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0127 — Musicals: The War is On (Patreon)

Published:
2025-05-23 17:00:10
Imported:
2025-05
Tags:

Content

A full page of outtakes and unused material from the production of this strip posts two hours later, in tiers 2 & 3! Come treat yourself to that, and hundreds of other pieces!

To recap: Roast Beef would not lend his freshly-minted name to Ray's pointless musical about calories, and Ray fired back with an impassioned musical about what a pecker Roast Beef is. Ray's genuine pique seems to have resulted in some real barn burner material, because now Roast Beef is forced to fight back the only way he knows how: by saying basic true stuff about Ray.

Files

Comments

Evan Tessier

It's good to see Teodor getting some side hustle out of his friends being boneheads. Normally he doesn't tend to have the wherewithal to capitalize.

Josh Egbert

Don't repo that beav' is going into the lexicon, I just know it.

Jeremy Levick

Anyone got recommendations for some good Mexican math polka to listen to?

Jenn

DON'T REPO THAT BEAV 💀💀💀💀💀💀

Achewood

Not a nice thing to say, but Beef is really scooping out of Ray's brain pan with both hands here

Achewood

I hope this genre actually exists. It must. Let us know.

Achewood

It's always the lines that make me cringe the most that people love. Suckin' dick bought this van, bitches gotta take their cunt pills, etc

Achewood

Sadly, he's just in the garage in Cornelius's clothing, and that microphone is a 2D cutout.

Josh Egbert

That's a Feckless Ted Cobb level stuff job there

Achewood

You've got a good eye for the genre

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

Ohhhh the smelling tacky thing, CK Obsession from 1985 or Drakkar Noir from 1982. Body Fantasies vanilla and intertriginous sweat. Such an olfactory picture Beef paints. Ray and Tina are in the room in my brain right now.

Achewood

They sit on the couch opposite you, in the quiet drawing room. They look at you with smiles, expectantly. It's uncomfortable. Their expressions do not change. There are exits to the south and west.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

GET Get what? GET YE FLASK You cannot get ye flask! (sorry for the internet culture crossover but it is immediately what came to mind)

Achewood

There are decades of unexpressed resentment between these two. This arc could last until the sun grows cold.

Achewood

Is that from a webcomic where people have fox ears and tails

Daniel M Ford

"Light activated lust puppet" is killing me. Also apparently "smells like dollar store vanilla body wash and a sweaty cell phone" seems to be an Activation Phrase for the public librarian-related trauma my wife has from her former career.

Jeremy Levick

If necessary, I'll create it. I can supply the math, but will need help with the "Mexican" and "polka"

Bruce Wright

See, I would go back to the theater if they offered these sorts of entertainments

Achewood

Ray swears he heard Beef listening to something like this once. It might have just been different Mexican polka playing on the kitchen speaker and also a neighbor's speaker at the same time.

Ben Wilinofsky

Roast Beef willingly stooping to the level of the crowd is too powerful and must be stopped at all costs.

Achewood

I really did not expect this duet of fragrances to relate to libraries, of all places. Seasonal amusement parks and food courts, definitely.

Achewood

What an irony it would be if Achewood actually entered the "mainstream" as a musical

Bruce Wright

Just read that contract *very* carefully

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

It's Homestar Runner, sbemail "Video Games," Thy Dungeonman. Also one of the cardinal directions is Dennis.

Cymbaline

Hardest I've laughed at an Achewood in a minute. Nice work.

Achewood

It is rather Hellenic to be cursed with a talent for something one abhors, no?

Achewood

Thank you! That's the high water mark here, so I appreciate it.

Achewood

Oh, I know I'll get screwed. I just want to meet Jared Leto's eyes.

Bruce Wright

If you do, you'll be lost in those hypnotic swirling pools

Anthony Thompson

Still, nice to see him out of bed and wearing a shirt

Achewood

Think a 2/4 time signature (overlaid with something more fun to listen to, like 16/111) in a room with thick, dark crockery and a laconic heron selling flowers

Achewood

I guess that would have been Envelópe Martinez

Charles Richter

did they teach you that spectral glans-highlight in your fancy painting class

Achewood

For some people, it's the little things.

Achewood

Pure instinct, my good man!

Jeremy Levick

I think I have a novelty sombrero somewhere, and I can practice strumming a guitar standing up, mariachi style. All I need is an actually Mexican bandmate to avoid a "Jaime the science friend"- type situation where I only get invited to play KKK gatherings as a minstrel show

Jeremy Levick

I'm actually curious, are there any lines that as you wrote them, you knew they were destined to be classics?

Achewood

I always expect that for every line, so when it happens once every nine years, I am sad

b.zap

Ray definitely got some calories in that beef show

GruntyGinMan

Wonder how he's gonna play Molly asking if those purple pumps make her look cheap. Dunno man though Ray had more respect for her than that

Ben Wilinofsky

The only Google hit I get for Ron Jamiel is a who got manslaughtered in a Boston-adjacent stabbing so this is a pretty big come-up really

Achewood

This is war, dude. And Ray doesn't understand proportional anything. Especially not enchiladas.

