[TBBT] Ch: 27 [The Parking Space Conundrum] (Patreon)

[Early Evening] [Apartment Building, Basement Parking Lot]

Leonard and Sheldon got out of the car after a long day at Caltech. Both were carrying their messenger bags, although Leonard looked considerably more tired as he followed his roommate toward the stairs.

"I'm just saying, Sheldon, the physics department needs a better system for ordering liquid nitrogen," Leonard complained, adjusting the strap on his shoulder. "I shouldn't have to fill out three separate forms just to keep my lasers cool."

"And I'm saying, Leonard, bureaucracy is the only thing separating us from the animals," Sheldon replied as Leonard locked the car. "Without forms, we're merely baboons with access to high-powered particle beams."

They began to walk toward the exit as Sheldon continued. "Furthermore, if the university eliminated its procurement procedures, anyone could requisition potentially dangerous materials without adequate oversight, which would inevitably lead to..."

Sheldon suddenly stopped walking.

Leonard nearly bumped into him before stepping sideways. "What? What's wrong?"

Sheldon wasn't listening anymore. His attention had shifted toward a parking space several feet ahead, where a large white sedan sat beneath the fluorescent lights.

"Look at that," Sheldon said, pointing toward the vehicle. "Someone has parked a motorized monstrosity in parking space 3B."

Leonard followed his gaze and immediately forgot about liquid nitrogen.

"Oh, wow. Is that an Audi S8?"

"It is indeed an Audi, Leonard, although I fail to see why its manufacturer is relevant to the offense taking place before us."

Leonard walked a little closer, examining the car with obvious interest. The white paint looked spotless, the windows were slightly tinted, and the large alloy wheels gave the otherwise elegant sedan a surprisingly aggressive appearance.

"That's a brand-new S8. It's got a V10 engine, 450 horsepower, and all-wheel drive," Leonard said, looking through the window at the black leather interior. "Man, this thing costs over a hundred thousand dollars. Who in our building can afford something like this?"

Sheldon walked toward the parking space with an entirely different concern.

"That particular space has remained vacant since Mrs. Gunderson moved to a senior living facility in Glendale," he explained. "For the past fourteen months, I've enjoyed the comforting consistency of seeing precisely two vehicles in this section of the garage. Now someone has disrupted that arrangement with an unnecessarily expensive automobile. I don't like it, Leonard."

Leonard barely heard him. He was too busy examining the Audi's dashboard through the passenger window.

"Look at that interior. It's got the Bang & Olufsen sound system too. Whoever bought this thing must be doing pretty well."

"An irrelevant observation," Sheldon replied, bending slightly to examine the white parking lines. "Financial success does not grant an individual permission to disregard the fundamental principles of spatial organization."

Leonard straightened and looked at him. "Sheldon, it's a parking lot. People are supposed to park cars here."

"Within the designated boundaries, Leonard. That's why we have boundaries."

Leonard looked at the Audi again, imagining what it would be like to own something so expensive. Whoever drove this probably didn't spend much time worrying about monthly expenses or whether buying a new graphics card would leave enough money for groceries.

"Must be nice," he murmured.

Sheldon turned toward him. "What must be nice?"

"Having a car like this. You know, being successful, confident, having enough money to buy whatever you want." Leonard looked down at his own clothes before continuing. "Probably doesn't get a stress rash just trying to say hi to the girl across the hall."

Sheldon stared at him for a moment.

"If you're referring to Penny, your dermatological response to ordinary social interaction is hardly a problem that can be remedied through automobile ownership."

"Thank you, Sheldon. That's very helpful."

"You're welcome. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to verify something."

Sheldon opened his messenger bag and began searching inside.

Leonard watched as he pulled out a small measuring tape.

"Oh, come on. You're not seriously going to measure the parking space."

"Of course I am. A suspected violation requires quantifiable evidence. Otherwise, my complaint would be nothing more than an accusation."

Sheldon crouched beside the Audi and carefully extended the measuring tape from the white boundary line toward the nearest tire. After adjusting the tape twice, he leaned closer to read the measurement.

"Just as I suspected," he announced.

Leonard folded his arms. "What?"

"The vehicle is overlapping the designated boundary by approximately 4.2 centimeters."

Leonard looked at the tire, then at Sheldon. "Four centimeters? Sheldon, there's nobody parked next to it."

