Lana Del Rey Concert Review 😎 (Patreon)

Hey….how y’all doin….you may be shocked to learn that this is the Swiftologist and NOT the Lizard. Yes, the rumors are true, I’ve been on a world tour for like two months.

However, I’m flying back to Singapore this evening and I will be in your walls again shortly. Lizard (who is currently down with cowboy-19, rip and yeehaw) will be heading off on vacation soon & I want to keep up the momentum of her iconic patreon posts while she recharges under a heating lamp and eats some crickets.

So, I thought I’d write up my thoughts on the Lana Del Rey show I attended in Hyde Park. I’ve attended this festival she played at once before: for the 1989 tour. And let me tell you that I was not slaying the house down boots then.

Oh contraire. I was fighting for my life. I flew in from Dublin to London on the morning of that show and went STRAIGHT to loiter in a long, snaking queue in the dirt like an alley cat to snag front row.

And that I did. But at what cost? I literally got heat stroke and missed my flight the next morning. Flop of the century but that was probably the best view I’ve ever had at a Taylor show. BELLISSIMO!

Anyway I say all that to stress: this was NOT my vibe yesterday. I have to say that going forward my general admission days are over….unless it’s a small show for a really chill band because the suffrage is SIMPLY not worth it.

At the end of the day I am a small Victorian boy. I am prone to boredom induced melancholy and my capacity to withstand discomfort is very low.

I splashed out on VIP and it was worth every penny. We had access to a really nice private bar behind the stage with short lines for food & clean, real bathrooms. No port-a potty for the lanaologist!! Coincidentally there were some famous people there too. Notably, The 1975’s manager, Tom Odell, and that one BookTuber who claims not to be gay but really is in fact gay and was wearing a crop top and a pearl necklace.

First up we saw a band called The Last Dinner Party on the Rainbow Stage. Let me tell you they gagged me. It’s all girlies. The guitarist is so fucking talented. My friend played a couple songs for me in the morning but they exceeded my expectations as performers. The crazy thing is they only have two songs out. Their front-woman is literally destined for stardom, and she definitely attended the Marina/Mitski school of theatrical, semi-operatic vocal pop performance.

Check out their song Nothing Matters. Can’t stress enough how fun they are! And the new music they haven’t released sounds spectacular too. After that we met this very normal looking Northern man who shook my hand and said I had nice bracelets. Insa is a connected girlie…

Little did I know this man is the big wig at live nation who booked Lana and is trying to woo her over to the UK for a proper tour….after the show he presented her with a vintage chanel bag that I saw pictures of and she looks VERY happy about it lmfao.

We went back to the bar and by this time I was drunk as fuck. They were pouring us doubles the whole night. I was on the rum girlies I was practically in the Caribbean … I could hear the coconuts knocking together in the breeze … I got so confident that I started emphatically explaining to Insa how the “not gay” booktuber was a weird elitist who started his career obsessing over getting into an Oxbridge school which he failed at twice.

And he heard….oh he definitely heard. He walked right by me and I shut up really fast. This bar area was SMALL. But whatever we move. We scoped out the golden circle then for Father John Misty, and again can I stress to you that I am now at this point very drunk.

And what happens to me on the way to the circle, as I’m whistling to myself and dreaming of pina coladas and white sand….I hear “SWIFTOLOGIST??” It was music to my ears at this point I whipped around and said YES??? YOU RANG????

Spoke to these two very lovely and cute gays who were to be frank gagged to meet me. Loved to see it. They came from Liverpool to see Lana and we chatted about Speak Now for a while. No clue what I said to them but they seemed happy so we rocked. They are not patreon members but I know they will be soon…..I

Then we watched Father John Misty play and can I just say. That man is the sexiest person alive. He oozes sex appeal….we were all salivating in the audience. I was not listening to the music and I was not looking respectfully. In fact my gaze was very disrespectful.

Then the drunk started wearing off…there was no more Caribbean left. We decided to stay out and wait for Lana for about an hour so. Always a gamble as we know the girlie likes to do her fucking hair and take her time.

So I started sending negative energy to everyone around me. I can’t help it. As I told you I am a small Victorian boy I just CANNOT deal with people leaning on me or standing in front of me. Especially because I was boxed in for a while by an annoying boyfriend of a girlie who herself couldn’t name 5 Lana songs, and the mother of a terminally online teen who would go on to film the ENTIRE show on her phone.

