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“Two hours and twelve minutes? You sunk my afternoon!” - Andrew

On this week’s episode, the Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza is on a one-way train to Stupid City as we welcome in Junkfood Cinema’s Brian Salisbury to help us try to make sense of the abhorrent board game adaptation, Battleship!

Why is it a full thirty minutes before you’re showing us aliens? Did the Halo creators have a suit with these mercenary outfits? Did the production have a dialect coach on set at all? Why did they decide to literally box Liam Neeson out of the movie? Should they really have used non-actors as much as they did? And who in the world thought this was gonna work as a movie? PLUS: Extended talk about various Taco Bell menus!

Battleship stars Taylor Kitsch, Alexander Skarsgård, Rihanna, Brooklyn Decker, Tadanobu Asano, Hamish Linklater, Peter MacNicol, John Tui, Jesse Plemons, Greogry D. Garson, Jerry Ferrara, Rami Malek, and Liam Neeson as Admiral Shane; directed by Peter Berg.

Come hang out in Vegas with us this summer as we do a three-night stand at ST:LV to celebrate 60 years of Star Trek and 10 years of The Nexus! We’ll be at the convention Thursday, Friday and Saturday night doing three Nexus shows on Wrath of Kahn, Generations, and First Contact! Best part is, you don’t need to have a convention pass to attend, each show is ticketed separately. Click through to snag your tix now!

We hope you are enjoying AD-FREE WHM! Thanks so much for being the kick-ass Patreon subscriber that you are. Your support keeps the lights on around the old clubhouse and keeps us on the air. We know you have a lot of options for podcast enjoyment and we're stoked you chose to spend some time with us!

Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today!

Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Files

Comments

Jeremy Pawlak

I could have sworn you guys did Battleship already.

Joel Myers

One of the funniest things I’ve ever seen was when I saw this movie at 14-years-old in theaters, and a man in a Navy hat stood up and applauded at the end of it. Like genuinely stood up and clapped, as if this film was a historical reenactment

Daimon

Had they not made this movie they actually would’ve saved money in preproduction compared to when the movie actually came out which shows you how badly it turned out

Thomas Friedlander

Your early description of finding this movie on Prime reminds me of how a few weeks ago I just really wanted to watch Wild Wild West and the best place to do so was YouTube. So for $2 more I bought it and it made me think "who was the last person before me to have purchased this delicious turd on YouTube? And did it appear on anyone's manual reporting that a TVOD purchase was made?"

James C Harris

The fact that Liam Neeson didn't turn to camera and say "You sank my battleship!" is one of cinemas greatest crimes!

MarkNM

It's like they accidentally released the Asylum version of the blockbuster as the blockbuster.

MarkNM

"Admiral Dog...turn the launch key, sir. Admiral Dog, please don't make me shoot you. ADMIRAL DOG, LAUNCH THE GOD DAMNED MISSILE!"

johnny stocker

I mean this thing was rough for the first 90 minutes, but when they had the 'BOOMERS, ASSEMBLE!' moment on the Battleship, even though I was watching alone I audibly said 'Oh, kiss my ass'. So I'll have ho listen to the ep to see how it turned out...

Kate G

🎶 Rihanna’s acting’s just okay 🎶

Tony King

What is the tune the guys keep singing words to? I'm guessing it's an advert jingle?

RJ Cunningham

Hamish Linklater is so good in Widow’s Bay which Steve keyed me onto……and damn I may have a new favorite show of the 2020s

RJ Cunningham

“What are you smoking a robot dick?!” - a line about someone vaping in True Detective season 2 which literally might have ruined Pizzolatto’s career more than the end of GOT did to Benioff and Weiss. Proved to me that the accusations of plagiarism for season 1 are 100% verified because my christ season 2 is laugh out loud bad. If you hate Vince Vaughn watch and enjoy. If you hate yourself watch and enjoy

MarkNM

Nationwide is on your side.

Tony King

Ahh yes, I forgot that bit 😂

Rose Esposito

the high school flashback I just had when Brian started singing "Outside" by Staind 👵

Rose Esposito

I kinda thought real vets might find this movie insulting because the alien stuff is just so aggressively goofy...and then I started reading YouTube comments on scenes/trailers from this movie and discovered I was WRONG

Jason

I haven’t seen it in years, but do they even do a bit where somebody is looking a screen and says: “Firing on quadrant C4………….it’s a miss.”

