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I've been sick since getting back from the ten days in Baja, and didn't have the multiplexing wherewithal to weave another installment into the elongating Musicals! story arc, so here's a big fat Philippe Times: Friday Facts.

What's all this Baja talk? Since the beginning of May I've been posting photo updates in the Author's Tier of our recent kayak/snorkel/largely-offline trip to Mexico, along with a rather punchy set of road writing. We slept in tents on desolate sands; we swam above a tessellating carpet of slowly-migrating manta rays; our fingers stopped twitching to tap on the news. Sixteen friends of friends, shitting into a plastic box in a tarpaulin tent, not only didn't develop weird patterns of disrespect, but actually detoxified enough to become...friend-ish.

Anyhow, my souvenir was a nasty cough, so that's my excuse. I'll get the boys on the boards again next week. I'm already on the mend. I even hit some golf balls today.

Files

Comments

Matt Mitchell

“More proof that I’m a Democrat”. Ha! I wonder who fed him that one. I definitely love the Philippe Times

Achewood

Great question — who is perceived as Achewood's resident "talk radio conservative"?

Josh Egbert

Chris HATES the way Lyle Lucid Pees

Bob the Fish Productions

I just got off the roaster myself, and I'd been asymptomatic up till now so I'm especially depressed at not being Gary Sinise anymore. (Except left-wing)

Condorito

Dammit, I hate to say it, but my vote has to go to T. Sorry my guy.

Achewood

It's just that he seems to do it on purpose. Accidents, I can forgive. Drunken incontinence, I can somewhat endure. But the work it takes to master lucid bedwetting is just spiteful.

Clench and Cheese

So many goodnesses here, Chris. The heart of an Epsom soak is my favorite, but it's hard to choose. Philippe is my second -favorite cartoon child, placing just after Calvin.

Jon Gill

I'm not sure I can think of a greater cruelty in this world than Philippe getting Long COVID. (Except possibly if he didn't get Long COVID, and Lie Bot has just been telling him one red line on the test means he still has to stay indoors...)

Josh Egbert

Yet proof of an impressive power of mind & body. Try as i might i can only steer my dreams away from the one where I bonk my nuts in gym class.

Achewood

Help me out here Harris — what's the Gary Sinise/asymptomatic covid connection?

Achewood

Surprising! I thought I was going to see a lot of Leo Fontanette.

Achewood

You've got traction on this lucid thing, now you can go anywhere

Achewood

Thanks J. I have a hard time running these "comics" that are 90% text, but I figure people are in here because they have great Patience for the different styles that happen.

Achewood

It could have just been spring allergies...but Lie Bot is cruel to amuse himself...

Song Club with John Krane

Nice use of reverse-italics for "comfort cheeses." (Didn't think I'd be typing that sentence today.)

Shepton

The Philippe Times makes this a really good Friday for me. There isn't a Fuck You in sight where I'm at.

Theo Freedom

Does Emeril and Spongebath's library of home-recorded Art Bell cassettes count?

Achewood

1994 —  deep cut, my dogg

Achewood

Damn, I thought they were just Clyde Lewis guys. Did Art Bell get mentioned in the blogs or something, or can you just *tell* this about them?

Achewood

I'm glad that tone came through. I struggled with the default italics/no italics for the dialogue there.

Achewood

Excellent. Some nourishment for the weekend. Maybe it's because I've been away from civilization for a week.

GruntyGinMan

In this household we do not besmirch the fine name of Art Bell, who has produced superior so-called "Chad" conspiracies such as Mels Hole.

Theo Freedom

Much like with Ray's smoking: a mother just knows!

GruntyGinMan

Sherlock Holmes probably took so much cocaine that when he found the wrong person they just assumed it was a cocaine idea.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

Aw dang it cough, go away. But as for Philippe and his Times, 10/10 no notes.

Derek Adams

Lyle once complained about "towel-heads bitcoining our dollar back to the stone age". Don't want to cast aspersions but that didn't come from nowhere

emitydna

Emeril and Spongebath are back!

