Strangely Ironic 2 (Patreon)

Strangely Ironic 2

Isaac Strange

So began my first day as Jasmine’s assistant and charity case. After breakfast, I became Jasmine's shadow as she went about her day. In the ten minutes it took to make breakfast, she set aside pokechow for her team and stable.

I learned that mornings were dedicated to her team and stable. Her team was… strange. Largely because the various regions had limited contact, and because steel type pokemon were still very new, Jasmine did not have a team of six steel types. She had her steelix, skarmory, forretress, and magneton. The other two slots on her main six were padded out by an ampharos and a togetic.

The stable’s population was fairly small. On top of her team, there was one forretress, one onix, two magneton, and five magnemite. They had plenty of room and feeding them wasn’t much trouble. Of the lot, the magnemite line fed on generators that had been set aside for the purpose and the onix mostly ate rocks and soil. This was the main reason she could do without a gym trainer.

As was explained to me, her father had built the gym close to the port district because of Nagahebi, her steelix, then onix. There were few underground pipes or wires to ruin here and he and her spare onix had built a labyrinth that led out of the city. 

She set her main team to lead the stable in some training drills. Mostly, they trained for accuracy and stamina over raw stopping power, though they did partner up sometimes. The magnemite in particular liked to work in random sets of threes to ready themselves for evolution.

While they did that, the two of us cleaned what needed to be cleaned and took stock of food, blankets, litter, and other supplies. Even with just two forretress, a skarmory, togetic, and an ampharos, it was honestly a little impressive how much they shit.

“Do you still want to be a trainer?” Jasmine asked wryly as we packed up litter box sand. “No one ever talks about this part. It’s one thing for trainers to let their pokemon do their business in the wild, but…”

“I get it. We’re not going anywhere, so the waste has to,” I laughed as I shoveled dirt and shit alongside her. “You change the litter every day, then?”

“Yes. Then, after their training session, I run them through a healing cycle over there,” she said, gesturing to something that looked vaguely like a computer attached to a cupcake mold. “I’ll show you how to work it. The computer will fix any light injuries and log a status report for all my pokemon.”

“What about major injuries? Accidents happen during training, right?”

“Right, which is why it’s important for me to review the reports. If something truly dire occurs, the computer will automatically inform a nearby pokemon center and a nurse will be dispatched to us. Even so, I like to double-check.”

“That sounds good. Starting tomorrow, I will do these basic chores and run the stable through a healing cycle in the mornings.”

“What? I don’t mean for you to clean the litter boxes alone, you know.”

“Don’t you have actual gym leader-y things to do?”

“I do, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy with dumping all the chores on you.”

“Gee, it’s almost like you hired me for a purpose… I can’t quite remember why, though…”

“To be a gym trainer. Which means you should be training and learning more about steel types,” she huffed. “We’ll do this part together and then you’ll join me and my team outside. Tomorrow, you’ll have a magnemite to coach on your own as well so it’ll be good for you.”

“You’re right. This isn’t too much work between the two of us, anyway. So, what happens after the stable comes back from the healing cycle?”

“I like to let them rest while my team undergoes personal training. Either that, or I handle gym battles. I haven’t had any for the past week because dad passed, but… I’ll show you how the scheduler works.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The stable came in and I learned to work the healing machine. It was largely idiot-proof; I just had to load the pokeballs, press a few buttons, and then email the reports to Jasmine’s computer. I did make sure to take notes on what the reports actually said, just in case.

After that, I joined Jasmine and her team to watch them train. Back before she returned to Olivine to work with her father, she’d gone on her own journey. She apparently crushed it, placing in the semi-finals of her very first Silver Conference and receiving several offers from gyms across both Johto and Kanto as well as the ranger program.

She looked oddly uncomfortable telling me, as if she wasn’t used to bragging about herself. Still, no matter how shy she was as a person, it was obvious even to a fresh novice like me that her pokemon were something special. Now that the stable pokemon had gone to rest, her main six came out to train in earnest.

First came a brutal free-for-all. Well, it began as a free-for-all but they naturally made alliances and paired off. It was fascinating how they covered their teammates’ weaknesses.

Nagahebi the steelix had an overwhelmingly dominating presence, but that intimidating size made him vulnerable to ranged attacks and speedsters, especially in the heat of battle. So, he worked alongside Flappy the togetic, an infuriating pair that used localized earthquakes to keep everyone else off balance while Flappy remained free to counter and support her ally.

Then there were Mary and Amphy, Jasmine’s skarmory and ampharos. Amphy rode atop the skarmory to dodge the earthquakes and countered Flappy’s Flamethrowers and Maggie the magneton’s Thunderbolts with her own barrage. They made for an interesting pair, a mounted knight on her flying steed.

