Chapter 9 of Lions and Tigers and Conspiracies (Patreon)

“How’d it go?” Ronan asked as they walked down the ramp. The Traveler captain leaned against the hatch and watched them silently.

“Peachy,” John said as he reached the bottom.

“That bad?” Ronan moved forward to take John’s knapsack from him. John used to fight it when Ronan did that. It made him feel old. And like the sort of asshole who would treat friends like servants. However, Ronan had a symbiote so any scuffling over the bag would lead to John feeling even older as Ronan knocked him to the ground and then helped him up out of the dust.

“Worse,” Rodney said with disgust. “Those assholes were denying people the right to come back and retire on Atlantis. They were using people's family as blackmail to keep them in line. I swear to God, one of these days I am going to find a nuclear weapon that doesn't have fallout and has a short enough radioactive half-life that I can drop it without destroying the rest of the planet, and I'm going to bomb Russia. I am going to bomb them until all that is left are little Russian pebbles.” Rodney shoved his knapsack at Ronan. With an eyeroll, Ronan slung it over his shoulder with John’s bag, showing off just how strong he had grown over the years.

“Rodney, you know that I like lots of my Russian troops, so will you please stop threatening to bomb them to death?” John asked. If the wrong person back on Earth got wind of some of Rodney’s rants, they were going to lock him out of the weapons lab.

“I'm not threatening your troops. Your troops came back with us,” Rodney snapped.

Ronan looked at the ramp as though expected to see Spetsnaz following. They had picked up seven hundred people and a couple of million dollars’ worth of supplies, so that was too much for the hold of a Traveler ship. “Matter transporter,” John said. “We’ll beam everyone out when the ship gets to Atlantis.” 

“I should've planted a bug in the KGB headquarters so I could see the looks on their faces when they realize that everyone, including their little spy, decided to emigrate to Atlantis. Assholes.” Rodney was definitely worked up.

“There is no KGB anymore, Rodney.”

Rodney stopped long enough to glare at John. They’d been lovers for decades, but Rodney had never lost his sarcastic, disapproving edge when he disapproved of something John did or said. At least John never had to wonder what Rodney was thinking. “I don't care what they call it. They should call it the division of soul sucking assholes; it would be more accurate.” Rodney passed Ronan and headed for the Ancient outpost.

“I take it the Russians weren't following the treaty,” Ronan said.

“Slightly,” John admitted as they followed . He glanced over at Rodney and calculated the explosion he would trigger if he told Rodney. Of course, it would be worse if he waited until later. It seemed like Atlantis was not a safe place for explosions lately, so he decided to get all the drama out of the way. “However, America was not doing much better. They banned emigration and have removed Gibbs and Tony from the payroll.”

Rodney whirled around. “First, America is a continent, not a country, but I will assume you mean the United States, and second, what?”

If they were all very lucky, Rodney wouldn’t ruin Teyla’s plan by flying off the handle. “Colonel Teldy wanted to come home, and the Air Force informed her that since she had been stationed in Afghanistan she didn’t qualify to retire on Atlantis. When she kept making noises about wanting to return, they told her that she would have to leave her elderly parents behind. She was not the only one.”

Ronan's face turned thunderous, and Rodney's mouth literally dropped open. Rodney recovered his voice first. “They did not. Oh, tell me who said that because I am going to ruin someone. Ruin them.” Rodney fisted his hands and looked ready to go into battle. And Ronan looked like he was fully prepared to back him up. John had some damn scary friends.

John held his hands up to placate the pair. “Tony and Gibbs stayed behind to handle it. They have every intention of making certain parties regret their life choices,” John assured them.

Ronan threw the two bags to the ground. “I should head back to Earth.” 

“They have a plan,” John said. “They wanted us to stick with Teyla’s plan.”

Rodney was already shaking his head. “They are both only marginally incompetent on computers, but even a backwoods planet like Earth is going to notice that they try hacking some asshole who deserves it,” he said.

John sighed. “I'm sure Tony and Gibbs have resources, ones that I don't care to dig into because I really don't want to know what sort of plans they've made. However, I trust them to handle this. We need to get our people home and work the plan. Teyla’s plan,” he reminded them. “Let Tony and Gibbs handle any trouble back home.”

