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Happy New Year! From 12/30/24 - 1/10/25, I'm running six all-new short strips, like this one, on a M-W-F schedule. The regular strips, if there even is such a thing, will resume on Friday, January 17th. I wish you all a bright-eyed and prosperous start to 2025, and I thank you from my heart for all of your support, without which the return of Achewood would never have been possible.

C

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Josh Egbert

Just letting anyone go to Cannes these days, huh?

Josh Egbert

You dare slander Shrek 2?

Nicholas Williams

I loved that part when Orpheus took that dang old pill and was like "whooa whoa WHOAA WHAAAAAA?!?!" and everything was like "VVVRRRRRRRRRRRCKCKCKCKCK." And then when he blew all those suckers away.

Anthony Thompson

The airport is right there! People can just frikkin fly in.

Oppido

He seems like one of those character actors who'd find a rewarding spot somewhere in Tim Robinson's orbit.

2scrogz

Don't forget that part where he was all like, "IT'S ORPHIN' TIME!!!" and did hell of kung fu-style kicks on their faces and asses.

Lionstooth

I love that this guy apparently wears a nice suit everywhere EXCEPT to Cannes

Achewood

He heard it was more of a beach thing, then seems to have screwed up his “fun guy finger guns”

Achewood

I saw some Detroiters and Think … Leave, and I can see this.

Achewood

Remember when the keanu reeves guy was like, “there’s a matrix?!? Holy CRAAAAAP!”

Achewood

He’s also written extensively for Liberty Mutual insurance

Achewood

Almost. I always wind up at some place called “Canes,” which is a pizza-type bar in Georgia. I need to stop booking through autocorrect.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

Do you think he could be cast as a car salesman? Not a jankity indie shop with lemons, but a dealership. Like a Honda/Toyota sort of vibe?

C C

All flying sideways through the air, with those cool sunglasses on, and he was shooting at those bad matrix guys "bachooo, bachooo, bachooo!!!"

Achewood

The man can do anything. I have complete faith in him. I wish he played every role.

Achewood

And John Wick is all GET IN MY CAR! and really sharp precision clicking of guns getting cocked happens

Henri

When Keanu Reeves went all ”…wait; are there any more matrices?”

Henri

All pressing a button to instantly reveal the keypad on his cool Nokia.

Matt Mitchell

Love this format! A chapbook or something exclusively of shorts would be fantastic. Or an advent or regular calendar. Or whatever, just dig it a lot.

Achewood

Thank you Mr. Mitchell. These little blips don’t seem to get much “engagement” and I worry the frequency actually annoys more casual subscribers, but I think they’re central dna, and I like ‘em.

Achewood

And now we all just watch 290 minutes of Liberty Mutual Insurance commercials every week while partially digesting corn

Matt Mitchell

I heartily concur re DNA. I am also generally a fan of the nugget, the aphoristic, the quizzical, etc. And with the pretty vast well of prior character development it strikes as pretty fecund overall.

s b

you are the guy, nemo

Achewood

MATRIX HARD, MAIN ACTOR! [fist raised, Orpheus is swallowed by crashing tsunami of green fonts]

s b

that part was so fuckin sad but it says alot about society

Achewood

I know. It really makes you think. I was like, "What?!"

J. Alex

It's nice that he had fun at Cannes.

s b

aye, brevity is the cum of wit

Achewood

Yeah, they photoshopped out the 2' of licorice he was showing off.