to bed early, and yes I got up late, and yes I had a nap, and YES I am still tired.

Jae Steinbacher

I got a slew of advice from a few friends: Jill Seidenstein (she/her) shared Mary Ruefle's poem "Pause" (www.granta.com/pause) and wrote "I have shared this many times, and each time at least one person says 'thank god I thought I was losing my mind.' "Also, intellectually I knew about things like flooding, brain fog, fatigue but experiencing them and figuring out this was actually happening was another thing. Also for many people AFAB who are neurodivergent, it isn’t until this stage of life that we start to figure out that we are ND. What gave me comfort was knowing many people who went through this before me and survived. And them telling me I would get through it too. Individual experiences can vary so widely. Also: hormone therapy is safe. "Okay another thing: in my experience, doctors in the US get almost no education about menopause transition. There are people who can get certified as menopause specialists, but by the time I learned this was even a thing I was pretty far into figuring out my own needs and the waitlist was like six months. Expect a patchwork when looking to the health care practitioners and trust your own knowing." From Kelly Robson (she/her): "Understand that menopause means a person's relationship with sex is going to change in really important ways. They may want much more sex, or less, or none, or even just different sex. Some sex may be painful. It may come to feel pointless. Or it may be something they can't live without. "At the best of times, talking about sex is really hard for most people, so this is going to be a difficult time. Judging them, pressuring them to do things that might have become painful or unappealing is obviously really damaging, psychologically, but not having sexual needs met is also hard. Be patient, be loving, be supportive and try to create a space where they can talk about these changes. And from a third (they/them) who wishes to remain anonymous: "If you want to support someone going through menopause and perimenopause, something I would want people to know is: everyone's different but for me, and I think that goes for more people than me, it's a grieving process as well as a physical process. Your body is doing shit beyond your control and it's such a definite sign of aging, and societally you're kind of expected to stop being a sexual creature and just … grow old and wait for death. At least that’s how it feels for me. I'm dealing with grief on top of brain fog, night sweats and everything else."

Christine Pikstein (she/her)

Most people know about hot flashes and irregular periods, but the mental/ cognitive symptoms need discussion. I forget names, feel like crying, my filter is totally off, and I can only put up with so much of other's shit! Definitely less Blanche and more Sophia. My body is doing some weird things that I am finding out are perimenopause, like randomly choking, cold feet, and tingling in the hands. I agree with comments above; this needs more discussion. Sadly, I'm a lot of my info is coming through social media from others going through the same thing.

Brittney Corrigan

Being a partner who is open to communication and has patience specifically when it comes to the bedroom is so important. Menopause can affect libido, make sex painful, and cause weight gain, all of which can be challenges for a healthy sex life. My ex-husband was no so good at dealing with this. My new partner is AMAZING. I also want partners to know that it does get better, and making your menopausal partner feel sexy, beautiful, loved, and validated during this transition goes a long way!

Rebecca Roehm

If you aren’t already, get active.

Rebecca Roehm

1000% agree. Vote for people who want to help women.

Rae

What I wish doctors or therapists or any healthcare professionals knew is what menopause means for transmasc people who are on T, depending on if they've had both ovaries out or just one or neither, because I certainly don't know! Hell, I don't even know if I'm post-menopausal or not, or how that's defined for me (or anyone else without a uterus)

Dr. Lisa B

Don't take it personally. Don't minimize it. Encourage them to talk to their healthcare providers and to keep talking until someone listens.

RhondaWantsAllTheDogs

I work with all men and they make me feel like a crazy person. I've laughed off the jokes for the last 20 years but now I just want to rip their nuts off when they make a hormone joke.

Claire Green

Ohmygosh, I have itchy eardrums and I know it is allergies, as I left for a week to visit family in the desert and my eardrums stopped itching. Within minutes of arriving back home they started itching again. Going to try this!