Sheldon gave him a look. "Four point two centimeters, Leonard. And the current absence of an adjacent vehicle does not excuse the violation. Imagine the consequences if every resident decided that parking boundaries were merely suggestions."

"People might park slightly crooked?"

"Exactly! And from there, it's only a matter of time before someone parks diagonally, occupies two spaces, or abandons the entire concept of organized parking."

Leonard took another appreciative look at the car while Sheldon carefully returned the measuring tape to his bag. "I still think it's beautiful," he said. "Seriously, look at it. It's probably the nicest car I've seen in this building."

"I don't care about its horsepower or its arbitrary fiscal value," Sheldon replied. "What concerns me is that someone has introduced a large, expensive disruption into an otherwise perfectly functional parking environment."

Leonard shook his head. "You know, most people would just say, 'Hey, nice car,' and go about their day."

"And most people are perfectly comfortable living in a world where someone can encroach upon another person's parking space without consequences." Sheldon gave the Audi one final look of disapproval before turning toward the stairs. "I shall be writing a strongly worded letter to the landlord. A vehicle of this magnitude belongs in Beverly Hills, or perhaps inside a rap music video, rather than disrupting the delicate ecosystem of our parking structure."

Leonard followed him, glancing back at the white Audi one last time.

"You're really going to complain about a hundred-thousand-dollar car being four centimeters over a line?"

"Four point two centimeters, Leonard. If you're going to criticize my position, I'd appreciate it if you would at least represent the facts accurately."

Leonard adjusted his messenger bag and continued toward the stairs.

"Sometimes I really hate coming home with you."

"And yet," Sheldon replied, "you continue to do so. An interesting behavioral pattern that warrants further investigation."

Just then, Karl and Penny walked into the parking lot, both dressed casually. Karl wore a brown T-shirt and jeans, while Penny had on a cute flower-patterned top with blue jeans. They were talking about something when they noticed Leonard and Sheldon standing near the white Audi.

"Hey, Sheldon... Leonard," Penny greeted them with a smile.

Leonard immediately straightened. "Oh, h-hey, Penny! Hi, Karl. What are you guys, uh... what are you doing down here?"

Karl glanced at the Audi before answering. "We're going on a long drive in my new car."

"Your car?" Leonard looked toward the S8, then back at Karl. "Wait, this is yours?"

"Yeah, bought it this afternoon," Karl answered, taking the keys from his pocket.

Leonard stared at him. "You bought an Audi S8? Seriously?"

"That's what the dealership paperwork says."

Penny walked closer to the car, admiring its white paint. "Okay, I know you showed me the pictures earlier, but this thing looks even better in person. Honey, it's gorgeous."

Leonard's attention shifted toward Penny when she called Karl honey. He'd already noticed how much time they'd been spending together recently, but hearing her use that particular word so casually made his stomach sink.

"Y-yeah, it's a really nice car," Leonard said, attempting to sound enthusiastic. "I was just telling Sheldon how amazing it looks. Four hundred and fifty horsepower, V10 engine, all-wheel drive. That's... that's pretty impressive."

Karl smiled. "Thanks, Leonard. Wanna take a look inside?"

"Oh, yeah, I'd love to! I mean, if you don't mind. I've never actually sat inside one of these."

Penny looked at Leonard's excited expression and laughed. "Wow, you two are gonna start talking about horsepower now, aren't you?"

"Probably," Karl admitted. "It's a very important subject."

Leonard laughed along, although watching Penny stand so comfortably beside Karl wasn't helping his mood. He'd been trying to work up the courage to ask her out properly, and apparently Karl had already gotten considerably further without any trouble.

Sheldon, meanwhile, had been standing quietly beside the parking space, growing increasingly irritated that everyone seemed to have forgotten the actual problem. "Excuse me," he interrupted, holding up one finger. "Before this becomes an automobile appreciation society, there is a rather serious matter we need to address."

Karl turned toward him. "What matter?"

"Your parking," Sheldon answered immediately. "I've measured the distance between your front tire and the designated boundary. Your vehicle is currently encroaching upon the adjacent parking space by precisely 4.2 centimeters."

Penny looked down at the tire.

Then she looked at Sheldon.

"Seriously? You measured that?"

"Of course I measured it. How else would I establish the precise nature of the violation?" Sheldon replied before returning his attention to Karl. "I intend to bring this matter to the landlord's attention unless you correct your positioning immediately."