Achewood

Warmin' them up to see if they turn over

Bruce Wright

Camping. In Baja. You're lucky to be alive, mon.

Achewood

thank you! Posting a wall of text as a "comic" makes me anxious, but this seems like the right crew

Achewood

Victorians probably had to have a lot of patience for people who were cooked out of their gourd on "cures"

s b

America’s last, best newspaper. Baja California’s incredible. The Sea of Cortez changed my life, what with the myriad psychic treasures harbored within.

Stavro

Praise be to Arthur Boy-Pegasus DiGiorno, Phillipe Times are back

Chris Barrios

Please put "I wasn't even sure I was serious yet" on my tombstone

Achewood

This is why we don't here Lyle's "cultural opinions" more often. For that, dear readers, you can tune into any afternoon AM radio talk show and hear the kooks vent until your stomach shrivels.

Achewood

The Engines aren't finding this, but it's familiar. Where did it appear? Serializer? Acheworld?

Achewood

Indeed. I'm writing up more of it for the Author's Tier even now.

Achewood

I certainly felt that way, but not because of threats. Sure, if we'd wandered more than 20 feet beyond the beach something with spikes for eyes would have killed us, but overall it was a remarkable place to recharge/decharge.

Bruce Wright

I'll camp when there is no other alternative to death, but thank Christ this situation hasn't arisen yet.

Achewood

Nice, thanks. I can see why nobody typed it up. (Can you believe Michael Jackson did drugs?! I still don't full buy it.)

Achewood

I'm not saying camping is the right thing to do — I paid a lot of money for this house — but aside from the awful, horrible sleep and burnt food, it is the best way to see certain things.

GruntyGinMan

Real talk re: Baja. Recommend you read "A Sand County Almanac" which includes a chapter of canoeing in the Colorado River estuary, which of course no longer exists because we needed to grow alfalfa in the desert

Stavro

(Think about it)

Achewood

Trying it out on Audible now. Thanks. I'm always looking for ways to use up these audiobook credits.

b.zap

So covid really *is* an otter-immune disease

GruntyGinMan

Keep in mind the audible version (allegedly) is missing some content. But it's right up there with "Walden" and "Desert Solitaire" regarding American ideas about the wilderness and land ethic -probably more so than Walden.

Achewood

Isn't Walden that book from college where everybody learned for the first time that people in their teens could not possibly give a shit about some skinny guy listing the price of nails

GruntyGinMan

Tbh I never read it. I am a terrible person with a lot a grad coursework in environmental history. Sorry mom, sorry dad, sorry Denver Brunsman head of the History Department at GWU.

GruntyGinMan

I do recommend Desert Solitaire though, if you haven't read it.

Paul Kim

I love how Roast Beef's mind goes to a weird dark place but he passes it off as how other people think, presumably because print is a long-term storage medium so he tries to be a little less explicit about his anxieties.

Jacquelyn R Walters

Should not have read this at work. I'm sure I did some sort of internal damage trying to hold in the laughs...

Professor Hazard

I take full responsibility for the return of the Philippe Times. Today, Lester truly has the onions

Achewood

Sounds like a HIIT crunches workout. You're welcome!

Professor Hazard

Alright but I'm not going 60/40 with anyone on shitting in a plastic box in Baja

Achewood

That requires a special seat adaptor, which they only bring on the excursion packages with the .kink suffix

A. C.

classic gold

Ben Wilinofsky

Unfortunately for everyone involved, Pat, despite being a homosexual vegan eco-annoyance, has so many daytime radio opinions to express that he probably listens just to get to the part where he can call in. He is also, spiritually, an asshole, and finds himself nodding along with the Two Minutes Hate anytime *those people* aren't him (unions, barbers, the Barber's Union, etc.)