Marie Kirby

might be bad advice but tell everyone, my mom says the worst part about menopause is that no one wants to talk about it!!! (except all the lovely ologites)

Desirae Bloomquist

As a nurse practitioner specializing exclusively in perimenopause and menopause, I hear the same thing in my practice, Heat Wave Health, almost every day: *"I thought I was losing my mind."* The biggest misconception is that menopause is simply hot flashes after your periods stop. In reality, the menopause transition often begins years earlier and can affect nearly every organ system because estrogen receptors exist throughout the body. Brain fog, anxiety, insomnia, joint pain, recurrent UTIs, painful sex, heart palpitations, migraines, frozen shoulder, and changes in mood or metabolism are often connected; but women are frequently told these are unrelated problems, stress, or "just aging." To spouses, children, friends, and employers: if someone tells you they don't feel like themselves, believe them. Menopause isn't a lack of resilience. It's a significant biological transition that deserves the same understanding we give pregnancy or puberty. On average, women see 5-7 specialists before they are diagnosed with perimenopause, a normal and expected phase of a woman's life. These referrals can lead to unnecessary testing, antibiotics, antidepressants, or self-doubt. Women now spend over 1/3 of their lives after menopause. They deserve evidence-based care, not dismissal. We need to change the mindset from suffering is normal to treatment and feeling like yourself again is normal. Thank you for dedicating an entire series to this. The more we normalize these conversations, the fewer women will suffer in silence. I'd also love to contribute if you're ever looking for a clinician who spends every day helping women navigate this transition through evidence-based menopause care. HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, it is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

Sleep disruptions and anxiety/irritability are often the first symptoms of perimenopause and can have improvement when hormone therapy is done right. Find a specialist to help you through this phase of life. You don't need to suffer through this phase of life. I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, it is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

Difficulty sleeping can be one of the first symptoms a lot of women notice. I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. It is not too late to consider hormone therapy. Reach out to me, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

Absolutely! I am a specialist in perimenopause and menopause. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me or share with your friends, it is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! And evidence based treatment is life changing. HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

Those symptoms affect your daily life so much. Understanding from our loved ones is key. There are also ways to help those symptoms that is proven safe with evidence based treatments including hormone therapy. I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, it is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

Yes! Healthy lifestyle is so important but like you said you can still end up with chronic diseases like osteopenia. Did you know, estrogen is an FDA approved treatment for osteopenia? I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

You are right, most PCPs and even OB/gyns do not have training in perimenopause and menopause. Women are often getting dismissed and recommended the wrong treatment. I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! Keep advocating for yourself. HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

So true! menopause has a huge affect on sex and vaginal health. Did you know that for most women vaginal estrogen can relieve the pain, make sex more enjoyable again and even prevent urinary tract infections? I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

Absolutely! Social media is a great place to help this information movement but it can also be daunting and full of false information. I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. I provide evidence based treatments and love to have long discussions. Reach out to me, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

You are lucky to have an MD who seems like they know what they are doing. And at least listening to you. Most women are not so lucky and are searching for someone to help, someone to listen, someone to trust. I am a specialist for women just like you (and your friends). I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

The evidence actually supports hormone therapy even outside of a birth control pill to help this transition. For some a birth control pill might be the best option but for other bioidentical hormone therapy can work so much better. I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, or share with friends, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

I am so glad you got some help with your hot flashes, non hormonal options can be incredibly helpful. Did you know that estrogen is FDA approved for hot flashes and gives benefits to your bone health, cardiovascular system and brain??? It's not too late to start hormone therapy. I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

Yes, that irritability, difficulty sleeping, cyclical worrying can be some of the symptoms that get missed or dismissed. SO many women feel like they just want to be alone, be in quiet. ADHD can get harder with perimenopause and menopause. I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! The Perimenopause Survival Guide by Dr. Heather Hirsch is a great book! You can find me at HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

Yes!! This information movement is amazing but it is hard filtering through false information. I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

And find a provider who can prescribe this appropriately. There is research that GLP-1 and menopausal hormone therapy work better together. I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

Migraines with aura are not a contradiction to HT. I have many patients safely and happily on HT with migraines and auras. You are not too late to talk about HT and the ongoing benefits you could feel from it. I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

Yes! Also find a specialist who can help treat the symptoms of perimenopause and menopause. Just because they happen doesn't mean you have to suffer with lack of orgasm, painful sex, smelly vagina. I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

So many women have been told they cannot do hormone therapy and then that's that. No other conversation. Even with breast cancer there are ways to mange symptoms in this phase of life. Some women are surprised after they talk to me they are eligible for HT. And for women who are not able to take estrogen, there are other hormones and specialty non hormonal treatments that are usually very helpful. I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Desirae Bloomquist