“Without backup?” Ronan's temper did not seem to be improving any.

“They have backup. I'm sure they do. Besides, they kept one of the superlight cruisers. The hyperdrive on those things will outrun anything Earth has.” John walked over and tried to grab his bag, but Ronan jerked it out of John’s hand and then picked up Rodney’s bag again.

“Stop being stubborn,” Ronan said in the most ironic statement John had heard in a while.

“Yes, yes,” Rodney complained. “I designed those hyperdrives based off of Asgard and Ancient technology. However, that does not mean that they can't get themselves into more trouble than they can get themselves out of. We should go back for them.”

“I agree,” Ronan seconded. When those two agreed on anything, John knew he was in trouble, especially when Teyla wasn't here to back him up. It really sucked being the reasonable one in the group. In his youth, John had always gone out of his way to make sure that he was the rogue, the renegade, the one who threw out stupid ideas for other people to shoot down. And now he was the general. Every once in a while that really fucked with his head.

“We are not going to do anything that would endanger Taylor's plan,” John said firmly. Rodney narrowed his eyes and looked like he was about to argue, but John held up a finger to stop him. “She will kill all three of us as a warning to any other fools who might screw with her plans. So, since I would like for all of my internal organs to remain on the inside, I am going along with her plan and so are you.” John pointed first at Rodney and then Ronan.

They wore matching expressions—unhappy ones—but eventually both looked away. “I don't like this,” Rodney complained softly.

“Take it up with Teyla,” John said. Sure, he could go maverick and take the team back to Earth, but Teyla was right. Unless Earth people were given enough rope to hang themselves, they would see themselves as the victims and break their own necks trying to get revenge. It would destroy any chance of an Atlantis-Earth alliance.

It was really pathetic how self-destructive John's homeworld had become. Maybe they were always that bad and he just hadn't seen it, but he felt like he would've noticed this sort of stupidity, even when he had been young and stupid.

“Now, let’s get on with the plan,” John said as he walked over to the MALP they’d dragged to the outpost. “Are we all set?”

Larrin started down the ramp. “I’m looking forward to getting cast as the villain.”

“You are a villain,” Rodney snapped at her. He never had forgiven Larrin for tying John up. The man knew how to hold onto a grudge.

“I certainly can be,” Larrin said with a little wiggle of her hips that was disturbing in a woman her age. Then again, she was the first generation of Travelers to live into middle age, so she had never seen the horror of someone old enough to be a grandparent trying to use sexual wiles. It turned out that poorly shielded reactors were bad for the health. Who would have thought.

Rodney snorted and turned his back on her.

The MALP screen came on and John was faced with his own image. “How did your trip go?” Aleighta asked using John’s voice.

John snorted. “You’ve already read the reports, so you tell us.”

Aleigheta shrugged and then her image shimmered before she switched back to her normal persona. “Sadly, I did read the report. I am disappointed in Earth leaders, but given the rise in nationalism, I am not surprised. I already contacted Nihtay and asked her to ferry our newest citizens to whichever planet they would like. She is preparing a holo-presentation on the various alternatives and what resources we can offer. I am glad to see you encouraged everyone to bring all their supplies with them.”

John nodded. Nihtay was a good choice. She had lived on Atlantis ten thousand years ago before returning with Helia, the Ancient captain who tried and failed to reclaim the city. She had adapted well and ran her own ship hunting rogue Wraith. 

“Have her emphasize the Lucian Alliance and Warlord Priors in the Milky Way and the Wraith here so people understand the dangers.” John hated that the government still hid so much from people. They told everyone about the Goa’uld because they weren’t a threat and the Ori because they were dead. They didn’t tell people about the Wraith or the pair of ZPMs one of the Wraith groups had stolen from an Earth ship. Todd insisted his people hadn’t done it, so that meant that some group that saw humans as cattle had gotten ahold of an obscene amount of power. Hell, Earth hadn’t even told the general public about the few Priors who had decided to set up their own kingdoms in the Milky Way once they learned they’d been following false gods.

“I’ve relayed your message,” Aleigheta said. “Are you ready to contact Atlantis?”