That left Maggie and Tressy, her magneton and forretress. The magneton used what had to be Magnet Rise to avoid getting struck down by the steelix and managed to lift their partner into the air as well. They weren’t quite as mobile as Flappy or Mary, but they held their own surprisingly well. Maggie handled mobility and offense while Tressy became a revolving bulwark, using a combination of Protect and Giga Drain to remain in the fight.

Ultimately, Nagahebi, Jasmine’s starter and ace, won the battle with well-timed uses of Rock Slide and what I thought was Smack Down. I didn’t see steel type moves besides Iron Defense being used. That was probably because every pokemon on her team with the exception of Flappy resisted the type rather.

After that grueling battle royale, the team took a rest while Jasmine sat with each of them, softly encouraging their best habits and critiquing what they did wrong. Her gentle nature worked wonders, softening harsh words until even the most prideful of them couldn’t take offense. I couldn’t help but think she’d make an excellent teacher of children as well.

“Do you do this every day?” I asked as I sat with her. For lunch, we settled on a simple onigiri from the nearby supermarket. “Don’t your pokemon need individual instruction too?”

“We don’t, and they do. We actually only have group scrimmages like this once every week. Today’s that day,” she explained. “Usually, I like to set goals at the beginning of the week with each of my team so they know what they should be working on. Then, I rotate between them as necessary during this time.”

“Sounds like you’ve gotten good at splitting your attention.”

“Every trainer has to learn this.”

“Fair enough. What’s after lunch?”

“Usually? Gym battles, public appearances, et cetera. But this week, the gym’s closed, so… more paperwork,” she groaned, slumping forward as if the very idea drained the energy right out of her. “I didn’t realize dad did so much writing.”

“I’m confused. Isn’t a gym leader’s job basically to fight the next generation of trainers and hand out badges once in a while?” I asked. From the perspective of a gamer, this was more or less all I saw. Some gyms did a little extra in the anime or manga, like Celadon’s Erica making perfumes, but those seemed to be niche tasks or hobbies, not official duties.

“I’m not surprised that you think so. Handing out badges is my most visible job, yes. However, we have several duties, both official and unofficial,” she began. She perked up again, raising a finger in the air as if she was lecturing to a class of students. It was… really cute. “First of all, it can be said that the badges are just a convenient way to accomplish our two primary functions: to nurture the next generation, and to provide security for the cities and towns we occupy.

“The former also means that I have to secure a supply of starter-worthy steel type pokemon for new trainers each year. It’s summer now, but when the school year begins, I also make a rotation around the local trainer schools and give lectures and participate in field trips. I’ve been busy designing lesson plans incorporating newly discovered information about steel types. As one of my gym trainers, and the only one around, you’ll be expected to join me.

“As for the security aspect, that’s a bit trickier. A-Ahem, not to toot my own horn, but I am a reasonably powerful trainer. As one of the major eight gym leaders, I am expected to be the strongest in my city, or at least, near enough. I work closely with both the Olivine City Police Department as well as the Indigo League Rangers to keep crime low and nearby routes safe.

“W-Well, this doesn’t mean I go out on patrols myself, of course. But I do have to make myself available to support them as necessary with my team. I also participate in the respective academies’ final practical exams and help develop the program for the yearly joint training camp hosted by the ranger captain.”

“That’s… a lot,” I admitted with a low whistle. Unsaid was that she also made funerary arrangements for her father. “How’d you have time to track down a rogue mawile?”

“I wasn’t the gym leader then, and this isn’t all I do,” she said primly. “I said that keeping people safe and nurturing the next generation are the primary functions of the job. As gym leaders, we’re all expected to contribute academically to the study of pokemon in our own ways. As the gym leader of a steel type gym, this is doubly important.”

“But you have no research experience… Or, do you?”

“I don’t, and I think you’re imagining something a lot more rigorous than it really is. For the most part, it’s just about sharing general observational logs on a monthly basis. It’s unfortunate, but this was partially why my father sent Connie to Hoenn, so we could learn from the steel types they have there.”

“Huh, I guess that’s fair? I never thought about the gyms as contributing to academics before.”

“The rule was instated by Champion Samuel Oak, back before he promptly retired. It’s one of the few things he did in his brief tenure as Champion, and I think the only policy change he made.”

“Professor Oak? Right, he was Champion once.” It was a piece of obscure trivia about the man back in my old life. It explained why he had a motherfucking dragonite in his pocket.

“He was. The League distributes relevant information from our logs to professors across the region. For example, information about steel types might be used to update the pokedex handed out to new trainers. Or, if we find a baby pokemon, that information might be used by Professor Elm, who specializes in breeding and post-natal development.”