Rose Esposito

I'm guessing the guys haven't watched The Newsroom, because his character there is the WORST for absolutely no sensible reason.

Hard To Gwil

Andrew Jupin, Taco Bell Historian

Billie Jackson

311 going beyond being an Omaha band always felt weird to me. Saw them a few times back in the day before they relocated to LA and they were okay but nothing special.

Busiris

I'm having the best 4D experience listening to this episode while seeing folks getting up in arms about the gov't blaming Taco Bell for causing explosive diarrhea. What a time to be alive.

Brittany Mitchell

I love that Brian is so upset about Taco Bell getting rid of breakfast, in Texas of all places. Can't you throw a rock a hit a place that makes a breakfast burrito down there? Lol

profondo robbo

Do you think Liam Neeson and Tadanobu Asano remembered working together on this when they shared a scene in Silence a few years later? That was my main takeaway from this.

Kemper

I'm heartbroken to hear that we almost got an episode on Iron Eagle but missed out.

Tim O'

Brian is hilarious and a great guest!

Brandon Taper

Many thanks to Andrew for referring to the scanner balls as those "Langolier-looking things." Literally my first thought about them when I watched the movie!

Jason

Whenever the guys get stuck a voice gag, I always feel for their wives. You know after taping the episode, they’re using it for the rest of the day. “No, hun-knee, I did not take out the re-cyke-ling. Will do it after this ep-ee-sode of Cheers.”

SilverHairedMiddleAgedTuxedoMask

Hey I literally have a story about the cop actor you made fun of! Turns out he's an actual Hawaiian cop lol, back in 2018/2019 I visited Hawaii and in between visiting the tourist sites I had an hour to burn and found out they had a free museum at the Honolulu Police Station. So I go and it was a free guided tour and that cop was the tour guide. They had an entire section on stuff they filmed on Hawaii the police participated in and he said they'll just hire random actual cops for bit parts "To lend realism to the film". I hadn't actually seen the movie at the time but I remember this scene solely because he said "Yeah I'm on-screen for an entire minute, I warn some people on a mountainside and I then immediately explode. It took 3 whole days to film that scene because it kept raining". Nice guy, really tall in real life and its a fun little museum in Honolulu if you got an hour to burn.

SilverHairedMiddleAgedTuxedoMask

They released it actually and it was originally called "American Battleship" but apparently they got a letter from a lawyer and renamed it to "American Warships"

Frank Grimes

I’ve never liked Peter Berg. The TV Show Friday Night Lights is an anomaly with his name on it. The first movie of his I saw, Very Bad Things is gross, cruel trash. It one of only two I’ve ever walked out of.

Matthew Lloyd

Would of thought one of you guys would have seen Ichi the killer.

Aura

The worst Linklater character??? Now I need to know if anyone saw Nickel Boys, because I feel like that's the one to beat.

HockeenightsCT

Did someone say “Saving Silverman sequel”?!?

Matzar

I hit pause on the podcast and went to YouTube and had ten glorious minutes of Perd best of. Holy shit! I need to get into Parks and Rec.

Knut Farstad

I'll share this here: for way too long I thought WHM was just three guys. I don't know why! Seems like reverse racism, can't tell you apart cracker!

Knut Farstad

Dude people would have died from something like that. You're completely right. And how about this; just turn it into a fucking comedy or black comedy

Knut Farstad

Probably better than the "just a check" actors like Liam Neeson. Do you remember a time when Liam Neeson was a prestige nearly surefire hit? "Silence" brought that back, I guess. But EVERYONE should watch "The Naked Gun". Best comedy remake EVER. NON-stop laughs. And Pamela Anderson has the funniest bit in the movie! (Spoiler: jazz)

voidata

The Two Chris. This sunk my battleship.

Brendan Flanagan

Meatball on Parmesan Asiago is definitely the way to go.

Smaug

I'm a vet and I thought this movie was stupid as shit, just anecdotal contradiction to the YT bots. Maybe the Navy vets are dumber...

Brendan Flanagan

The Payton Manning bit made me spit out my drink. I don’t know if I’ve done that before. 😂

chris pike

I thought Peyton Manning was really good in Is This Think On?