John nodded. “Activate the remote dialer.”

“Dialing” Aleigheta said with undisguised glee in her voice. John and Nihtay had talked about the fact that Ancients tried to avoid emotions and sucked at them. Flat out, they sucked. So John suspected the emotion were either a recent addition Miko had programmed or some strange byproduct of Aleigheta’s interaction with humans. As an artificial intelligence, she could learn on her own. He just didn’t know why she would have put so much effort into learning to emote. 

Walter’s face appeared on the screen. “General Sheppard. Is everything alright?”

“Peachy,” John said as he bent down to look in the camera. Ronan had already gotten rid of their bags, so people in Atlantis would never know they had been off-planet. “We have Travelers here. Stalking us. It’s a little creepy.”

Larrin moved to a spot behind John, probably where the camera could see her. “Aw, Shepherd, you say the sweetest things to a girl, but you might want to consider that I’m stalking the technology and not you.”

John looked over his shoulder. “Well I’m here, so feel free to be elsewhere.”

Walter’s eyes got large. “I’ll get Dr. Knight.”

“Yeah, you do that.” John stood and crossed his arms before shooting a weary look in Larrin’s direction.

She grinned back.

John didn’t have long to wait before Dr. Knight appeared. He tapped on Walter’s shoulder, and Walter surrendered his chair so Dr. Knight could sit in front of the camera. “Mr. Sheppard, report.”

John fought to hide his frustration. “I don’t know what to tell you, Mr. Knight,” John said, and when Knight opened his mouth to object to the title, John kept right on talking. “Larrin and her ship showed up this morning, and we thought she would get bored. Instead, she landed.”

“You never bore me,” Larrin said.

“You really need to take the sexual harassment seminar,” John told her. “We offer one on every third tenday.”

“Pass,” Larrin said.

Dr. Knight cleared his throat. “Captain Larrin, can I ask what your interest is in that planet?”

Larrin strolled over. “I suspect the same as yours. There’s an Ancient outpost here, so we thought we would poke around.”

“Our people arrived first,” Knight said.

“Did you?” Larrin asked with exaggerated innocence. “Really? Did you find any weapons? And caches of heavy metal? Spare parts?”

Knight frowned.

Rodney came striding out of the facility, an oil smudge on one cheek and dust in his hair. Nice touches. “Yes, yes. This place has been stripped, but you can’t prove that you did the stripping,” Rodney said as he pointed a finger at Larrin. Her eyebrows went up at his phrasing, but Rodney plowed on. “Anyone could have taken the supplies, including the Ancients. If I were an Ancient, I would take all the small hand weapons with me when I evacuated.” Rodney leaned down and looked into the camera. “Tell her to leave.”

Knight blinked.

“Earthers don’t own the universe,” Larrin said. “We have as much right to this as you. More actually. This is our galaxy. Yours is that way, I think.” Larrin gestured in the general direction of the Milky Way.

“Maybe you two want to go to your corners,” John said.

“General Sheppard, report,” General Helms said as he stepped into the screen.

“General Helms. Nice to see you. I was just talking diplomacy with Dr. Knight.” John did not want Helms involved. The man was tactically brilliant when they had a battle with the hunting Wraith or when a batch of rogue replicators had decided to leave replicator home world and explore the universe. However, he was less than diplomatic and unwilling to listen to civilians. He reminded John of Colonel Ellis, and that was not a compliment.

“I understand a foreign power is threatening your team.”

“I wouldn’t call it threatening,” Larrin said. “We’re just inviting them to move on so we can take our turn. Isn’t that what you Earthers are always saying—share and share alike?”

“That is an Earth facility and you are in violation of the treaty,” Helms said. That had gone from zero to a hundred far too quickly.

“Whoa there,” John said. “There is no treaty violation. Technically, she can park her ship wherever she likes. I was hoping Dr. Knight could negotiate or send Elizabeth to negotiate or talk to Kitsune. This is not the time to pull out fighting words.” John pinned Helms with his best general-glare. If Helms had been a colonel, that probably would have been enough, but General Helms glared back.

“General Sheppard, I am not willing to cede a weapons facility to the Travelers.”