“Ah, so not a primary function, but still important. But gym leaders keep some things close to their chests, right?”

“That’s right. The observation logs are made at our discretion so we can keep certain pieces of information out if we choose. For example, Blackthorn City Gym, held by the Wataru Clan, keeps a lot of information about dragonite quiet. They also don’t share how to evolve a seadra into a kingdra, either.”

I nodded slowly. I knew of course, but that sounded like an easy way to piss off some rather important people. It seemed like this whole “sharing information for mutual progress” thing was still somewhat of a newfangled idea. Then again, in this world, rare and powerful pokemon directly translated to personal power.

I was starting to understand how valuable my knowledge could be. Jasmine had been surprised when I recognized the mawile as a Hoenn pokemon. It should have been basic information, and maybe it was to someone living in Hoenn, but here in Johto, even that much was potentially specialized information. Not banned or restricted, just… nuanced.

“Do we have any trade secrets like that?” I asked, gently probing.

“Just one: The evolution of onix into steelix,” she confirmed. Then, more apologetically, “I… I’m afraid I can’t teach you that just yet. Maybe when the onix in our stable is ready to evolve, we’ll watch together.”

“It’s fine. I don’t need you to tell me that.”

“You know? From your…”

“Yup. Metal Coat.”

“I definitely can't let you leave.”

“Yay job security,” I laughed, pumping my fist.

“Hehe, seriously though, please don't tell anyone, about both the Metal Coat or anyone else's secrets,” she cautioned.

“I promised to consult you first.”

“Good. A-And, there’s one last thing I do as a gym leader.”

“There’s more?”

“Well, a gym leader is meant to be a pillar of the community. It’s a general, broad-strokes phrase that can’t really be quantified and we all do it differently.”

“Isn’t that why you give lectures in the schools?”

“That’s part of it. Maggie, Amphy, and I help out at the lighthouse as well. On stormy nights, Amphy’s tail is the brightest thing for dozens of miles.” She polished off the last of her onigiri and stood. “Come on, that’s enough of me lecturing.”

The rest of the day was a lot more like a normal first day on the job. Jasmine set me up with an account in the gym’s electronic filing system along with an email address I could use for official business. She then walked me through the scheduling system I would be using to schedule badge battles for challengers.

After making sure I could do basic data entry and grunt work, she gave me a small stack of bills and shooed me out of the building. I was an official gym trainer now, which meant I qualified for a living stipend. While the gym didn’t have a dorm for gym trainers, there was a nearby apartment complex that would accept me on the gym’s credit. It was also where Connie stayed when she wasn’t wandering through Hoenn.

“Here’s a map. Go to Sitrus Grove Apartments and look for Mr. Ian Mathers, the landlord. I’ll give him a call and let him know to expect you,” she said. “He’ll set you up with an apartment. It won’t be anything fancy, but you’ll have a roof over your head.”

I bowed in gratitude. “Thank you for this, Jasmine, truly. I know you’re taking a chance on me and I appreciate it.”

“I-It’s nothi–Okay, not nothing, but you don’t need to be so formal,” she stammered, rosy pink coloring her cheeks. “I’ll be counting on you from now on as well.”

“Yes, ma’am! I shall support you as you reign over Olivine City with an iron fist!”

“Really? Metal puns?”

“Ironic, eh? Or… iron-ic? Eh? Eh?”

She jabbed a finger towards the door, though I saw a small smile fight to spread across her lips. “Get out. A-And don’t come back until you have a home, a shower, and shopped for extra clothes!”

“So… I’ll see you for dinner, then? Is there a place nearby that’s good and cheap?”

“Actually, yes. How do you feel about yakisoba?”

“I don’t have strong opinions one way or the other, but I could be convinced to like it.”

“Good. I’ll see you later, Isaac.”

X

I had plenty of shopping to do, but my first stop was Sitrus Grove Apartments. It turned out to be a large building, sixteen stories tall, with a garden on the ground floor and a parking garage below that. Registration was a painless process thanks to Jasmine’s introduction.

Ian Mathers, my new landlord, was an old man, stooped with age but still bright-eyed. He was the relaxed, easygoing sort who’d had his adventures, made his money, and now spent his days happily retired alongside his dewgong. By the looks of things, he kept his property spotless with the help of a number of hand-picked staff.

The dewgong, an overfull tube of toothpaste-looking seal by the name of Phil, was as easygoing as his trainer. He liked to roll around in the fountain on the ground floor of the apartment complex and spray passerbys, mostly children, with cold water. When he wasn’t doing that, he moseyed on over to the beach, where he terrorized local shellder by yeeting them into the sea with his tail.

