[TBBT] Ch: 8 [Big Boy Night] (Patreon)

[3rd Person POV]

Tuesday evening arrived with the kind of predictability Sheldon Cooper appreciated.

Leonard stepped out of his bedroom wearing a T-shirt, a zip-up hoodie, cargo pants, sneakers, and a brown jacket, then found Sheldon standing beside the kitchen counter counting several bills from his wallet with unnecessary precision.

Leonard stopped near the couch. "We're going to Bob's Big Boy, Sheldon. You don't need to calculate the national debt before we leave."

Sheldon looked toward him while counting the cash a second time. "I'm verifying that I have sufficient money for dinner, tax, and the appropriate gratuity. Society has surrendered financial transactions to machines with alarming enthusiasm, and I prefer currency that doesn't become temporarily inaccessible because somebody's payment terminal decides to stop functioning."

Leonard walked over and grabbed his keys from the bowl near the door. "You do realize that most people just carry a credit card."

Sheldon slipped the bills neatly back into his wallet. "Most people also carry credit cards, accumulate unnecessary debt, and somehow believe paying interest on a cheeseburger constitutes financial planning."

Leonard stared at him for a moment before deciding that continuing the conversation would only encourage him. Howard and Raj were already supposed to meet them at the restaurant, and Sheldon had spent most of the afternoon reminding everyone that arriving later than their usual time would increase the probability of someone occupying a table he considered acceptable.

Leonard slipped his wallet into his pocket, then glanced toward the ceiling.

Apartment 5B was directly above them.

That reminded him of something.

"Should we invite Karl?"

Sheldon stopped immediately.

Leonard noticed the reaction. Since meeting Karl the previous week, Sheldon had developed a very particular expression whenever their new neighbor's name appeared in conversation. His lips tightened slightly, his eyebrows lowered, and his entire face suggested someone had just mentioned an experimental result he desperately wanted to disprove.

Sheldon turned toward Leonard. "Why would we do that?"

Leonard shrugged. "Because he's new here, he doesn't seem to know anybody in Pasadena, and inviting your neighbor to dinner is considered a fairly normal social activity."

"We already met him."

"Meeting someone once doesn't fulfill the lifetime requirement for human interaction."

Sheldon walked toward the door. "I see no evidence supporting that claim."

Leonard remained where he was. "Come on, you liked talking to him."

Sheldon turned around so quickly that Leonard almost laughed.

"I most certainly did not enjoy talking to Karl Peterson. He spent approximately twenty-three minutes defending the intellectual legitimacy of engineering while repeatedly presenting experimental evidence that made dismissing his arguments increasingly inconvenient."

Leonard smiled. "That's probably the closest you've ever come to saying you enjoyed meeting someone."

"It isn't remotely close."

"You've mentioned his radiation dosimeter three times since Sunday."

"Because the directional reconstruction model is interesting."

"And yesterday you searched for his centrifuge papers."

"I was verifying several claims he made during our discussion."

Leonard folded his arms. "You downloaded seven papers."

Sheldon countered, "Thorough verification requires sufficient source material."

"You also printed two of them," Leonard raised an eyebrow.

"Reading lengthy technical documents on a computer screen causes unnecessary eye strain."

Leonard's smile widened as Sheldon realized the conversation wasn't helping his case.

Sheldon lifted one finger. "Even if I found portions of his work intellectually stimulating, that doesn't establish grounds for altering Big Boy night."

Leonard walked closer. "We're already meeting Howard and Raj there, so the sacred structure of Big Boy night apparently permits other people."

"Howard and Raj are established participants."

"Then Karl can become an established participant."

Sheldon stared at him with growing irritation. "That's circular reasoning disguised as hospitality."

Leonard grabbed the doorknob. "Like it or not, I'll ask him."

Sheldon immediately stepped between Leonard and the door. "You can't simply add someone without evaluating how their presence affects the existing dining arrangement."

Leonard sighed. "There are four of us, Sheldon. Restaurants have tables that accommodate more than four human beings."

"That's irrelevant. Karl represents several unknown variables. We don't know what he orders, how quickly he eats, whether he shares appetizers, whether he talks while chewing, or whether he possesses opinions about onion rings that could derail conversation," Sheldon made too many points as usual.

Leonard slowly nodded. "You're scared of his intellectuality."

Sheldon's eyes widened. "That's absurd. Karl Peterson doesn't frighten me intellectually."

"He told you he was going to win a Nobel Prize," Leonard said.

Sheldon scoffed. "Many people believe they'll win Nobel Prizes. Statistically, nearly all of them are wrong."

"And then he explained his research until you told him you didn't like him."

Sheldon's jaw tightened. "That was an accurate description of my emotional state."

Leonard opened the apartment door before Sheldon could stop him again. "Howard and Raj won't care, and Karl's been living upstairs for a week. Inviting him to dinner won't destroy your routine."

Sheldon followed Leonard into the hallway. "History is filled with disasters caused by people confidently assuming one minor alteration couldn't possibly produce significant consequences."

Leonard started climbing the stairs toward the fifth floor. "You're talking about inviting a stranger scientist to eat a hamburger."

"I'm talking about preserving a stable social system." Leonard reached the landing and headed toward Apartment 5B while Sheldon reluctantly followed several steps behind him.

"Fine," Sheldon finally said. "He may accompany us provided he understands that Bob's Big Boy night already has established procedures and his participation doesn't grant him authority to modify them."

