Saddled, chapter 19 (Patreon)

Clive stepped into the Westin Copley Place lobby with its straight lines and modern furniture, and for the first time in literally decades, Clive felt like an imposter. By the time he reached the elevator, his palms were sweating and he had to remind himself to not wipe them on his pants. He was not a teenager lying to his parents, but his heart raced as if he were. 

He rode up to the tenth floor and strode down the corridor to the room number Elena had provided. A family was leaving, and the father dragged a pre-pubescent son by his arm, whispering fiercely as the boy avoided eye contact. Three more kids trailed after him, loudly complaining about breakfast and spreading out across the entire hallway. The mother offered an apologetic smile as she corralled her kids toward one side. Clive nodded before walking faster. Yesterday, that drama would have annoyed him, and today he couldn’t care less.

He stopped in front of Logan’s door and knocked twice. When the door opened, Clive’s first thought was that Logan looked like a miniature version of John. Looking into his eyes was almost painful.

“Yes?” Logan asked.

Clive held out his hand. “Logan, it’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Clive Davidson.” The moment Clive’s name registered, Logan’s eyes got larger.

“Mr. Davidson. I... Can I help you?” In other circumstances, this would be where Clive said something biting and walked out. He hated people who sucked up or acted star-struck. However, this was John’s brother. So Clive stuffed that impulse deep into his brain and ignored it.

“I’m not here for business,” Clive said. “I’m a friend of your brother’s.”

“My brother?” Logan blinked and looked more alarmed than relieved.

“John,” Clive clarified.

That didn’t seem to help much, but after a second, Logan shook himself free and stepped to one side. “Please, come in.”

Clive walked in. The king bed was messy, but none of the bedding was on the floor, so Logan wasn’t one of those slobs that abused cleaning staff by destroying his room. That was a point in his favor. Clive passed the bed and sat on the white couch in front of the window. “John couldn’t come, so I told him I would stop by.” Clive rested his hand on the couch and hoped he wouldn’t leave a sweat stain.

“You know John?”

“Rather well,” Clive said, and after Elena’s briefing, Clive felt more than a little guilty about how well he knew him. The woman either kept terrifyingly detailed records or she had a special interest in John.

“And is he coming later?” Logan still hovered in the middle of the room. No doubt he was capable of projecting a strong persona when working, but right now he was coming off a little flighty and nervous. That actually soothed Clive a little since a flustered man was more likely to miss any details Clive might get wrong. While Clive had studied the background Elena had provided, it wasn’t as if he’d had time to memorize it all.

“I don’t know what he told you about his job last night...” Clive let his voice trail off. Hopefully John hadn’t told him anything and Clive would be free to weave his own lie.

Unfortunately, Logan said, “He was supposed to watch out for a girl who was meeting a blind date.” He slowly sat on the far end of the couch and stared at Clive as though he still couldn’t get his head around this sudden turn of events. Clive wondered if Elena had researched Logan because she had certainly nailed her profile. The very hint that John was gay had sent him into a tailspin.

“Unfortunately, the blind date turned out…” Clive cleared his throat. If he overplayed his hand, Logan would insist on going to the police. “It was complicated, and now John is stuck in the middle of complicated and he didn’t want you to worry when he couldn’t come.”

Logan frowned. “Complicated?”

“Or more to the point,” Clive added, “he didn’t want his mother to worry, and he thought you would be best able to distract her.”

“And he didn’t trust me enough to call?” Logan demanded. “That is just like him.” The flash of anger caught Clive off guard, but he’d dealt with more angry divas in his life than John had handled fish.

“No, he couldn’t call anyone. I found out that he stuck both feet in quicksand because I showed up to give him a ride home, and I caught the tail end of the drama. He didn’t choose to leave you out.”

“And why isn’t he calling now?” 

“Because the police have his phone. Or the guy who took a runner has his phone,” Clive added just in case Logan decided to try to text his brother. “I’m not actually sure. There were a lot of people involved, and I don’t think the police got all their names. It was messy, and quite frankly, I would have avoided the whole disaster, but I didn’t want to leave John in that by himself.” That much was true at least. 

“John?”

Clive narrowed his eyes. “Are you congenitally damaged in some way I’m not aware of? I had heard you were a moderately competent film maker, but you appear to be a parrot.”

The irrational fury vanished from Logan’s face, replaced with a righteous frustration. His eyes were so like John’s that Clive ached with fear. Who knows what those assholes were going to him, and Clive was sitting on a couch doing nothing. If it weren’t for his desire to protect John’s family, Clive would demand that Elena let him help with any life-destroying vengeance.

“You are as much of an ass as rumors would have it,” Logan said darkly.

“Yes, I am,” Clive agreed. “That’s the only reason John and I fit together so well. Our fights are far longer and more entertaining than our making up.” Again, Clive was telling the truth there as well. He found truth was a mighty tool when it came to deception.

Logan narrowed his eyes. “You are. You’re saying that you and John are dating.”

“We don’t go out to the movies and hold hands,” Clive said. “In fact, both of us rather like the smell of mothballs so we would prefer to stay in the closet. However, he and I are together.”

Logan smiled and shook his head slowly. “Okay, who put you up to this? Mr. Davidson, I can assure you that my brother is not gay.”

“And you know this because…” Clive allowed his voice to trail off into a dangerous silence.

“Because I grew up with John.” 