What did she do with these shitty videos, pray tell??? I really wanted to ask her like. Will you be sitting in your room covered in Cheeto dust tomorrow just watching this shit over and over. Why spend the money to watch it through your phone.

Her mother was also a dangerous lady with some serious Karen energy…she kept muttering under breath. When a girlie sat down in front of her for like one second before Lana came on she turned to me very loudly and went: “This would NEVER happen at Ed Sheeran…”

I was like okay girlie. I think you should focus on your adult child who is behaving like an iPad addicted toddler in church. The negative energy continued when Lana was 15 minutes late….this would make her cut Venice Bitch, a crime that is unspeakably inhumane to those of us who simply want to sign off bang bang kiss kiss.

Lana’s stage was…quite intricate? For an LDR production. Gold staircase, gilded mirrors with billowing tulle, it was gorgeous actually. And she made full use of it too. I have heard SUCH mixed things about her live show: it depends on her mood, the setlist, etc.

This show really surpassed my expectations. On paper the setlist is fucking crazy. Why are we doing Pretty When You Cry in 2023? Like that just doesn’t add up when she has hours of new and better stuff to get through.

But sequentially….I kind of get it. The trickiest thing for an artist like Lana is getting the pace of her show right. Because her music suits a more intimate venue, generally, the set could really drag without some very specific production elements.

Production elements that helped pace this show: insane visuals. The projections were truly gorgeous. Very artistic, vibe enhancing, and deliberately curated. We know Elizabeth is a low effort queen but that honestly did not come across at all. Which we love to see.

Another interesting element of this show was choreography. The idea of Lana doing any choreo is simply laughable, but let me tell you, there’s a sashay and a shimmy for every song and every sad girl in this world.

Highlights of her choreo: a very Vigilante Shit chair dance during White Mustang, the Pretty When You Cry armography, and all of Cherry. Which slapped so hard live by the way.

The whole set had a very ethereal, nostalgic vibe to it. I got very emotional during Ride for this reason. Having the monologue play before is actually an elite choice that did not make sense to me until I was viewing it with my own eyes.

I think this is her most robust “production” since maybe the L4L tour. NFR gave lazy. She was super engaged the entire time — I think partly because of the Glastonbury disaster — and that pleasantly surprised me. What I loathe about her is her inability to be on time, though. I just think it’s extremely disrespectful and unprofessional.

She only did a verse and chorus of NFR which was honestly cruel and stupid because everyone in the crowd started roaring during it. In general, the NFR selections are bizarre. Why are we doing Bartender up top, and leaving Cinnamon Girl/Mariners/Venice off the main set most of the time?

Chemtrails was pretty good actually, she started ranting and raving about her ex who got married while they were in couples therapy. She came out swinging and I loved to see that.

By far my favorite parts of the night were the Tunnel inclusions. The Grants was shortened and I think that was the right call, the screen had the most beautiful sunset projections during it — very heavenly and appropriate. I’m kind of sad that A&W didn’t get more than Jimmy Jimmy Cocopuff. Use your words Lana.

Candy Necklace was THE showstopper. Something I’ve never experienced before at a show of this scale was a silent crowd during the headliner. Everyone just quietly whispered along so we could hear her vocals. I was reminded again of how unique and incredible her voice is.

There’s this airy tone and quality to her timbre that makes every little utterance sound hushed and intimate. Even her off handed ad-libs are truly beautiful. Something random she kept doing at serious intervals was just quietly whispering: lesgeddit. Like imagine that in the middle of Candy Necklace LMAO. But it served.

What really sent me into another dimension was the title track of Tunnel. It’s clear how much she loves that record, and how much she loves singing it with her backing singers who just added a layer of magic and drama that gave me literal chills.

I was carried away then; by the magic of the evening and the happiness of an electric, deep blue summer, thinking of all the adventures I’ve had over the past few months after feeling stuck and stagnant for quite a while.

When’s it gonna be my turn….indeed! This summer was my turn. I had revelations and realizations but that’s another story.

I’ve rambled on for too long but that’s how the night went! Now that I’m returning from my voyage, I’ll be seeing you here more regularly😘