So many women have been told they cannot do hormone therapy and then that's that. No other conversation. Even with breast cancer there are ways to mange symptoms in this phase of life. Migraines with aura are not a contraindication to HT. Some women are surprised after they talk to me they are eligible for HT. And for women who are not able to take estrogen, there are other hormones and specialty non hormonal treatments that are usually very helpful. I am a specialist for women just like you. I founded and run Heat Wave Health because as a previous primary care Nurse Practitioner there was no one to help my patients, so I became a specialist and love it. Reach out to me, my clinic is all Telehealth. Your feelings and symptoms are valid! HeatWaveHealth.com

Nikki O’Leary

Nobody tells you how much perimenopause can affect you, and in my experience, there is little support from OBGYN and General Practitioners. I had no support and barely even validation that what I was experiencing was perimenopause - 2 weeks of anxiety and mood imbalances each month for me, dozens of hot flashes a day, etc. My therapist and another friend recommended looking into topical hormone creams - and what do you know, I feel fabulous! Better than I every have! I barely have any symptoms at all - no crazy moods, hot flashes, bloating, etc. I'd love to hear more about research in the works for topical creams and whether there will be more support for them from doctors in the future. Seems like many doctors are mislead about the risks involved - is it true that topical hormones are apparently processed in the body differently than oral contraceptives, eliminating many of the risks that come with the pill?

Brittney Corrigan

Thanks! That period of my life was several years ago, and things are fantastic now. And yes, estrogen cream is amazing! :)

Zoë from Malta

Posted on behalf of my mum who is a Naturopathic Nutritional Therapist | Clinical Nutritionist in Training, who has been focusing a lot of her research on perimenopause and menopause. “Many women think they are not experiencing perimenopause because their periods are regular, but perimenopause starts way before periods start to get erratic. Feeling of just not feeling oneself is often the first symptom - not feeling joy, unmotivated, or even a bit depressed. Exercise becomes more important than ever, meals should contain protein, plenty of fibre and good fats, sleep hygiene is essential, stress management is a must, and female friendships are very important.”

Ancient Ones - The Unveiling

My colleague Danette Conklin at University Hospitals of Cleveland had a group for perimenopausal women that she did research with, and they offered quite a bit of support. While I am note an expert, she certainly is. Her papers on this research can be found here: https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=eiKmtZoAAAAJ&hl=en&inst=18367900631771283058 Her work, I would say, has not been widely distributed, but she has collected evidence about racial disparities in OBGYN treatment, and benefits from group CBT psychotherapy for women in terms of hormonal fluctuation symptoms.

Julia Kudla

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve approached coworkers saying, “you know one of the things I wish someone would have told me?” then freak them out by describing the labial shrinkage. Or being the person whose migraine pain started going through the roof? Or advising them to buy stock in tank tops and wear them every damn day?! I mean really?! How could no one have told me?!

Beverly Sobelman

AUGH, it might be too late to add this but I forgot to mention this amazing book: "What Fresh Hell is This? Perimenopause, Menopause, Other Indignities, and You" by Heather Corinna. Inclusive, funny, sympathetic, and full of great information. Read it and then give it to your loved ones to read to help support you. https://bookshop.org/p/books/what-fresh-hell-is-this-perimenopause-menopause-other-indignities-and-you-heather-corinna/39465f676bd3d6a9?ean=9780306874765&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign={campaignname}&utm_content=6443417794&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=16235479093&gbraid=0AAAAACfld41GY5NFqYIA059ZcTBVv9_RS&gclid=CjwKCAjwsfzSBhB5EiwAOGyqSVJeQ7v4XLjbfzW6Ah9DezxE5-t-OCPLvv1EA19ZAhS9mPwUqgjoEBoCT4kQAvD_BwE

Jennifer Wiggins

Validation. I'm only 40 but I had a hysterectomy (kept my ovaries, but it can still kick you into menopause early) 2 years ago and my period had become irregular for the 3 years leading up to it. Now I think I'm starting to experience hot flashes and my hormonal swings are getting worse. Any time I mention it to someone, I get "But you're so young!" and they dismiss it. Which is infuriating. Even if it isn't menopause, how much effort would it take to say "wow, that sucks, I'm so sorry you're experiencing it!" Because, at the end of the day, I am still experiencing symptoms that suck and hunting for a doctor that will take me seriously enough to investigate. And it sucks. Also. Sanity check. When I was getting REALLY hot one morning, my boyfriend informed me that it wasn't that hot and asked me if I was possibly having a hot flash. I did, admittedly, want to punch him in the face for it. But I did start cooling off a while later even though nothing had changed. Which was validating and also helped me recognize what was happening and helped me feel sane. That I'm not making it all up.