“Why not? I can’t get it working,” Rodney said. “And if I can’t get it to work, none of them can.”

Helms sighed, and Dr. Knight rolled his chair into the general’s hip, pushing him toward the edge of the screen. “General Sheppard,” he said, emphasizing John’s title. Finally. “Is Agent DiNozzo with you?”

“Tony DiNozzo? Why would he be here?” John frowned as he feigned confusion.

“No reason.” Dr. Knight shook his head as though disgusted with himself for asking.

“What is going on?” John asked. After all, Tony had been a teammate, and John was well-known for getting overprotective of his team.

“Nothing. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“Then why are you asking about him?” John looked at General Helms. “General, is there something I need to know?”

“I’ll have troops to your position ASAP,” he said before walking off. Given that the Stargate on this planet killed all mechanical and electrical forms of transportation, that would be about eleven hours. If this were an actual emergency, they would be screwed, and Helms didn’t seem too concerned.

“Dr. Knight,” John said, “Tony was a teammate. He’s one of the original expedition, and Gibbs is an absolute terror when something happens to him. What is going on, and does Gibbs know about it?”

“I’m sure he does,” Knight said ambiguously. The ass was trying to hide the fact that both men were gone. They’d left the city before John had.

“I know that you’re new, but trust me, you do not want to hide something from Gibbs—not if it is related to Tony. Even General O’Neill wouldn’t get in the middle, not when it came to those two.”

“I am aware,” Knight said sharply. “And if he would like to de-ascend, I will discuss the matter with him.” Knight reached over and disconnected the video feed. 

Aleigheta’s image appeared on screen again. “That was rude,” she said in a disapproving voice.

“Do you expect any better?” Rodney demanded. “I’m going to go disassemble enough equipment that these morons can’t tell we’ve been gone this whole time.”

“Want some help?” Larrin asked.

“Send a couple of engineers, ones that know the difference between a command crystal and petrified snot,” he said.

“Once!” John called after him. “I only did that once, and how was I supposed to know the planet used to have dinosaur-sized mammals who produced snot like that?” Rodney didn’t both responding.

Larrin walked over and leaned on the MALP. “Is there a chance O’Neill might de-ascend and come back to deal with this?”

John snorted. “He hated politics even before he turned into a glowing squid. I can’t see him coming back for this cluster fuck.”

“I hear Jackson has come back several times.” Larrin observed. She always had been one to look for the danger behind every corner.

“True. But those times he left by himself. This time, he’s not alone.” For years, the service members on the city had taken bets on whether he was sleeping with O’Neill or Vala. Most came down on the side of O’Neill. After all, Vala had flirted with everyone. Absolutely everyone. And she took Turi symbiotes and ran around acting like a pirate. She’d been entirely too enthralled with Todd, so much that even Todd was a little disturbed. 

But when a Wraith Queen had kidnapped Jackson, Vala had come roaring back to the city, vacillating between crying and raging. She and O’Neill had closed ranks and killed an entire hive before all three of them locked themselves in their quarters for a week. John had no idea how their three-some worked, but it clearly did. And when Jackson had ascended, his lovers both followed.

John was still a little weirded out that they could both ascend. Either Ancients were lying about how hard it was to achieve ascension or they just really sucked at it. Sucked like they sucked at having emotions. But now that the three of them had gone to another plane of existence, John couldn’t imagine them returning for anything less than an Armageddon. 

“O’Neill won’t want to get involved, Vala is probably off exploring some unexplored corner of the universe, and Jackson will trust us to handle this.”

Larrin studied him for a couple of minutes. “Is that wishful thinking or are you basing that off your own experience with being ascended?”

John headed for the outpost door. “You know I don’t remember being ascended.”

“I know that’s what you always tell us,” Larrin called after him. John didn’t want to get into a debate with the woman, so he ignored her words. He really couldn’t remember anything about any of his lives before the current one. Weirdly, Todd knew more about any pre-John Sheppard lives than John did, and that was a truth he did not want to think about.

Right now John didn’t care about those lives, either. He just wanted to back Earth into a corner where its violations of the treaty were so egregious that the most nationalistic politician couldn’t defend them, and then John could finally make sure his city was free.