Leonard rubbed his forehead. "Sheldon, we've already been through this."

Karl looked at the parking line for a moment before turning back toward Sheldon.

"Go ahead, Sheldon. Complain to whoever you want. Just so you know, I know what's wrong with that formula on your whiteboard and who knows, I might just tell Howard the mistake you've made."

Sheldon flinched so hard that Leonard immediately looked at him.

For several seconds, Sheldon simply stared at Karl.

An engineer... An aerospace engineer was standing in front of him, claiming to have discovered an error in his theoretical physics calculations and was threatening to tell Howard about it... another engineer without a PhD. And knowing Howard, he'll definitely fix Sheldon's mistake and brag about it to everyone.

The sheer audacity of that statement seemed to have temporarily overwhelmed his ability to speak.

His mouth opened, closed, and opened again.

Leonard looked between them, suddenly remembering the complicated equations Sheldon had been working on in their apartment.

Penny leaned toward Karl and whispered, "Did you just break him?"

Karl glanced at Sheldon's expression before answering quietly, "I think I might have."

Sheldon finally managed to point an accusing finger at Karl, although the parking violation appeared to have completely disappeared from his mind. "You... You have absolutely no business examining my equations, much less suggesting that you've identified an error in them!"

Karl slipped his car keys back into his pocket, looking thoroughly entertained. "Sheldon, you left them on a whiteboard in your living room. I was sitting right in front of it during that language test."

"That doesn't give you the right to criticize my work!"

"I haven't criticized anything yet. Although, if you want, I can call Howard and ask him to come over. I'm sure he'd love to take a look."

Sheldon looked horrified. "You will do no such thing! Howard Wolowitz lacks the theoretical foundation necessary to properly evaluate my research."

Leonard glanced between them, struggling to follow how a complaint about parking had turned into an argument about theoretical physics. "Wait, Karl, did you actually find something wrong with his calculations?"

"Yep. It's a small mistake, but it's definitely there."

"Impossible!" Sheldon immediately protested. "I've checked those calculations repeatedly, and the probability of an error surviving my verification process is extraordinarily low. You're bluffing."

Karl shrugged. "Then you've got nothing to worry about when Howard checks them."

Penny laughed beside him. "Okay, seriously, why is Howard finding a mistake such a big deal?"

"Because," Leonard explained, "Howard would bring it up every single time Sheldon insulted engineering for the next ten years."

"Twenty," Karl corrected casually.

Sheldon turned toward Leonard. "Why are you explaining this as though it's an amusing social situation? My professional reputation is being threatened by a man who recently purchased a piano to sing romantic songs on the internet!"

Leonard took Sheldon by the arm before the argument could get any louder. "Okay, that's enough. Come on, Sheldon. Let's go upstairs before you combust."

"But Leonard, I demand that he substantiate his claim!"

"You can ask him tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? He could inform Wolowitz within the next twelve hours!"

Leonard started pulling him toward the stairs. "Then I suggest you spend those twelve hours checking your math."

Karl watched them go before calling after Leonard. "Hey, sorry about that. I'll show you the interior another time!"

Leonard turned while continuing to steer Sheldon toward the exit. "Yeah, sure! I'd love that. Have fun, you two!"

"Thanks!" Penny called, waving at him.

Sheldon was still protesting when Leonard finally managed to drag him through the stairwell door.

Penny turned toward Karl, laughing. "You know he's gonna spend the entire night staring at that whiteboard now, right?"

"Oh yeah. And knowing Sheldon, he'll refuse to sleep until he figures it out."

She shook her head, still amused. "I swear, you two are like little kids sometimes."

Karl grinned as he unlocked the Audi. "He started it. Besides, I might tell him what's wrong tomorrow."

"You're really enjoying this, aren't you?"

"More than I probably should. But hey, atleast Leonard will finally get some Sheldon-free time for the next 12 hours."

Penny shook her head as Karl opened the passenger door for her. She settled into the seat, immediately looking around with interest.

Karl walked around to the driver's side, climbed in, and started the car.

Penny looked over at him with an excited smile. "Okay, now let's see what this baby can do!"

Karl laughed as he fastened his seat belt. "Just remember, we're staying within the speed limit."

"God, you're such a nerd."

"That's Professor Nerd to you."

Still laughing, Penny buckled up as Karl carefully backed the Audi out of its parking space and headed toward the garage exit.