Douglas Wykstra

This is the kind of comic that makes you really sit and think about the etymology of "DoorDash" for a minute.

Achewood

"White hoods and waltz time" is one of those phrases best left un-typed, I am slowly realizing

Douglas Wykstra

Fan-generated content circa 2006 involved blogging at your desk in your bedroom, increasingly unkempt and smelly, until you got a gender-neutral yeast infection. Now it involves ten minutes of self-applied makeup and some Temu duds that will look right exactly once to record a series of nested TikToks while on Adderall that you will later speed up to the pace at which a normal-speaking person would sound like they are talking on Adderall. Pivot to video changed the game.

Shawn Warren

Beef is tactically waiting for the exact moment to slam the big red button labeled "SHEET CAKES"

Achewood

This reminds me to look up names before I use them. I don't want to get into one of those "My Pillow" situations where the guy sale-prices his pillow at $14.88 and that turns out to be a Nazi dog whistle, and while I have no sympathy for that buffoon, it's amazing how he puts his foot in it at every turn. The guy should probably be a musical.

Achewood

Nice. You know they're on specially-built tables with hydraulic axles, a chorus line of butts waiting to Mash It

Achewood

I wonder if Adderall is what makes the teens at the driving range so profoundly unbearable. Good use of gender-neutral yeast infection, here.

GruntyGinMan

Gotta have that cool down entree at a chain tex Mex place.

Crumbles

Making the flying hundo dance in a properly ephemeral way has got to be the most difficult form of puppetry ever to grace a Broadway stage.

Jeremy Levick

Is it just me, or does this sound like a rejected Cake song?

Achewood

That's actually a software controlled, motion-sensing bill made to always be at least ten feet from the transponder "Ray" is wearing

Achewood

"Don't leave worrying if you're full. *Know* it."

Achewood

I started to write KKK parody lyrics for The Distance and then I was like dude what are you doing

Clench and Cheese

Unerect as Usual is a great name for Nice Pete's next hip-hobbit band!

Nate

The call back to cheap shoes is both deep and satisfying

Crumbles

Oh wow, a hundred dollar bill hooked up to a drone that always stays just out of Ray's grasp is probably like the first thing Beef did with a Raspberry Pi

DocHaus

Will this end with Phillipe writing a musical where they hug and make up?

Nicholas Williams

“Hey baby let’s DoorDash us up some straight Mike’s Way tonight.” - a real sentence I said to my wife once, channeling Ray Smuckles as hard as I could.

Ben Wilinofsky

You are giving tremendous credit to that man by assuming this was an accident

Peter

"I wanna get tucked... up in ya' love duct" should win a goddamn Pulitzer.

Steven Nguyen

This is the exact same way the Andrew Lloyd Webber and Stephen Sondheim rivalry played out in the 70s

Achewood

Yeah, peckerwood is said by old southwestern men who live in or near deserts. Pecker is the people's ...pecker.

Achewood

As a man who is committed to the anti-musicals lifestyle I can't learn about this, but I am grateful for the report that art is imitating life (spookily, at a distance)

Achewood

I wish everyone could hear it the way it is in my head

Achewood

Mike's Way has gotten me through many otherwise unremarkable afternoons.

Achewood

Much worse. The way I have it planned, anyway.

Achewood

It felt good. It felt right. Ray would know about this. From a magazine he saw peeking out from under something else on the coffee table.

Achewood

Or a television series starring Michael Douglas and Alan Arkin

Achewood

BW: I know, I know. You, probably better than me, can do the odds on how unlikely it was for him to accidentally arrive at 1488 pennies as a price for something that is usually 4999 pennies. I sense it's low. But either way, I just really enjoyed the idea of this idiot, beleaguered by bad luck and personal incompetence, living in an unending string of stepped-on-rakes-hitting-face.

Achewood

Let it never be said that I give the My Pillow guy any credit whatsoever.

b.zap

Strange attractor indeed

The Good Poster

I feel like this is the heat the brothers in the syndicate have been missing. Roast Beef, Mogul?

Achewood

Good point. It does seem like the brothers in the syndicate … completely suck.

2scrogz

In economics, the cooperative nature of a syndicate can lead to cartel/monopolistic associations. Which leads to a market that completely sucks. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the brothers in the syndicate have been brothering in the syndicate for too long, and now they... completely suck. As we can see from the musicals war, true competition drives innovation.

Lionstooth

oh god, did Ray and Tina see me across the bar and really dig my vibe? I ain't got the wherewithal for unicornery with folks who are going to start arguing about the contents of a poorly-remembered '90s juice commercial on the car ride over > w

Alexander Rediger

"mixed aroma of a dollar store vanilla body wash"; right next to TittyBuxx and She's a Lady area wipes.

Achewood

I’m not sure we’ve seen proof that Bensington butters has even released any music. His whole thing might just be wearing 80s Wall Street clothing.