Ian gave me an apartment on the fourteenth floor. It was a modest apartment with one room, one bath, and a combined kitchen and living room setup. Though small, it was plenty of space for a young bachelor like myself. The only problem was that it was completely empty of furniture, but I considered that a win. I came to this world with a sleeping bag, after all.

As soon as I got the keys and dropped off my backpack, I went out shopping for the basics. I needed clothes, a minimalist laptop for personal use, and some kitchen utensils and appliances to start. I also needed to stock my fridge; I couldn’t expect Jasmine to take me out every night.

I returned to the apartment to drop off my purchases before meeting my new boss in front of the gym. Johto was a lot like Japan in terms of culture and climate from what I could gather. The summers were temperate but warm, a little on the muggy side. It made for a nice, cool night to walk around the beach.

“Did you get everything you need?” she asked as she wrapped her hair in a rough ponytail with a hair tie she used as a bracelet. “I could give you tomorrow to do any shopping you missed.”

“I should be fine? I bought clothes, pots, pans, and food. I really just need a desk and a bed,” I answered. “Hell, I have a sleeping bag so even the bed is optional.”

“Nope. You’re going to take tomorrow off to finish refurbishing your apartment. Ask Mr. Mathers if he knows any reliable furniture shops, then pick out what you like. A pair of machoke will bring it in for you.”

“Nice, sounds pretty convenient.”

“Right? You’re only allowed to come back to the gym after you get that sorted, got it?”

“Thanks, boss. I appreciate it,” I said, bumping her shoulder. “So, yakisoba?”

“Yakisoba,” she agreed, satisfied. “There’s this izakaya that makes all different kinds. Have you ever had ginger pork yakisoba? It’s so good!”

“I think I’ve had yakisoba like… twice in my life. I’m happy to try something that makes you this happy, though.”

Her favorite yakisoba place turned out to be just two blocks from the beach on the southwestern end of Olivine. Izakaya Kabe was owned and operated by Kabe Yasukabe. He was known for cooking up odd flavor combinations while his two poliwhirl acted as his servers.

I got what Jasmine recommended, a blend of stir-fried ginger pork and noodles, all stuffed inside a fluffy bun. The bun reminded me of a hot dog bun, but the texture was a little different, with a bit more integrity. She insisted that the curry seasoning was good too, so I sprinkled some on top of the strange creation.

It was… delicious. Then again, it was savory pork with carbs stuffed inside carbs. The richness of the pork was balanced by the sharp bite of ginger, which was further enhanced by the thin layer of curry snow on top. By the time I was halfway through mine, Jasmine had already ordered a second.

“What? It’s good, right?” she said, somewhat defensively. Her cheeks were stuffed like a chipmunk’s.

“Yeah, it’s good,” I chuckled. “The onigiri for lunch wasn’t enough, huh?”

“It wasn’t. It’s not bad as far as quick lunch options go, but I’ve been craving this all day.”

“Do you come here often?”

“Every week, sometimes twice a week. I’ve tried every combination and ginger pork is definitely the best.”

She usually gave off the air of a prim and proper lady; I hadn’t expected her to be the type to love junk food. Then again, given how little time she had to herself, this was probably a good thing.

I hoped to enjoy many more nights like this by her side.

Author's Note

In Pokemon Adventures, Jasmine has a togetic and Amphy the ampharos. Also, I have to prevent myself from writing “Jeanne” every time “ampharos” comes up.

Professor Oak was Champion in the manga. It’s also heavily implied that he was supposed to be the Champion in the first gen games as well, or a post-Champion battle. He was likely cut out because of the then tech and file size limitations.

He can be battled as a glitch trainer. Except, unlike other glitch trainers, he has a full, coherent team. He has a Kanto starter (charizard in the anime and manga), an arcanine, tauros, exeggutor, and gyarados. 

His team’s also at a higher level than the actual Champion, your rival. His tauros is level 66, his starter is level 69, and his gyarados is level 70, tied with Mewtwo, the unofficial-official big boss of the game. Throw in the dragonite from the anime and he’s got a solid team for a gen one character.

Mineral Fact: One of the first uses of graphite in human history is not as a writing implement, but as makeup. In fact, graphite was quite rare in the ancient world and using it as a writing implement came much later. 

Kohl is the black paste used by ancient Middle Eastern peoples as eyeliner. Kohl found in present day Iran's Kurdistan province, dated between 9th to 7th century BCE, contains graphite and pyrolusite, a manganese-rich mineral. This is distinct from Egyptian kohl, which used galena, a type of lead sulfide. This indicates that the Assyrian elites made local adaptations of a luxury product.