“And of course there’s only one way to be gay and one time to discover your sexuality, so he can’t possibly be gay.” Clive didn’t bother containing his disdain for this whole conversation. Clive’s wife had been his first lover, and even when they started inviting others into their marriage and when Clive had started discovering his love of bondage, he had limited himself to women. Society had so conditioned him to look down on homosexuality that he hadn’t allowed himself to feel any sort of interest in men—not until a scene at a dungeon had gone wrong and Clive had stepped in to tend the sub while the dungeon host had taken the dominant out and hopefully had beaten him within an inch of his life. 

Steam practically rolled out of Logan’s ears.  He had more of John in him than Clive had anticipated. “If this is some sort of shitty point he’s making—if he’s trying to prove he can out score me in every category including who can catch the most eligible gay bachelor, I’m going to write John off. The only thing I can’t figure out is why you would be part of this.”

The ground shifted under Clive as he realized that John’s relationship with Logan was not as stable as Elena had led him to believe. “I think John never told you in part because he didn’t want to compete with you. He never wanted to compete with you.”

Logan jumped to his feet. “Clearly, you don’t know John that well.” The anger and pain was laid out on the surface like oil rising to the top of water.

Clive stood. “I know him better than you do,” he said. He’d watched John struggle under all the bondage and rules, and Clive found he knew a man better after an hour of submission than after a month of conversation. “He doesn’t know how to stop fighting. He’d break his own arm to avoid losing a fight that didn’t matter. There’s nothing in him that knows how to lie down or walk away. So the only way he knows how to stop a fight is to never start it. And he never wanted a fight with you.”

Logan took a step back, and Clive sighed. This is not how he had planned this meeting.

“I just need help covering for John until he can extricate himself from the legal mess this stalker caused. Can you stall your mother?”

“The money,” Logan said softly, and that was a non-sequitur if Clive had ever heard one. “You gave John the money for Mom’s treatment. Have you met our mother?”

“First,” Clive said, “I haven’t met the woman, but I am sorry about her illness. Second, I would give John every penny for treatment today if he let me. He won’t. In fact, he won’t take a cent without earning it.” And that was a topic Clive needed to avoid. But a half truth was always better than allowing someone to fill in blanks on their own, so he gave Logan Elena’s cover story. “I lied to him and said I needed someone to check a screenplay for accuracy. He’s taken a retainer and has agreed to read the work. Now I just have to hire someone to write a play about fishing.” Clive grimaced. 

“Oh God.” Logan sank back down on the couch. “Christ. I never really thought about what it must be like to be John’s partner.” He rubbed his face and then ran his hands through his hair. “How do you avoid killing him?”

“I actually rather like him,” Clive said drily. In truth, Clive liked John better than he should, and he suspected this plan was going to guarantee that he never got to touch John again. Some lines couldn’t be crossed and some sins were never forgiven. If John survived and Clive got to see Robinson in utter ruin, that would be enough. “I like him a lot.”

Logan looked up. “Yeah, he’s like mold—he grows on you. Still. Gay. Who woulda thought?”

“Considering that both of us have had fulfilling relationships with women, I can safely say we are both bisexual. Please don’t divide the world into gay and straight.”

“Right, right.” Logan tone was far more businesslike now. “There aren’t many Broadway plays about fishing.”

Clive snorted. “This I know.”

“I’ll call my secretary. I know I have a few documentaries I passed on. I didn’t need to relive my youth, so if someone is on a boat, it goes in my reject pile. I’ll have her send one or two over for you so you don’t have to track something down.”

“You don’t have to,” Clive said. The offer was more than kind, but that generosity made Clive even more uncomfortable with his lies. It had been a long time since he’d dealt with this much guilt and it was giving him heartburn.

“If I can make your life easier, I do have to. I’ve had forty one years of coming in second to that idiot. Fuck. He was always Dad’s golden boy. The perfect son.” Logan shook his head.

“Being bisexual does not make him any less perfect.”

Logan looked up. “It would have in our father’s eyes,” he said softly. “I swear John never could get Albert Michaud’s voice out of his head. At least he never has until now.” His voice cracked with emotion, and then Logan sprang up from the couch and seemed to move in all directions at once. He grabbed his phone and started texting. “I’ll get my secretary on the scripts, and I’ll figure out what the weather is like up the coast. If another boat captain is in trouble because of an unusual current or storm or… fuck, I don’t know, a chunk of floating ice burg, Mom would want John to help out. I’ll find some excuse to make him look like the hero. Do you have a phone where I can text you so he knows what cover story to play along with?”

“Of course.” Clive pulled out one of his business cards and wrote his private number on the back.

Logan took it with a smile. “Thank you,” he said.

“For what? I’m just carrying a message.” 

“Thank you for loving that idiot brother of mine, and welcome to the family.”

The words were a dagger to Clive’s heart. He hadn’t heard that sentiment in over twenty years, and to hear it when everything was made of lies and deception hurt so much more than Clive had expected. He forced himself to smile. “I appreciate that, but I think I’m more a messenger boy than a family member.”

Logan shook his head. “You may know how stubborn John is, but I know how closed off he is. For him to let you in this far… you’re family in his eyes. That makes you family in mine.” Logan held out his hand. 

Shaking his hand hurt worse than anything Clive had done in a good long while. It had been a lot of years since Clive had felt dirty, but today, he did.

Chapter 20: https://www.patreon.com/posts/saddled-chapter-19820249 

Chapter 21: https://www.patreon.com/posts/saddled-chapter-19951417 

Chapter 22: https://www.patreon.com/posts/saddled-chapter-20049839 

Chapter 23: https://www.patreon.com/posts/saddled-chapter-20094108 

Chapter 24: https://www.patreon.com/posts/saddled-chapter-20174290 

Chapter 25: https://www.patreon.com/posts/saddled-chapter-20210420