Leonard glanced back with an amused smile. "I'll make sure his attorney reviews the terms."

Sheldon frowned while Leonard raised his hand toward Karl's door.

Then Leonard knocked three times.

"Karl."

He knocked three more times.

"Karl."

Sheldon stared at him.

Leonard smiled innocently before knocking another three times.

"Karl."

Sheldon's expression immediately darkened.

"That's extremely childish, Leonard. I don't like it when you do it."

...

...

[First Person POV]

The equation on my whiteboard had become progressively uglier over the last forty minutes.

I stood in front of it with a marker in one hand, staring at a coupled control expression for the biological life-support project while trying to decide whether the instability came from the feedback term or whether I'd made one of those mistakes that would become painfully obvious after dinner.

My mood wasn't terrible, although the Login System hadn't exactly been generous lately.

The last six logins had given me money. One thousand here, fifteen hundred there, then another couple thousand until the total reached ten thousand dollars.

Ten grand for waking up and mentally pressing a supernatural login button wasn't something any sane person should complain about. First-life me would've celebrated like I'd won the lottery. Second-life me had stared at the messages wondering when the System planned to give me another useful skill instead of behaving like a convenient ATM. Though I won't say no to money. I'd love it if I could get a few billion.

I capped the marker and stepped back from the board. "Ten thousand dollars for nothing, and I'm disappointed. Rich people problems are evolving faster than expected."

Three knocks came from the door before Leonard called, "Karl."

Another three followed before he repeated my name with exactly the same rhythm, and when a third identical set came a few seconds later, I stared toward the door while trying not to laugh.

There was no chance Sheldon had suddenly developed a sense of humor, which meant someone else was doing that specifically to irritate him.

I opened the door and found Leonard standing there with a pleased expression while Sheldon stood beside him looking like he'd just witnessed someone lick laboratory glassware.

I leaned against the frame. "I'm guessing Leonard did the knocking."

Sheldon lifted one finger. "Your powers of deduction remain adequate. Unfortunately, Leonard has decided that mocking a carefully established social convention is an acceptable form of entertainment."

Leonard smiled while glancing toward him. "He loves it when I do that."

"I demonstrably don't," Sheldon replied before turning toward me. "We're going to Bob's Big Boy for dinner, as Tuesday requires, and Leonard has proposed introducing another variable into the arrangement."

I looked at Leonard. "Was that supposed to be an invitation?"

"That's Sheldon-language for one," Leonard said. "Our friends Howard and Raj are meeting us there, and I figured you might want to come along."

That caught me slightly off guard.

Still, this was precisely the kind of thing I'd told my parents I wanted more of. Friends, normal evenings, and conversations that didn't end with somebody asking whether I wanted federal funding.

Also, Big Boy night with the four of them sounded like something first-life me would've paid ridiculous money to witness.

I glanced back at the whiteboard. "How long are we talking?"

Sheldon answered immediately. "Travel time varies according to traffic, although dinner itself should remain within established parameters unless Howard attempts to flirt with a waitress or Raj encounters an attractive woman and becomes verbally useless."

Leonard nodded thoughtfully. "So somewhere between an hour and a half and the heat death of the universe."

Sheldon frowned at him. "That isn't a remotely useful estimate."

Leonard shrugged. "It was useful enough for me."

I smiled and stepped away from the doorway. "Give me two minutes to change my shirt and grab my wallet."

Sheldon immediately checked his watch. "Do you mean two actual minutes?"

I paused halfway across the room and looked back at him. "Were you planning to time me?"

"I wasn't originally, although your suspicious response has made timing you seem increasingly reasonable."

Leonard rubbed his forehead. "Please don't turn Karl getting dressed into an experiment."

I pointed toward Sheldon while backing farther into the apartment. "If he starts a stopwatch, I'm buying the scented lavender candle tomorrow."

Sheldon's expression tightened immediately. "That would constitute retaliatory environmental harassment."

I smiled at him. "Then keep your watch out of this."

Leonard started laughing while I headed toward the bedroom.

Less than two minutes later, I returned wearing a clean dark T-shirt and light jacket, slipped my wallet and keys into my pockets, then glanced once toward the unfinished equations.

They could wait, which still felt strange.

A year ago, I would've stayed behind because an unresolved equation seemed more important than dinner. Leaving home hadn't magically fixed twenty-one years of bad habits, although I was beginning to notice them.

I locked my apartment and joined Leonard and Sheldon in the hallway.

Sheldon looked at his watch before giving a small approving nod. "One minute and forty-three seconds. That's an acceptable deviation."

I stared at him. "You timed me anyway."

"Of course I did. Once a measurable claim has been made, refusing to collect available data would be intellectually irresponsible."

Leonard started toward the stairs while shaking his head. "Welcome to Big Boy night, Karl."

"Thanks for inviting me," I said.

I followed him downstairs while Sheldon began explaining the restaurant's acceptable seating arrangements, his preferred hamburger preparation, and why dill pickle slices were objectively superior to sweet ones.

Somewhere around the second floor, I started smiling.

Maybe having neighbors wouldn't be so bad after all.

AN: 😬😬😬 Don't hate me for not introducing Howard and Raj in this chapter. I couldn't fit it in. I'll release 1 Lucifer chapter next and then 1 TBBT.