Matt Mitchell

And Lyle is of course the officially registered asshole. Probably it’s a Lyle/Pat stew

2scrogz

Hot takes incoming: Lyle strikes me as an anarchist with libertarian leanings. Pat strikes me as a “fiscal conservative, social liberal” registered with the Green Party, who votes against every bond measure and leaves the top of the ballot blank. Leo Fontanette is the rich MAGA guy, and Showbiz is the broke MAGA guy. Ray donates to both parties on the local level, but habitually forgets to vote. Teodor looks down on the “man-o-sphere” and thusly votes party line Dem primarily so that he can talk about it to prospective dates if he could ever get one. Beef refuses to register with a party, but thoroughly researches all candidates and votes for the least insane. Cornelius hasn’t admired a Republican since Eisenhower. Nice Pete lost his voting rights due to multiple felonies. Todd is unaware that voting exists, but once did cocaine in a voting booth. Vlad is a secret communist sleeper agent.

C C

Hey my friends, you just better hope that skiffle is dry. I feel cheap but I just can't not take that when you Offer it up on a platter for me.. I'm not weird about farting

Achewood

I hoped people would automatically have to consider what the converse to a dry skiffle was

Achewood

Nice work agent 2scrogz. Thorough, and you show your work. My only addition is that Ray is a single-issue voter: he will always vote against whatever party or candidate is trying to push “green” policy that seeks to eliminate drive-through restaurants.

Bill

There's a lot of gold here. I think I might have to get myself some chocolate chip cookies to celebrate this post.

b.zap

αυτός που έχει παίξει μπάσο σόλο δημόσια δεν φοβάται

Lionstooth

I am expecting everyone to accept the presence of my "comfort cheeses" from here on out Also, I spy the return of the sidesaddle

2scrogz

Thanks, I had a lot of fun pondering about what the characters' political identities would be. Ray is hard because he just wants everyone to like him, and all of his pet issues are fringe: pro-hanging-naturals, anti-peckers, anti-Florida, pro-chickeny-chicken, anti-nativity lawn installation, pro-frosty-bong-rips, anti-telemarketer. And obviously pro eatin'-fatty-in-the-Caddy. Almost none of these issues align along the tortured Overton window of our national discourse.

48 Minutes of Dogs Barking : A Podcast About The Internet

Lyle would be the most obvious answer, but in truth it's most likely Pat. I'm thinking specifically of guys like Mark Levin, whose buttoned-up demeanor they've cultivated just shatters the moment someone says the name "Obama"

Datura

he's onto the Big Electricity grift. I use a special bag to hold the electricity which I activate by combining with resonated 7th density vril and zero point sunned perineum chi. facile, honestly. the opportunities you're all missing every day with this. embarrassing

2scrogz

I was today years old when I realized that Emeril's dialect is Cajun-based. "Couyon" tipped me off. Previously I thought he was just... eccentric? I mean, he is also that. But I somehow didn't grok what his accent was until now. I attribute that to an upbringing that occurred entirely outside the South, and thus with minimal exposure to the Cajun patois. Much appreciate the subtle contextual clue. Truly Achewood is the great melting pot. Also RB's last line is raw as hell. Distilled existential anxiety in a handful of words. Fuckin' metal.

Achewood

Emergency Happiness Cookies, always keep a sleeve behind glass

Achewood

In Walter Russell’s Phenolalean (Titrania), he illuminates a prescient truth, which could not be known in his own time: if you walk backwards using exactly the path which you used to walk forwards, your cell phone will recharge itself.

Achewood

His last name LeGoinegasque is a gentle nod to this heritage. In my head it is a really mangled unique Cajun patois that can only exist if I find the one perfect voice actor. Come to think of it, Emeril is the only character who could be voiced without pissing everyone off, since nobody can tell what he sounds like.

Achewood

What if car grills had that exact phrase, in that alphabet, instead of like "Ford" or "Volvo"

Tim Hulsizer

This is exactly the text-based levity I needed after finishing Empire of Ice and Stone. I thank you.

b.zap

The horn all riffing on YYZ

J. Alex

"Takes one to know one, I guess" is the meanest thing Philippe has ever said.

Achewood

He's becoming a master of untraceable diss semantics, living with this bunch.